Walk the Line (Kings of Chaos Book 5)

by Shyla Colt

  “I plan on it. You need me for anything else?”

  “Nah get out of here.”

  I stand and walk to the doorway. I freeze. The one thing about growing a conscience is the inability to silence that tiny nagging voice inside that wants you to do things for other people.

  “When you feel that pull toward a woman, it’s best not to ignore it. ‘Cause there’s nothing worse than regret, and for what it’s worth. I think it’s mutual.” I walk out before he can comment. What are you doing to me, Blanche? Used to be a time when I minded my own business just fine.

  Chapter Nine

  Blanche

  Crawling back to someone on your hands and knees is never a fun experience. I smooth the invisible wrinkles out of my crisp black pants and toy with the button on the sleeve of my pink blazer. I kept things business casual, but we’re both aware of what this lunch is really about. I haven’t talked to Lisa much since I retired. Calling her out of the blue isn’t normal or taken as a social request by either of us. I spot the tall blonde with bright blue eyes coming inside Pat and Oscar’s and wave. She grins widely, and I admire her. The years have been kind. Her frame is lithe, in her blue jeans and white tank top, and her heart-shaped face looks ten years younger than the forties we’ve just entered.

  I stand, and she hugs me tightly.

  “I was so happy when you called. I wanted to reach out to you for months, but I wasn’t sure how well I’d be received. We aren’t as close as we used to be and people can be rubberneckers in the face of tragedy.”

  “I’d never think that about you, Lisa. You’ve always had a huge heart.” We part and take a seat.

  “So. How are you?”

  “I’m good, and getting better every day.”

  “How’s Whitney?”

  “She’s fabulous actually. She started college in Virginia, and she loves the change of pace, her roomie, and her core classes.”

  “That’s excellent, but hard. Emmy started college last year, and I’d like to have died. Never mind that’s she’s just in Santa Barbara. The distance can’t be easy.”

  “Yes and no. I’m glad she’s away from the craziness that descended and in a new environment that’ll allow her a fresh start. Of course, I miss her horribly.”

  Lisa reaches across the table to squeeze my hand. “Parenting doesn’t get easier. It just gets different.”

  “Amen to that.”

  “Are you ready to order?” she asks.

  “Yes. I’m starving.”

  We stand and make our way into line to order and grab our drinks. Fast, delicious, and affordable, Pat and Oscar’s was always one of our favorite lunch spots when we worked together. Fifteen minutes were seated with our food.

  “Catch me up on what’s, going on in your life.”

  “The rehabilitation center is doing really well. We’ve moved since you saw it last. I can’t wait to have you by to see it. It’s larger, and we’ve got a great crew working. You know how important that is.”

  “Yes, I do.” I nod. The staff can make or a break a place.

  “How’s Bill?” I ask thinking of her husband.

  “Really well. His investment business is coasting along, and with the kids gone, we actually take weekends away. Huge for two workaholics.”

  “It is, but god, you guys deserve it. You worked so hard getting your businesses off the ground.”

  “I know there were years there it was tight, you remember.”

  “I do, but just like I told you then it was worth it and it worked out.”

  She sighs. “God, I’ve missed you.”

  “Me too. I’m sorry we lost touch.” I shake my head.

  “We’ve always been able to pick up where we left off. There’s no reason why we can’t do it again.”

  I smile. “You’re right.”

  “I know you sold the house. Where are you now?”

  “I’m at an apartment downtown. I didn’t want to try to get a house or even a condo when I had no clue what I wanted to do long term.”

  “I don’t blame you. Buying and selling property here is a nightmare,” Lisa says.

  “Girl. Yes, it is.”

  “What are you up to now with Whit gone?”

  “That’s part of why I asked you to lunch. I want to get back into the field.”

  Her eyes light. “God, I was hoping you’d be open to that. I need someone I can trust to take over for a therapist that I have leaving to do outpatient freelance work.”

  “Do you really?” I whisper.

  She nods. “It’s only part time so if you need money—”

  “Oh, honey, no. I just— I want to return to my passion. All my credentials are up to date. I’ve been brushing up on all the rules. I just. I need a chance.”

  “You’ve got one.”

  “Are you. Are you serious, Lisa?”

  “Would I kid about this?”

  “No.” I laugh as I struggle to contain my tears.

  “I’ll want you to shadow her and do some on the job training, and a trial period. I won’t show you any favoritism because we’re old friends.”

  “And I wouldn’t expect you to, Lisa. I appreciate you giving me the chance to prove myself.”

  “I didn’t think so, but I wanted to put it out there. I think you’d fit in so well at the Spinal Cord Injury Center.”

  “You know I work well with all types of personalities.”

  “I do. Can you start in a week?”

  “Yes.”

  My heart is full. My daughter is happy and thriving, I have a man I love who treats me better than I can remember being treated, and now I’m returning to the career field I love. Things are slowly starting to look up. I lost sight of who I was and what I wanted for a long time. That’s over now.

  “You just made my year.”

  “Well, you saved me a lot of scrambling to find a replacement. I think fate stepped in on this one.”

  “I think so,” I reply with a smile. It’s about time life dealt me a better hand.

