Jenny got the distinct impression it was his way of apologizing.
“I understand that, Grandfather. What I’m trying to explain is I forgive the Apache for killing my family and I will not seek revenge for them.” Jenny suddenly realized her words were true. For so many years she’d wondered if forgiving the Apache was possible.
“You have a good heart,” the old man said as he considered Jenny’s words. “You have been good to the Apache, and I believe your words are true.”
“Grandfather, as much as you believe this a good thing that I do, God has done a much greater thing for all mankind. God sent His only Son to die so we might live in heaven with Him. When we ask God to forgive us, He does. He doesn’t seek revenge for our mistakes. Instead He offers us life in heaven.”
“I will consider your words,” Grandfather said as he struggled to his feet.
“Thank you, Grandfather.” Jenny watched the old man walk away. She was elated. The old man had never given such a positive response to her words of salvation and God’s forgiveness.
“Thank You, Father,” Jenny prayed. “Thank You for allowing me to help these people.” The baby moved sharply within her and Jenny changed the focus of her prayer. “Lord, please help me to feel good about this baby. I’m so afraid to go through this again. I know I prayed for a baby of my own, but now I’m afraid. Here I am separated from my husband, living with the Apache, and carrying a child. Please help me to feel Your peace and not worry about the outcome.” Jenny looked heavenward and noticed the sky was filling with heavy black clouds. Forgetting herself, she quickly went to work to finish staking out the hide before it rained.
The storm hit sometime in the night, causing Jenny to bolt upright at the crack of thunder. Through the dim glow of the dying fire, she could make out Grandfather’s sleeping form on the opposite side of the wickiup. Pulling her knees to her chest, she sighed. The thunder boomed again and the rain poured until Jenny feared the wickiup would flood.
Beside her, Mescal Blossom and Wandering Doe snored loudly, not noticing the storm. Jenny wished it were that easy for her. Her mind filled with concern for David. Where was he? Was he out in the storm suffering because of her?
Jenny laid back on the woven blanket and thought of her husband. What would he think when he found her and learned of their baby? Would he be happy or would it be cause for grief? Thoughts of David’s distress haunted her as Jenny drifted off to sleep. Eventually, the noise of the storm faded, leaving only the steady patter of falling rain.
The next morning when Jenny awoke, the ground had dried. Jenny dressed quickly in a loose doeskin dress, which Mescal Blossom had helped her make. The soft leather felt good against her skin, and Jenny couldn’t deny that the style was far more comfortable than the dresses she was used to.
Emerging from the wickiup, Jenny noticed Mescal Blossom was busy using a bone awl to punch holes in thick pieces of undressed skins. Jenny watched in fascination as the old woman’s gnarled hands labored at the task with relative ease.
“Some days,” Mescal Blossom said, never stopping to look up at Jenny, “the Great Spirit gives me strength in my hands. I never want him to think me ungrateful, so I work hard to prove I am worthy.”
Jenny nodded and squatted down beside her. “What are you making?”
“I make good boots for your feet. See how toes of boot turn up to face the sky?” Mescal Blossom questioned, showing Jenny her own moccasined feet. Jenny nodded. “Comanche call N’de Ta’-ashi. It means Turned up.” The old woman smiled slightly as if it were some great joke among the N’de.
Jenny was touched that Mescal Blossom was spending her rare agility to make her a gift. “Why do you make boots for me, Mescal Blossom? You should make them for Grandfather,” Jenny suggested.
“Grandfather told me to make these boots for your journey,” Mescal Blossom answered frankly.
“What journey?” Jenny questioned, but the old woman simply shrugged her shoulders and went back to work. Jenny’s curiosity was piqued, so she went in search of Grandfather.
She found him sitting on top of a small mound of dirt, isolated and away from the rest of the clan. He looked to be praying or meditating on something, so Jenny decided to walk back to the wickiups and continue her own tasks. Grandfather, however, held out his hand and beckoned her to join him.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you, Grandfather,” Jenny said as she sat down on the ground near the old man.
