SCHIZOMEGA: Zombies Made in the U.S.A. (Ian McDermott Paranormal Investigator series Book 3)

by David Aslin

  “GODDAMN! DAMN-MAN you-za a goddamn one man army. Who is you anyhow? Man, you like, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, and Mohamed Ali, all in one mother fucker, damn!”

  A voice came from behind them. His name is, E. Formerly of her Majesty’s Secret Service.” Ian blurted out, completely out of breath.

  Emilio looked at Ian, then at the blood soaked E, “You mean like…?” Jamal interrupted, “Like James fucking Bond. Da man got skills. Even got that, that accent. You’re a goddamn secret agent-man. Licensed to fuck shit up and shit.” Jamal smiled as he looked around at all of the now very dead that lay nearly all around their feet.

  E turned towards Ian, “What kept you?” Ian with his hands on his hips still gazing at the carnage from the aftermath of E’s actions slowly replied, “Well, I had some trouble of my own. Suffice it to say, never get caught with your pants down, especially around this place.” After a second of silence all four men laughed nervously at the thought. E looked at Ian and slapped his hand on his shoulder, “The fact that you’re here in one piece means everything must have come out okay.” Ian shook his head side to side as he smirked at what for E was a major attempt at tension alleviating levity.

  “One question agent man, why’d you go all Bruce Lee anyhow? You got that gun.” Jamal pointed at E’s holstered pistol as he spoke. E replied, “Ammunition, got to conserve ammunition whenever possible. This dozen or so isn’t anything. We haven’t faced anything really, not yet!” Jamal’s face flushed at the very thought that, this hadn’t been anything by comparison to what they might soon be facing. Emilio rapidly crossed himself as he uttered something in Spanish. The other men didn’t need to know the exact meaning of his utterance. They understood the sentiment clear enough. They had a long way to go to get out of the place; which housed hundreds of inmates and dozens of staff.

  “Now, let’s get back on task. Let’s go through that doorway into that room.” E pointed towards the room with the trespassers warning sign. “I doubt if there’s any more zom’s in there.” E said as he counted to himself all the diseased dead that he’d boot stomped.

  “E?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m starting to rethink my theory on these things, the zom’s. Maybe they really are walking dead. I mean, the one that nearly got me in the bathroom, I’d would’ve swore he was dead when I first saw him.” Ian said sheepishly.

  “What we see isn’t always the truth, or, the facts. Dead is dead.” E replied rather blankly.

  Ian scratched his head then breathily replied, “If you say so. By the way, E.”

  “Yeah?” he replied starkly as he continued panning his eyes all around.

  “Holy shit, you, you yourself are a weapon of mass zombie destruction!” Ian said confidently.

  E quickly replied, “Yeah, maybe, so far anyway. Just don’t get over confident in yourselves, or me. We may yet get our collective arse’s chewed off.”

  Ian interjected, “Should this super-spy, bodyguard thing, stop working for you. You really should consider becoming say a, motivational speaker?”

  E paused and shook his head as he replied, “Not a bad idea, Ian. A career change to something a bit more exciting, might just be the ticket! Motivational speaker you say? How about this for motivation, get your arse in gear or I’ll chew it off myself!”

  CHAPTER 20

  PAY BACK

  “There it is! It’s right over there!” Ian excitedly exclaimed too loud to maintain any level of stealth, as he pointed in the direction of the room that housed the weapons locker.

  Despite Ian’s auditory indiscretion E smiled.

  Ian was the first of the men to walk through the door directly up to the locker. “Damn it! We don’t have the key and this things locked up as tight as Fort Knox.” He exclaimed while staring at the vault style gun lock-up.

  Both Jamal and Emilio lowered their heads and sighed at the sight of the top security safe.

  Ian smiled as he turned towards E, “You’ve got plastic explosives… right?”

  E nodded in agreement, but then held his chin as he stared intensely at the safe.

  “A blast sufficient to open this thing will have every zom in this hell hole down on us in minutes. That is if they didn’t hear you already.” E glared at Ian before continuing, “I’m going to try and crack it.”

