by Karey White
“Thanks, Silas. Those were the best pancakes ever.”
Silas didn’t speak while they waited for the server to bring back his change. The cheerful hikers were gone and the cool breeze had given way to the sun beating uncomfortably on Celia’s back. She was tired and emotionally spent. She should have kept her history to herself or made something up. She felt exposed and afraid.
Silas opened the Jeep door for her. He stood between her and the open door after she pulled herself to the seat. He shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned against the door. “I hope m-my questions weren’t too hard. I wasn’t trying to p-pry.”
“I know. It’s why I don’t talk about myself much.”
Silas nodded. “I get it. I thought I had it bad.”
“You did have it bad. You lost your parents.”
“B-but I had Aunt Nancy.”
They waited for a group of people to walk past them, and Celia leaned her head against the seat. “It isn’t a contest to see whose life is harder. Everyone has hard things. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”
“Have you felt sorry for me? You know, ’cause I’m an orphan?”
Celia barely smiled. “I guess so.”
“Then let me feel sorry for you.”
Celia’s smile widened. “Fine. But only until we get home. After that, no feeling sorry for each other because we’re orphans or abandoned.”
“How did she die?”
“My mom?”
“Yeah.”
“It was a drug overdose. I was with her.”
Silas took his hands out of his pockets and folded his arms. “That deserves m-more sympathy than the ride home. It’s gotta be good for at least a day.”
The corner of his mouth curled up in an almost-smile and Celia laughed. She’d have wanted to punch most people for making light of such serious things, but because Silas had lived through so much pain himself, it didn’t feel like joking. It felt like commiserating, and even though she had secrets that would eventually be more than he could handle, she would allow herself to feel this breathless connection. At least for today.
“I saw your nephew at church this morning. I didn’t know he belonged to our congregation,” Ann-Marie Wheeler said as she purchased fabric for the back of a quilt top she’d finished.
Nancy retrieved new bags under the counter to hide her surprise. “That’s nice. You probably saw my boarder, too?” she asked while she finished the transaction.
“Yes. I can’t remember her name.”
“Celia.”
“Right. She’s a pretty girl.”
“Yes, she is.”
Ann-Marie’s voice became excited. “Are they dating? Oh my, they would make an adorable couple. Ah, and how nice for Silas.”
Something about Ann-Marie’s tone grated on Nancy’s nerves. Did she think Silas wasn’t worthy of a pretty girl? Nancy chided herself after Ann-Marie left. She was a kind woman and had always liked Silas. Why would she be anything but pleased to think Silas was dating Celia?
Why wasn’t Nancy happy with the idea? Maybe she was behaving like an over-protective parent, one who thinks no one is good enough for their child. Celia was a lovely girl and a hard worker. She was thoughtful and quiet and Silas liked her. In truth, Silas had been a lonely boy and was now a lonely man. Nancy should be hoping he’d find a good woman to share his life with. Nancy wouldn’t be around forever.
No matter how she tried to convince herself she should be encouraging Silas, the uneasy feeling remained. She was sure Celia was hiding something. She guarded herself more than Nancy felt comfortable with. Maybe Silas and Celia would be a good fit, but until Nancy knew more, it would be difficult for her to give her blessing.
Celia stood at the counter chopping cucumbers when Nancy walked through the back door. “It smells good in here. What are you making?”
“A salad. I’ve got baked spaghetti in the oven.”
“You should have waited. I could have helped.”
“That’s okay. I’m going to a get-together at the church tonight, so I was hoping we could eat before I go.”
“Of course.” Nancy stole a slice of cucumber and popped it in her mouth. “Is Silas going with you?”
She tried to sound casual, but she saw Celia’s back stiffen.
“I don’t think so. He said something about watching that fishing show with you.”
“What’s this?” Nancy held up a Styrofoam box.
“That’s a scone from McKay’s Cottage. For you.”
