The Algernon Blackwood Collection

by Algernon Blackwood

  Then Judy remembered that he invariably kissed her on both cheeks as though she was a silly little child.

  “Oh, that man!” she exclaimed, realising fully now the enormities he had committed. She appeared to hesitate a moment. Then she flung down her Apocalypse suddenly. “Put him on a scarlet horse,” she cried, “pretend he’s the Beast, and I’ll come.”

  Maria’s blue eyes wheeled half a circle towards Tim. She did not move her head. It signified agreement. Tim knew. Only her consent, as the insulted party, was necessary before he could approve.

  “All right,” he cried to Judy. “We’ll put him in a special carriage with his horse, and I’ll make out a label for the window, so that every one will know.” He went over to the table and wrote “BEAST” in capital letters on a half-sheet of paper. The cumbersome quill pen made two spongy blots.

  “It’s the end of the world really at the same time,” decided Judy, to a chorus of general approval, “not only the end of Mr. Jinks.” She liked her horrors on a proper scale.

  And the railway line was quickly laid across the room from the window to the wall. The lamps of oil on both engines were lit. The trains faced one another. Mr. Jinks and his scarlet horse thought themselves quite safe in their special carriage, unaware that it was labelled “Beast” with a label that overlapped the roof and hid all view of the landscape through the windows on one side. Apparently they slept in opposite corners, with full consciousness of complete security. Mr. Jinks was tucked up with woolly rugs, and a newspaper lay across his knee. The scarlet horse had its head in a bag of oats, and its bridle was fastened to the luggage rack above. Both were supplied with iron foot-warmers. There was a fearful fog; and the train was going at a TREMENDOUS pace.

  So was the other train. They approached, they banged, they smashed to atoms. It was the most appalling collision that had ever been heard of, and the Guard and Engine-Driver, as well as the Ticket-Collectors and Directors of the Company, were all executed by the Government the very next day from gallows that an angry London built in half an hour on the top of St. Paul’s Cathedral dome.

  It took place between the footstool and the fireplace in the thickest fog that England had ever known. And the horrid black heart of Mr. Jinks was discovered beneath the wreckage of a special carriage next to the luggage van. It was simply black as coal and very nasty indeed. The little boy who found it was a porter’s son, whose mother was so poor that she took in washing for members of Parliament, who paid their bills irregularly because they were very busy governing Ireland. He knew it was a cinder, but did not discover it was a heart until he showed it to his mother, and his mother said it was far too black to wash.

  The accident to Mr. Jinks, therefore, was a complete success. The butler helped with the mending of the engine, and Maria informed at least one Authority, “We do not know Mr. Jinks. We have other friends.”

  “But, remember,” said Judy, “we mustn’t mention it to Daddy, because

  Mr. Jinks is his partner-in-the-offiss.”

  “Was,” said Tim. The remains they decided to send to what they called the “Hospital for Parilysed Ineebrits with Incurable Afflictions of the Heart.”

  CHAPTER IV: FACT—EDGED WITH FANCY

  ..................

  BUT THE CHILDREN WERE NOT always so vindictive and blood-thirsty. All three could be very tender sometimes. Even Maria was not wholly implacable and merciless, she had a pretty side as well. Their neighbour at the Manor House, Colonel William Stumper, C.B., experienced this gentler quality in the trio. He was Mother’s cousin, too.

  They were inclined to like this Colonel Stumper, C.B. For one thing he limped, and that meant, they decided, that he had a wooden leg. They never called it such, of course, but indicated obliquely that the injured limb was made of oak or walnut, by referring to the other as “his living leg,” “his good leg,” and so forth. For another thing, he did not smile at them; and for a third, he did not ask foolish questions in an up-and-down voice (assumed for the moment), as though they were invalids, idiots, or tailless puppies who could not answer. He frowned at them. He said furiously, “How are you, creatures?” And—he gave usually at least a shilling to each.

  “That makes three shillings altogether,” as Tim cleverly explained.