“You did not disturb me. I wanted to talk to you about the one God.” Grandfather’s words caused Jenny to forget what she’d come to ask him about.
“What did you want to discuss?”
“N’de ways are dying, and white man’s ways are all around. My people cannot live another winter in the cold, so I must move them to the reservation.”
“I think it would be best,” Jenny admitted.
“It will always be a matter of sight,” Grandfather replied. “White man sees new land for many more white men. He does not see that N’de already live here. He tells us to go and we go, but he cannot see that the land still does not belong to him. Land and all that exists belongs to One-From-Whom-All-Things-Come. I am a tired old man, and I am nearly ready to die. I have thought on your words of the one God and believe your spirit speaks truth. N’de killed your people, yet you serve me with a glad heart. Your God has allowed you to find stillness inside. I want to accept this forgiveness and return with my people to our families on the reservation where we might live our final days in stillness.”
Jenny was uncertain whether Grandfather was willing to forsake his Apache religion, but she decided it was for God to deal with Grandfather’s heart. “I am glad, Grandfather, and I know God is happy too.”
Grandfather nodded and listened as Jenny continued to share the message of salvation with him. After praying with Grandfather and listening to him accept Jesus Christ as his Savior, Jenny felt an exhilaration and exhaustion she’d never known. For the first time since becoming a servant to the Apache, she believed her captivity provided nothing more than a mission field that she’d been prepared for since childhood.
Chapter 18
The next morning, Grandfather met with his people to discuss the move to the reservation. Jenny wasn’t allowed to join the circle of N’de, but she could easily overhear the words exchanged.
Two Knives and the other young men were against moving, while the older ones were weary and ready to consider Grandfather’s suggestion. Jenny heard Grandfather explain that his family would join with those Apache at the reservation, and if any others desired, they could travel with him. Either way, a move would be required for the entire clan as fall was nearly upon them and the game in the area was exhausted. It was suddenly clear to Jenny why Mescal Blossom had worked constantly to finish the boots.
By nightfall, all but four of the N’de had agreed to accompany Grandfather to the reservation. Two Knives and three of his friends agreed to move west into unsettled land where they could remain free.
Grandfather approached Jenny after the exhausting ordeal. He sat down beside her and watched silently as she ground corn. After nearly fifteen minutes of silence, he finally spoke.
“I was wrong to say you were not a human being. You have worked as one of the Apache since Two Knives brought you to me. I cannot force a human being to remain against his will. I will let you go.”
Jenny’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Funny, she thought, she’d never once questioned what might become of her after Grandfather joined up with his people on the reservation.
“I can go home?” she questioned.
“Yes,” the old man smiled. He signaled Mescal Blossom to bring the boots. “These are for your journey. You have many miles to go. I will give you one of the horses, but you will still have to walk. Mescal Blossom’s boots will make your way easier.”
Jenny
took the knee-high boots and smiled appreciatively. “Thank you, both. I will wear them and remember my N’de friends,” she said as she cast aside her well-worn shoes and slipped on the boots. “They fit perfectly!” Jenny exclaimed as she got to her feet. “Now I really look N’de.”
Grandfather laughed, and Mescal Blossom nodded in agreement. “You will leave tomorrow morning. Two of my braves will go with you as far as the big river. From there the trail will be easier, and you will be able to find your way.”
“But I know nothing of the trails, Grandfather,” Jenny protested. “Can’t they take me closer to home—at least as far as the Pueblo village?”
“No, the risk would be too great. Your people will be looking for you even after these many moons. It would not be safe for my braves. You told me God is great and powerful. He will take you on your way when the braves leave you.”
Jenny nodded. Grandfather was right. She wasn’t giving God credit for her freedom or for the fact He would guard her on her journey home. “God will protect me, Grandfather. My Father in heaven will lead me home.”
