The men didn’t notice David moved away several steps, but Jenny did. She tried not to react, but she was hurt that he seemed put off. Did he think her baby was Apache? Surely he’d be wise enough to realize from her size this baby was without a doubt his.
“David?” Garrett questioned as he finally noticed the look on his friend’s face.
David looked up but said nothing. How could he explain to them the fear he felt? After the weeks they had spent on the trail looking for his wife, David knew his behavior was not only questionable, it was uncalled for.
“You look like you just swallowed bad water,” Garrett said as he stepped over to where David stood. “Are you alright?”
Jenny watched her husband, trying desperately to figure out what he was thinking. “David?” she questioned as she came forward. “What is it?” She reached out to touch him, but found David’s face expressionless.
“We’d best make camp,” he said and walked away, leaving Jenny, Daniel, and Garrett to stare dumfounded after him.
Chapter 19
Well, you don’t look any worse for wear,” Maggie said as she finished frosting the chocolate cake they would eat for supper. “I feel great,” Jenny admitted. “I hope you know how grateful I am to you and Garrett for taking in David and me. I couldn’t believe the mess left over at our place.
“You have to remember the first few months were spent looking for you. It was so hard waiting, wondering,” Maggie said as she put the knife down and came over to where Jenny was sitting. “I have to admit, it wasn’t only my fear for you, but for the men as well. I guess that sounds selfish.”
“Not at all,” Jenny said and shifted her weight uncomfortably in the chair. “The only way I maintained my sanity was to put my thoughts of David and my loved ones far from the reality of what was happening. I feared I might endanger myself if I didn’t cooperate, and to do that required concentrating on my duties.”
“I can only imagine,” Maggie replied with a shudder. “I guess what’s important is you’re safe and you’re going to have a baby. I’m so excited for you.”
“I just wish David was as excited as everybody else is,” Jenny said sadly. “I know he’s worried. I was too, but now I believe God has answered all my prayers. See, Maggie,” Jenny began, “I never realized the hostility toward the Apache that I held on to after all these years. I can’t imagine how hateful I would’ve become if I’d continued to hold on to it.”
“God has a way of making us face our bitterness and deal with it,” Maggie admitted.
“Yes, he does,” Jenny agreed. “I’m afraid that’s what David is going through right now. I never saw it before, but I’m beginning to think perhaps David has held resentment toward God for the death of our children. It seems like I’ve been blind to something I could’ve helped David with a long time ago.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jenny. God brings each of us around in due time. It’s His plan, not ours.” Maggie’s words were just what Jenny needed to hear.
“I’ll pray on it,” Jenny said as she struggled to her feet. “I’ll pray on it and trust God to help David heal.”
Maggie nodded and went back to her cake, while Jenny went in search of her husband.
David was sitting alone in the library. Jenny watched him for several minutes before going to stand beside him. It wasn’t like David to sit and do nothing. Jenny knew he was troubled and prayed she could offer him some relief from his fears.
“May I join you?” Jenny asked, placing her hand lightly upon David’s shoulder.
“Suit yourself,” David said indifferently.
Jenny took a seat on the brocade chair opposite David. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.
“I know,” David replied. “I’m sorry, Jenny.”
“I want you to know I understand,” Jenny said as she studied her husband.
“I’m glad you do, because understanding eludes me,” David said flatly.
“I’m not going to press you in this matter, but we’ve been together for a long time. I remember how patient you were with me while I came to terms with my hatred of the Indians.” Jenny hoped David would say something. When he didn’t, she continued. “What you don’t know is I never really dealt with it until my stay with the Apache.”
David suddenly showed a bit of interest.
“I thought I had,” Jenny said as she reflected on the matter. “I was certain I had laid the ghosts of my dead family to rest, at least until the day I came out of the barn to find the Apache in my front yard. I never recognized the anger and bitterness until then.”
“And?” David asked, wondering what her point was.
“Something happened inside of me, David. I realized I still blamed God for so much of my heartache. The children, our babies, Natty, the raid—you name it, I blamed God for all of it. Here I was the wife of a pastor, ministering God’s love to all who would listen, and I still didn’t truly believe in it.”
David looked away uncomfortably. Jenny got to her feet and walked toward the door.
“I love you, David. Never forget that. Never doubt that my love binds me to you and because of it, we can never truly be separated.” Jenny recited the words David had shared with her the night he’d rescued her from Natty Morgan. Jenny’s words lingered in the air, long after she had left the room.
David knew Jenny was right. He was harboring anger toward God. But it was impossible for him to deal with it, and listening to Jenny talk about it only made him feel worse. Perhaps that was why he had distanced himself from her. Worst of all, for the first time since deciding to become a minister, David couldn’t talk to God.
u
“I hate the way he sits there and mopes,” Maggie said as Garrett finished harnessing the horses to the wagon.
“I do too,” he answered and came to put his arm around Maggie. She was holding six-month-old Julie, who was just learning how to pull at her mother’s hair.