  “But not three shillings for each of us,” Maria qualified the praise. “I only got one.” She took it out of her mouth and showed it by way of proof.

  “You’ll swallow it,” warned Judy, “and then you won’t have none at all.”

  If received early in the week, they reported their good fortune to the Authorities; but if Sunday was too near, they waited. Daddy had a queer idea of teasing sometimes. “Just in time for to-morrow’s collection,” he would be apt to say; and though he did not really mean it perhaps, there was a hint of threat in the suggestion that quenched high spirits at the moment.

  “You see, he takes the plate round,” Judy told them, “and so feels ashamed.” She did not explain the feeling ashamed. It was just that her father, who always did things thoroughly, had to say something, and so picked on that. “Monday or Tuesday’s safest,” was her judgment.

  Maria rolled her eyes round like a gigantic German doll.

  “Never’s best,” she gave as her opinion.

  But that was sly. The others reproved her quickly.

  “Daddy likes to know,” they told her. “Monday or Tuesday’s all right.” They agreed just to mention the matter only. There was no need to “say a lot.”

  So they liked this Colonel Stumper, C.B. They liked his “title,” declaring that the letters stood for “Come Back,” and referring to their owner as “Come Back Stumper.” Some day, when he was gone for good, he was to be promoted to K.C.B., meaning “Kan’t-Come-Back.” But they preferred him as he was, plain C.B., because they did not want to lose him. They declared that “Companion to the Bath” was just nonsense invented by a Radical Government. For in politics, of course, they followed their father’s lead, and their father had distinctly stated more than once that “the policy of a Radical Government was some-funny-word-or-other nonsense,” which statement helped them enormously in forming their own opinions on several other topics as well. In personal disagreements, for instance—they never “squabbled"—the final insult was to say, “My dear, you’re as silly as a something-or-other Radical Govunment,” for there was no answer to this anywhere in the world.

  Come-Back Stumper, therefore, though casual outsiders might never have guessed it, was a valuable ally. He was what Mother called “a character” as well, and if the children used this statement in praise of him, while adopting in their carelessness a revised version, “he has no character,” this was not Come-Back Stumper’s fault. He was also an “extinguished soldger,” and had seen much service in foreign parts. India with its tigers, elephants, and jungles, was in his heated atmosphere deliciously, and his yellow tint, as of an unripe orange, was due to something they had learned from hearsay to describe as “curried liver trouble.” All this, and especially his dead or wooden leg, was distinctly in his favour. Come-Back Stumper was real. Also, he was hard and angular in appearance, short, brisk in manner, square-shouldered, and talked like a General who was bothered about something in a battle. His opinions were most decided. His conversation consisted of negatives, refusals and blank denials. If Come-Back Stumper agreed with what was said, it meant that he was feeling unwell with an attack of curried-liver-trouble. The children understood him. He understood the children, too.

  “It’s a jolly morning, William,” from Daddy would be met with “Might be worse” and a snort like the sneeze of the nursery cat, but a direct invitation of any sort was simply declined point blank. “Care to see The Times, William?” ensured the answer, “Oh, no, thanks; there’s never anything worth reading in it.” This was as regular as breakfast when Cousin William was staying in the house. It was, in fact, Daddy’s formula when he settled into his armchair for a quiet half-hour’s read. Daddy’s question was the mere polite
ness of a host. It was sham, but Cousin William’s answer was as real as breakfast. The formula was a mechanical certainty, as certain as that pressing a button in the wall produced Thompson in the room.

  Accordingly, when Mother said, “Now, don’t bother your Cousin William, children; he doesn’t want you,” this individual would instantly shoulder arms and state the exact contrary with fiery emphasis.

  “If you’ve no objection,” came the testy answer, “and if it’s all the same to you, Cecilia"—a shade sarcastically, this—"it’s precisely what I do want.”

  And he would look at the children in a way that suggested the most intimate of secret understanding between himself and them. More, he would rise and leave the room with the impetus of a soldier going out to fight, and would play with Judy, Tim, and Maria in a fashion that upset the household routine and made the trio unmanageable for the Authorities for hours afterwards.