  ***

  I bring the phone to my ear as I reenter my apartment.

  “Hey, honey, how are you?”

  “I’m good, Mama. Just calling to check in.”

  “Well, you have perfect timing. Guess who goes back to work next week.”

  She screams, and I hold the phone away from my ear and laugh.

  “I’m the one who’s supposed to be excited,” I say as I close the door behind me and lock it.

  “Mom this great! Ahhh. I knew you could do it. Where are you working? What will you be doing?”

  “I’ll be working at Lisa’s physical therapy center, replacing a therapist who’s leaving to work freelance. It’s only part-time, but that’s perfect for me re-starting. They specialize in spinal cord injuries, so I’ll be focusing on brushing up in that area. I’m looking forward to the challenge.”

  “Mom you are going to kick ass.”

  “I’m going to do my best.”

  “You have to celebrate.”

  “I will.”

  “No, I’m serious. Get pretty and have Jagger take you out somewhere.”

  I smile at her mention of my boyfriend. “If that’s your way of asking how thing are going between us, they’re great. He’s pretty amazing.”

  “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

  “You’re sweet. How’s school?”

  “So far, so good, but ask me once we have our first round of finals.”

  I laugh. “You’ve always been great at test taking.”

  “I know, but this is not high school. Things are even more fast-paced, and there’s a lot to juggle. I didn’t realize how much I took for granted like your meals, a washer and dryer in my home, and a mom who didn’t mind helping me out when I got swamped
.”

  I smile as I listen to her share growing pains. “It is a big adjustment. Give yourself a little more time, and it’ll seem like second nature. Other than that are you alright?”

  “I am. I think this was the right place for me.”

  We continue to catch up as I start dinner for me and Jagger. He’s over my place more than not, and he calls me if he won’t be coming home. Home. Funny how he’s become including in that thought. The intensity between us has increased since the night of our first fight. I did some research on relationships with people who grew up in foster care. They often deal with their experiences in one of two ways. One, they keep others at a distance, or two, they almost smoother them with their need to be around them, be the focus of their attention, etc. It’s an issue that leads to problems later in life. Everyone is different, but this was a recurring theme. I’d say Jagger hovers in the middle.

  I know it’s his habit to hold people at bay, but it’s never been the way he acted with me. I worry that one day he’ll revert to his old behaviors. But I refuse to borrow trouble. We’ll continue to take things as they come.

  “I should go, Mom. I have a group project meeting soon.”

  “Okay, baby. It was good talking to you. Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will. I love you, Mom.”

  “Love you too.”

  When the phone rings a few minutes later, I laugh. She must’ve forgotten to tell me something. The number flashing on the screen sucks the joy out of me. It’s Detective Russel. I want to ignore him, but I don’t make a habit of being stupid.

  “Hello?”

  “Mrs. Birling?”

  “Yes.”

  “I wanted to let you know that lead we had ended up being a false alarm. We chased it down until it deadened.”

  “So, he- he’s not in town?”

  “Not to the best of our knowledge.”

  “O-Okay. Thank you, Detective Russel.”

  The words loosen the worry about Brooks popping up. The man isn’t coming back here. He has no reason to. The risks of getting caught must out weight his chance at a second shot at me, if that’s even what he’d want. I can’t live my life in fear of what may happen. I have too many good things to focus on now.

  I finish prepping the lasagna and pop it into the oven as I move to the bedroom to change into casual clothing. I pause in the bedroom and marvel at how ours it’s become. His cologne, comb, and ponytail holders join my perfume and bobby pins on the dresser. The bed set is now a gray and white plaid set we both agreed on. My closet and drawers are crammed with his things added to my own, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I change into blue jean shorts, and a tank top, and head back to open a beer.

  I have a salad chopped, Garlic bread in the oven, and two beers down when the door opens.

  “You’re looking at the newest member of The Kings of Chaos San Mateo Charter, baby. It’s official. This is home.”

  The words slam into me, and I scream as I run toward him. He lifts me off the ground, and I wind my limbs tight as if I could anchor us both to this moment in time. I cover his mouth with mine and share my joy with tongue and lips. He holds me under my ass and slants his mouth over mine, deepening our kiss. He’s all I can taste and breathe as we celebrate. We part for air, and I laugh.

  “Welcome, home.”

  He kicks the door shut, and spins me to lock it with one hand while continuing to support me. I trail my fingers down his biceps, admiring the flex of muscles.

  “We got a party to go to tonight to celebrate.”

  “Wait, tonight?”

  “It’s tradition.”

  “Okay.” My stomach flips. I’ve been to smaller events, Baby showers, family days, and the like, but I’ve never seen the club in all its glory. “Guess who starts her new job in a week.”

  He lets out a whoop and spins us around until he plops down on the couch with me in his lap. “Congratulations, B. I knew you could do it,” he whispers softly.

  “Thank you, J,” I whisper as I cup his face. I love that I’m the only one who gets to see this fierce warrior so laid back and open. His lips quirk upward.

  “Only you could get away with that.”

  “I know. Why do you think I gave you the nickname? I like being special to you.”