Nancy lifted the lid. “And jam. Here’s my dessert for tonight. Did you go to McKay’s Cottage today?”
“Silas and I went after church.”
Nancy wanted to pry, but didn’t want Celia to feel defensive. “What did you have?”
Celia smiled. “Lemon ricotta pancakes with berries. They were unreal.”
“I know. That’s my favorite place to eat. Thank you for the scone.”
“Sure.”
Nancy was glad to see Celia relax. Nancy wanted to ask her about her past, what her feelings were about Silas, what secrets she was keeping from them, but instead they talked about a quilt Nancy was planning for the quilt show, the food at McKay’s Cottage, and the garden.
“You can drive my car to the church if you’d like. I don’t know how late you’ll be, but I don’t want you walking home in the dark.”
“If you’re sure you don’t need it, that would be great.”
“I’m not going anywhere else tonight. I’m ready to kick my feet up and stay put.”
Celia left before Silas arrived. Nancy changed into a housedress then called him. “Have you had dinner?”
“Not yet.”
“Come on over and have some spaghetti and salad before the show. We’ve got plenty.”
“Great. I’ll head over.”
Silas arrived a few minutes later. Nancy felt a tug at her heart as she watched him look around for Celia. “She went to a social at the church.”
Silas looked embarrassed that he had been so easy to read. “That’s good.”
Nancy led Silas into the kitchen and dished up a plate of spaghetti. She sat across from him while he ate.
“Church, huh?” She smiled to soften the question.
Silas grinned around a bite of food.
“How did you choose which congregation to attend?”
Silas swallowed. “I went with Celia.”
“I know. Ann-Marie came into the store and told me she saw you. Thinks you and Celia make an adorable couple.” Silas looked pleased but kept eating.
“Please tell me you learned more about her. I can live with you two seeing each other if it isn’t just mooning about how pretty she is. You need to know more about her. About her past. Be sure you like who she really is, not only what she looks like or how good she kisses.”
“We haven’t kissed.” Silas poured dressing on his salad. “And I did ask questions.”
“And?”
“She doesn’t talk about things b-because she’s had a hard life and I don’t think she likes to complain or feel sorry for herself.”
“Hard life how?”
“Her dad left when she was a baby and her m-mom died of an overdose when she was eleven. She lived in foster homes.”
Nancy was quiet for a moment, letting the information sink in. It was terrible to think of Celia as a little girl going through that. She felt a swelling in her heart for the broken child who had become the young lady she knew.
“Didn’t she have any other family that could take her in?” It had gone without question that she would take care of Silas when Jack and Sharon died.
“She has an uncle. He didn’t want her.”
Nancy’s heart ached. It was difficult to imagine family leaving one of their own to be cared for by strangers.
“She doesn’t want us to feel sorry for her. So she doesn’t talk about it.”
Relief washed over Nancy. She didn’t need to worry about Silas’s interest in Celia. T
hen relief was filled with shame for doubting the poor girl.
Nancy scooted her chair back from the table. “Did you have a nice time today?”
Silas nodded. “Did you get your scone?”
“I did. Thank you.”
“It was Celia’s idea.”
Nancy patted Silas’s arm as she walked by him to go to the living room. She wanted to say something but didn’t know if she could speak over the lump in her throat.
A woman in a pink pantsuit unlocked the door of the Sisters Family Health Clinic and disappeared inside. Celia had tried the door ten minutes earlier and had been waiting on a bench across the street since then.
A bell rang as she opened the door and the pant suited woman turned to her in surprise. “Did you have an appointment?”
“No. Not yet.”
“We’re not actually open until nine.”
Celia’s palms were sweating and she could hear the blood pounding against her ears. “I was hoping I could talk to someone before it got busy.” She lowered her voice as if she didn’t want the empty waiting room to hear of her shame. “I need to see a doctor who delivers babies.”
The woman’s eyes traveled to Celia’s stomach but since it wasn’t yet giving away her secret, she looked back up at Celia’s face.
