Broken Things to Mend

by Karey White

  Mr. Walker described the steps that would be taken by both the birth mother and the adoptive parents. There was so much information, Celia worried she’d forget it all. He explained the difference between open and closed adoptions and how she would select a birth family. “The earlier you select birth parents, the sooner they can become involved. They often cover your living expenses and medical bills. Sometimes a birth mother becomes good friends with the adoptive parents.”

  Celia wasn’t sure what she thought about that. Did she want a relationship with the parents? Of course, she wanted to be sure the baby was safe and in a good home with security and opportunities. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hang out with them. It was all too much to wrap her head around. She needed someone to talk to, someone to help her figure out her mind and what route she wanted to take. This would have been a good time for a mother. But if she had a mother, she probably wouldn’t be in this horrible situation in the first place.

  The thought made her angry and she suddenly felt protective of the life growing inside her. The most important thing she could do would be to give this baby good parents, a mother and father who would protect it from the terrible people in the world.

  “Do you have any questions?” Mr. Walker interrupted her thoughts.

  “I don’t even know what to ask.” Celia could tell her composure was walking a tightrope, and one wrong step would send her emotions tumbling out of control.

  Mr. Walker must have sensed how she felt because he reached into his briefcase and pulled out a large folder with a picture of a happy couple—a white woman and an Asian man—holding a laughing, dark-skinned baby. It all looked so neat and tidy and inclusive. “This has most of the information you’ll need to help you decide what you want to do. You should read this and maybe go over it with someone you trust. You don’t need to make a hasty decision. We have time to do this in a way that is most comfortable for you.”

  Celia swallowed hard. “Thank you.”

  “When you decide how you want to handle the process, we’ll get you registered so you can sign in and see the files of birth parents who are waiting for a baby. You do have access to a computer, right?”

  Nancy had a computer she didn’t mind Celia using, so she nodded.

  “My card is in there. Feel free to call me with any questions or to let me know you’re ready to move forward.”

  Celia hugged the folder to her, hiding the smiling family, and left the office.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s m-me.” He tried to put some energy in his voice, but more than two days of back-breaking work had made his weary bones ache, and he knew he wasn’t fooling his aunt.

  “Silas, are you okay?”

  “I’m tired. We’re at a little café south of B-Bend. We worked through the night, so now we’re getting something to eat and we’ll try to get some sleep b-before we head back. I think this afternoon we’ll start m-m-mopping up. Unless any hot sp-spots have flared.” Silas sighed. He hated how bad his stutter became when he was exhausted.

  “So it’s mostly contained?” Aunt Nancy asked.

  “M-mostly. It wasn’t too b-big.”

  “Good. We’ve been worried about you.”

  “Silas?” A waitress holding a plastic basket with a cheeseburger and fries looked from the ticket in one hand to the room. Silas raised his hand and the waitress gave a little nod and delivered his food.

  “Is Celia home?”

  “No, she left a little while ago. You might be able to reach her at the gallery though.”

  “I don’t think I have the number.”

  Aunt Nancy gave Silas the phone number. “Do you know when you’ll be home?”

  “I hope tomorrow, b-but it could be Saturday.”

  “Well, you take care of yourself. I love you.”

  “I will. Love you too.”

  Silas took a bite of his burger and dialed the number his aunt had given him.

  “Sisters Gallery. This is Ellis.”

  “Hi Ellis. This is Silas. Is Ce-lee-ah there?” It was silly, but he didn’t want to stutter on her name, so he stretched it out slowly and carefully.

  “She won’t be in until closer to noon. Do you want me to have her call you?”

  Silas rested his head in his hand. “I don’t think I’ll have service then. Would you tell her I called?”

  “We’re heading out.” Carlos stood at the door of the café and motioned for the crew to join him outside.

  The waitress moved quickly through the café handing carryout boxes to the firefighters. Silas dumped his food into the box and threw a few dollars on the table.

  “Sorry guys. No sleep yet. Just got word there will be more wind tomorrow, so we need to mop up as much as possible before then.”

  The men piled into their trucks and drove back toward China Hat.

  The long day had gotten longer.

  “I had hoped Silas would be around for our first farmers market,” Nancy said as they sorted through the parts of a blue and white striped canopy in the back yard. “I always forget how to put this together until I’ve done it the first two or three weekends.”

  Celia measured two poles to each other and put them in a pile with others the same size. This was the first time she had ever put together a tent, and since she would soon be setting up for the farmers market on her own, she listened carefully to Nancy’s uncertain instructions.

  “What’s the longest he’s ever been gone on a fire?” Celia tried to keep her voice casual.

  “Last year was a bad year and I didn’t see him much during the summer. They usually send them out for two or three weeks at a time though and then they get a little break.”

  Silas had worked four days at China Hat. After he got home, he slept for twenty hours straight. They finally saw him when he joined them for dinner at Nancy’s.

  “I haven’t forgotten Wild Rose,” he had said when they had taken a walk to the creek after dinner. “Let’s go Wednesday.”

