She would never understand how I thought about her. Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be a better girlfriend?
I brought Bandit home with me. He was a good boy and, I’m big enough to admit, a better judge of character than I am.
I think the worst part of all of this was having to bring Bandit home. As soon as the door closed, his ears drooped and he obediently followed my lead. Bandit has never actually done that before, he always fought to stay with Amelia.
It was almost like Bandit understood that she turned her back on us. She didn't want any of our relationships anymore.
I wish I could say there was less chaos in my life without her.
I blamed so much of it on Amelia.
And I learned two things in the next two days. One, without chaos life, is so bland. And two, Bandit gets himself lost on a near weekly basis. And three, the chaos is definitely caused by Bandit.
The second point, I only decided after Bandit disappeared once again.
I scoured the neighborhood for my pup, not wanting to bother Amelia again. Welll… I especially didn’t want to see her. She is so disappointed in me. More than she is angry. That, in my opinion, is much worse than only anger or jealousy or anything else.
I needed to find Bandit. So as much as it killed me, I was back to Amelia. Knocking on her door again.
Amelia answered the door, her silky hair was frazzled and her makeup was undone. It isn’t fair. She’s still pretty like that. She shouldn’t be. “Hello, I – oh. It’s you.”
I could see into her house. I knew she was leaving, but somehow it wasn’t real. It didn’t feel real until I could see her walls stripped bare and most of the things packed into boxes.
My blood was boiling. Was she actually just going to leave us? Her goodbye wasn't even a REAL goodbye!
I had to calm myself down before I informed her that Bandit has run away once again.
She immediately agreed to help me look for Bandit, seeming incredibly interested. She cared about Bandit much more than she cares about me.
It was confusing when we didn’t even find her in the backyard. I just… I definitely thought Bandit would be in her backyard. He would be clawing at her back door and whimpering, begging for her to come back to him, and Amelia would just give him back because she doesn’t want him anymore.
To be fair, I know she does still care. Still wants m-, er, Bandit.
She just wants her new job more.
I was distracted from my melancholy when Amelia handed me some snacks to eat while we searched. “Well,” She commented, “Let’s go.”
chapter 17
I'm not some kind of cold-hearted witch. Even if I was, Bandit and his sweet personality would've melted me. IN A GOOD WAY. I mean. Not literally-
Okay, I’m getting off topic. The point is, I HAVE to help get Bandit back. I can’t just turn my back on them. Not unless I know they’re together and happy. Leela doesn’t think she can be happy without me at the moment. But, she’s wrong.
It isn’t about me. It isn’t really about me. It was about trying to get over Claire. It was about sex. It was about trying to get the sadness out. I thought I was okay with that. I thought to be with her that much was fine. But I was wrong. It wasn't enough. Being in second place would never let me be happy.
She’s never happy around me. Because I play second fiddle to her girlfriend. Or, her ex-girlfriend that is.
I open my mouth to speak as we walk, but Leela beats me to the punch. “I’m sorry.” She looked and sounded genuine. “I don’t know what I was thinking with Claire and I didn’t want our next meeting to go that way.”
I bit my lip as I looked at her. Her eyes were so sad and watery; I was almost convinced that she got begging lessons from Bandit for a moment.
“It’s okay.” I caved, my anger melting away by her genuine concern. “I’m not upset with you. It’s not your fault who you like.”
“No! I like you more than I like Claire.” She vehemently argued.
Wait…what? That doesn’t even make sense. She has to like Claire more than me. None of this makes sense if she doesn’t! None. Nada. It doesn’t make her being cruel after we had sex. Her immediately returning to her ex. Me leaving. Nothing!
“What?” This conversation wasn’t enlightening at all! I was just getting more confused by the moment. “But, you just left. Then… I saw you were with Claire again.”
“Well. I was, er, angry.” Leela replied. "I didn't think I liked you afterward." The hell does she mean by that? “And it seemed Bandit liked you more. So when Claire showed up I let her in and-“
“I don’t want to hear this.” I immediately interrupted, eager to avoid this confrontation. I don’t want to hear how great and pretty and better than me she believed Claire was, even if she has actually changed her mind.
"Just, listen." Leela's words were half-way between commanding and pleading. Despite my better judgment, I continued to listen. "I let her in because I wanted to prove that Claire isn’t a bad person and I don’t have bad taste. I couldn’t even bring myself to spend actual time with her. I was just being stubborn.”
“I forgive you.” I heard myself tell her as I wrapped my arms around her in a forgiving hug. I couldn’t stay mad at her!
When it got dark, we ended up going back to her place.
I wish I could say we stayed sober this time. But that would be a lie. We just HAD to have a few glasses of wine. It’s almost like we don’t connect unless the both of us are completely hammered!
While I was making an – admittedly bad – joke, Leela pressed her plump pink lips to mine, and the spark I felt lead me to pull her closer to me as I kissed her passionately. Our lips molded together and it was as if our bodies were built to mold together.
Ohh. Her lips tasted of the wine and fiery passion. I couldn't get enough of it. My tongue explored her mouth, feeling all the textures and flavors of her. My tongue ran over hers to taste it.
