The Hardest Fall

by Ella Maise

  A quick nod from me and I looked away.

  He reached up to grab my chin.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I gave him a half shrug. How was I going to explain to him about Mark and Chris? How did you even start a conversation like that?

  So…here’s the thing, I know you hate liars because you told me that the first night you came here, but I’ve been lying to you this whole time. Hey, at least it was a white lie, right? I never had a boyfriend, not since you moved in, and your best friend happens to be my long-lost brother, but we’re not telling him anything because that’s how Mark wants it. Good talk. Bye.

  Just like ripping off a band-aid.

  To my embarrassment, my eyes burned with unshed tears and I turned away to get to the door before he could see them.

  “Nothing. You’re going to be late. Come on.” I pulled on his hand to tug him out and locked the door.

  “Zoe, wait.”

  He put his hand on my arm, but I was already on the move.

  Ms. Hilda’s door opened before we could escape. I swore the woman spent half her day—possibly even more—with her ear pressed to the door, lying in wait for her victims.

  “Where have you two been? I needed you yesterday and I knocked and knocked on your door. Did you have a party over there? I believe I told you I wouldn’t like that when you first got here, Miss Clarke.”

  If I’d had a to-do list for the day, dealing Ms. Hilda wouldn’t have even been the last thing on that list. Very aware of Dylan’s presence standing tall and strong behind me, I tilted my head and took a deep breath. “Did you hear music or something, Ms. Hilda?”

  “No, but I could have sworn I heard—”

  “We didn’t have a party, and we’re not planning on having a party in the near future either. I would love to help you with whatever you need, but right now I’m late for class and Dylan needs to get to practice, so I’m sorry, but you’re gonna have to find someone else to check your drapes. Have a good day, Ms. Hilda.”

  While she was staring at me with an even deeper frown and an open mouth, I started down the stairs. A second later, Dylan’s footsteps followed.

  When I stepped outside, I tilted my head up to the bright blue sky and felt a little better with the wind on my face.

  “What’s going on?” Dylan asked from behind me. Then his arms were around my waist, pulling me back to his chest, his lips pressing the lightest kiss on my neck.

  That felt even better than the wind, and I relaxed further.

  “Nothing,” I answered then tilted my head to the side, shamelessly asking for more. He didn’t make me wait. Gripping my chin, he gave me a long, wet kiss, chasing away every bad thought.

  “Nothing,” I repeated breathlessly when we stopped. I looked up to his dizzying eyes and believed it would all be all right.

  “Is she asleep?” I asked when Jared walked back into the living room.

  He sat on the couch with a huff and held his head in his hands. “Yeah, finally.”

  I twisted so I could look at him but was stopped short by a little hand tugging on my hair. “Zoe, no, no, no. You’re messing it up. You can’t move, silly. Now I’m gonna have to start again.” There was a cute sigh behind me, dripping with mock annoyance.

  “I’m so sorry, Miss Bluebird,” I drawled, using the new nickname she’d begged me to use as soon as I’d stepped foot into the apartment. Jared’s little sister, Becky, was the cutest little girl, and the smartest, too, just like her brother. “Do I have to pay extra now that you’re starting again?”

  Her fingers stopped moving in my hair. “I get paid?”

  “Well, you’re my hairstylist, so I think I should pay, don’t you? I mean, you’ve been working at it for how long now? Half an hour?”

  “Yes. Yes, you pay me, okay?”

  “Okay, I pay, but you have to make me look pretty, okay?”

  “I’m trying. How much are you paying?”

  “Ouch,” I mouthed to Jared, but he wasn’t even paying us any attention. “How much do you want?”

  She turned to Jared. “Jar, I’m getting paid today. How much money do I want?”

  I grinned a toothless grin and managed to hold my snicker back. Becky always called her big brother Jar or Jer.

  After a long negotiation process, we settled on three dollars because she envisioned me with three braids like her toy horsey had and it was gonna be beautiful because she was the best at braids—Jar had said so—and she was gonna buy all the chocolates with her money.