  “He’s an honourable gentleman like the gentlemen in Parliament,” declared Judy, “and that’s my opinion of why I think him nice.”

  “And when I’m grown-up,” was Tim’s verdict, “I’ll be a soldger just exactly the same, only not yellow, and taller, and not so thick in the middle, and much, much richer, and with C.B. in front of my name as well as at the end.”

  Maria, not being present at the time, said nothing audible. But she liked him, too, unquestionably. Otherwise she would have announced the fact without delay. “He is a lump rather,” she had been heard to remark, referring to his actual bulk and slowness of movement when in play. But it was nicely, very nicely meant.

  “I am sure your Cousin William would rather be left alone to read quietly,” said Mother, seeing the trio approach that individual stealthily after tea in the library one evening. He was deep in a big armchair, and deep in a book as well. The children were allowed downstairs after their schoolroom tea for an hour when nothing particular was on. “Wouldn’t you, William?” she added. She went on knitting a sort of muffler thing she held up close to the lamp. She expected no reply, apparently.

  Cousin William made none. But he raised the level of his book so that it hid his face. A moment before, the eyes had been looking over the top at the advancing trio, watching their movements narrowly.

  The children did not answer either. They separated. They scouted. They executed a flank attack in open order. Three minutes later Colonel Stumper was surrounded. And no word was spoken; the scouts just perched and watched him. He was not actually reading, for he had not turned a page for about ten minutes, and it was not a picture book. The difficulty was, however, to get him started. If only Mother would help them! Then Mother, unwittingly, did so. For she dropped her ball of wool, and finding no one at hand to recover it, she looked vaguely round the room—and saw them. And she shook her head at them.

  “Don’t bother him just now,” she whispered again, “he’s got a cold.

  Here, Maria, pick up my wool, darling, will you?” But while Tim (for

  Maria only moved her eyes) picked up the wool obediently, Cousin

  William picked up himself with difficulty, tossed his book into the

  deep arm-chair, and stalked without a single word towards the door.

  Mother watched him with one eye, but the children did not stir a muscle.

  “William, you’re not going to bed, are you?” she asked kindly, “or would you like to, perhaps? And have your dinner in your room, and a warm drink just before going to sleep? That’s the best thing for a cold, I always think.”

  He turned at the door and faced her. “Thank you very much,” he said with savage emphasis, “but I am not ill, and I am not going to bed.” The negatives sounded like pistol shots. “My cold is nothing to speak of.” And he was gone, leaving a trail of fire in the air.

  The children, cunning in their generation, did not move. There were moments in life, and this was one of them, when “stir a finger and you’re a dead man” was really true. No finger stirred, no muscle twitched; one pair of eyelids fluttered, nothing more. And Mother, happy with her recovered ball of wool, was presently lost in the muffler thing she knitted, forgetful of their presence, if not of their very existence. Signals meanwhile were made and answered by means of some secret code that birds and animals understand. The plan was matured in silence.

  “Good-night, Mother,” said Judy innocently, a few moments later, stepping up and kissing her.

  “Good-night,” said Tim gravely, doing likewise.

  Maria kissed, but said no word at all. They did not linger, as their custom was, to cuddle in or hear a fairy story. To-night they were good and businesslike.

  “Good-night, duckies,” said Mother, glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece. “It’s not quite bed-time yet, but it’s been a long day, and you’re tired out. I shall be up presently to hear your prayers and tuck you up. And, Judy, you might tell Jackman—”

  But the room was empty, the children vanished. The door banged softly, cutting off the sentence in its middle, and Mother resumed her knitting, smiling quietly to herself. And in the hall outside Come-Back Stumper was discovered, warming his Army back before the open fire of blazing logs. He looked like a cart-horse, the shadows made him spread so. Maria pushed him to one side. She pushed, at least, but he did not move exactly. Yet somehow, by a kind of sidling process, he took up a new position in regard to the fire and themselves, the result of which was that they occupied the best places, while he stood at one corner in an attitude which resisted attack and yet invited it.