I didn’t want to pull away from her lips again, true. But I was forced to. What I felt was even more important, was kissing every beautiful freckle on her body. I counted them as I kissed them. I recall being told that freckles are also known as sun kisses.
I would make sure every spot got its appropriate treatment in that case. I kissed up and down her body as she whined at me to stop teasing her. Ohh. If she thinks that THIS is teasing she will go insane with what I have in store for her beautiful body.
Why does my mind leave so much when I’m drunk? All I can feel are the sensations and I wanted to remember every moment of this. Remember the feel of her silky hair through my fingers and her soft skin against mine. The scent of her strawberry shampoo when I buried my nose in the soft locks. The taste of her skin, and the sight of her bruises. The ones that I sucked and nibbled into her flesh. The ones that mark her as my lover.
I needed more of her. I felt like I would die if I couldn’t see all of her. My clumsy fingers danced around her skin as I tried to nimbly peel off her layers. I kissed every inch of exposed skin as I did it. I needed to make the most of this, just in case it actually was just another one of our momentary lapses of judgment.
I pushed her down, I had to taste her. My fingers and tongue explored her body, in a way that I am almost offended I wouldn’t remember it happening in the morning. She tasted of salt, some sort of tang, and a flavor I can only describe as burnt cinnamon.
I was almost angry that I wouldn’t remember it in the morning. I wanted to be able to savor this. Savor the feeling of the soft pads of her fingers running over my aching flesh, after she had pulled me off of her as she wanted control. She only actually let her long, nimble fingers enter me when I barked at her for teasing.
It wasn’t irony. Any of this. I wanted to tease her because she teases me with her very existence. It wasn’t fair for her to tease me. It was almost overkill. Or, that’s my excuse for whining when she did it to me.
I mewled as she teased me, her fingers finding my most sensitive spot.
A high pitched whine left my mouth as she touched the spot. Holy Shit. I didn’t even know that spot existed until now. How did she find it? I then got angry as she promptly avoided the spot so she could tease me so much more.
The spot throbbed as she purposefully ignored it. I snarled at her, my body wriggling. I couldn’t force myself to stay still. She pulled away to tease me even more.
She did this until I was whimpering and begging. Willing to do anything to get off. I was moaning and shaking when she finally took pity on me. I was shivering and growling at her. I couldn’t help myself, the body wants what the body wants. And my body was screaming for her. Always. Forever.
How dare my alcohol-numbed brain make me forget the way she panted into my neck after I began to tease her after she finally granted me my release. The way her pupils dilated until I could almost no longer see her beautiful irises as she mewled. The feel of her moist heat on my fingertips as I teased her. The sound of her mewls and cries.
The way she sighed happily and burrowed into my neck as we finished and fell asleep in each other's arms. The way I slept with her wild hair in my nose, assaulting me with the soft strawberry scent. She snored in my ear. I had never considered that snoring could be cute before. Clearly, I was wrong. Snoring was the cutest thing a girl could do, or so it seems.
chapter 18
Has the ringtone on my phone always been this annoying? My head was throbbing and my stomach was twisted into knots. I grasped for the phone, trying to get it without actually opening my eyes. Damn sun.
I was having a good dream. A beautiful woman forgave me every flaw and held me as if I was important to her. A woman, the woman…Amelia. An angel who saw me at my worst and still wanted me.
An angel with gross morning breath. My nose wrinkled at the scent. Okay, this must be reality. I definitely wouldn’t imagine the morning after would be morning breath, a head resting on my hair so it was tugged when I tried to move, and the pounding head and nausea of a hangover.
I heard a dull thud as my Phone fell off the bedside table onto the ground, still incessantly beeping. I heard a groan next to me, her body twisted off my hair. "Shut it off," Amelia whined, covering her eyes with her arm to shield herself from the light. "Make the noise go Awaaaay."
I groaned as I pushed the quilt off of me, grasping around in the dark until I got the phone. “Blocked number?” I said out loud. “Who did I even block?”
“Who is this?” I immediately said when I answered the call.
“What do you even mean? It’s Claire.” Claire’s voice was more annoying than usual at the moment. “I have to talk-”
I growled at the sound before, as politely as I could, spoke. “Not now, Claire. I just woke up and I’m not having a good morning and-”
“It’s Claire?” Amelia was just barely awake. “Why is she- “I shushed her as politely as I could. The faster this call is over, the better everything would be better.
“I took Albert.” Claire interrupted me rudely. Have I ever mentioned that I really hate it when someone does that to me? Because I do! “So-rry. I heard you were looking for him. He is my dog and-”
“Oh no!” I immediately replied. “I am the one who takes care of him. Who feeds him and looks after him. He is MY dog. You may have bought him, but I’m the one who treats him like a sentient creature.” My headache practically melted away as my blood boiled. She can’t seriously be trying to pull this kind of crap.
“He is MY dog. I bought him, his papers are in MY name. Don’t come over again.” She was just trying to hurt me. She didn’t even WANT Bandit.
"I gotta go," I told Amelia, getting my clothes together.
I was shocked when she replied, now fully awake. “Not without me, you’re not.” She was getting ready herself. She seemed just as angry as me, which confused me. She said last night was a goodbye and she acts like she doesn’t care. Was she lying? Does she really care?
