Private Vows

by Sally C. Berneathy

  Jessica shuddered as she recalled the events of the morning. “You were definitely on target on that one.”

  He grimaced. “I was getting a little frantic by the time I finally found the address for that condo. It’s in the name of one of his father’s companies, so it took me a while. In the meantime, I found the tracking device under the wheel well of my car and realized how he’d located my house.”

  “He saw us putting up those posters then followed us to the restaurant and put that tracker on your car while we were eating. He discovered your alarm code through his access to police computers.”

  Cole nodded grimly. “I figured as much. I don’t care how much influence his father has, that shouldn’t be allowed to happen. Some heads are gonna roll over that one.”

  “I hope so. I can’t tell you how helpless it made me feel when even the police didn’t believe me. I met Geoffrey in March, and by the time the school term ended, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I went to my parents’ house in the country to try to escape, but of course he followed me. Gave me some drugged coffee, and when I woke up, I was in the back of his van, handcuffed to one of the seats, heading for Dallas.” She lifted her arms, exposing the fading bruises on her wrists. “That’s why I didn’t want to get into the ambulance. It reminded me too much of that van.”

  He took both her hands in one of his and gently stroked the bruises. “It’s a miracle you managed to escape.”

  “When we got to the condo, he took off the cuffs so I could try on the wedding gown. By that time, I was pretty hysterical, crying and begging him to let me go. I told him I couldn’t marry him, that I didn’t love him. That made him furious, and he hit me.” Her fingers closed around Cole’s. “I started backing away from him, from the living room into the kitchen, and I saw those knives on the counter. I just meant to scare him, but he grabbed me and I—” She swallowed hard, picked up her soda from the coffee table and took a long drink. “I stabbed him and ran away,” she finished. “I didn’t know if he was chasing me or if I’d killed him. I just knew I had to get away.”

  “No wonder you didn’t want to remember your past.” Cole’s rugged features softened as he spoke. She loved that about him, that he was strong enough to be gentle.

  Her gaze swept over his wide chest, the muscular arms protruding from the rolled-up denim sleeves, his big hands holding hers, the knuckles of the right one scraped from the punch he gave Geoffrey. Cole was a strong man on every level.

  “Beyond teaching me how to defend myself physically, you gave me the courage to face that past,” she said.

  He smiled and lifted one hand to trace a finger along her chin. “You always had courage. I saw it that first night. You were terrified but you still had the guts to stand up for yourself, to refuse to get into that ambulance, to make up that awful lie about your name being Mary Jackson and your address being 1492 Main Street.”

  She laughed. “I’ve never been any good at lying.”

  “Neither have I.” Cole was suddenly serious. “Well, except to myself. I punished myself for years because I wasn’t able to take care of Angela and Billy. I quit a job I loved because I thought I was a failure.”

  “You weren’t a failure! You helped me. Angela had problems that were beyond your control.”

  “I know. I realized that as I saw you getting stronger and more independent every day. When you told me about the voices in your room, I thought I was wrong, that I’d failed you, too. But then I found the microphones and knew I hadn’t. You helped me more than I helped you.” He set his feet on the floor and turned to her, his gaze intense but translucent. She could see all the way to his soul, and the demons were gone. “I’m going back to work as a cop,” he said.

  “Cole, that’s wonderful! You’ll be much happier, and Dallas will be much safer. I’m so glad you’ve finally accepted that you really are a capable person.”

  “It’s taken a while to get there. When Pete called to say that Sloan had come to claim you, I thought I didn’t have any choice except to let you go with him. I even thought I was doing you a favor, getting you away from me, a man who couldn’t take care of you.”

  “I can take care of myself,” she said stiffly. Did he not understand that she was no longer a helpless amnesiac?

  “I know you can.” He took her soda from her and set it on the table, then clasped her hands in his. “But even before I knew that, even before I found those microphones and realized you could be in danger, sometime in the middle of one of the darkest nights I’ve ever lived through, I made up my mind to go after you, to fight for you.”

  The green streaks were back in his dark eyes, a promise of spring, of new life, and Jessica sucked in a quick breath at the intensity of that promise.

  “I love you, Mary,” he said simply.

  The words flowed over her, bringing light and sunshine into her heart and soul, and she wanted desperately to accept them, but he’d called her Mary.

  “I’m not Mary anymore. I’m Jessica. I have twenty-six years of memories and hang-ups and habits. I’ve changed so much over the last few days, I’m not even sure who I am.”

  “I’m sure. You’re the woman I love no matter what your name is or how many memories you have. I love everything about you…your strength and your vulnerability, your body and your spirit. I love the total package whether her name is Mary or Jessica.”

  Jessica’s heart expanded with a warm glow at his words. Cole’s hands were still clasped around hers, and she raised them to her lips, pressing a kiss to the scraped knuckles. “I love you, too, Cole Grayson. I think I have from the moment I rolled over in the middle of the street and saw you looking down at me. You seemed so strong and in control but there was so much pain at the back of your eyes.”