The bell above the door rang again and a man entered. Everything about him was square—gray hair was combed over his box-shaped head and he had a stocky, cube-shaped body. “Good morning, Lacy.”
“Hi, Doctor Vernon. You’re here bright and early.”
“Didn’t get a chance to finish up yesterday’s paperwork.” He headed down a hallway.
When he was gone, Lacy turned back to Celia. “Have you seen a doctor about this yet?”
Celia shook her head. She had known this was going to be hard, but the reality of standing here in this doctor’s office, knowing she was going to have a baby, knowing she would have to answer questions she didn’t want to answer and have her body examined in ways she didn’t want to think about became too much to handle. She hugged her arms tighter around herself.
“What insurance do you have?”
The question pushed Celia over the edge and a tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t have insurance.”
“There are a couple of places in Bend that might be able to help you. There’s a Planned Parenthood...” Celia shook her head and took a step back. “Or if you don’t want that, there’s a Volunteers Clinic that charges on a scale depending on your income. I can write down their information for you.”
“I don’t have a car.”
Lacy sighed. “I’m not sure we can—”
“Is there a problem here?” Dr. Vernon was about the same height as Celia, but his girth filled the doorway to her right.
Lacy answered before Celia had a chance. “She thinks she’s pregnant and wants to see a doctor, but she doesn’t have insurance and says she doesn’t have a way to get to Bend.”
The way Lacy spoke made Celia sound like a difficult child and a first-class loser.
Dr. Vernon’s face was kind, his voice gentle. “Come on back here and let’s have a talk.” He turned to Lacy. “Have Karen start with my first appointment if I’m still busy.”
“Of course, doctor.”
Celia followed Doctor Vernon down the narrow hall and into his dated teal and brass office. He motioned to a chair across the desk from his. “Please, have a seat.” He picked up a box of tissues from the credenza and handed them to Celia before he sat down. Then he, wheeled himself forward, and folded his hands on his desk. “I’m Doctor Vernon, and you are?”
“Celia Edwards.”
“Nice to meet you, Celia.” Celia wiped her eyes with a tissue. “Don’t mind Lacy. She doesn’t have the best bedside manner, but she keeps the place running, and I’d be lost without her. But sometimes it’s not about appointments and insurance. It’s about helping people, and no offense, but you look like you could use some help. Am I right?”
Celia nodded.
“So tell me what’s going on.”
Celia breathed deeply and let it out slowly, determined to keep her voice from shaking. “I’m pregnant.”
“Most of the time, that would be cause for congratulations, but I get the feeling that’s not the case with you.”
Celia shrugged and shook her head at the same time.
“So this was unplanned?”
“Yes.”
“Do you mind if I ask about the father?”
“He doesn’t live here and he’s not involved.”
“Should he be involved? Would he want to help you through this? Financially, at least?”
“No.” Celia’s voice was firm. “He shouldn’t be involved.”
“Does he know?”
Celia shook her head again.
Dr. Vernon leaned back in his chair and made a church and steeple with his hands as he thought. “I certainly won’t tell you what you should do, but in most cases, it’s reasonable to think that the father should be made aware of the situation.”
“Not in this case.”
“All right. There are definitely exceptions. In which case, I should ask if the circumstances are such that you should consider speaking with the authorities.”
A sob escaped Celia’s throat, and Dr. Vernon came around his desk and took the seat beside her.
“I’m sorry, Celia. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.”
His voice was gentle. “Were you raped?”
Celia nodded.
“The authorities that handle rape cases are usually very kind. I know someone I could call.”
Celia couldn’t speak but she shook her head.
“All right.” He patted Celia’s arm. “Give it some thought, and if you decide you want that name, you can let me know.”
“It wouldn’t matter. He doesn’t live here, and I’m not going back.”
“Back to...”
“Chicago.”
