by Rona Halsall
‘Any news?’
There was silence for a moment and Luke smiled, knew that his friend was keeping him waiting for a good reason, rather than bad. Nick was a bit of a joker, but honestly, he was so easy to read it was ridiculous.
‘The answer is yes.’
Luke smacked the side of the pickup. ‘Yes!’ he shouted, making Ted turn and glare at him. He walked away a few steps and turned his back, lowered his voice. ‘So, there’s an opening?’
‘That’s right. They’re looking for a couple more engineers with your background. Lucky you’ve had experience with the new helicopter they’re using for mountain rescue. Anyway, I mentioned you to my boss. Told him we’d served in Cyprus together and he’s going to get in touch.’
‘Bloody brilliant!’
‘The wonders of Facebook, eh? If you hadn’t popped up on there, I wouldn’t have known you were back in Wales.’
Luke grinned. He’d given up on social media after Anna died; everything seeming trivial and other people’s lives so happy compared to his. But he’d realised that he needed to broaden his circle of friends now, if he was to keep himself sane stuck away up the valley, and even if they were only virtual friends, at least they were people to chat to.
After a few months at home, Luke felt a lot steadier in himself, had more energy and experienced fewer days when his emotions threatened to overflow. But the stronger he felt, the more restless he became, remembering the real reason why he’d wanted to leave this place all those years ago.
Ted.
It was very clear that even if the rest of his family wanted him to stay at the farm, Ted definitely did not.
Now that Mel was in his life, Luke wanted to spend more time with her, but that involved so much driving it had really started to piss him off. A couple of days ago, he’d finally decided it was time to make some changes and it was Mel who’d got him thinking about work opportunities away from the farm.
They were curled up on Mel’s sofa, an empty bottle of wine on the coffee table, the remnants of a delicious meal she had cooked for him stacked up in the kitchen. Her perfume filled the air, the skin of her thigh soft beneath his hands, her bare breasts snuggled against his chest, their legs entwined.
‘Well, that’s the best choir practice I’ve ever had,’ he said.
She laughed. ‘Does nobody at the farm think you’re doing a lot of singing these days?’
‘Hmm. Mum did say she was glad I’d found a new hobby.’
They both laughed and Luke held her tighter.
‘I don’t mind being your hobby,’ Mel murmured, dropping gentle kisses up his neck, giving his earlobe a nip. ‘But it would be nice if we could do this more often.’
A groan escaped him as his body came to life again and he swung himself on top of her. Even Anna hadn’t got him stirred up like this. But then Mel was older, more experienced, with plenty of little tricks to excite him. And she loved sex. But that wasn’t the only thing that excited him about her. She was funny and smart and nothing was a problem, so easy to be with he forgot all his worries when they were together, her personality like a balm to the bruises Ted inflicted on his ego every day.
‘You want more?’ he murmured as he kissed her breasts.
She arched her back. ‘Every damned night.’
He stopped for a moment, her words linking with a decision that he’d already half made, one he’d toyed with in the early hours of the morning, when he couldn’t get back to sleep.
‘I’m thinking about moving out.’
She stilled then, and opened her eyes. ‘You are?’ She grinned at him, excitement flashing in her eyes.
He nodded. ‘Yep, I am. The sale of the house in Scotland has just completed. And I’ve got some money from Anna’s life insurance. Plenty to buy a nice house.’
‘Right.’ She shifted position so she could see him better, her breathing shallow, excited.
‘I’ve had a quick look and there’s a new estate being built up by the hospital. A spanking new three-bed house wouldn’t even take all my money.’
‘You want me to move in with you? Is that what you’re saying?’ Her voice was thick with emotion, her eyes full of anticipation as she waited for his reply.
Luke gazed at her for a moment, suddenly unsure. Is that what I’m saying? In his mind, he’d been moving closer so they could see each other more often. Panic flickered in his chest and he started to backtrack a little.
‘We’d have to take it slow. You know, for the kids. So they can get used to you in their lives. It’s been such a big change for them coming down here. New place, new people, new school, and a new language. It’s been a hell of a lot.’
‘But if you’re in Bangor they could go to an English-language school, couldn’t they? A private one?’
Luke sighed. ‘Sounds expensive.’
‘I could help. Financially, I mean.’
Luke shook his head. ‘Don’t be daft. I couldn’t expect you to do that.’
She stroked his face. ‘You know, you could always see if you could get a job using your engineering skills. If you’re moving to Bangor, then RAF Valley isn’t too far away for a daily commute, is it? Then you’d get a proper salary.’
He’d smiled at her. ‘See, I knew you were smart. That’s not a bad idea, is it?’