  “Why you two continue to call ‘em Z’s is beyond me. What’s that some kind of government code name?”

  Jamal looked directly at Emilio. “These two guys is no more than a cleanup crew for one of dem black as my ass op things I hear’d ‘bout. I’m telling y’all now, this nigger ain’t gonna get his black ass chewed off ta help no government cover up. No sir, not today!”

  Emilio interrupted, “I got me a wife and little baby.”

  E stared first at Jamal and then at Emilio, “We’re here as a rescue team. Ian and I know nothing of what’s behind all of this. Now, you can choose to take your chances and go your own way, or…” Ian interjected, “You both have seen just a little regarding E here’s abilities. You really don’t want to try it alone do you? How far without E, without us, do you think you’ll get? As far as your black ass goes,” Ian stared directly at Jamal, “I’m pretty sure those things out there, whether you call them zom’s, zombies, or crazy cannibals I’d say it’s a pretty good bet they enjoy dark meat as much as white.”

  Jamal grinned, “Yeah, I’m guess’n you right about that. I’m just say’n, we need to start calling, as you say in your white-bread world, a spade a spade. If’n it look like a zombie, walk like a zombie, and want to eat your brains along with everythin’ else…”

  Emilio spoke up, “Si, Jamal is right. They’re muerto en vida, zombies man, plain and simple.”

  E walked up to the gun locker and took hold of the safes combination dial in his right hand. He placed his left ear up against the safe just above the dial and began slowly turning the dial. Back and forth he slowly spun the dial clockwise, counterclockwise, clockwise, then he backed away slightly from the locker, took hold of the safes handle and pulled upwards. All present heard the bolts give way and the large safe-style door squelched a little as E opened it wide. They all spotted the treasure they’d hoped it contained, and it did, it was full of a cache of assault-style automatic rifles and other necessities for prison riot control.

  “Jackpot!” Jamal exclaimed as he gazed into the weapons vault.

  “Okay, take whatever you think you can carry and handle, weapon and ammo wise. Make sure your mag is properly in place and don‘t over spend your ammunition. Know where your safety’s located ladies, and be able to quickly disengage them to engage the enemy without delay. These M4 assault rifles have a select fire feature. Dial your weapon for three round bursts. Now, as far as your debate on what to call these decrepit souls, I personally don’t give a shite. Maybe they are more zombie than they are not. But regardless of what you want to refer to them as, make no mistake, man or women, should you hesitate to kill one, I assure you they will not hesitate to do far worse to you before you die. Understood!” The three men nodded their heads unanimously to E’s words.

  “All right then, I want you guys to waste as many of these flesh eating fuckers, these ’zombies’ as you can, while working on getting the hell out of this place. Me, I’ve got to back track alone for a bit. Don’t worry, I’ll catch back up with all of you. I’m going to rig some explosives in the boiler room downstairs.” E exclaimed very matter of fact.

  Jamal looked at Emilio, “There goes any chance of getting our jobs back when this all blows over.”

  Emilio replied, “It was a shit job, in a shit hole, anyway.”

  Jamal laughed as he shook his head, “Yeah, si to dat my brother.”

  All four men looked like they were ready to invade a small country when they left the room and re-entered the prison’s main hallway.

  As stealthy and quick as an alley cat, E went back to the cell block. Moments later the three men heard the faint high pitched air-gun sound of E’s
silencer fire twice in rapid succession.

  Without uttering a word amongst themselves, all three men quickly surmised that E had just put down the two men both most likely zombies now. Men he’d not an hour earlier incarcerated together in a locked cell.

  The lights once again began to flicker off and on as the storm continued to rage outside the fortress walls. Ian feared more than anything that the lights would go off and there’d be no E with his naturally unnatural night sight to rely on. Ian wondered how much more it would take. How many more near supernatural things performed by E would it take for them to realize that he was much more than merely a top trained operative?

  “Okay, let’s keep moving. That’s the right direction to get the hell out of this place isn’t it?” Ian hadn’t even asked that most basic of questions until now. Both men nodded that they were in fact heading in the right direction.

