Helena shook her head. That would be skirting a controversy of astronomical proportions. Miss Justina couldn’t do that, not when she was so close to getting Lord Jeffrey up to scratch.
“No, you cannot do that.”
“Can I ask you one question?” Miss Justina asked.
“You know you can ask me anything, Justina.”
“Why are you with Lord Jeffrey? I do not see one godly character in that man.”
Miss Justina must have been really serious because her face became a hard frown.
“You won’t understand, Justina. It’s the right choice.”
“And Dr Frederick?” Miss Justina asked.
“He’s not here now, is he? He’s not been here for two weeks,” Helena replied.
“So nothing,” Miss Justina said.
“Nothing,” Helena said solemnly even though her heart screamed, “Everything.”
“You will marry Lord Jeffrey?” Miss Justina asked.
Helena looked back to the door behind her. She raised her eyes to the deck above her head. She looked to the compound that surrounded the house.
Those were the things she was struggling to keep.
“Yes, unless there’s a miracle.”
“Someone is here,” Miss Justina said.
Helena looked at the gate as it opened slowly. There was a man on a horse talking to the stewards by the gate. When the gate was fully opened, she saw the man properly. Her heart plummeted with the failed expectations. It wasn’t Dr Frederick; it was Lord Jeffrey. He rode slowly to her, and by the time he got beside her, Helena noticed Miss Justina was gone.
“It’s a lovely day, Helena. How are you?” Lord Jeffrey asked.
“The day was lovelier a few moments ago,” Helena replied.
“Hmmph,” Lord Jeffrey reacted, not understanding what she had meant.
Chapter 21
To Learn to Lose
Dr Frederick stared at his image in his big mirror. He was dashing, the grey breeches working fantastically with the black jacket and white shirt he wore underneath. He nodded. He saw that behind him, Mister Frank had a philosophical expression across his face.
“You want to say something, Frank?”
“Sir, you have developed a taste for balls,” Mister Frank said.
Dr Frederick laughed. He didn’t reply because it was true.
Ever since I met Miss Helena, I have been attending the parties. Well, it isn’t about her anymore.
Dr Frederick spared himself a last, long look before turning away from the mirror. He took his shoes from the shoe rack and wore them.
“The horse is ready?” Dr Frederick asked.
“Yes, sir, ready and waiting.”
Dr Frederick nodded and started walking outside. He watched Mister Frank drop his pen back on the smooth top of his wooden reading table. The polished table top reflected the late afternoon light. Dr Frederick removed his eyes from its focused beam.
Mister Frank had decided not to go. He wanted to make some notes and do some reading, he had claimed. Dr Frederick couldn’t force him.
A man has a right to attend or not to attend a party.
The party was being hosted there in Beaufort by a high class, gold merchant, a friend of the Duke of Beaufort. Dr Frederick had received the invitation from the Duke through his messenger. Dr Frederick had at first thanked the messenger without giving him a definitive reply. His heart was heavy, pre-occupied with musings about Miss Helena and not ready to harbour party preparations. But as the day drew near, Dr Frederick became more convinced that he needed to attend a party like this, so he could dash away the depressing thoughts of what could have been.
He left his house, looking back to shut the wooden door quietly into its frame. He readied himself before mounting the horse. Mister Frank came out of the house, holding a grey hat.
“Sir, you just might need it,” he said, lifting the hat to Dr Frederick.
Dr Frederick looked up at the sky. This was past mid-afternoon. The sun could not get any higher, or harder. But he had been in all day and probably didn’t get a proper gauge of how hot the sun was.
“Fine, thank you,” he replied, collecting the hat and setting it on his head.
“I’ll be back soon.”
Dr Frederick rode gently at first, trying to prevent his hat from flying off in the afternoon wind. He went past the houses down the street, tipping his hat and nodding to more than a few neighbours, some of whom were also customers. At the end of the street, he went past the house with the tall chimney.
The Chimney house.
Dr Frederick chuckled as he remembered how Mister Frank always described it. He never said anything, but he always remembered the house because in it lived the most beautiful damsel he had seen since he came back from medical school, if he didn’t factor in Miss Helena. He’d never spoken to her but had nodded to her more than once. She was the second daughter of her parents, the second child too. It seemed her sister was married and only came to visit sometimes. Dr Frederick sometimes rode past in his curricle or on horse-back and would see her working outside. He had always enjoyed watching her work. Just as his horse was going past the house, the small door in front of the house opened and out came the chit. She looked up and saw Dr Frederick, caught him staring, and she smiled. Dr Frederick smiled and tipped his hat. He looked away uncomfortably.
