I wanted to say something. Beg her to stay. But, I can’t hold her back like that. She deserves to be able to live the life she wants to live.
I let Bandit go with her when she returned to her home to pack. Bandit makes Amelia happier than I ever have. While she packs, maybe, Bandit could make her happier.
That’s all I want.
For her to be happy.
chapter 21
When I was little I was told about the complex system of karma and destiny. I never understood it truly.
We are destined to live our lives in such a way, yet we have free will.
I understand now. I was meant to be born into my family. I choose to love them. I choose to live on my own. I was destined to have skills in writing. I choose to hone those skills and make a career.
I was destined to meet her. To fall in love. That was all the grand plan.
But to leave. That is my choice. Choice makes all the difference, does it not?
As I packed, I had nothing on my mind but this. I am destined to live through some set of finite choices. But the lives that will play out due to my choices, were predetermined before the choice was ever made.
‘What would life be like with her?’ I allowed myself to ponder. ‘Would it be better or worse?’
As I thought, I watched bandit come over to my open suitcase. He was pulling things out with his mouth. Pulling them out and throwing them on the ground.
He doesn’t want me to leave.
Neither of them does.
What do I want?
The smart thing to say is that I want the best option for me. I want to be smart. I want a stable income and a nice house, like all good girls, do (or so I am told).
It took a bit for me to realize, that that was simply a lie. What I want isn’t any of those things, not really.
I enjoy doing my freelance projects and working from home and creating fascinating creative works. And… I love Leela.
There! I said it.
I know she loves me back, but I don’t know. Leela is so different from what I imagined.
I need to know what I really want. Who am I fooling? I know exactly what I want. Her.
That’s all I want.
To make her happy.
chapter 22
All right, I want everyone to understand this; I was NOT moping. I, Leela, do not mope. I have never moped and I will never mope. I wasn’t pouting because she was leaving. I wasn’t replaying the sight of her smile or the sound of her laughter until it was seared into my brain. I wasn’t envisioning the taste of her soft lips or the sound of her voice laughing in that beautiful, melodic tone of hers. I wasn’t desperately trying to force the taste of her on my tongue to the back of my mind so it doesn’t torment me for the rest of my days.
I was simply a bit upset, that the love of my life was gone. And I was just…STUCK. There is nothing I can do anymore. She has made her decision.
I thought she had until my door was pushed open and I was greeted by an excitable pooch and an athletic, caramel skinned, goddess. She pulled me to her by her collar, but her kiss wasn’t rough in any way. It was soft and loving and said everything I wanted to say to her.
I melted into the kiss. I could have simply taken her in without question. Her being mine was all I needed to know. Why her mind changed or if this was all just a cruel trick my hopeless mind was playing upon me, were superfluous. It was better if I didn’t know.
Sometimes, I have discovered, it is better to live in blissful ignorance. I was so much happier believing I wanted her to leave me all alone than to actually feel the agony coming with the realization of how deeply she had pushed herself into my life.
Chaotically she added herself to the mess of my life, and then she ripped all of it away. Like a tornado jumbling up all the pieces, before ripping it to shreds even worse than it ever was.
That was why I had to pull away. I had no idea what was going on. I needed to know. I needed to see the truth with my own eyes if I were ever to actually believe it. Why was this even happening? She’s leaving! Is this a goodbye kiss? It can’t be! She can’t just leave now.
“Amelia!” I protested.
The second her name left my lips the strong arms wrapping around me in a warm, protective embrace pulled away, the hands entangled in my mass of red curls pulled away. “Leela,” My name has never sounded better. “I… I love you.”
My eyes widened. My heart was beating so harshly it felt as if it could burst. My body froze as if paralyzed. My mouth was dry and my throat burned, I couldn't speak. How… how could I reply to her? How does one explain the complete and utter devotion I felt to her? The fact that I wasn't moving seemed to make her deflate. What?
She seemed to be waiting for me to say something. "Me too!" I squeaked out, "N-no. I mean that I, not to say I don't also lo-" I stuttered, my cheeks burning. "I LOVE YOU!"
She began to giggle at me. I caught sight of myself in a mirror. Her fingers messed up my hair further, and my entire face was a darker red than my hair. “Don’t laugh!” I argued, embarrassed by her melodic giggle.
“Stay with me, please.” I wasn’t begging. Get that right. I do not beg either. I am in complete control. “Please.”
Amelia wrapped her arms around me and was kissing me all over my face. “Of. Course. I. Will. You. Beautiful. Angelic. Sweetheart.” I don’t know how I could possibly be any more embarrassed.
My eyes were fogging over with tears. I couldn’t even see her beautiful face as the water in my eyes distorted it. I wanted to tell her how much I cared about her, but the only thing that could leave my mouth was a strangled sob.
I had the feeling she knew anyway.
I was so embarrassed by my own lack of control of my own body.