  “You helped me get rid of that pain. This house has always been dark and gloomy ever since Angela and I moved in. When we walked in a little while ago, I noticed how different the place seemed than it had while you were gone. You brighten the dark corners…or maybe it’s just that you brighten the dark corners of my heart and it all spills out into the house. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

  Cole’s words brightened the dark corners of Jessica’s soul, giving her hope that this wouldn’t be their final meeting. “I wish I didn’t have to leave, too, but I have a life in Houston, a job, an apartment. I need to take care of my parents’ estate, decide what to do with the house and everything in it. I have obligations, but mostly I need to prove to myself that I’m strong enough to make it on my own.” Even if she did wish she could spend the rest of her life in Cole’s arms.

  Cole was silent for a long moment, his gaze holding hers intently. Finally he nodded. “I understand.”

  Jessica knew she had to do all the things she’d said. She’d barely begun the painful healing and growth process when Geoffrey came along and messed up her life and her mind, but her irrational heart wished Cole had protested just a little. Suddenly fear returned with a vengeance, fear that she would lose Cole.

  Even though he’d said he loved her and didn’t want her to leave, both their lives would be changing so much while they were apart, she had no assurance that their love would remain constant, that they’d continue to see each other. Even though Dallas and Houston were only forty-five minutes apart by airplane, what kind of a future did they have if they met only on selected weekends? She didn’t think she could stand to lose him. No other man could ever make her feel the way he did…warm and protected and excited and completely euphoric all at the same time.

  He stood and took her hand, pulling her to her feet and then into his arms. His lips found hers for a slow, searing kiss, and she melted into him.

  “I hope you don’t plan on getting any sleep tonight,” he whispered, his breath warm on her cheek.

  She laughed softly. “I’m not the least bit sleepy.” For one more night, she would be with Cole. For one more night, he’d hold her and love her. With both
their lives changing so much, she had no idea when she’d see him again.

  Or if.

  But tonight she wouldn’t think about that. Tonight, she’d savor every moment, storing them in her memory as treasures, no matter what the future might hold.

  THE NEXT MORNING Jessica got to the airport only thirty minutes before her flight was scheduled to depart. Though she and Cole had risen early enough, after breakfast, they’d been unable to resist the lure of making love one final time.

  Jessica’s steps had dragged as she left Cole’s house. Would they really be able to continue their relationship with the two of them in different cities? Would they drift apart? Was she leaving his house for the last time?

  As they stood in the airport, waiting for her boarding-pass number to be called, Cole held her wrapped tightly in his arms.

  “You have my phone number?” he asked.

  She smiled. “You gave it to me three times this morning, and I have it memorized. I promise, that’s not something I’m going to forget. You have my number and the number at my parents’ house. I’ll be there most of the time. I’ve still got to go through and decide what to do with all their possessions.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to be with you when you do that?”

  “I’m sure I do want you with me, but I know it’s something I have to do alone.” She had to prove to herself—and to him?—that she was strong enough to deal with a traumatic situation. If she and Cole had any chance to remain lovers, they had to be on an equal footing. Yet she found it hard to refrain from asking him to be with her while she sorted through her parents’ belongings…to be with her anytime he could or would.

  The last group of boarding-pass numbers was called, but still Cole held her body against his and still she made no move to go.

  Finally the last few passengers started down the jetway.

  “I have to go.” She forced the reluctant words up her throat and out her mouth.

  “I know.” He leaned down and gave her a brief kiss, one appropriate for public display. “I’ll call you.”

  She slipped from his embrace, breaking the connection that gave her life and leaving her feeling alone and cold. She didn’t dare look back or she might not be able to do this, would probably run to him, throw her arms around him and beg him to let her stay. Walking away from him was the hardest thing she’d ever done, harder than fighting Geoffrey for her life.

  Straightening her shoulders resolutely, she walked toward the jetway that loomed like a dark tunnel leading to her past and her unknown future. If she never saw Cole again, if they drifted apart, if he ceased to be a part of her life, was she strong enough to deal with that? There would never be another man for her. Cole made her heart sing. He made her feel whole. Walking away from him was like walking away from a part of herself.

  Handing the flight attendant her boarding pass, she moved on shaky legs toward that tunnel and the uncertainty of her future with Cole.

  “Jessica!”

  The sound of Cole calling her name sent an immediate surge of happiness through her. She turned to see him standing at the rope that separated the passengers from the others. Unable to resist the chance for one more touch, one more kiss, one more moment with him, she went to him, praying the smile on her face wasn’t as bittersweet on the surface as it was inside.

  Cole ran a hand through his hair and looked frustrated. “Jessica, I know my timing sucks, but I can’t let you go like this.”

  She opened her mouth to promise she’d be back soon, but he lifted a hand to forestall whatever she meant to say.

  “I know you’ve just survived the engagement from hell,” he continued, “and I know this isn’t the right time to ask, and I know you’ve got a lot of things you have to do and you’re not ready to rush into anything and I told myself I’ve waited for you all my life so surely I can wait a little while longer and do this right, but I can’t.” His gaze held hers and she couldn’t have moved if she’d wanted to. “You’re being so damn brave about everything, and you think I’m brave, but you’re wrong. I don’t have the courage to let you leave without doing everything I can to get a promise from you first that you’ll come back. For good.”