  Celia hadn’t forgotten either. When Silas had mentioned that Wild Rose had the best Thai food in Bend, she had decided that would be a good time to tell him everything. Mr. Walker had said to talk things over with someone she trusted, and she wanted that someone to be Silas. The only problem was, it was difficult to get his input on adoption when he didn’t even know she was pregnant. She needed to tell him, to get that out in the open so he could be her sounding board, her confidante.

  “I’ll be closing the gallery at seven. Will that work?”

  “Oh right. I forgot you’re the acting owner this week. Sold any b-big ones?”

  “No. I almost sold an eight-hundred dollar sculpture today, but then they decided it was probably too big for the place they planned to put it. I’ve sold a few smaller things though.”

  “Can you go from work, or do you need to come home first?”

  “You can pick me up at work.”

  Celia had been surprised when Silas came into the gallery before lunch on Wednesday. She hadn’t expected to see him until seven. Then she had noticed he was wearing the dark green pants and yellow shirt of a fire fighter, and before he even said it, she knew he was leaving. Her heart sank, but when she saw his disappointed face, she did her best to hide her frustration. For days she’d been rehearsing how she would tell him about the baby, and now it would be postponed again.

  But this wasn’t about her and her delayed plans. He was leaving and she needed to be supportive and encouraging. She met his worried expression with a smile.

  “You’re a little early for our date, and I think you might be a little overdressed.”

  Silas stepped to the doorway of an adjoining room that held more artwork and looked around to see if they were alone. “Good. I was hoping no one would b-be here.” He leaned across the counter, pulled Celia toward him and kissed her. Celia hadn’t been ready for the kiss to end when he pulled away, so she pulled his shirt toward her and stole one more quick kiss.

  “So what is this all about
?” she asked, pointing up and down at his clothing.

  “Another fire.”

  “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

  “This one’s in Idaho.”

  “Are you serious?”

  Silas nodded. “Last year I fought fires in Washington and California. This is my first fire in Idaho.”

  “You’ve hardly had any rest.”

  “I’ve had m-more than a lot of the guys. And I was only out four days on the last one. That’s p-pretty short.”

  Celia stepped around the counter to stand by him. “I guess that’s a matter of opinion. How long will you be gone this time?”

  “It’s a two week assignment.”

  So Wild Rose had been postponed for at least two more weeks. When would she be able to confide in him? Part of her wanted to tell him right now, to get it over with so she could stop worrying about it, but she knew that would be a selfish thing to do. She didn’t want him distracted while he worked in dangerous conditions. He didn’t need to be stewing over her problems when his life was on the line.

  “Don’t these fires know I’m craving Thai food?”

  Silas laughed. “They’re not very thoughtful.”

  “Do you know where in Idaho you’re going?” Celia wanted to be able to put a name to the place he would be.

  “I think the fire’s in Nez-Perce.”

  Celia sighed and touched his yellow shirt. “At least yellow is a good color on you.”

  “You think so?” Silas pulled her into a tight hug and Celia wondered if he could feel the little bump under her loose blouse.

  “Do you like fighting fires?”

  “It’s hard, b-but I like everything about it. But I don’t like m-missing you.” He rested his lips on her forehead then dipped his face to hers and kissed her again. It was a long, hungry kiss that would have to last for at least two weeks. His voice was quiet and full of longing when he spoke. “You know I’m crazy about you.”

  Celia answered him with another kiss.

  When the bell above the door rang, announcing a customer, they stepped apart.

  “How are you today?” Celia tried to sound professional.

  The older gentleman answered. “Not as good as you two. Please, don’t let me interrupt.”

  Celia felt herself blush. Silas took a step toward the door and Celia followed him.

  “I’ll call when I have service.” He had touched her cheek and Celia held his hand there for a moment before he had turned and left.

  If Silas had been gone only the two weeks he had expected, he would have returned home yesterday, but last night he had called to tell them his crew had been asked to stay one more week.

  Celia had been bitterly disappointed, but Silas had sounded so worn out, she knew she had it easier than he did.

  Nancy must have noticed that Celia’s thoughts were far away because she stepped over and put her arm around Celia’s shoulders. “I’m sure he’s okay.” Celia nodded, grateful for Nancy’s friendship. “Now, I think these poles go through the top and these go on the sides,” Nancy said, pointing to each stack of poles.

  “Let’s give it a try.”

  A lot could happen in eighteen days. Wind could pick up sparks from a campfire and ignite dry tinder. It could spread and burn over a hundred thousand acres. Crews from four states could work together to try to extinguish it. The aching backs that often plagued firefighters during the first days of fire season could become sturdy and strong, even as the men became leaner from the hard work. Firefighters would become so tired they could sleep on the hard ground while helicopters roared overhead and backhoes dug line a few yards away.

  A firefighter cutting a firebreak could die when a gust of wind provoked a meandering, nearly extinguished flame to rise up in anger, a hot, blistering predator chasing down its helpless prey.

  Clouds cutting across the sky could give a false sense of hope that rain might help extinguish the hungry flames, but could provide instead nothing but lightning that would start a new fire on the other side of the break the firefighters had spent a week creating. Seven hard day’s work gone in one bright, sky-splitting flash.