The following morning before the sun was up, Grandfather gave his braves final instructions. Jenny was carefully put on one of the bays. She had no choice but to ride straddled, fearing that without a saddle she’d fall from the horse and lose her baby.
She hugged Mescal Blossom and Wandering Doe as she carefully leaned down from the horse. In the distance she saw Two Knives and felt disappointed he wouldn’t be the one to take her back. She waved good-bye to him and then to Grandfather.
“I won’t forget you, Grandfather. You helped my heart heal. I will pray for your safety on the way to the reservation and that your people will be strong and live long enough for you to share the truth of God with them.”
“I will tell my people of the God who forgives their sin and of His Son Jesus who gave His blood.”
“I’ll miss you and your people,” Jenny said honestly. She was anxious to be with her husband and friends, but she regretted she would never again see the old man and his people.
The sun was just peeking over the horizon when Mescal Blossom brought Grandfather a handful of pollen. As was their Apache way, Grandfather faced east and blew the pollen toward the sun. “I will ask for a blessing,” Grandfather said, “not from the sun which warms our land, but from the Great God’s Son who sent you to N’de.” Jenny smiled and nodded.
They were on their way before the sun was fully risen. Jenny was uncomfortable riding the huge bay but said nothing. Her Apache escort ran on foot beside her, so it would seem ungrateful to complain. Jenny had learned long ago the Apache walked almost everywhere they went. Apache men could often travel fifty miles on foot in a single day. Their loping run didn’t wind them.
As she rode, Jenny allowed herself to think of David, a luxury she’d not often indulged in. The fear of never seeing her husband again had been too painful, so Jenny had concentrated on the matters at hand. Now, however, she was going home—home to David.
Would he have changed much? Jenny worried David would have spent every waking moment in worry and grief over her. She could imagine his heartache at finding his home destroyed and his wife missing. Then a panicked thought struck her. What if David thought she’d burned in the fire?
“Oh God,” she whispered, “please don’t let David give up. Please let him know I’m alright, Lord. Don’t let him believe me dead.”
u
David bolted upright. “Jenny!” he cried, bringing his closest companions awake.
“What is it?” Garrett asked as he got up and wiped the sleep from his eyes.
“Yeah,” Daniel added with a yawn, “what’s all the noise about?”
“I just felt, I mean. . .” David shook his head as if to clear the sleep from his mind. “I can’t explain it, but I thought I heard Jenny.”
Garrett smiled sadly. “Don’t worry, David. We’ll find her.” Daniel nodded and stretched.
“I know we will,” David spoke confidently. “I can’t explain why, call it the peace of God or whatever, but I feel more positive about this than ever before. I know she’s alright, and I know we’ll find her very soon.”
Daniel seemed to catch his brother’s enthusiasm. “We best get crackin’ then. The sun’s already up, and we’re wasting time.”
Garrett nodded in agreement. “From the looks of it,” he added, “the boys already have the coffee made and the other horses ready. We must be getting too old for this.”
“I’ll say,” Daniel said as he tied up his bedroll. “I’m still not used to sleeping on the ground.” Garrett and David both laughed at this, knowing Daniel had lived a more pampered life. “Besides,” Daniel added, “I’m a heap older than you two.”
“He’s got us there, Garrett,” David said as he picked up his saddle and started to walk away. “Maybe we should start calling him Gramps.” David ignored Daniel’s bedroll as it struck him in the back. His heart was lighter than it had been in months.
u
Three days out on the trail, Jenny’s ears caught the roar of the Rio Grande. Apprehension filled her heart as she realized her companions would be returning to the Apache.
The Apache men, who’d hardly spoken a dozen words the entire trip, gave Jenny explicit directions for getting home. Jenny accepted the reins the men had alternately led the horse by. She thanked them for their help and followed their directions to a shallow crossing of the Rio Grande.