Garrett pulled off his glove and reached out a finger to his daughter. Julie grabbed on and pulled her father’s finger toward her mouth.
“Oh no, you don’t,” Garrett said as he took his hand away. Julie started to fuss, and Maggie soothed her gently.
“I think she’s hungry again,” Maggie said and started for the house. Garrett walked with her to get the door and both were surprised when David met them in the doorway.
“I was just coming to get you, Friend,” Garrett said as he approached David. “I’m going over to Bandelero, and there’s something there I want to show you.”
“I don’t know, Garrett. I don’t much feel like seeing a lot of people.”
“Then we won’t,” Garrett said, leaning over to kiss Maggie good-bye. “I’ll be back around supper,” he said and turned to David. “Come on. It’ll do you good to get out. Maggie will let Jenny know where you are.”
“Sure I will, David. You go on with Garrett and I’ll whip up a batch of your favorite flan for supper,” Maggie said, remembering David’s love of Mexican custard.
David finally relented and followed Garrett to the wagon. “I don’t know that this is a good idea,” he said as he climbed up onto the wagon seat.
“Of course it is,” Garrett replied and flicked the reins to put the horses in motion. “I’ve got quite a proposition for you,” he added, but refused to elaborate.
David passed the trip to Bandelero in silence. Garrett, respecting his friend’s suffering, chose to spend the time in prayer. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to convince David of the positive aspects of his proposal, and he prayed God would show him the best way to deal with his troubled friend.
They stopped first on the south side of town and waited long enough for Daniel to join them. David raised a questioning glance toward Garrett but said nothing. He paid little attention to the conversation Garrett and Daniel s
hared, nor to the direction in which they were headed. When Garrett brought the wagon to a stop, David lifted his head to find a nearly completed church building.
“Well,” Garret said as he jumped down from the wagon, “what do you think?”
David looked first at Garrett, then to his brother.
“Think of what?” he asked.
“What do you think of your new church?” Daniel said and joined Garrett on the ground. “We thought about it, then we prayed about it, and finally we did something about it. This church is the result.”
David shook his head in confusion. “I don’t understand what this has to do with me.”
“The town needs a parson,” Garrett said matter-of-factly. “I had to wonder if maybe God wasn’t leading you in a new direction what with the fact that the mission has been burned and there aren’t any orphans, at least not at the present.”
“So you just listened to God telling you what was best for me? Is that it?” David asked, allowing more anger into his voice than he’d intended.
“Well, little brother, I’d sure guess you weren’t doing a heap of listening to Him, yourself. Now I’m not trying to act like I’ve got a monopoly on God’s ear, but I’ve felt called to help in this project as well. And, I might add, with you in mind.”
“I see,” David said, trying to control his voice.
“Why don’t you come on inside and give it a look over. It seems the least you can do after I drove you out all this way,” Garrett said with a grin. “I think you might even like it.”
David shrugged and reluctantly joined Garrett and Daniel on the ground. “Alright, show me your church.”
Garrett led the way and pushed open the door to the new building. “I figure, we get a couple coats of whitewash on the outside,” he said as he entered the building. “Maggie and Lillie want a bell in the tower so people know when it’s time to come to church, and I told them we’d think about it.”
“You know how they are,” Daniel said, picking up the conversation. “They’d have curtains at the windows and pillows on the pews if you gave them a free hand.”
David was amazed at the work Garrett and Daniel had gone to on his behalf. “I don’t know why you went to all this trouble,” he muttered as he inspected a solid oak pulpit at the front of the church.
“You need a congregation, and we need a church. I figured the two went together. I don’t expect you to take this on without praying about it,” Garrett said. “I just think it might offer you the most ideal solution to your problems.”
“And,” Daniel interjected as he came to stand beside his brother, “it won’t be much longer before your baby will be here. I want you and Jenny to move in with Lillie and me as soon as possible. I’m going to keep a good eye on that wife of yours and bring your baby into the world safe and sound. I’m getting pretty good at it, if I do say so myself.”
Garrett laughed. “I’ll say.”
David tried to smile, but fear gripped his heart. They didn’t understand. They hadn’t gone through the things he had. They couldn’t know what it was like to face the possibility of losing another child.
“Mr. Lucas,” a voice called from the front door, “could I have a word with you?” A tall, well-dressed man whom Garrett recognized as the owner of Bandelero’s only bank waited at the door for Garrett’s answer.
“If you two will excuse me a moment,” Garrett said and went to see what the man needed.
Daniel took the opportunity to speak to David. He motioned him to take a seat. “I know what you’re thinking. I can see it in your eyes. I had the same look in mine when I found out Lillie was pregnant. All I could think about was Katie. Of course, all Lillie could think about was the baby she’d lost in the carriage accident that took her first husband’s life.”
David nodded, but tightness in his throat wouldn’t allow him to speak.