  “Hey, Toller.” Silas turned to see Carlos climbing the steep hill where Silas and a few other men were back-burning a slope with fusees. “When was the last time you ate?”

  “This morning.”

  “Bates is cooking burritos. Here, give me that and you go eat something.”

  Silas handed the long, red torch to Carlos, who took over lighting the dry underbrush. In the distance, smoke plumed into the sky.

  “Do you think the line will hold this time?” he asked.

  Carlos straightened and looked at the swath of burnt ground they had created. “I hope so. We need the lightning to stay away.” Carlos looked at Silas’s soot-covered face and grinned. “Don’t tell me you want to go home.”

  “No way. I’m hoping we can all m-move here forever.”

  “I’m afraid most of the view lots around here are toast.” Sarcasm and joking helped ease the strain of the long, often discouraging work. “I got word a while ago that a unit from Washington is relieving us for mop up so we should be home by Thursday.” Carlos noticed Silas’s grin. “You must have something good to get home to.”

  “That I do.”

  “Congratulations. Now go find Bates.”

  Silas slid down the steep hill to a narrow dirt road that led back to their unit truck. A hundred feet beyond the truck, Bates stood cooking three burritos on a shovel he held over the coals of a burning out stump.

  “Nice campfire,” Silas said as he approached.

  “Too bad we didn’t bring the fixins for s’mores.” Sometimes local communities brought food to the firefighters. Other times they’d drive into town to eat. The burritos were from a stash of food they kept in one of the trucks along with drinking water.

  Bates pulled one of the burritos off the shovel with his gloved hand and gave it to Silas. It was pale and limp and most people would have turned up their noses at it, but for men who were ravenous and didn’t know when they’d next see a decent meal, it might as well have been filet mignon.

  He couldn’t tell how hot it was through his gloves, so he let it cool for a few minutes before he devoured it in a few big bites. He could have eaten three of them, but at least it took the edge off his hunger until they could go eat in Lucile, a tiny town barely big enough to qualify for a zip code.

  Silas slapped Bates on the shoulder. “Thanks, chef. That was great.”

  “Nothing tastes quite like shovel cookin’.”

  Silas drank a tepid bottle of water before he returned to retrieve his fusee from Carlos and continue back burning the side of the mountain.

  “I’m meeting Inez for a walk and then we’re getting a cup of coffee and a muffin at the bakery. You can join us if you want.” Nancy finished tying her shoe and looked at Celia for a response.

  “That’s okay. I’ve got to finish watering the garden and I need to do a load of laundry.”

  Nancy slapped her legs and stood. “All righty, then. I’ll see you later today.”

  Once Celia had loaded the washing machine and given Nancy enough time to be well on her way, she pulled out Mr. Walker’s card and dialed the number.

  “Hello, Celia,” he said after his secretary had put the call through.

  “Hi. You mentioned I should give you a call to touch base after my next doctor appointment. I saw Dr. Vernon yesterday.”

  “Thanks for calling. I wanted to see if you’ve had a chance to look over the information I gave you.”

  “Yes, I’ve read it all.”

  “Great. Do you have any questions?”

  “I don’t think so. I’ll probably go ahead and register soon, but I wanted to talk to my friend before I did, and he’s been out of town.”

  “Of course. It’s a good idea to have a support system. We can always put you in touch with a birth mother’s support group, but it’s nice to have friends and famil
y beyond that. How did your appointment go?”

  “It was fine. Dr. Vernon says the baby has a strong heartbeat and is probably about the size of a turnip. I’m not even sure how big a turnip is.”

  “Sounds like someone needs to make a trip to the produce department. When you can, talk things over with your friend and let us know if and when you’re ready to move forward. And please let us know if you want the information about the support group.”

  “I will. I’ll call you after my next appointment, if not sooner.”

  Celia hung up the phone and rested her head against the wall. She wanted to talk to Silas, but since she had finished reading through the folder, she felt stronger. The more her body changed and grew, the less she thought about how the baby came to be and the more she thought about what she would do to ensure it would have a good life.

  She rubbed her belly. “I won’t let you down, little one.”

  Nancy knocked on Inez’s front door a second time, and still no one answered. She peered through the window beside the door and saw Inez’s calico cat sitting on the back of a recliner, but no other sign of life. She walked around the house and looked through a window into the garage. Inez’s car was gone. She must have forgotten their plans.

  She reached into her pocket for her cell phone, but it wasn’t there. It was probably sitting on the kitchen table where she’d sat to tie her shoes. She didn’t mind taking a walk alone, but she knew she would feel more comfortable if she had her phone with her.

  As she approached her house, she noticed some trash that had blown into her yard. She stepped around to the side yard and gathered it up. Why would she have McDonald’s wrappers when there wasn’t even a McDonald’s in town? She carried the garbage to the trash can by the back door.

  Celia’s voice floated through the screen door. Was she talking to Silas? How fortunate she had forgotten her phone. As she reached for the door, Celia’s words reached her ears. They didn’t make sense.

  “Dr. Vernon says the baby has a strong heartbeat and is probably about the size of a turnip. I’m not even sure how big a turnip is.”