The bay picked his way through the icy waters while Jenny concentrated on staying seated. The bay’s right shoulder dropped, then the left as he made his way across the uneven river bottom. Jenny was grateful not to have her long gown to worry about. The fringed bottom of the Apache dress she wore resisted the water, as did the knee-high moccasin boots.
After only minutes, Jenny landed safely on the opposite bank of the Rio Grande. She turned to wave to her traveling companions, only to discover they had disappeared. Feeling isolated, Jenny whispered a prayer before heading the bay toward home.
“Father,” she said softly, “I’m in Your hands completely. You know I can’t get on and off this horse without help, so I pray You will deliver me into the hands of those who love me.” Jenny looked out across the dry, sandy land. The sage had faded to a dusty green, and the small clumps of grass were dried brown.
By the position of the sun, Jenny could tell it was very early, so she pushed the bay to cover as much land as they could before nightfall. The day passed in a blur of scenery that Jenny compared to landmarks in the directions she’d been given. She had passed Two Fingers Rock and the path where the crooked trees grew. She put the white canyon behind her where volcanic rock had formed chalky white walls with narrow passageways. An icy chill caused her to shiver as the wind came down from the mountains.
Mescal Blossom had given Jenny two warm Indian blankets before she’d departed the company of the N’de. One she used as a cushion between herself and the horse’s bristly backside. The other she hugged close in order to keep warm.
The horse, ever faithful, trudged on. He bore up well under Jenny’s slight weight, but the strain of the climb into the mountains caused him to breathe heavier. Jenny considered dismounting, but she worried because she had never dismounted a horse without the security of a stirrup. With her rounded abdomen, Jenny feared she might harm the baby if she fell in her efforts to get off the horse.
As if recognizing Jenny’s thoughts, the baby moved sharply, causing Jenny to gasp. She’d tried not to think about the child she carried, but she knew God wanted her to take joy and hope in this baby.
Just then the horse whinnied, sensing something up ahead. Jenny braced herself, wondering what she should do. Obviously, the horse sensed something she couldn’t see.
The horse began to prance nervously, and Jenny concentrated all her efforts on staying seated. Whatever lay ahead
was making the horse anxious, and that only caused Jenny to think she should be concerned, too. She managed to slide off the bay. Holding tightly to the horse’s reins, Jenny waited and listened. The rustling of the wind in the lodgepole pines caused the horse to whinny.
Jenny tried to lead the bay forward, but he refused. She decided to wait for a few moments in hopes that whatever was spooking the horse would pass.
Suddenly, voices could be heard, and Jenny’s heart pounded harder. She strained to hear what was being said. Was it Indian or English? Horses could also be heard, and Jenny knew then what the bay had been reacting to.
She started to push the horse toward a thicket of trees and brush, but something caught her attention. She remained perfectly still, hoping to hear better. Then it came to her. The voices were louder and clearer, speaking not only the English she’d longed to hear, but in voices that she recognized. David!
Jenny pulled the bay with renewed strength and ran in the direction of the voices. “David!” she called out. “David, it’s me Jenny!”
The group of travel-worn men rounded the bend in disbelief. David threw the reins of his horse to Daniel as he flew out of the saddle toward his wife. He didn’t notice anything but her face. It was Jenny! At long last he’d found her!
“David,” she sobbed and fell into his arms.
“It’s you, it’s really you!” David exclaimed as he covered Jenny’s dirt smudged face with kisses. Suddenly, he stopped and put Jenny at arm’s length. “Dear Lord,” he whispered as he realized she was pregnant.
Garrett and Daniel interrupted David and took turns hugging Jenny. “Thank God we found you, or was it the other way around?” Garrett asked as he gave Jenny a hearty embrace. “And just look at you. You wear those Apache clothes well. I almost mistook you for an Indian.”
Daniel laughed and gave his sister-in-law a quick appraisal before hugging her. “Why didn’t you tell us about the baby? We’d have never let you go off gallivanting.”
Tender Journeys Page 13