The Cowboy’s Return

by Aarsen, Carolyne

  “She said she’d heard some rumors when she was at her last doctor’s appointment. She said that Faith had mentioned to one of her friends, who is a nurse, that you weren't sticking around. I think she assumed that meant you were selling. You know how Rockyview rumors get going.”

  Lucas frowned and laid two more logs on the fire, the heat warming his face. “Oh the mechanics of small-town gossip.”

  “Spreads faster than this fire.”

  He caught an underlying tone in Summer’s voice and wondered if she had been a topic of that same gossip.

  He wanted to ask but knew he would end up back in the emotional quagmire he floundered around in yesterday.

  “So the fire is going, and Glenda seems intent on cleaning. I should get going,” he said.

  But no sooner had he spoken than the vacuum cleaner turned off and Glenda was pushing it back to the kitchen.

  “Time for hot chocolate,” she said as she hung it back in the broom closet. “Or something stronger if you want,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

  “Hot chocolate is good enough,” Summer said, pushing herself awkwardly to her feet.

  Lucas resisted the urge to help her as he followed her to the kitchen, Misty right on his heels. Their last few interactions had spun him around so badly he figured the best way to keep his own emotions intact was to keep his distance.

  “Can I help you?” Lucas asked his grandmother as she poured hot water into mugs.

  “You can put these on the table.” She gave him a careful smile. “I’m so glad you could join us.”

  “Thanks for asking me,” he said, returning her smile.

  “Summer made some cookies the other day. You can put them on the table. She told me they were your favorite.”

  Another small hook in his heart. Seriously, this girl was twisting him around and around. Once this storm blew over, he had to find somewhere else to stay. Even if he had to bunk on the floor with Mason and Elliot, he needed to get away from this emotional minefield.

  But as they sat down Summer looked over at him, and in her expression he caught a lingering regret. He wasn’t sure how to read it, but it was a small crack in her facade.

  “Summer said you found some papers from your father,” Glenda was saying. “Some journals. I imagine that must have been interesting.”

  “They were, actually. I found out things about him I never knew before.”

  “He was a man of many talents,” Glenda agreed.

  Lucas thought of the things his grandfather had said about his mother. “Did my mom ever talk to you about my dad’s father?”

  Glenda pursed her lips, as if thinking. “I know he didn’t approve of my daughter. Said she was, quote, ‘unsuitable.’” Lucas sensed there was more she wanted to say.

  “Why was that?”

  Glenda looked down at her hot chocolate, then away, as if going back in time. “I was a single mom, working in a bar. I had a bit of a reputation, I guess. I liked to have fun. I didn’t always make such good choices, but I raised your mother right.”

  Not hard to hear the defensive note in her voice blended with a measure of pride.

  "She was smart, and I gave her as many opportunities as I could," Glenda said.

  “So, I’m sticking my neck way out here, and you can correct me if I’m wrong,” Lucas ventured, “but would that be another reason you didn’t think you could take care of me? Because my grandfather didn’t think either you or your daughter were worthy of his son?”

  Glenda frowned, as if absorbing this information. Then a wry smile slipped across her mouth. “You know, you’re an astute young man.” She looked up and held his gaze. “That could very well be part of why I took you to the Tye family. I knew that if your grandfather, who was such a well-respected man in this community before he died, had such a low opinion of me, a tiny part of me thought he might be right.”

  He blew out his breath, his thoughts spinning. Things were never as they seemed. Every story seemed to have another layer, more nuance.

  Which made him glance at Summer and wonder, what she was guarding so fiercely? At that moment her eyes met his, and once again she favored him with a vague smile. He could read that either way, but right now, he had to stay focused around her.

  Then Summer’s phone rang, and she picked it up, frowning at the screen. But she answered it, getting up awkwardly from the table. She hesitated, bending over, grimacing, and Lucas jumped to his feet. She waved him off as she said hello.