He would have stayed to talk, maybe that could cover the pain that tore at his heart, but she seemed to have worsened matters. Her brown hair was red in the afternoon light, and when she smiled, she had two crinkles in her cheeks. She was too much of a reminder of Miss Helena. Dr Frederick shook his head. It was of bad report that a respected man should get drunk at a party, but Dr Frederick felt he owed himself one or two strong shots.
I might not be able to bear this pain without it.
He kicked into his horse, sending it into a sharp run. He didn’t care if his hat flew off. The breeze was capable of temporarily providing thrill.
I need a little thrill in my life.
Luckily, for him, the hat didn’t come off. It fit tightly onto his head till he reached the specified address where the party was being held. Dr Frederick alighted and led his horse on, looking around for any steward or stable boy.
“Let’s have her, sir,” he heard someone say behind him.
Dr Frederick turned back and gave the reins to a young boy who had his hand stretched. The boy nodded and led the horse away. Dr Frederick went into the house.
The first room was long with a lot of windows. It looked like the passage, with its furniture removed to allow more people into the house. Dr Frederick walked down the passage, evading multiple bodies that threatened to hit him. He got to the door and was quick to see a flailing arm. He blocked it, looking at the erring man who in his excitement had forgotten that one needed greater composure when so many people were present in so little a space. The man whispered apologies, and Dr Frederick nodded. He went through the door into a wider room.
This is the sitting room, surely.
He imagined that it would be regarded as a bit too big when friends came to visit the owner. But now that it was to host dances, it was a bit too small. Dr Frederick could hardly find space to walk. He snuggled, shoved and eased through the crowd that filled the room till he got to the side of a window. The cool air that wafted gently through felt like water in a dry desert. Dr Frederick shook his head.
“Some of these parties are not just worth all the stress. How does one hope to dance here?”
He wasn’t completely buffed that he might not get to dance. Dr Frederick didn’t feel like dancing. He only planned to do so because it would help to occupy his mind more and give him a chance to get acquainted to another young lady.
She feels irreplaceable, but Frank must be right, no one is.
He looked out the window and saw that another carriage had arrived. It spilled its contents to release two young ladies, who looked like sisters, and a dandy-looking young man. Dr Frede
rick imagined how much more the room could take before the people pushed the walls down. He laughed out loud, his chest shaking with strong quakes.
What a picture, I can’t remember the last time I thought up something so silly.
Then he remembered. It wasn’t even too far away. He had been a moron to think Miss Helena would give him a nod over Lord Jeffrey. Her maid would have told her what they saw, she and Mister Frank, but still Miss Helena made no effort to get to him. Mister Frank said she was back. Dr Frederick didn’t care to find out. He shook his head. Who was he deceiving? He didn’t want to care, but his attention had been rapt when Mister Frank mentioned that she was now around, in passing, a few days ago. His heart still lurched when he heard her name.
Stop thinking about her.
He had attended the party to get his mind off her. Well, from the little ruminations of the past few minutes, he had to wish himself a lot of luck with that.
This might be one long evening.
There was music being played now. Space had miraculously been created at the centre of the room where a group of couples danced. Soon people were forming pairs and joining the dance. The atmosphere went from frenetic and noisy to rambunctious and amusing. Dr Frederick could not hold back the smile, and the chuckle, as a particularly fat man tried to do a spin and almost clattered into his partner. For a dance that was meant to be executed with a fullness of grace, the man wasn’t doing the best job.
“He is hurting his chances of getting a good mate more than a little, don’t you think?”
Dr Frederick turned sharply to his left, where the voice had come from. He heard it and knew it was her. He didn’t smile, angry that she had broken his peace when he was starting to take his mind off her. He ignored the rebellious delight that warmed him in the pit of his belly, that unthinking yearning that always wanted to see her.
“Miss Helena,” he managed to squeeze out from tightly held lips.
She must have noticed his demeanour because the smile she had first held slowly died out, leaving a calm and serious expression on her face. How she managed to still look ravishing and tempting with that look, Dr Frederick couldn’t fathom.
She wore a simple dress today. White with gold edges and the lacy ends of her pink petticoat peeking out from the cone end of her dress, but not managing to cover the dainty, white, low-heeled shoes she wore. Dr Frederick couldn’t resist the comment.
“A bit afraid of heels now, are we? I’d always thought of you as a fearless woman. It’s funny what tames a woman.”
Miss Helena smiled, a small, cold smile that Dr Frederick knew she reserved for functionality. She had never given him that sort before now.
“Oh, for my soul, if I could be even be tamed by a storey-high pair of heels. No, not in this life I couldn’t. I just feel a bit calm today, so I decided to take everything calmly, including my footwear,” Miss Helena replied.
Dr Frederick looked at her dressing again and couldn’t but agree with her. He looked out the window again.
“So when did you come back?”
“I’ve been around for a bit now, a few days removed from three weeks,” she answered.