Dr. Vernon nodded, but Celia could tell he didn’t like the idea of a rapist going unpunished. Celia felt sick. She hadn’t intended to tell the doctor what had happened. All she wanted was to figure out how to get the medical care she needed.
“I’m a family doctor, Celia, and I can deliver babies, so you don’t need to worry about that. Let’s get a little information, and then we’ll set you a regular appointment and get you taken care of.”
He asked her a few questions then stepped out to talk to Lacy. He returned with forms for her to fill out for Medicaid and an Oregon Healthy Baby program.
“Let’s figure out when this baby is due.” He pulled up a program on his computer. “Do you know when you had your last period?”
“No. But I know what day it happened.” Celia told him the day and he entered the information.
“Your baby is due on the eleventh of December.”
Right before Christmas. Somehow knowing a date made it all more real, more terrifying.
“Celia, do you need some information about alternatives? Especially in circumstances like this. You’re early enough in your pregnancy that you have options.”
“You mean abortion?”
“That’s one option. Most people don’t consider it a sin for a woman who has been raped.”
“I could never do that.”
“Very well. Other options like whether you keep the baby or give it up for adoption can be discussed later. Let’s go make you an appointment and then you can take these papers home and fill them out. If you want to bring them back in, I’ll have Lacy submit them for you.”
Celia and Dr. Vernon walked to the door. If she were braver, she would have hugged him for his kindness to her. Instead she said, “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry about this hard thing you’re having to face. Please remember you’re not alone. We’ll help you through this.” He patted her on the back then opened the door. “Lacy, we need to make this young lady a formal appointment, and when she brings back these forms, I need yo
u to get them submitted as soon as possible.”
There was something different in Lacy’s demeanor and she agreed with no hesitation.
Dr. Vernon returned to his office and Celia stepped up to the counter.
“Can you bring those back in the next couple of days?” Celia agreed. “Then let’s get you in here sometime next week.” She smiled at Celia when she handed her an appointment card. “Let me know if you need anything.”
Celia knew she looked a mess when she left the clinic. Her eyes were as puffy as the clouds that hung lazily above her, but she didn’t care. Her heart felt grateful as she walked toward Nancy’s house—grateful for Dr. Vernon and even for Lacy. She was glad she had decided to come to Sisters. She looked at the mountains in the distance. Three Sisters. Faith, Hope and Charity. Maybe they really were looking out for her.
The phone was ringing when Celia walked through the back door and there was no sign of Nancy. She almost didn’t answer it, but what if it was Nancy trying to reach her?
“Hello.”
“Celia. It’s Silas.”
“Hi, Silas. I don’t think Nancy’s here right now.”
“That’s okay. I was calling you.”
Celia couldn’t help but smile. “Oh. What’s up?”
“If you’re not busy tonight, I thought we could go to a movie in B-Bend. I’m not sure what’s p-playing, but you can choose.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Good. Let’s go early and eat.” They decided on a time and said goodbye.
This was like a real date with a boy Celia liked. The confusion of the day muddled her head. Was she a girl going on a date with a boy she liked, or was she a scared, soon-to-be single mother with a baby who would have to rely on her to find it a happy, safe home?
She was both of those things, but she knew there might come a time when those things wouldn’t be able to coexist.
She grabbed a pen out of the drawer and went to her room to fill out the forms. She’d take care of the Celia she didn’t want to be this afternoon, and tonight, she’d do her best to be the young Celia that was developing a crush on a good-looking forest ranger.
The best thing about her date with Silas was the normalness of it. Silas picked her up, they ate tacos at a little restaurant in downtown Bend, and they saw a pretty forgettable movie starring Tom Cruise. They talked about Silas’s job and the climber who had to be rescued, and when Celia said she’d like to see the spot, Silas suggested they hike there the following weekend. Celia told him she had come to Oregon because her mother had said it was her favorite place. She didn’t tell him how she’d come to choose Sisters. They didn’t hold hands and there was no goodnight kiss.