  She listened a moment, her back to them, holding the arm of her chair as if for support. “Okay, I understand. I’m happy to hear that.” She paused a moment, nodding. “I’ll pass that information on. Thanks for calling.”

  She waited a moment then turned to face Lucas, smiling. “That call was from the people who were coming this weekend to look at Misty. Apparently they found their own dog.”

  Lucas was surprised at the relief he felt. He looked down at Misty sitting beside him on the floor, bent over, and scratched her ears. “Hear that, girl? You don’t belong to anybody except me.”

  “I’m glad to hear that too,” Glenda said. “She’s such a pretty dog. It’s puzzling that no one has claimed her, but it’s sure nice that you can keep her.”

  “Yeah, that’s good news,” Lucas said. He smiled up at Summer. “I’m glad they called you. I was getting nervous about it.”

  She set her phone on the table and sat down. “So I guess you’ll be keeping her.”

  Lucas scratched Misty behind her ears, realizing the implications of that comment. He had a dog and responsibilities now. And he wasn’t sure of his future.

  He shook off the question, enjoying the moment. No sense going too far ahead these days.

  He cradled his mug of hot chocolate and took a sip. The crackle of the fire, contrasted by the wind blowing around the house, created a curious intimacy. Step by step his relationship with Glenda was rearranging, coming to a better place.

  As for Summer…

  He had to let go, which was easier to say than to practice.

  Then the lights flickered, came on again, then died away. Though it was still afternoon, the storm had obscured the sun, and a heavy gloom fell on the house.

  “It looks like the power is out,” Lucas said.

  Summer picked up her cell phone, then looked up, dread flickering over her face. “There’s no reception either.”

  “Thank goodness we have a fire, and thank goodness our stove is gas,” Glenda said. “We have leftovers we can have for supper and enough groceries. We’ll be able to ride this storm out.”

  “According to the forecast it was just supposed to blow tonight, then ease off tomorrow,” Summer said. “The county will have the roads plowed by the weekend.”

  Lucas didn’t share her optimism. Either about the length of the storm or how quickly the county would plow out the roads.

  “You look like you don’t believe me,” Summer said, an accusing note in her voice.

  But behind that Lucas heard a flicker of fear, and he realized how vulnerable she felt right now. She was weeks from having her baby, and the thought of not being able to leave was probably terrifying.

  “I’m sure it will all be well,” he assured her.

  “Me too,” she said with a small smile that was immediately extinguished by another grimace of pain.

  Panic gripped him at the sight. “You okay?”

  “What’s happening?” Glenda put in.

  She waved them both off. “Just another Braxton Hicks tightening.” She straightened, blowing out her breath on a sigh. “See? Gone already.”

  “Just make sure you don’t have your baby now,” Glenda warned, sounding concerned.

  “I’m three weeks away. The last time I saw the doctor he said I might even go over. So I’m good.”

  Lucas got up to put more wood on the fire. “Meantime, we need to stay warm,” he said. “I’ll go get more wood. I might be gone a bit, I’ll stock up the pile on the back porch while
we’ve still got some light.” Misty got up to follow him but he told her to stay.

  “You be careful,” Summer said, her eyes wide with worry.

  Her concern shouldn’t have made him feel as good as it did…but it did.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  He dressed up, buttoning his coat, pulling his hat down on his head, and stepped outside.

  As he did, an extra strong gust of wind blew around the side of the house, firing snow into his face. He blinked against the storm, trying to orient himself.

  Here goes nothing, he thought. Though it wasn’t completely dark outside, he still went into his house and got a headlamp out of his duffel bag, setting it on his head over his toque. He turned it on then went out again.

  The snow was slanting sideways, like pellets of ice on his exposed skin.

  He was glad for the simple job that took him out of the house. He made his way along the house, then struck out through the knee-high drifts to the shed where the wood was stacked. He hoped there was a sled stored there as well. They would need a lot of wood to get them through the night, and he didn’t want to make this trip more than he had to.