  “If we keep on this course we’ll end up passing through the employee cafeteria and then it’s just a couple more doorways until we get to the main gate, the main doors outa here.” Jamal said with confidence.

  “Great! All right then, let’s move quickly and quietly, be cautious and we don’t separate, understand?” Ian tried to sound commandingly confident like, E.

  Emilio interjected, “What ‘bout agent man?”

  “Don’t worry about, E as you saw, he can more than take care of himself; he’ll be back, he’ll catch up with us soon enough.”

  “I weren’t worrying ‘bout agent man. Was worrying ‘bout us without ‘em.”

  Jamal smiled as he spoke up, “Amen to dat! Like I said befow’, agent man’s got skills!”

  “Wait, don’t we need, like silver bullets?” Emilio interjected.

  “Dat’s for werewolves fool.” Jamal fired back.

  “What about holy water and, and maybe crosses don’t we need…?”

  “That’s for, vampires! And Jamal’s right about the silver bullets. None of that stuff helps with what we’re dealing with.” Ian said almost smugly.

  “What makes you an expert on these things?” Emilio asked.

  “Well, I’ve had experience with more than my share of, never mind, just trust me, all we need is what we’ve got now, plenty of fire-power.” Ian acting somewhat irritated by all of Emilio’s questions. Especially since he himself with all of his real life experience in dealing with the supernatural and paranormal, wasn’t absolutely certain that even as heavily armed as they now were, they were going to be equipped enough to handle all of what they may still encounter.

  “Anyway, you heard what E said. We’re to continue moving towards getting out of this place. He’ll catch up to us easy enough.” Ian said while he motioned with his right arm for them to start moving ahead.

  Jamal and Emilio followed Ian’s lead. The three men began making their way up the large hallway, heading to the employee commissary.

  Just when Ian thought that maybe it might be smooth sailing, he heard the now all too familiar hissing, gurgling and moaning sounds of the terminally zombified.

  Even with the echoes created by the prisons solid stone walls, the sounds of the walking corpses was coming from far up ahead beyond the doorway that opened to the cafeteria. The grotesque sounding moans and groans were increasing in volume and intensity by the moment.

  Quietly Jamal uttered, “Damn, it be like they can smell us.”

  Ian began silently contemplating whether that could actually be the case, Perhaps they can smell us. Maybe a side effect of their condition is at least for a short time, elevated primal sensitivities.

  Emilio spoke in little more than a whisper, “Man, I sure hope agent man gets here fast. Can you call him?”

  Ian shook his head no. “For right now anyway, we’re on our own. If we end up tits deep in zoms , zombies, conserve your ammo. Keep your weapons selected to fire short controlled bursts.” Ian tried to sound like he knew what he was talking about. The truth was, he just told them was a line he’d once heard in a movie. That, and he remembered that E had said their weapons had a selective fire feature.

  All three men were packing M4 Carbines. Ian was additionally carrying two handguns, a 9mm and his .32 caliber Beretta pistol that was strapped to his ankle. Ian couldn’t help silently musing regarding what they must look like, A black man, a Mexican, and an Irish Catholic guy all carrying machine guns, walk into a bar.

  Ian shouldered his rifle. He preferred the more familiar feeling and weight in his hand of his 9mm handgun. He knew it wasn’t near as accurate as a rifle at a distance but he was confident that he knew how to use it. He’d already successfully used his .32 in self-defense back in the men’s room.

  At least one if not all three of the men should have heard the noise behind them. They should have at least heard the door behind them slide open and close. They should have but unfortunately their attentions were fully focused on the overwhelming noise being created just beyond the doorway at the end of the hallway dead ahead of them.

  Emilio finally, did hear something, something that was dangerously close, like maybe right behind him. Shudders crawled up and down his spine as he turned around in a jerk. But, as fast as his near instantaneous turn was, it was one instant too late. All he saw was the shark-like rolled back, blood and puss filled, yellowy green eyes, and a mouth opened wide. Emilio shrieked and wailed as this was a fast moving and very ambulatory, middle aged women in a nurses uniform, ferociously attacked him. A nurse yet to show the signs of much decay, whose present bed side manor would assuredly label her as a true, cougar. A real, man-eater.

