Unicorns are Short_Tales from the Federal Witch World
Page 4
"She did. It was an emergency fund so I could have a little freedom and get home in a hurry if I needed to. Now that the FBI is paying me she closed it down. No free rides anymore. Not that I used maybe more than a couple of hundred out of it anyway."
"I don't see him. Do you think he took off with Chuck? He was going to the lake to fish. Maybe he conned him into taking him along," Cat mentioned to Agatha as they left the room.
Straining my ears, I listened for Agatha's answer, but they were too far away to hear.
The idea of a boat came from a dream. Recently I learned that I was a wizard and that unicorns came from Wales. How we evolved from giant fish is something I haven't figured out yet. The only movies I've seen about those creatures were the ones from Star Journeys. They had these neato time traveling whales on there. Chuck is the authority on that show, so maybe I could ask him about it. He might know how to find “wessels.” That seemed to be the thing everyone wanted in that movie. It was sheer luck I found this beauty on my phone. It looked just like the one in my dream. Closing my eyes, I could still see myself dressed as Captain Leaf Erikorn, the discoverer of the new world.
"Captain Erikorn, there isn't anything in this direction! Ships go out and never come back."
I stood at the prow of my ship. A battle helm on over my horn and ears. Strapped to my back were a shield and armor. The wind whipped across my mane as I looked West. As crewman Chuckles stated, the sea was empty. But the seabirds told me different. Why would seagulls be this far from land? "Press onward. Put your backs into it."
Turning my head, I could see the crew. Why I ever signed up the purple squirrel clan, I would never know. They were good sailors but lousy rowers. "Row faster you buck-toothed rodents! We have a new world to discover."
Chuckles stumbled forward in his large floppy clown shoes. "Icebergs ahead sir!"
"Icebergs? Where..."
"Gotcha, you little devil!" My eyes snapped open as the table was lifted into the air. "Agatha! He's in here."
Looking up I could see that the stinky Cat lady had removed the table and exposed me to the world. I thrust my chest forward and tried to look noble. The proud Captain Erikorn would take it like a unicorn.
"Dang it, Fergus! We talked about this." Agatha lifted my ship up and set it alongside my new barn.
"About what?" Maybe I could play innocent.
"This. Where did you get the Viking uniform?" She poked at my plastic sword.
"What Viking uniform? Looking down I could see I really did have fake armor and stuff on. Maybe dreams do come true sometimes.
Dancing with Stars
by TS Paul
The life of a unicorn is hard, especially if you are only a couple of inches tall. Such is life I guess. It could be worse. If I had stayed at the ranch in Montana, I would be dead by now. It would figure that the job I was born to do would be the one that got me killed.
My name is Fergus, and I'm a Wizard. I swear when I say that in my head it sounds like that old guy in the Wizard School movies. Dumpster something is his name. I got to see my old herd recently, and they weren't grateful at all that we helped them. They called me names and threatened to stomp me. It's a good thing that Agatha held them back, or I would have made being turned into a squirrel a good thing.
"Fergus! Where by all the gods are you hiding?"
"I'm in the barn. Where else would I be?" I looked up at the ceiling of my new luxury home. Any minute now she was going to open it up and stare down at me.
Suddenly, a voice behind me made me jump several inches out of my best chair. "Hey!"
I trotted forward searching and then looked back over my shoulder. There was an eye peering through my window! "What?"
"You got a package. Why do you have a package?" Agatha held up a small box the size of an envelope. It was completely covered in stamps and postage marks.
"Who’s it from?" Sticking my head through the window, I looked at the pretty colored ink.
"It's your package. Don't you know?" She turned it over in her hands a few times.
"No. I didn't order anything. Can you use Magick to figure out what it is?" Even as those words came out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong things to say to Agatha.
"Me? Aren't you a wizard? It looks a bit like Russian." Agatha pried the barn apart and looked down at me. "I thought we agreed that we wouldn't contact or talk about what we did last summer?"