  But as he trudged through the drifts, head bent against the driving snow, he also prayed. Prayed that he wouldn’t get lost in the storm and that he could keep himself emotionally aloof from the woman who was tying his heart in knots.

  * * *

  Please, Lord, keep him safe.

  Summer wrapped her hands tightly around her mug as the door shut behind Lucas.

  “You look concerned,” Glenda said.

  “I am.” Summer clung to the mug.

  “Lucas is a soldier and a farm boy,” Glenda assured her, patting her on the arm. “He won’t take unnecessary risks, and I’m sure he can handle himself in a winter storm.”

  Summer knew this in her brain, but Lucas had been making her feel vulnerable. Since Dustin she’d kept herself insular. Closed off. But Lucas knew the inroads to her heart and soul, and his gentle forays there had found old paths no one else had ever traversed.

  You have to tell him.

  “I know how disorienting a winter storm can be,” she said, breaking off that thought, latching on to other memories. “Once my brother and I were heading home from school in a blizzard and we got so turned around we ended up walking in the wrong direction. And this was in town. It took us almost an hour to get home, and we were frozen and crusted with snow by the time we got to the apartment. Then Michael thought he lost his key. I was so angry with him I sat on the floor and pouted until he finally found it. It was at the bottom of his backpack, which was always full of junk.” A sliver of desolation brushed her soul at the memory of her brother.

  “Where was your mother?” Glenda asked. “I thought she worked in the hardware store below?”

  “She did, but she was always on my brother’s case for losing stuff. We were afraid to tell her.”

  “That doesn’t sound healthy.”

  It wasn’t hard to hear the note of condemnation in Glenda’s voice.

  “I can’t blame her,” Summer said, coming to her mother’s defense. “She was a single mom trying to raise teenagers on her own. I’m sure that wasn’t easy for her.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound negative. That wasn’t fair of me. I was a single mother as well, but I only had one child to take care of.” Glenda was quiet a moment as the storm howled outside and the fire crackled inside. “I have to say, though, I’m surprised your mother never found anyone to share her life with. She is still a very attractive woman.”

  “I don’t think she ever got over what happened with our biological father.” It wasn't for lack of looking, Summer thought, remembering many evenings she and her brother spent alone while their mother was out on the town.

  “And what was that?”

  “We happened. Michael and I. Brendan apparently loved my mother but, according to her, he didn’t want to take on the responsibility of kids. Especially once he found out she was carrying twins. So he left, and my mother never trusted anyone else again.” She paused, surprised at the old pain that hitched her heart. She had never met her father but somehow, had felt the rejection. Her father didn’t want her or her brother.

  And she was no different. She was just like her father.

  The thought chilled her.

  You’re not. You’re giving this child a home, a family. You’re doing what’s responsible.

  Glenda covered Summer’s hand in a gesture of comfort, squeezing lightly. “You’ve had a lot to deal with in your life, haven’t you?”

  “I suppose, but hasn’t everyone?” Summer held Glenda’s gaze. “You lost your daughter, Lucas lost his parents. When I visited the Tye family, I got to hear about Kane and Elliot’s struggles. Life is hard. It wasn’t easy living in a house with only one parent. Now that I’m older I understand what my mother went through. How hard she had to work to make a living and take care of us. It pulled her in a lot of directions, and I don’t think she always dealt with it correctly. I realize now she was under a lot of stress and I don’t want…I don’t want this child to deal with the same.”

  Her voice grew quiet at the end of her sentence.

  “I understand completely.” Glenda released her grip on Summer’s hand, her expression growing melancholy. “I think that was one of the reasons I left Lucas with the Tye family. Because I knew I couldn’t give him what he needed. I had already raised a daughter on my own, and I was a lot older. That decision wasn’t made easily. I’m sure yours wasn’t either.”