  “Good-evening,” remarked Maria; “are you warm?”

  “Oh, no,” exclaimed Tim, “that’s not it at all. The thing is, shall we play hide-and-seek, or would you really rather go to bed, as Mother said, and have dinner and hot drinks?”

  “Nonsense,” cried Judy with authority. “He’s got an awful cold, and he’s got to go to bed at once. He’s shivering all over. It’s Nindian fever.”

  “No, really, really—” began Stumper, but was not allowed to finish.

  “Thin captain biscuits soaked in hot milk with ginger, nutmeg, lemon, and whisky,” announced Judy, “would be best.” And she shot towards the door, her hair untied and flying.

  “But, my dear, I assure you—”

  “Or Bath Olivers,” she interrupted, “because they soak better. You know nothing,” she added motheringly; “no man ever does.” There was contempt in her voice as well as pity.

  “Why do you know nothing?” inquired Maria, with a blaze of staring eyes, as the door slammed upon her vanishing sister.

  “I think you know everything,” said Tim with pride, decidedly, “only you’ve forgotten it in India. I think it’s silly.”

  “The milk and stuff?” agreed the soldier. “Yes, so do I. And I hate biscuits, and ginger makes me hot and ill—”

  “Iller than you are already?” asked Maria, “because that means bed.”

  “Maria,” he snapped angrily, “I’m not ill at all. If you go on saying

  I’m ill, of course I shall get ill. I never felt better in my life.”

  Tim turned round like a top. “Then let’s play hide-and-seek,” he cried.

  “Let’s hide before Judy gets back, and she can come and never find us!”

  Cousin William suggested they were not enough to play that game, and was of opinion that Aunt Emily might be invited too.

  “Oh, no,” Tim gave his decided verdict, “not women. They can’t hide properly. They bulge.”

  And at that moment Judy appeared in the doorway across the hall.

  “It’s coming,” she cried. “I’ve ordered everything—hot milk and Bath

  Olivers and preserved ginger and—”

  Cousin William took the matter into his own hands then, for the situation was growing desperate. “Look here,” he suggested gravely, yet without enthusiasm, “I’ll take the milk and stuff upstairs when I’ve got into bed, and meanwhile we’ll do something else. I’m—that is, my cold is too bad to play a game, but I’ll tell you a story about—er—ab
out a tiger—if you like?” The last three words were added as a question. An answer, however, was not immediately forthcoming. For the moment was a grave one. It was admitted that Come-Back Stumper could play a game with credit and success, even an active game like hide-and-seek; but it was not known yet that he could tell a story. The fate of the evening, therefore, hung upon the decision.

  “A tiger!” said Tim, doubtfully, weighing probabilities. “A tiger you shot, was it, or just—a tiger?” A sign, half shadow and half pout, was in his face. Maria and Judy waited upon their brother’s decision with absolute confidence, meanwhile.

  Colonel Stumper moved artfully backwards towards a big horsehair sofa, beneath the deer heads and assegais from Zululand. He did it on tiptoe, aware that this mysterious and suggestive way of walking has a marked effect on children in the dark. “I did not shoot it,” he said, “because I lived with it. It was the most extraordinary tiger that was ever known—”

  “In India?”

  “In the world. And I ought to know, because, as I say, I lived with it for days—”

  “Inside it?”

  “Nearly, but not quite. I lived in its cave with the cubs and other things, half-eaten deer and cows and the bones of Hindus—”

  “Were the bones black? However did you escape? Why didn’t the tiger eat you?”

  He drew the children closely round him on the sofa. “I’ll tell you,” he said, “for this is an inaugural occasion, and I’ve never told the story before to any one in the world. The experience was incredible, and no one would believe it. But the proof that it really happened is that the tiger has left its mark upon me till I die—”

  “But you haven’t died—yet, I mean,” Maria observed.

  “He means teeth, silly,” Tim squelched her.

  “Died in another sense than the one you mean,” the great soldier and former administrator of a province continued, “dyed yellow—”