I just looked up at her. "It wasn't me. I have no idea what you're talking about."
Agatha pursed her lips and glared at me. "That is what you always say! Blast it, Fergus! You are going to get me kicked out of the FBI!"
At that moment, the door to the main part of the laboratory opened, and Cat stepped inside. "Who's kicking you out of the FBI? I'll sick Chuck on them!"
"Hey! Can't you see the sign? No Catz Allowed." I slipped through the doors in my barn to confront the stinky cat. The new doors don't go ‘moo,’ and I sort of miss that.
Cat glanced in my direction then back at Agatha. "Your unicorn thinks he's funny."
"Oh, he's serious. See down at the edge there? He wrote a sign." Agatha pointed to my artistic masterpiece.
Cat bent down and started laughing. "There's no ‘z’ in cats."
"How would you like to be a squirrel?" I looked up at her.
"Now that I would like to see. You finally showing us you have Magick, for real." Both women looked at me.
Ducking back inside my barn I yelled. "Just leave the package and go away."
"Here you go. Try to stay out of trouble, please." Both women turned and left the room.
Glancing at my new companion who I called Charlene Two I shook my head. "Why is it I have to be the one to follow the rules all the time?"
My plastic companion just stared at me in complete silence. Carefully I walked all around the box. It was four times my size and wrapped in ink-covered brown paper. This had to be from either Zhanna or Dascha!
Double checking to be sure there weren't any onlookers I used some of my power to open the package. As I watched, the paper unwrapped all by itself and folded into a small square pile. The box had writing on the sides and front, but it was all in Russian or something that looked like Russian. Mongolian maybe? How I knew that stopped me for a moment. I might have seen the writing in that Badger Hole Bar place. Not that I could read any of it.
I looked at Charlene again. "Why would the one cat I can actually stand, send me a box I can't read?"
She ignored me as usual. I really needed more live friends. There was a flash of light to my left that suddenly caught my attention. Looking closer I could see a small glowing hoof print.
Touching my nose to the print, I could hear Dascha's voice in my head. "I hope this finds you well, Fergus. Getting this to you was harder than it looks. We didn't know Agatha's address, so Zhanna sent this to a mercenary that owed her a favor. He promised to deliver it to you. So, if it's you that's hearing this here it is. We both remembered how much you liked dancing to the band in the bar. These are bottles of the same red and black lacquer that is used for matryoshka dolls. It should cover your hooves making them stronger and shinier."
Dancing? The only time I ever heard a live band was in that bar. Most of the time I was either with Agatha or hiding from that freaky spidercat thing. I do remember eating some hay that Madrick fellow provided me once. Agatha swore I passed out, but it might have affected me somehow. Just for that, I'm going to get my revenge on her.
<<< >>>
Disco is one of my new favorite types of music. It has a nice beat, and I can tap dance to it. Might be why I like it so much. Well, that or how much it annoys Agatha and that stinky Cat. Getting the lighting just right was the hardest part. The switches were so far away and jumping only got me so far. Agatha's desk in her room had the best acoustics, so I dragged my phone out of the barn and set it on speaker mode.
"Hey Charlene, cue the music." The plastic horse only stared at me in silence. She had little headphones on bu
t still wasn't helping me much.
Shaking my head, I waved a hoof at the lights and phone. The desk lamp clicked on, it's shade aimed right at me. Odd thumping and synthesized sounds started coming out of the phone at full volume. The light was throwing sparkles all across the room as it hit my new hoof coverings.
Tap tap tappitty tap! Whoo-hoo! Was this fun. I need to send the cat something. Maybe that spidercat thing could get it to her because I didn't read Russian.
"Fergus! What the hell is wrong with you. This is the third time! I thought I told you no more dancing." Agatha practically fell out of her bed just as I got into the swing of it.
Dancing under the light with the music blaring was like that TV show I watched that one time. Prancing with the Working-Class Ponies or something. Maybe I could pretend Agatha was one of the grumpy judges. Her new name could be Scowl.