  He took her hand, and the connection she’d lost when she walked away moments before was restored. Just his touch made her feel whole and able to face the unknown future without flinching.

  “For good?” she repeated, a delicious euphoria spreading over her, banishing the darkness. “You want me to move to Dallas?”

  “No. Yes.” He grinned and shook his head. “I’m a lot better at bringing in the bad guys than I am at this. Jessica, when you’ve done whatever you have to do in Houston, will you come back and be a part of my life? I love you. I need you. I don’t have the courage to face the rest of my life without you. I want you with me every day and every night. I want you to have my babies. I want us to grow old together. Will you share my life? Will you marry me?”

  Jessica could have sworn the sun burst through the roof of the airport, filling her heart as well as the tunnel of the jetway. She could feel a smile spreading across her face. “Yes,” she exclaimed. “Yes, yes, yes! I would love to marry you and have your children and grow old with you. Nothing would make me happier. There’s just one thing.”

  “I know. You don’t want to live in the house I bought for Angela. We’ll find a new one.”

  “No, that’s not it. I don’t think Angela would resent my being here. She and Billy have been at peace for three years, and now you are, too. It’s up to you. If you want to move, we will. If you want to stay, we will. I don’t care where we live as long as I’m with you.”

  “Then we’ll stay. Two nights ago I slept in the master bedroom, and Angela’s ghost was gone. So if that’s not it, what is the one thing?”

  “Two, actually.” She shuddered. “No diamond ring and no formal wedding gown.”

  He threw back his head and laughed. “We can get married in our blue jeans with cigar bands for rings just as long as you’re mine forever.”

  She smiled and lifted her lips to his. “I can promise you that.”

  His lips found hers in a kiss that, though it was public and brief, promised a tomorrow filled with joy, of climbing the stairs to bed together and waking up the next morning and all that came between, of children and grandchildren, of all the wonders of being married to Cole.

  Epilogue

  When the knock came at the front door, Jessica was sitting in the kitchen of her family’s farmhouse, drinking a soda and staring out the window at the trees she’d climbed as a child.

  For a moment she froze, flooded with a sense of déjà vu of Geoffrey’s visit that had resulted in her kidnapping. He was out on bail. Should she have accepted Cole’s repeated offers to come down and be with her?

  Her hand shook as she set the soft-drink can on the table and pushed herself upright. Briefly she regretted having packed the kitchen knives.

  But that was foolish. She couldn’t arm herself every time she had a visitor. She couldn’t live in fear the rest of her life.

  Straightening her shoulders, she walked through the dining room to the living room, past the maze of boxes containing dishes, clothing, sheets, towels…everything that had once been useful or sentimental or treasured by her parents.

  The moment she entered the living room, she could see her visitor on the front porch, a familiar figure in blue jeans and a denim shirt.

  “Cole!”

  A smile stretched across her face and she ran the rest of the way, her feet barely touching the floor, unlatched the screen door and flung herself into his arms. Even though he’d called every day and the sound of his voice had warmed her and eased the pain of saying goodbye to her parents, nothing could take the place of actually seeing him, of touching his solid body, smelling his masculine scent and feeling his arms around her.

  She pulled back and looked up, drinking in the sight of his familiar face. “I didn’t expect you!”

  �
��I know. I just couldn’t wait any longer to see my future wife even though she said she didn’t need me.”

  “I always need you.” She lifted her lips to his, and he responded with a kiss that ignited fires in every part of her body. “I think I remember which box the sheets are in,” she whispered.

  He grinned. “Hold that thought, but first we have to celebrate.” He reached down and retrieved a sack from which he took a bottle of champagne. “I’ve been accepted back on the police force.”

  “Oh, Cole! That’s wonderful!” She hugged him again. “Come inside. I’ll unpack a couple of glasses.”

  “I brought glasses.”

  He followed her in, and she led him over to sit on the faded sofa that no longer had the colorful afghan her mother had crocheted.

  “You’ve been busy,” he observed.

  “This room has the boxes with stuff I intend to keep, and the dining room has the ones to go to charity.”

  He looked around at the stacks of cardboard boxes. “I’m going to guess that this room has a lot more than the dining room. It’s a good thing our house has a huge, empty attic!” He grinned and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

  She smiled sheepishly. “It was hard to decide to let go of anything. It’s been hard to let go of my mom and dad and accept that my life has changed forever.”

  He traced the fingers of one hand along her cheek. “I know,” he said softly. “Everything changes, and sometimes those changes are sad, but sometimes they’re good.”

  She captured his hand and pressed her lips to the palm. “You’re one of the good changes.”

  “We are one of the good changes.”

  She snuggled against him. “Yes, we are. And I’m dealing with the other changes.” She waved a hand toward the boxes. “Saying goodbye is hard, but it would have been a lot harder if I hadn’t been able to talk to you every day and know you were waiting for me.”