by Anna Antonia
We were long past that.
“Because you love her and not like a brother-in-law.”
“Our family’s personal life is not up for discussion with an outsider like you,” he snapped. “Kindly respect that boundary.”
The words stung but not as much. Not now that I saw Lucas’s intense dislike for what it was. I was the personification of the person who ran out on his son and left him to be hurt. I was the one who wasn’t brave enough to love without letting my pride take over.
Lucas hated me because I reminded him of himself.
SEVENTEEN
“I’m sorry.”
“You should be, Emma.”
“No. I’m sorry for what happened to your family when Gabriel was growing up. I’m sorry for what your brother did to Marie and to your son. I’m sorry that he punished you both that way. It wasn’t right and you didn’t deserve it—not like that.”
Lucas tightened one fist and then relaxed it. He chuckled and then said, “You have quite the imagination there, Ms. Adams.”
By reverting to formality, he was trying to create distance between us and what I’d just said. “It’s not imagination if it’s true.”
“Not that I’m giving any credence to your faulty imagination, but have you shared your thoughts with Gabriel?”
“Absolutely not.”
“And why is that, Emma?”
“Because if Gabriel wanted to share that with me then he would’ve. In other words, I’m respecting his privacy because I love him so much.”
“But not mine because you hate me equally as much.”
I debated on whether I should censure my words. “It would be so easy to hate you, I actually did for a little bit, but I can’t really hate you.”
“It’d be easier if you did.”
“Yes, it would be. I never did do easy though.” I looked down at my lap, seeing my linked fingers and the whiteness of my knuckles. “I don’t make it a habit of sharing anything about myself with people if I can help it. Besides Gretchen and my mom, Gabriel is the only person walking the planet that I’ve ever let myself be even a little bit vulnerable.”
Lucas kept his peace, not even attempting to prick me with his claws. Perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps it was because we were more alike than he’d ever allow himself to acknowledge.
Either way I wasn’t going to leave this room until I laid all my cards on the table.
“I’m telling you all this so you can have no doubt about what I’m going to say next.” I raised my gaze. “I’m ashamed over how much I’ve hurt Gabriel in the past and now. I’ve left him more than once and I really don’t blame you over your mistrust. If my son had someone do the same thing, I’d probably hate her guts too.”
“So you understand.”
There was no thawing the man. Still, how could I hate him anymore? I couldn’t. Lucas was right. It would be easier.
It would be easier to overlook the fact that he was going to spend the rest of his life knowing he’d slept with his brother’s woman and left her pregnant before running off and marrying someone else. He’d carry the guilt of knowing his son and the woman he loved had been abused for years and he’d done nothing to make it stop.
He’d always wonder of Gabriel’s sexual need to dominate in the bedroom was because he had witnessed his mother’s abuse and suffered the same by the man who he’d thought was his father.
He’d always wonder if Gabriel’s darker side, his excitement when a woman willingly and happily allowed him to spank her or bind her, was because his pathways were crossed in what love really meant.
I wouldn’t wish that kind of hell on anyone. Not even Lucas Gordon.
Gabriel encouraged me to let my feelings free, to not bottle them up. I don’t imagine either of us expected me to share them like this.
“I do understand, Mr. Gordon. I also understand that Gabriel loves you like a father and not the one he was cursed to grow up with. I ran away from him because I was terrified that you’d follow through on your threat and take everything from Gabriel over me. I was afraid that he’d make the trade and realize it wasn’t worth it.”
“So why are we here, Emma?”
“Because of what Gabriel sees in me, Mr. Gordon. To answer your questions about when will I leave him again—I won’t. I don’t expect you to believe me, but Gabriel does.”
“And he’s a fool to do it.”
“He’s no fool, Mr. Gordon. Gabriel loves me enough to forgive me my weaknesses. He’s not blind to my flaws and knows I’m stubborn and too quick to let myself detach anytime I feel scared. I’d rather walk away than let anyone get the best of me. I don’t show how much ugly words hurt me. I use them as weapons. Yet, he loves me anyways.”
Lucas narrowed his gaze. “It’s about you then and not him.”
“You’re wrong. It’s about us. The life we want to build together.”
“What life will you have when Gabriel’s net worth is cut in half?”
I laughed, not unkindly but with an edge. “Mr. Gordon, I was born in poverty. I slept in a drawer for the first six months of my life because my mother couldn’t afford a crib until then. I know poor. I can handle poor. Besides, I work hard and earned my education and my career through that hard work. I can support us both if I have to. Gabriel will never want for food or a place to live as long as I can draw breath.”
“You sound like you’re asking for his hand in marriage, Emma.”
Heart thump. “Maybe I am.”
“Absolutely insane.” Lucas closed his eyes in exasperation. “Ryan will win then.”
Win how? Did Ryan Gordon know about Gabriel’s love for me? Did it make him happy to think of Lucas’s son in love with a lowly maid’s daughter?
If so, that would go far in explaining the blistering level of anger Lucas had for me and why he was so determined to see Gabriel wed to a woman of excellent social standing and breeding.
And if that was indeed the case, then I had an even tougher hill to climb than I ever imagined.