  He clears his throat. “Speaking of that. I want to ask you something important.”

  He grips my hips, and I straddle him, adjusting to get more comfortable.

  “Oh?”

  “Will you be my Old Lady?”

  “D-Didn’t you tell me that was like marriage to you?”

  “I did.”

  “Jagger.”

  He covers my lips with his finger. “I’m not letting you get away. I can’t.” He shakes his head and looks over my shoulder. “You. I.” He growls in frustration, unable to articulate himself.

  I toy with his goatee. “Take your time, J. I’m here.”

  “I want the world to know you’re mine. I want you to wear my mark. This. What we’re doing isn’t enough for me. I need more, and you deserve more.”

  “I want that with you, some day, but I—” I take a deep breath as my brain starts to race. My body heats and my heart begins to race. “It’s so soon.”

  “It’s right, B. We can both feel that.”

  “I’m not saying no., Just that I need. I need more time. I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but after everything, I went through. I can’t. Not yet.”

  His shoulders slump. “You’re worth waiting for, Blanche, but sooner rather than later, I’m going to get a yes about this.”

  “Maybe, but not tonight.”

  “We’re still celebrating tonight. Pack a bag for the bike.”

  Just like that, the cloud lifts, and, we’re back to being happy. I’m not used to a man who doesn’t hold my disappointments over my head. In many ways, this relationship is showing me how much my marriage lacked. It hadn’t always been that way. We had a good run. Then the past five years happened. I place the memories in a box and slam it shut. He won’t intrude on my night.

  “Okay.” I scramble off his lap and commence to scour the closet for the right outfit. “Take the garlic bread out when the timer beeps please,” I call.

  He never failed to amaze me with his willingness to pitch in and help wherever I needed. He’d be a good father. The thought zipped in from left field and caught me off guard. Whoa. I shake my head to clear it and return to packing. Tonight things get real.

  ***

  My stomach clenches as we pull into the parking lot and he shuts off the engine. I hop off and try not to let my nervousness show. I ended up wearing a pair of skinny black jeans I paired with a black lace and mesh bodysuit that shows pops of skin without revealing too much. I wore my boots for the ride, but the killer pair of stilettos in his saddle bag should elevate the outfit to the next level. I don’t want to be overdressed, but I need to represent my man well tonight. He’s going to be in the spotlight, and I want to shine beside him. The desire to make him proud of me is as fierce as a fire-breathing dragon.

  We come from different worlds. He’s gone above and beyond, pushing boundaries, and stretching himself to fit with me. Tonight, I return the favor. He removes his saddle bags, slings them over his shoulders, and we head for the club. I’m used to the detachment he tends to display when we’re with the club. He’s more reserved and dominant. In some ways, it’s a turn on. My man may be patient, but I know he likes to be in control. After all the work we’ve put in, I don’t mind following his lead. It’s a relief to let go, and exist.

  I stay a few steps behind, allowing him to lead the way through the crowd as I take it all in. Rock blares from speakers, and the smell of smoke permeates the air inside. Scantily clad women hang off tough men. I smile and wave at the familiar faces of the women I’ve met. It ta
kes away some of the apprehension built up in my chest. The club is his life. If I’m not accepted, it’s a death sentence and a start down the road of resentment.

  “It’s the man we’ve been waiting for!” Stone yells. He sweeps Freeze toward him and clamps his back. “You ready to get your patches?”

  “Hell yeah, Prez.”

  “Drop your shit off, and come and become one of us, brother.” Stone nods to me.

  I smile and return the gesture. The large older man intimidates me. He has a shrewdness about him. When he settles his gaze upon you, you can feel him sizing you up. It’s a good quality for a leader to have. It doesn’t make it any less unsettling. The sea of broad-shouldered men surround us, making my five-foot-eight inches makes me feel really short. I move closer to Jagger silently seeking comfort. Freeze. He’s Freeze tonight.

  He unlocks his door, and we step inside where I quickly unpack my things and switch over my shoes.

  “You doing okay, B?”

  “I’m good. Tonight is your night. You don’t get to worry about me.”

  “I will always worry about you. It’s my job.”

  I cup his face and smile. And that is why I fell for you, despite my misgivings about men.

  “I’m ready when you are,” I say after I buckle my ankle strap.

  “Then let me show you how Chaos parties.”

  He twines our fingers as we head back into the throng of people. Whistles and heckling fill the air as we return to Stone. He shrugs off his cut and hands it to me to hold.

  “Today we accept our brother, Freeze into our chapter. We’ve been after your crazy ass for years now. Glad you finally decided to settle off the road with us.” Stone hands over his patches. They exchange a manly hug. “You ready to add your new patches, brother?”

  Freeze nods. “Time to go to church,” I hand him his cut as the men head into the meeting room known as the chapel. Forlorn I search the faces for someone I know. Dixie Rose waves at me, and I make a beeline for her.

  “Hey girl,” she says giving me a hug.

  “Hey. How’s your new job?”

  “I love it. I didn’t realize how much I missed working with children until the first day back in a school. Doing work with teens is so rewarding. You can see the people they’re going to be starting to emerge and take shape.”