  Letting Becky continue to play with my hair, I glanced at Jared’s bent head.

  “Her parents are coming tomorrow. It’ll be good for her to see them,” I said quietly.

  Agitated, he rubbed his neck and exploded up to his feet. In the three years I’d known him, never once had I seen him as angry as he was that day. He couldn’t sit in one place longer than a few minutes.

  “Fuck! I could kill him! We should’ve said something sooner, should—”

  Abruptly, chubby little arms wrapped around my neck and Becky hid her face against my hair. I reached up to stroke her arm reassuringly.

  “Jared, sit down,” I hissed at him. “Oh, it’s okay, Becky. He just got upset.”

  Hearing my tone, his eyes snapped to me then lowered as he finally remembered that his sister was in the room and sat back down.

  “I’m sorry, princess,” he murmured, kissing her cheek and coaxing her out of her hiding spot behind my hair. “You’re not gonna tell on me for using a bad word, are you?” A few more kisses later, Becky was giggling and all was well in her world again.

  I put my hand on his knee until it stopped bouncing and stilled. “She knew we didn’t like him, Jared,” I started quietly. “This wasn’t our fault, and it wasn’t Kayla’s fault either. She loved him. There is only one person responsible here, and he’s gonna get what’s coming to him.”

  “You think his parents won’t get that”—he shot a quick look at his sister—“b-a-s-t-a-r-d off faster than you can say his name?”

  “It won’t be that easy.”

  He got up and started pacing the room again. “And he hurt you too, for fu—God’s sake! Why didn’t she call me? Why didn’t you call me, for that matter? If I had been at the library with you two—”

  “Okay, you’re gonna give me whiplash. Please sit down.” After the look he gave me, I changed my mind. “Or don’t, fine, but be quiet,” I grumbled. “She’s been like a ghost the entire day, and just when she finally closes her eyes for more than ten minutes, you’re gonna wake her up again.”

  “Talk to me about something else then. I’m gonna lose my mind if I can’t smash his face into a pulp.”

  “Hulk. Smash!” Becky popped in. “What’s pulp?”

  “Is my hair done, Miss Bluebird? Can I look?”

  “I get mirror, you see it. You sit here. Okay, Zoe? You sit and you wait, kay?”

  As I helped her off the couch, I nodded. “Sit and wait—got it.”

  Before she could run away, Jared stopped her with a hand on her arm. “KayKay is sleeping in my room and the door is open, so be quiet when you’re looking for that mirror, okay?”

  “Is KayKay sick?”

  “No, sweetheart. She just has a little headache so she needs her sleep. She’ll be fine. After you finish showing Zoe her new hair, you’re going straight to bed yourself. It’s way past your bedtime.”

  “Okay Jar. First hair, then bed.” Satisfied with her answers, she ran away to her room.

  “I should get going, too. It’s past nine and I need to get back.” As soon as Becky was out of earshot, I blurted it out because I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Also, just in case you want to know, I slept with Dylan, and even if you didn’t want to know, now you know. In his bed, with him, last night—well, more like morning, but let’s go with last night…and then a little bit in the—”

  “Wait, wait, wait—hold up,” he sputtered. He was holding his hand up, his eyes blinking and blinki
ng. “You did what?”

  “I slept with—”

  “Clarify, please. You slept with him in the same bed, or you slept with him, meaning you fucked his brains out? Which one?”

  “Well…” I pulled my legs up and hugged them to my chest, lips already curved into a smile. “If we’re talking about fucking brains out, it was probably mine that got fucked out.”

  Still with that shocked expression on his face, he dropped down on the couch next to me.

  “I guess that means I can’t try to seduce him anymore.”

  I burst out laughing and had to put my hand over my mouth to keep quiet. Then I sobered and my grin disappeared. “I feel so bad for feeling this happy when Kayla is going through this. I didn’t plan for it to…”

  “Zoe, if it were left up to you, you’d probably wait ten years before you made a move. I already know there was no planning involved.”