Daniel took a seat beside his brother and continued, “I never wanted to love another woman after Katie died. I never wanted to deal with God again, either. I was such a new Christian, and I didn’t have the strength to get through my anguish. I hated myself for turning you away, and I hated God for taking my wife, or at least I thought I did. I couldn’t understand why God would allow such a thing to happen, but now that He’s sent me Lillie and the boys, I can’t imagine life any other way.”
“I don’t think I can bear it,” David finally spoke.
“I know,” Daniel answered. “I never thought I could either. But no matter how far you run, you can never outrun God. I know you’re trying to outrun Him right now, but it won’t work. We both know it.”
“It’s hard to trust, and I was wrong to ever make an issue of it with you when Katie died,” David said sadly.
“No, you weren’t. You were telling me what I needed to hear—what God wanted me to hear. I hope I’m returning the favor. Jenny is feeling pretty alone right now. I know, because she cried in my arms and told me so.”
David’s head snapped up. The thought of his wife seeking comfort from another man unnerved him. “I guess I haven’t been what she’s needed.”
“No, you haven’t,” Daniel said firmly. “I can still remember the look on your face the day we found her. But more than that, I’ll never forget the look on hers. The pain and alienation was enough to make me want to throttle you.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt her. I’m just so afraid, and that seems so unmanly. What if this baby dies too?” David questioned with tears in his eyes. “I don’t think either one of us could live through the agony. What if Jenny dies during the birthing? All these questions keep going through my mind, and I don’t understand why God can’t see my pain.”
“He does see it,” Daniel said as he put his arm around David. “He’s never left you, David—you stopped trusting Him to take care of the situation. Like you told me once, you’ve got to trust Him. It won’t be easy, but it’s the only way you’ll have any peace.”
David nodded. “I know you’re right.” He looked up toward the front of the church. A wooden cross had been erected behind the pulpit—a reminder to him the answer had been given long ago. “I’d like a few minutes alone.”
Daniel nodded, gripped David’s shoulder, and left.
“Father,” David began as he got down on his knees and looked up to the cross, “forgive me for doubting Your wisdom in this situation. Forgive me, too, for the anger I’ve held inside all these years. Like Jenny, I didn’t realize the way I’d allowed resentment to root itself in my heart. I think back to the children Jenny bore, and it hurts so much to remember their passing. I know they’re safely in heaven with You, but God,” David broke down and cried, “I miss them so, and I miss the way Jenny used to be before she lost them.” Moments of silence passed as David cried before God.
When David was spent, peace filled his soul. God had filled his emptiness. David got to his feet and wiped his face.
He came out from the church and found Daniel and Garrett waiting for his decision. They stood talking at the wagon but fell silent as he approached.
“I’ll pastor your church until you get someone who’s better suited. I’m still not convinced my ministry isn’t with the Indian people, but I’ll pray about it and do as God directs me.”
Garrett grinned and Daniel nodded.
“Now,” David said as he climbed up on the wagon seat, “I’d like to get home to my wife.”
Chapter 20
With little ceremony, Jenny and David were settled into Lillie and Daniel’s house in Bandelero. For the first time since coming home from her stay with the Apaches, Jenny felt all was well. David’s faith had been restored, and with it, Jenny’s strength. She’d never realized how much she looked to David for her courage.
Jenny looked out the window and down the street where a distinct hammering could be heard.
She knew David and Garrett were working feverishly before the onset of winter to build a small parsonage. God had truly provided for all their needs, Jenny realized. Patting her oversized abdomen, she thanked God for meeting the desires of her heart, as well.
She sat down uncomfortably and waited for the tightening to pass. Her labor had started an hour earlier, but Jenny didn’t want to worry David with a lengthy wait, so she had said nothing to him when he left to work on the house.
The pains were coming closer together, however, and Jenny knew she needed to let Daniel and Lillie know so they could prepare for her delivery. Gingerly making her way down the hall, Jenny found Daniel in his office. She grinned when Daniel looked up from his supply ledger.
“Did I miss the joke?” he asked, returning her smile.
“Hardly,” Jenny answered. There’s no way you’re going to miss this one.”
Daniel stared at her for a moment before realizing what Jenny was getting at. “Are you having contractions?”
Jenny nodded. “About every five minutes. They started about breakfast time.”
Daniel looked at his watch. “That’s been little less than an hour, and already they’re coming every five minutes?”
Jenny opened her mouth to reply, but pain ripped through her and she doubled over instead. Daniel was at her side in a flash, calling for Lillie and helping Jenny to a bed.
“Make that every three minutes,” Jenny said as the pain eased.
Lillie came into the room chiding Daniel for yelling until she caught sight of Jenny on the bed. She immediately went to prepare the things Daniel would need for the delivery.
“Should I send for Garrett and David?” she asked as she went to put a pot of water on the stove.
“Send John for them. I don’t think we have enough time to spare you,” Daniel answered. Jenny was already grimacing through another contraction.
Lillie nodded and added, “I’ll get her into a nightgown as soon as I send John.”
Suddenly, Jenny screamed, and Lillie ran in search of her son.
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