“Blimey, you have been around a while,” Dr Frederick said, feigning ignorance.
“Yes, I have. You would have known had you paid a visit during that time,” Miss Helena answered.
Dr Frederick looked back at her, but she was gazing outside the window now. He knew she could see him, but she refused to meet his gaze.
Could she be finding it too painful, too raw, like I do?
He was surprised that she had said that. She had left without telling him a word in advance.
“You left without giving me a word’s notice. You left for more than two months. Only a man without pride would run back to you as you came back,” he said, daring to bare a bit of his soul.
Miss Helena looked at him, and Dr Frederick saw why she had refused to meet his gaze before. Her bland eyes were full with emotion, a spitting image of the turmoil he felt inside. She looked hurt.
I am hurt.
“I had to leave when I did,” Miss Helena said.
She opened her mouth, about to say more but looked back at the middle of the room. The room was quiet, the music had ended. Almost immediately there was an effusion of sounds from the instruments at the other end of the room, another dance had started. Dr Frederick remembered he had always wanted a dance. He bowed, spreading out one hand in a slow, expanding motion.
“I would love to share a dance with you,” Dr Frederick said.
“Dr Frederick, of course I would love a dance with you,” Miss Helena replied.
He led her to the tail of the dance, and they joined in the dance. It was a vigorous one, the dance. Reminding Dr Frederick of all the steps Dr Terry had taught him. Miss Helena wasn’t bad herself, catching up to every move and matching his swings and twirls. Dr Frederick was so excited as they danced that once when she leaned fully into him, pressing her breasts onto him, the tingle in his belly came as a shock, reminding him that Miss Helena was as much fun as she was a temptation. The dance ended all too soon and had them jostling between bodies to get back to their favoured position at the window.
Dr Frederick placed his hand on the windowsill. Miss Helena placed her gloved palm over his. It was an expression of intimacy as powerful as it was inconspicuous. Dr Frederick was tempted to draw her into his embrace and kiss her till her breath faltered. He licked his lips instead, feasting on the powerful images his mind conjured.
“What of Miss Justina? Didn’t she come with you?” Dr Frederick asked her.
“She chose not to come.”
“Why?” Dr Frederick asked, dismayed that it was even possible.
“She doesn’t like Lord Jeffrey, so she decided since he’s going to be present here, then she would avoid it. ‘He will be your chaperone,’ she told me.”
Lord Jeffrey’s name wiped the easy smile off Dr Frederick’s face. The air was colder.
“So where is he?” Dr Frederick asked, avoiding the mention of his name.
“He’ll soon be here. He offered to pick me up from home, but I rejected it. I wouldn’t want him repeating what he did the last time.”
Dr Frederick remembered how he had to take her home the last time. He didn’t regret Lord Jeffrey’s actions if she did, he appreciated them.
“Was I so bad that you wish away such an evening?”
Miss Helena smiled. It was the one he was used to, crinkling her cheeks and showing small, white teeth. Her red lips widened to form a small, thin line. She put more pressure on his hand.
“No, dear, you made my day,” she replied.
Her eyes wandered out the window and lingered. Dr Frederick turned to see what held her gaze for so long.
Lord Jeffrey.
He was coming out from a small carriage with huge wheels that had golden heads. He alighted from the open door, not sparing the steward who held the door open the faintest regard. Miss Helena wrapped her hand around his wrist.
“Come with me, dear,” she said.
She walked quickly, winding between pairs and trios of standing people. Dr Frederick followed her, his wrist still locked in her hand. She pushed him through a door, up a short flight of stairs till they got into a long room. There was a table set in its middle. Lord Frederick wondered how much food would have been prepared for supper. He wasn’t sure he had the stomach to eat, seeing Miss Helena was filling enough. She pushed through another door, and they wandered into a smaller room with a window at the far end. This room was darker. Dr Frederick looked to the open window. The sun was lower.
He turned back to Miss Helena just in time to see her raise her lips to his. She wrapped her hands around his back, pushing him into her softness. Dr Frederick held her at her waist and pushed her gently into the wall. His tongue swept into her mouth, touching every corner till her mouth could not satisfy anymore. Dr Frederick kissed her bottom lip, sucking it gently for a moment before going down and kis
sing her neck. His mouth wandered up again till it enveloped her ears and sucked at them. Her hand grabbed his erect member, through his breeches, making him gasp suddenly.
Dr Frederick suddenly remembered what Lord Jeffrey had told him. He broke the kiss.
“What’s the matter?” Miss Helena asked him.
“Lord Jeffrey told me of your engagement. Why are you like this? Why would you let me yearn and thirst for another man’s wife?” Dr Frederick asked.
Seduced by an Irresistible Lady: A Historical Regency Romance Book Page 24