"You little hay burner you! If you don't turn off the music, you're going to join the squirrels in the trees!"
I danced over to the edge of the desk. Agatha was tangled up in the sheets squirming on the floor. Flashes of light were sparking off her hands. Maybe now would be a good time to jump somewhere.
Author Notes
Fergus is my favorite character in the Federal Witch universe. He's fun to write and is based on Merlin the CATT. If you have read the Athena Lee books, you may know that I created an entire race of robotic cats called CATTs based on Merlin. He's even the king of CATTs in the books.
The real Merlin came into our lives three years ago. We had rescued a kitty named Sushi from my wife's work. She was an indoor/outdoor cat that loved to play chase-the-cat with my wife and sleep on my shoulder when I watched TV. But she was sick. At that point in my life, my wife and I were in a financial hardship. And things like vet visits and doctor visits were an either-or situation.
Sadly, Sushi passed on. The very next day we went to a local Missouri shelter. My wife wished to just 'look' at the kittens. Hidden away in the corner of the kitty kennel was this enormous orange and white cat. He wanted out, and he wanted out Now!
I let him sniff me and told the attendant I would like to see the cat in a room. My wife thought I was insane! "You want the biggest cat in this place?" she asked me. My answer. "Yes!"
So, Merlin came home with us. For the first six months, he was pretty quiet. Sometime in his short life, he had been abused. But he came around quickly.
Then we moved. He got to travel. Merlin experienced motel living and all the smells those rooms contain. After a couple of months of that, he was ready for his new home, Florida!. We learned our lesson with Sushi and keep Merlin in the house. But he challenges us every day.
Much of the whining that Fergus does is really how Merlin would sound if he could talk. Fergus Jumping? Merlin ends up in the damndest places sometimes. He doesn't have a horn, but he does think one of my wife’s blankets is his girlfriend.
Merlin the Catt spends most of his days curled up as a 'flat cat' on the bed. If only he could speak. He might tell us about the lizards and birds he wishes he could chase.
I have no regrets about adopting him, and even now my wife is eyeing something new. She wants a Savannah Cat or maybe a dog. I told her a Savannah is both. Wish us luck.
Expect more from my co-writers and me in the coming months. We will be continuing the Standard of Honor and Familiar Magic series. Bradford Bates and I will soon have the Wild Hunt up for sale, and Invisible Elder will be finished as well.
Lots to do and lots to read. Keep in touch. Check out my Amazon author page as well as BookBub and Goodreads. Check the Blog for shorts and snippets and maybe a giveaway or two.
Acknowledgments
As always, publishing a book is only possible with help. I would like to thank some special people for their assistance in getting this book out.
First and foremost, I would like to thank the Ds, Diane and Dorene, for their developmental and full document editing. Also, Kat Lind for her finish editing and occasional nudging.
Author Introduction – TS Paul
I’m now into my second year as a published author. With over 25 works under my belt already my pace is relentless. Writing was never a goal of mine growing up. I really did fall into this accidentally. My wife and family knew of my love of books and urged me to try writing. It wasn’t until an author i befriended gave me a short push off a long pier that i really gave it a go. And what a go that was!
Athena Lee and Agatha Blackmore have given way to over 50 short stories. I write a lot. The future is in books and I’m in it for the long haul. Keep your eyes peeled for new and exciting things coming from me this year. Don’t forget to check the Blog every week for a new Wilson or Fergus story.
I welcome comments and questions on my blog. Follow me on Facebook or visit my Amazon author page. I have an author page with BookBub too.
I’m excited, are you?
The Federal Witch
Born a Witch Drafted by the FBI! - Now Available in Audio!
Conjuring Quantico - Now Available in Audio!
Magical Probi - Now Available in Audio!
Special Agent in Charge - Now Available in Audio!
Witness Enchantment
Night of the Unicorn
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Standard of Honor -TBD
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