  “He was so good to me yesterday, Jared. As soon as I walked into the apartment, I just crumpled and he picked up my pieces. And then…” I loved Jared to pieces, and he was one of my best friends, but for some reason I didn’t want to share every single detail of what had happened after we made it home. The way he held me, the way he hugged me in the shower, the way we fit so perfectly—it all felt private, like it was just ours, mine and Dylan’s.

  “Then it happened,” Jared finished for me.

  “Something like that.”

  “Now it makes more sense.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Before he could answer, Becky came running in, a small pink mirror in her hand as she whisper-yelled at us. “I found it! Zoe, I found it!”

  “Oh, that’s a beautiful mirror, Miss Bluebird. Now, let’s see what you did to my hair.”

  After she demanded I put her to bed, I checked my hair more thoroughly in the bathroom mirror and had to spend a few minutes calming everything down.

  As I was walking past Jared’s room, Kayla called my name.

  “Is everything okay? I thought you were sleeping.” I walked in and sat on the edge of the bed as she sat up.

  “Heard Becky talking to you guys. You’re still here?”

  “Yeah, just wanted to stay around a bit longer.” After a long stretch of silence, I asked, “How are you doing?” I’d been worried I wasn’t coming up with the right questions the entire day.

  “I’m good.” She sighed. “I’m better, let’s go with that. You can leave, Zoe. It’s late. You don’t have to wait around.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll leave whenever.”

  She sighed but nodded. “Mom and Dad are coming tomorrow.” This time it was my turn to nod. “I’m not sure if I’m gonna come back here in January, Zoe. I’m not even sure I can handle finals.”

  I wanted to protest, wanted to say it was the stupidest idea I’d ever heard, but it wasn’t. I wanted a chance to spend ten minutes alone in a room with Keith, but I knew it wouldn’t undo the hurt my friend was going through.

  Keeping my eyes focused on the dark gray bedding, I choked up. “I want to beg you to come back, KayKay, but I know I can’t.”

  “I just don’t think I want to…actually, I don’t think I can is a better answer. I think, and my parents think…”

  “I understand, and I want you to do whatever will heal you and make you happy again. You think you’ll stay in Texas, then?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  I gave her a quick look and looked down at my fingers playing with the edge of the sheets. “Keith’s family lives pretty close to yours though, right?”

  She shook her head. “They moved when we came to school here. They’re in Seattle now, so he won’t come to Texas.”

  We fell silent.

  “Maybe you and Jared can come visit me during summer break.”

  I dashed away a tear that was trailing down my cheek. “Yes, I think that’d be great. I’ve never been to Texas.” I bit my lip and hesitated for a second. “If there is a trial and Keith—”

  “I don’t want to talk about him, Zoe.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry.” She was fisting the sheet so I put my hand on top of hers. “I’m sorry.”

  When Kayla didn’t speak, I looked up and saw she was crying too.

  “I just can’t seem to stop it, you know,” she said quietly, her lower lip trembling slightly as she wiped the tears away almost as quickly as they were falling. “It comes and goes. One second I’m just fine, and the next I feel sick to my stomach.” She lifted her eyes up to me then looked down at my neck where my bruises were visible even through the foundation I’d applied. “And you’ve been hurt because of me, too—”

  I touched my neck with my fingertips. “What? These? I’m not hurt at all, Kayla. I’m just pissed I didn’t get the chance to hurt him myself, so don’t even think about that part of it.”

  So far, her preferred method for how to deal with everything had been to avoid all conversation related to Keith. We weren’t going to pry, anyway, and having Becky around provided a buffer. We all laughed at her antics, and it almost felt like any other normal day for three close friends.

  “I’m going to miss my best friend,” I said. “Have you told Jared yet?”

  “I’ll talk to him.”

  That’s when Jared’s head peeked through the open door. “Did someone say my name? I thought you were sleeping, you little liar.” He walked around the bed and sat across from me. “Zoe, your phone is going crazy in your bag. Maybe you should get it.”