“Mr. Gordon, your brother doesn’t deserve to still have power over Gabriel,” I said softly and with compassion. “Gabriel is a wonderful man, in spite of what he endured growing up. Ryan will never win because of that.”
“Not true. He is willing to walk out on his legacy, his success, because of you. What is Gabriel in the world without his position?”
Lucas’s fear clouded him to his son’s incredible strength and unbeatable heart. I wish I could help him understand.
“He can leave or you can toss Gabriel out of Gordon Industries. It won’t matter. He’ll build up another company or not. Maybe he’ll retire. Maybe he’ll become a roofer.” I bit back my smile at the look of horror etched on the older man’s face. “Either way, Gabriel will do exactly what he wants because he refuses to let anyone, including me, including you, tell him how to live his life.”
His wide shoulders slumped ever so slightly. Lucas seemed to age right before my eyes. He looked so weary, so defeated. So worried.
“You have been a pain in my ass for the past decade, you know.”
Perplexed, I stared and didn’t know what to say.
“Didn’t you ever wonder why Gabriel went to your school instead of going to a boarding school?”
“Actually, not in particular.”
“A boy of his standing should’ve been at a private school instead of a public school. He stayed because of you, Emma.”
I blinked rapidly, trying my best to connect the dots. No patterns emerged. “I didn’t know him or even talk to him until our senior year.”
Lucas bit back a tired sigh. “Gabriel was already enrolled in Le Rosey and was to leave within the week. One day he visited a neighborhood boy’s house. One with grabby hands and who got a black eye for his troubles.”
The memory surfaced. It was during the summer. I was cleaning and Kyle Morgan had tried to put his hand down my pants. It startled me so badly that I just reacted and punched him in the eye and the
n the cheek.
I then coldly told him that his money could never buy character or respect and that he’d better never even think of assaulting anyone else again or I’d come back and beat the crap out of him.
I’d walked out the room after that, calmly, even though my heart was high up in my throat, my knuckles were bruised, and I had the shakes for a month. I also had a vague memory of someone coming down the hall but I was already on the way to my mom.
Not surprisingly she was assigned to another house and I was never bothered by Kyle again.
“Gabriel was there? Are you sure?”
“Very sure. He finished the job you started. I had to give Morgan Senior a lucrative contract in order to keep Gabriel out of jail for assault.”
“I didn’t know. Is that why he couldn’t go to the other school? Was he expelled?”
Lucas crossed one leg over the other. “No. He requested to stay in town.”
“Why did his…” No. Not his father. Never that respectful word again. Even if Ryan Gordon had been Gabriel’s biological father, he didn’t deserve the title. “Why did your brother agree to let him stay?”
I would’ve thought sending Gabriel away would’ve been a respite from the daily reminder of Marie and Lucas’s betrayal.
“Because I made the ill-timed decision of interfering. I gave my opinion on the matter and Ryan spitefully agreed to let Gabriel stay. He didn’t give a good damn one way or another what was best for Gabriel’s future.”
And that was my fault too apparently.
I gathered up my remaining strength, dreading to hear the answer to my next question. “What happened to Gabriel when he was eighteen? Why was he stabbed?”
Lucas closed up. “He hasn’t told you?”
“No.”
***
“Things were rough for me after high school, Emma.”
“At Yale?”
“Yes, but before that actually. I was constantly getting in fights. Being blackout drunk was more the norm for me than not. I started hanging out in shadier parts of town and eventually it got me in trouble.”
“Jail?”
“No. A knife in the chest.”
***
Lucas clasped his hands across his stomach. “It’s not my story to tell.”
“But you blame me for it.”
“Yes.”
“Because I broke Gabriel’s heart.”
“Because of what that broken heart did to him. He stopped caring about life, Emma. He was willing to die over your rejection.”
I gripped the armrest tightly. I didn’t know if I should share what Gabriel told me. Lucas’s love for his son decided for me.
“That wasn’t it.”
“Of course, you wouldn’t want to take blame,” he scoffed.
“I take all the blame in the world as a habit, Mr. Gordon. Except for this, even though I want to. Gabriel told me he felt doomed by his life. Doomed by his problems at home and what his life was going to be. He went looking for trouble as a way to ease the pain, I guess.”
A similar pain tightened his firm mouth. I took no pleasure in causing it.
“Mr. Gordon, I know there’s nothing I can say that will ease your mind at this point. Maybe never.”
“But?”
“But I’m not running away anymore. No matter how ugly things get. Not to spite you or hurt you or make your life hell, but because Gabriel is worth me facing anything. He’s lived through hell and it hasn’t changed the beauty of his soul and his heart. When I say he’s really worth it, Mr. Gordon, I mean it. He’s worth everything.”
Lucas didn’t drop his clouded gaze from mine. I couldn’t tell if anything I’d said had made a dent in his enmity. Finally, he pronounced, “Then there’s nothing here for me.”
I made one more attempt. “Gabriel’s on his way. Maybe you should stay and talk to him about all of this.”
“Gabriel’s already here.”
“Already?” I shook my head slightly and glanced down at my watch. “He just landed about half an hour ago.”