  Her words should have assured Summer of her own choice.

  There’s more than not wanting this child to grow up with one parent and you know it.

  The accusing voice snaked along the edges of her darkest thoughts, but she didn’t want to voice them. Didn’t want Glenda or anyone to realize the twisted and complicated emotions she felt toward this baby.

  “And I’m thankful for Lucas, that he had the experience of living with the Tye family,” Glenda continued. “They were a support to him, and a strength. And, I’m sure, they taught him how to take care of himself. So you needn’t worry about Lucas.”

  Summer pulled in a calming breath. “I’ll try. It’s been a hard habit to break.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Worry is one of the reasons I broke up with him. Because I was so worried something would happen to him and I would lose him. Just like I lost my brother.”

  “That’s rather ironic, isn’t it? You lost Lucas in one way just because you were afraid of losing him in another way.”

  Summer held Glenda’s knowing gaze as her words settled into her soul.

  “I guess you’re right. I thought I was shielding myself when, in fact, I only added to my pain. However, he did come back hurt. Injured. That would have been hard to deal with.”

  “But you would have dealt with it together and, you need to remember, he did return.” Glenda gave her a melancholy smile. “However, life is always risky. Your brother died taking a chance. He knew the odds, but he took them anyway. My daughter and her husband died while they were on a perfectly ordinary river trip. A freak accident, we were told.” Glenda’s voice wavered, and Summer was reminded again how much Glenda had also lost on that day. “You can be walking down the street and a car could hit you. Life is full of threats and challenges, but it is still life. And we need to embrace it and allow people to come into that life no matter what it might cost. Because I can tell you, from personal experience, that a life lived alone out of choice does not shield you from pain or sorrow. And when grief and sorrow comes, and you know it will, you will have no one to walk alongside you through the hard parts.”

  Then Glenda sat back, releasing a wry laugh. “Listen to me. I’ve made such a mess of my life, and I’m so full of advice.”

  “I think it’s the hard parts of our lives that teach us the most,” Summer said.

  “I guess I’m just trying to tell you that love is a gift we should never b
rush aside or take for granted. I know how you and Lucas look at each other. It’s not at all hard to tell that you have a history and also that you still care for each other.”

  “That may be.” Summer took a sip of her chocolate, feeling suddenly bone weary. “But I’m not the same girl I was then. I don’t know if we can…if I can…”

  Glenda put her hand on Summer’s belly. “And I’m guessing this is the reason for your hesitation?”

  Summer blew out a sigh, pushing her hair back from her head. “My life is so complicated now. So many things need to be done before…before I feel like I can move on.”

  Glenda gently stroked Summer’s stomach, as if connecting with the child Summer carried. “I understand some of your reasons for giving up this child. I’m guessing those reasons are part of your so-called moving on?”

  Summer looked down at her stomach, at Glenda’s hand resting on it. Too clearly she remembered her mother’s expression when Summer told her she was expecting. Disappointment and, yes, anger. When the tears came, Summer didn’t dare tell her the full story. Her mother’s mental health had been so fragile since Michael’s death, Summer didn’t know if she could absorb the blow.

  So she told her mother nothing.

  “Yes. It is,” she said finally.

  The only sound in the ensuing silence was the cozy snap of the fire, a contrast to the angry whistling of wind around the house.

  “Can I make a small suggestion?” Glenda asked.

  She paused, and Summer realized she was waiting for a response, so she nodded, even though she suspected she might not like what Glenda was about to say.

  “You said that you broke up with Lucas to save you the pain of losing him, but you still lost him and grieved that loss, didn’t you?”

  “I did,” she said, thinking back to that time. “It hurt more than I thought it would.”

  Glenda waited a moment as if letting her comment settle, then she pulled in a breath and continued.

  “So forgive me if I’m putting my old lady’s nose in something not my business, but if giving up Lucas didn’t free you from pain, could it be that giving up this child will have the same effect?”