I also don’t know how I could ever be happier.
As I felt her soft lips on mine once more, I knew in my deepest heart, this is how the search for love ends.
Of course, it is also how the rest of our lives together begin.
Sporty Secrets
~ Bonus Story ~
A First Time Sports Lesbian Romance
Chelsea
I'm the daughter of one of the most powerful Governors in America. And although his tenure was just rocked by scandal, my father plans on running again, and I'm sure he'll win—he always does. I'm sick of how he treats me, though, even though I have all the money and material things I could ever want or ask for. It's crazy for me to think that once my father was a loving, caring human being. So much has changed in him, and between us. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to forgive him, but I know that maybe I could try if only he would extend an olive branch. Until them, I'm going to keep figuring out who I am, and doing what I want. I want to see what kind of woman I am, and if I can love other women. I'm excited to find out.
Shane
I'm the star running back in one of the Big Ten schools. It's crazy to think that it was so controversial that a lesbian try out for the team and earn a spot. The coaches have never cared, not even for a second, what I do with my free time. I know Chelsea from school, and can figure out that the Governor is her father. I'm going to make a move on her the next time I see her, but I'm going to be cool about it. I hope it works out!
* * *
Chelsea wasn't the kind of girl who minded being the center of attention. Not that she sought it out, mostly because she didn't have to. There was always something her father was doing that made people flock to her, want to be around her. Tonight he was announcing his run for a second term as Governor.
A scandal involving her father and someone else had just rocked his last term, so Chelsea wasn't excited about the prospect that there would be a never ending parade of media attention, or, at least, four more years of it. Because now it seemed like every outlet smelled blood in the water. It didn't matter if the media outlet was left or right, everyone seemed primed to take a chunk out of her and her family.
What had happened was something that she tried not to think about,
because in all reality, it didn't really affect her. And the pain it was causing the people she loved was mostly due to their own hubris, something she had no control over. What had had happened was that her father had been caught with a mistress. It wasn't supposed to be such a big deal, but then the opposing faction in the state senate pushed for a probe of what had happened.
Her father, against all better judgment, had decided to take a woman into his official room of government business, called the Rectangular Office, and have the young woman him preform oral sex on him under the desk. Of course, her father had outright admitted to what he'd done when confronted. Not only had he been upfront about it, he'd been very open that he wasn't going to be shy. Her father had gone on and on, during interviews on public television, about how it hadn't been about some kind of sex addiction esque need to get it off, it had been validating himself sexually as an older man, and also feeling the pleasure that he knew an eager woman would give him.
Her father hadn't gone so far as to say that he wasn't getting any at home, but that was the impression most people got from listening to him speak. Soon, jokes about her father and mother's relationship were circulating social media. There wasn't much that Chelsea could do to make it stop. She was only one person, and didn't even have a social media account to speak of. That was one lesson she'd learned on in college, that she didn't want to be constantly watched on the internet.
Because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep other people from watching her every move, she just removed herself from the situation. As she looked around the room, she saw Shane, one of the football teams running backs who was making a name for herself playing on an all male team as the only female. Shane had a reputation as the kind of lesbian who loved straight girls, or girls who were bi.
Chelsea didn't have any idea if Shane thought she was cute or not, but figured now was the perfect time to find out. It would be a good way to entertain herself while time passed at a snails pace, her father moving about the room and shaking peoples' hands, as confident here as Bill Clinton in Harlem. Chelsea wondered when people were going to wake up, and people would figure out what a charlatan her father really was. It was hard for her to understand, sometimes, why people put such a great amount of faith in her father when he was such an obvious politician.
That was something her father was always pretty clear about with everyone, the way that he was just a scumbag in a suit. And, although most people put off accepting the reality and instead deluded themselves into thinking he was joking, her father would talk about how he didn't have loyalty to anyone, how he was only ever out to help himself and any other course of action was one he considered to be one born of weakness. Her father was the kind of sociopath who hid it in plain sight, and the people he surrounded himself were the kind who validated him. There weren't any people his father let hang around who were going to call him out on any of his bullshit. They were only going to help perpetuate it. The moment where someone brought critical thought into play would never come, no matter how much Chelsea wanted to will lit into existence. When Chelsea got to Shane, she knew she would have a good talk with the young, semi famous woman, about it.
“Hey,” Chelsea said. “Did you hear about my mom and dad's sex life, recently? I mean, it's all over the tabloids, I don't know how you couldn't know.”
Shane threw her head back and laughed, her eyes sparkling with a mischievous light that Chelsea could spark in other people when she was particular disrespectful to her elders.
“You know,” Shane said. “I couldn't help but see that. I know it's probably very hard on you, and I don't mean at all to make fun of your suffering. I just know that once this kind of mean spirited stuff really gets worked to a fervor when it comes to politics. People forget that other people have feelings to, you know?”
“Boy do I ever,” Chelsea said. “You know how bad it gets, though, for sure.”