“No. He’s been here since yesterday morning.”
Startled, my gaze flew up. There was no smirk on his face. Only fact. He wasn’t lying.
Lucas reached for a paper on the coffee table. He opened it and folded the paper neatly in half. “Do you read French?”
“No.”
“Pity.” Lucas handed me the paper. I looked at it. Shock stunted my brain. It was a large color picture of two exquisitely beautiful people.
Gabriel and Embry.
“He’s been with her all evening and the majority of this morning.”
Just breathe. In and out. Don’t jump to conclusions.
“This is why you really came, Mr. Gordon. To show me this. To make me doubt Gabriel.”
My inner self crowed that I should’ve never trusted him with my fears and thoughts. That I deserved to get sucker punched for taking a chance on someone who’d obviously hated me and always would.
I should’ve never let my guard down. Not even an inch. I felt sorry for Lucas and wanted to help him and Gabriel make peace. Look what I got for all my stupid, misguided efforts.
My gaze fixated on every photographic detail. Gabriel attired in a tuxedo, golden hair in perfect place, and devastating smile captured for all of Paris to swoon over. Embry had her arm linked with his. She wore a sapphire gown, hair upswept to emphasize her swan-like neck. Embry looked ecstatic.
She looked how I usually felt when in Gabriel’s presence.
“When was this picture taken?” I asked so calmly, as if I weren’t feeling ten kinds of betrayal.
“Last night.”
“I see.” I left the paper open on my lap. “Are you suggesting to me that Gabriel came to Paris yesterday and spent all of his evening with Embry?”
“I’m not suggesting anything. It’s what happened. They were staying at our chateau—”
“Just outside of Paris.”
Surprise flickered. “That’s right.”
“Who else is there?”
“Me. His mother.”
“I see.”
The glass door opened suddenly. We both glanced up.
“Ms. Adams? Excuse the intrusion, but Mr. Gordon has sent me on his behalf. Please come with me now.”
Older. Mid-thirties. Dark hair. Dark eyes. One dimple in his right cheek, but only when he smiled. I recognized him as part of my security team. Scanning through my memory bank, I immediately remembered his name. “Mr. Davis?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“It’s good to see you.”
It was true, if only to keep me from breaking down and cursing the entire world out. The Gabriel I knew would never betray me. I knew there had to be a logical reason why he chose to stay in the same damned country as me and not tell me. In the same damned house with Embry…
Knowing and feeling it were two different things though.
“Likewise, ma’am. I’ll see you to your room now, Ms. Adams, if you please.”
I stood up without hesitation and went with him. The newspaper was still clutched in my fist. Lucas’s gaze burned a hole in my back.
“Remember why I came here and what I asked, Emma.”
It was only later that I’d remember and wonder if Lucas had been trying to warn me or apologize.
EIGHTEEN
The silent ride up in the elevator didn’t mimic my thoughts. They were loud, shrieking, and deafening.
What the hell was Gabriel doing with Embry last night?
…
He made me think he was still in the States!
…
They were photographed at a function last night. They were together last night. Embry’s arm was on his arm. They looked like a couple.
…
He was with her instead of with me. Why did he keep it a secret?
…
Has Gabriel been playing me all along? Was I wrong in trusting him?
That wasn’t possible. Gabriel wasn’t a liar
. Something else had to be in play. I told myself that over and over again.
The elevator came to a stop. Mr. Davis held the doors open with his arm. I stepped through, head held high and newspaper still clutched in my fist. The paper and ink burned into my skin.
We stopped at my door. The bodyguard tipped his head and said, “I’ll wait out here until Mr. Gordon arrives, ma’am.”
“Okay.” I stepped into the room and closed the door. Distantly, I wondered if I was being guarded or imprisoned. I would challenge it later if need be. However, I had more important things to go over.
Standing in the middle of the floor, I felt the tininess of the space close in on me. The urge, insidious at first but growing stronger with each passing second, pressed down on me.
Run. Run away.
I opened up my bloodless fist. The rumpled paper dropped to the carpet. Gabriel and Embry’s creased smiles mocked me. I stepped on them once. It didn’t make me feel better but it was far better than standing there as indecision paralyzed me.
Why did Gabriel choose now to come to me? I knew the answer. Because he’d learned that Lucas was on his way.
I’m beyond tired of these fucking shadow games.
I didn’t want to doubt Gabriel. I wanted to give him a chance to explain why he’d led me to believe he wasn’t in France. I wanted to hear his reasons why he needed to be with Embry last night. I really needed to hear that one.
My gaze fell on two words.
I took the same amount of steps over to a small chair and sat down. Impatiently, I dug through my purse for my new phone. Not giving a damn about overage charges, I quickly pulled up the internet and typed the words into the search engine.
Petite amie. Girlfriend.
“Son of a—” I bit off the last word. Dragging in a large gulp of air, I roughly tossed my phone back into the purse.
It doesn’t make sense. The man who told me how much he loved me would never run around behind my back.
I had to trust him. At least long enough to hear his side of things.
And if Gabriel really is running around on me—then fuck him. I’m through. For real.