We stormed up to her house together. I banged on the door. “Claire! Let us in!” We ordered her.
She opened her door only for a moment. “Stay, Albert.” She hissed, tying his leash to a table. He was trying to get to us. To go home. She wouldn’t let him.
"You," She stared straight at me. "Are an immature brat. You think I want everything to be about me, but really, you just can't comprehend the world where everything doesn't go at your schedule. Whenever I want to do something that you don't you get angry."
She turned to Amelia next. “You are not much more mature than Leela. You two deserve each other. You don’t have your life together and you want to spend your time with someone who doesn’t have her life together either. Now. LEAVE.”
She slammed the door on my face right as I was about to argue with her. I had to jump back so my adorable button nose doesn’t get crushed by the door. How dare she speak to us like that. How dare she do that to us! How dare she!
We kept banging on the door until a police officer comes into the scene. "Miss Albertson has requested you to leave the premises." The officer informed me. "She wanted you to be arrested but without disturbance, I cannot. If you refuse to leave, however…" He trailed off.
I took the hint. “Thank you, Officer.”
Amelia didn’t want to leave. She refused until I reluctantly admitted, we don’t have a legal leg to stand on. “The paperwork IS in her name.” Amelia scowled at me, but she did allow me to lead her home.
I don't understand the way my breath caught in my throat. Her fiery eyes and the grim line her mouth had. She looked like an angel of vengeance. The way she held herself up and her mouth curled in a scowl, in a way that I always found disgusting in Claire, was so alluring. She was upset… for me.
Nobody had ever been angry on my behalf before! She looked like she was almost willing to fight for me. She wanted to help me out. She genuinely… cared. Claire cares deep down but she’s never… no one’s ever…
All I wanted was to taste her lips once again. To be with her again. I leaned in to kiss her, she didn’t even realize I was doing it. Or… did she? I chose to believe the latter, as she sharply pulled away from me and glared at the ground.
She said she had to leave. I frowned as I watched her go. I don't have Bandit, and now I don't even have Amelia either.
I wanted her to stay. To stay with me and make everything all better. Because the two of us could be together.
chapter 19
“How dare she?!” I seethed. I marched around my house as angry as it gets. She is so terrible. She gets worse and worse every time I hear her do or say anything.
I can't do anything, though. It’s what she wants. She wants me to cause a scene and prove that I am no better than her. I tried to calm down, taking a shower and changing my clothes.
It didn't help. I still wanted to- UGH! How does one say ‘rip her face off' without seeming violent or deranged? I am neither of those things. I am completely 100% cool.
It’s just. I can clearly remember how upset Leela was. How she just… deflated. She is so disappointed and Claire doesn’t even CARE about animals. She just wants to hurt Amelia.
With that thought in mind, I was off. I once again went to the gaudy home of my irritating Ex. “Claire. Open up. Or I WILL pick the lock. I can do that you know! I’ve got skills.”
She opened the door and scowled at me. “YOU again.” She hissed, her upper lip curling in a snarl. “What do you want? Albert is MY dog.”
I can’t believe her nerve. “You are an awful person. You don’t want Bandit, you just wanted to take him away from people who cared about him!” I snapped. “You’re a bad owner.”
“I am not. I am the better person to take care of Albert. That’s his name, by the way. ALBERT. A-L-E-B-R-T.”
She glared at me and opened her mouth to say something else most likely awful. I beat her to the punch. “I haven’t finished talking yet! SO shut your damn mouth.”
She was shocked into silence. “There is a reason she broke up with you. You are demanding and cruel
and instead of helping, you just constantly tore her down. Instead of supporting her, you constantly insulted and degraded her.” I tore into her. "You are a pretty face but behind that, you're just a cruel, selfish, and self-obsessed jerk. You need to remember one thing. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes down to the bones."
She seemed frozen in shock. Good. Let Claire actually think about things. She could be a great person, I can tell. She needs to look at her behavior and see the problems with herself, even more than I want to just make her feel bad. I took Bandit and I brought him home to Leela. He was a sweetheart.
"Come on, Bandit," I whispered. "Let's reunite you and your mommy.”
He was hyperactively bouncing and barking happily as his tail wagged a mile a minute. He'll be so happy when he finally gets to his home again.
chapter 20
“Bandit!” I happily declared after opening the door and being bowled over by a hyperactive puppy. I pet the dog and nuzzled him. “Thank you.” I declared, smiling up at her.
Amelia. She is so beautiful and so kind. Her eyes glitter like diamonds and her lips are thin but still so soft and pink. I remember how they felt against my own. I ached to reach out to her and hold her.
I would kiss her and she would hold me as if I belonged in her arms. All the anger of the past days would dissipate as the two of us are exactly where we want to be, doing exactly what we want to do. We would be happy together. Amelia would decide she cared more about me than she cared about her new job.
How can someone feel so happy and so disappointed simultaneously?
I really like…okay, no. I can lie to everyone else but I will not continue to lie to myself. The truth is, I love her. I love her and she’s gonna leave. I love her and I might never see her again.
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