When Shane had gone out for the football team, it had caused huge waves in the community. People weren't comfortable with the idea that someone could buck all of the trends and join an all male football team instead of going out for cheer leading. The couches had accepted it, though, and not only that, a few of them had really pushed Shane not to back out once she had started.
“I was lucky to have so much support, though,” Shane said. “Something that I'm not sure you have, to be honest. I know you have friends, but where are they now? And I know that you're a strong person who doesn't need her hand held, but at the same time, when I went through my shit I never forgot how much it had meant to me that the rest of the football community had rallied around me and my struggle. But you don't have anything like that.”
Chelsea didn't know what to say. Shane had a good point. It would be very nice to have some kind of support center. But all the support that Chelsea had at the given moment was the kind she mustered up out of her gut. People didn't seem to empathize with her plight, was all. Not that Chelsea expected them. She was, after all, wildly rich in most peoples' estimations. She didn't need reminded how some people would allow that fact to keep them from ever seeing her as another human being. It wasn't fare, and she knew it, how the world treated her sometimes.
“How are you these days, Shane? You seem to be doing well,” Chelsea said. “I know you went through some shit before, but have things stabilized recently?”
“More or less,” Shane said. “It's not like everything just blew over, but now it feels like things are starting to move forward. I'm not trying to dwell in the past, or anything like that. There isn't much I can do but press onward. I know there are a lot of people who would like to see me fail, but that isn't going to happen because I'm determined.”
Chelsea looked at Shane while she was talking. Shane was well built, with broad shoulders and a chin that looked chiseled from granite. Chelsea, in comparison, looked even more feminine than she usually did when she stood by Shane. Chelsea was the kind of girl who rocked her hourglass figure with no remorse, wearing things that made her seem even more buxom than she really was. She liked the attention she got from men, truth be told, and she also liked the way that people thought of her as a kind of sex object, even if it did get on her nerves sometimes. She was a complex, multifaceted human being who didn't mind if it made some people uncomfortable if she was comfortable with herself.
“How about yourself? You're amidst the fire right now,” Shane said. “How are you fairing out there on the turbulent sea of public opinion? I know there were more than just a few times when I thought things were overwhelming, but I didn't have anyone to talk to. I just hope that you know that there are people that care about you, and I mean really do care about you, so you don't have to be alone through all of this. So please, if you ever need someone to talk to, or a listening ear, just call me. All right?”
Chelsea nodded and reached out to squeeze Shane's hand. It felt good to see Shane feel the spark jolt between them when they made contact. They were both so attracted to each other it was crazy, that much was apparent to anyone close by. But were they going to do anything about it? Chelsea didn't know, but she didn't think so, and she wanted Shane to know that if she wanted to, Chelsea was down. Chelsea was surprised when Shane reached back across the gulf between them to grasp her hand once again, and this time pull her after.
As they left the gathering, hand in hand, Chelsea looked around to see if there was anyone around who would observe their departure who might put it in a tabloid or something of that nature. There were many things that Chelsea didn't mind, but having her face all of the front of some mudslinging gossip magazine wasn't one of them. She wanted to distance herself from them as much as possible. The tabloids had people she couldn't see, Chelsea was sure, but they didn't let that take the spring out of their step as they made their way to Shane's car. There was something about reaching out her stride on the way to be romantic with someone that really made Chelsea smile, and she could see her beaming glow reflected back at her from Shane.
Chelsea always fe
lt so accomplished when someone decided to take her home. There was just something about it, hard to put her finger on, that made her wonder how much she could fall for Shane. This would be the first time Chelsea had ever been with a woman, and while she was nervous, her excitement overshadowed all of that.
As Shane switched on the ignition and the engine of her truck roared to life Chelsea felt a thrill of danger race through her. It really was something else that Shane was courting her so outright. Although all of this could be construed as just girls being friends to each other, they both knew what was really going on. Neither of them had any kind of illusion about different pretenses. And that was one of the things that made it outright racy.
Chelsea didn't realize just how racy things could become, though. Instead of going to Shane's house, they drove down some country back roads to find some privacy.
“You know how it is in a college town,” Shane said. “You end up spending so much time in the city that you forget completely that there might be a country for people to go out and explore.”
Chelsea felt the truck's motor shift as Shane moved the shifter between them. She was so masculine in many of her mannerisms, but in others she retained her femininity. That's what Chelsea liked about Shane most, that there wasn't an easy way to classify what she was or wasn't, Chelsea didn't want the classifications, and she thought it was sexy how Shane didn't want them either. They didn't help her any, the little pigeonholes or the people who used them.
“I'm glad were headed out into the woods,” Chelsea said. “I think it's nice out there. The way everything just hums along with life an doesn't make a fuss at all. That's not something that's easy to find. Most of the time life has to be loud and obnoxious, but not with the rural areas.”
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