  Frowning, I got up. I’d forgotten all about my phone after sending Dylan a quick text to tell him Kayla was doing okay. I had seen missed calls and notifications after reading Dylan’s text when I woke up in the middle of the night, but I’d ignored all of it. The first thing I’d done after Dylan and I parted ways in front of our building was combing through everything Mark had sent. After I’d texted him to say I was going to tell Dylan everything, he’d called countless times, left eight voicemails, and sent a couple texts. I’d deleted all of them without even listening to a word. Though I’d ended up reading his texts, none of them had said anything I wanted to hear, so I’d deleted those too. I was done being a doormat for him, and it was way overdue.

  I left Kayla and Jared alone and went to find my phone. It was ringing and I hoped it was Dylan, but unfortunately, it wasn’t. Reluctantly, I answered.

  “Yes.”

  After a few seconds of silence, Mark spoke up. “Where are you?”

  No, I was worried about you. No, I heard what happened at the library. No, Are you okay, Zoe? No Is there anything I can do? No nothing.

  But none of it mattered because I’d already talked to my dad. He had already asked the questions a dad was supposed to ask. This man was nothing to me, and it was my own damn fault for thinking things could’ve been different.

  “I’m with my friends,” I said coldly.

  “Did you tell him? Dylan?”

  “Not yet, but I will.” I would that night, as soon as I decided how to go about it. At that moment, I realized I wasn’t afraid to tell him about Mark and Chris. It was just words, and it would’ve been easy enough to sit him down and explain from the very beginning. What I was afraid of was how he would react. Would he be angry at me for letting him think there was something going on between me and my biological father? Would whatever was happening between us end before it had even begun? That was what I was afraid of—losing him. God knew I’d have been angry at him for letting me think the worst of him.

  “Where are you?” he asked again, and I could tell he was gritting his teeth. “I’ll pick you up. We need to talk.”

  “I’m busy right now.”

  “Zoe,” he thundered through the phone. “You are going to tell me where the hell you are and we are going to talk.”

  Anger bubbled up inside me. I was pretty close to hating him, not that I’d really loved him before, but at least I hadn’t detested him. I had been curious, and I’d wanted a chance to get to know him. The first time we met, I
told him how excited I was to meet Chris, how I’d always wanted a brother or sister. He’d gently told me it was too early to tell Chris, saying we should take advantage of the time and get to know each other before we told him because he was still shocked himself. He said he was trying to protect his family, and I got that. Oh, it wasn’t the best feeling to know he was trying to protect them from me, but at least I’d understood him. As the next three years had passed, I’d slowly come to the realization that Mark wasn’t interested in telling Chris anything, at least not the whole truth, and the realization had come three years late.

  So, it was time I told him everything I’d kept inside for so long. We were going to have a talk, and this time I was going to be the one doing all the talking. It was probably going to be the last time I ever saw him, too, and I was more than okay with that. I gave him Jared’s address, and he told me he’d be there in fifteen.

  After sitting with Jared and Kayla for another ten minutes, I promised them I’d come back the next day to meet her parents then headed out to wait for Mark to come pick me up. When I told my friends I was going to talk with him, Jared gave me an alarmed look, but I didn’t think anything of it.

  I should’ve. I should’ve been just as alarmed as he was because I didn’t know it then, but right that second, Dylan was waiting for me across the street from the apartment building I’d just walked out of.

  My phone beeped with a new text and I looked down to read it as I walked toward the sidewalk.

  Dylan: I missed you.

  When I heard a car, I looked up from the screen and saw Mark’s black SUV coming toward me. Without sending a reply, I stuffed the phone in my back pocket and nervously waited for him to come to a stop right in front of me.

  As I climbed up into the passenger seat, unbeknownst to me, Dylan took a few steps forward and stared at the car in shock. I didn’t know he was waiting across the street so he could walk back to the apartment with me. I didn’t know he’d wanted to surprise me.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Zoe

  Mark unlocked the apartment door and gestured for me to go in first. I hesitated.