  Emilio managed to knock her back with the non-business end of his rifle. Before he could recover enough composure to level his weapon on her though, Jamal had already fired a three round burst, just as instructed, directly at her once blond head; resulting in nearly detaching her head from her shoulders. Thick, dark, tar-like blood, bone fragments and rancid smelling, rotting brain matter were splattered all over the hallway and the walls. Black bloody ooze continued pumping and spewing from her nearly decapitated neck, keeping time with her pounding heart that had yet to realize that she was supposed to be dead. All three men heard tendons snap and knees break when she collapsed to the floor, legs and torso folded backwards into an unnatural position that only the very young, or perhaps a yoga instructor could ever hope to pull off, or ever fully recover from.

  Emilio grabbed franticly at the side of his neck that was now gushing blood. Ian quickly slid down his jumpsuit and removed his t-shirt that he wore beneath. He ran over to Emilio as he began tearing at and shredding the t-shirt into separate good size pieces. Emilio was panic stricken, “Oh God … Oh Jesus … I’m going to die!”

  Ian dropped the three section shredded shirt to the floor. He took hold of Emilio by the shoulders, looked intensely into his eyes as he commandingly exclaimed, “You’re not going to bleed to death. She missed the main artery. It’s a nasty bite, but it could have been much worse, understand?” Emilio nodded his head that he understood.

  Ian bent down and picked up from the floor one of the shirt sections, “Hold this tight against your neck. No doubt there’s a first aid kit back at the guard station.” Ian pointed back at the guard station which was no more than forty yards away. Emilio in shock plopped to the floor holding the rag to his neck.

  Ian took off running towards the guard station as fast as he could run. Once inside the small room it was just as he suspected, there was a first aid kit mounted on the wall in plain view. Ian opened the kit and removed from it gauze wrap, surgical tape and a bottle of antiseptic. He then without hesitating to even check if the coast was clear headed out racing back towards Emilio.

  Jamal stood above Emilio with his rifle in ready-fire position. Emilio was rocking and reeling more from shock and panic, than from the terrific pain he was in.

  “What, what the, what the hell you think you’re gonna do?” Ian nearly out of breath managed to still say in a stern voice as he glared into Jamal’s wild eyes.

  “He’s
gonna turn man. Into one dem.” Jamal pointed with the business end of his rifle towards the now very dead nurse.

  Boldly Ian pushed the barrel of Jamal’s rifle away from pointing at Emilio’s head. “We don’t know that for certain. Right now all I see is a human being in need of our help. Do you see anything different?” Jamal took a couple of deep breaths. He rolled his eyes then replied, “All right. Okay. Maybe, maybe you’re right. But if he even looks at me like I’m prime rib I swear to god I’ll …”

  Ian dropped to his knees and pulled Emilio’s hand away from its grasp on the bloody rag that covered his wound. The wound was still bleeding but not to any life threatening extent. Ian could see clearly the human teeth marks on the side of Emilio’s neck that left a near perfect deep denture impression. Ian picked up from the floor one of the two unused sections of t-shirt he poured some antiseptic on the rag and begun cleaning Emilio’s wound. Ian then used the last section of his old t-shirt to dry the wounded area as best he could. He then bandaged the bite with gauze and taped the gauze down with the fibrous surgical tape.

  Ian then stood up, bent over, and helped Emilio back up onto his feet.

  Emilio, teary-eyed, looked into Ian’s eyes and managed a thin smile. He then nodded, indicating his appreciation and that he was ready to continue their trek.

  Jamal said nothing, but continued to look suspiciously at Emilio as the three men started walking the great hallway towards the doorway of the cafeteria.

  Once again the lights began to flicker on and off. No longer was there even a second that separated the lightning flashes and the thunder booms. The lighting flash-illuminated the grand hallway from barred windows located twenty feet above their heads. Further complicating their desperate situation, Ian shuttered at the realization that the once tropical storm, was now a full on, hurricane.