‘No,’ she said, her hands running down the length of his back, making him shudder with anticipation. ‘If it gets you out of the sticks and into town, then I reckon it’s the best idea I’ve had in a long time.’
It had been late when he’d left her apartment, satiated and pleasantly tired, but the drive back had seemed to take an eternity. Imagine if I only lived five minutes away from her. Imagine… But he didn’t let himself go any further than that. He had the children to think about and he wanted them to be settled in a house of their own first, before he could consider her suggestion that she move in with them.
He thought it all through as he drove. A job working on helicopters again, with people like him. Now that was something he could look forward to. The farm was alright, but now that the old animosity with Ted had reasserted itself, he couldn’t stay for much longer, especially now that Ted had started calling him PS, short for prodigal son, reminding his parents at every opportunity that he, Ted, was the one who had stayed behind and put the work in to keep the place going. He, Ted, was Mr Reliable, implying that Luke wasn’t.
By the next morning, the idea of moving away from the farm had set like concrete in his mind. It felt right. It would be better for him, better for the kids and he’d have money to put back into the farm if they needed it. Of course he’d carry on helping with the cannabis side of things, doing his bit with deliveries. There was no problem with that; it wasn’t as though it took too much time. And anyway, if he was at RAF Valley, he’d be building up a whole network of new contacts for them.
As soon as he got up, he went straight onto the contractor’s web page, looking at their staff to see if he knew anyone. And that’s where he found Nick.
Luke grinned to himself now as he put his phone away. He was taking control of his life again and it felt good. A shout made him glance round, but he was too late to see Ted launch a haybale at him, too late to stop it smacking into his chest and toppling him backwards on to the packed earth of the barn. He landed on his back with a whoomph, all the air driven out of him, leaving him rolling around, gasping for breath.
Ted stood over him, sneering. ‘You should have been ready,’ he snapped. ‘Oh, unless your social life is more important than helping us keep this place going. Can’t you think about Ma and Da for a change?’
Ma and Da, that’s what Ted called Luke’s parents, and they did nothing to stop him, even though he was their nephew. To Luke, it sounded weird, possessive, and had started to rankle every time he heard him say it.
Ted had always been jealous of Luke about something or other and the only real solution was to put a bit of distance between them; try and get their relationship on an even keel ag
ain, because stunts like this were wearing so thin that Luke was a whisker away from beating the shit out of his cousin. And then he’d be in all sorts of trouble.
Luke rolled himself onto his knees and got himself up on his feet, dusting himself down without looking at Ted. In that moment, his hatred for his cousin was like a festering sore. What he wanted to do was go on the attack, use his fists, which curled by his sides whenever he was within touching distance of the guy, but he remembered the look on his mum’s face the last time they’d fought and he made himself turn and walk away.
He went in search of his mum. The decision had been made. He was getting a job and moving out, but he understood that it would affect his whole family, not just him, and it was only right that he discussed it with her first, settled any worries before they rooted in her mind. He’d been startled enough by her condition as it was and after Ceri’s warning, he really didn’t want to be the one to make it worse.
‘Hi Luke, what’s up?’ His mum was sitting at the kitchen table, laptop open, a pile of receipts by her side.
‘Oh, I just…’ Luke looked around to check they were alone. ‘I just wanted a chat.’
His mum’s eyes narrowed, her brow creased into a frown, and she sighed. ‘You’re going to tell me something I don’t want to hear, aren’t you? You’ve not been fighting with Ted again, have you?’
Luke went over and flicked the kettle on, making them both a mug of tea while he marvelled at his mother’s ability to read his face, unsure how to start a conversation that he was certain would upset her. He put the mugs on the table and sat down, the right words elusive, slipping from his grasp as he tried to string a sentence together.
He took a deep breath. ‘Mum, I just want to thank you and Dad for welcoming me back after… you know.’ She gazed at him, and Luke looked down at the table, picking at a knot in the wood. ‘But I feel much stronger now. And I think… I want…’ Luke felt a burning in his chest, his lungs constricting as he tried to make his words palatable. In the end, his news came bursting out. ‘Thing is, I’ve got a chance of a job at RAF Valley. On the rescue helicopters.’
His mum reached out and put her hand over his, mustered a shaky smile. ‘That’s wonderful news, love. Wonderful. Farming never was your thing, was it? I understand that.’ Her smile broadened. ‘A local job! Well, that’s… wonderful.’
She gave a strangled laugh and put her mug down, her hand shaking so much the tea was spilling over the rim. ‘I thought you were going to tell me you were going back to Scotland or something.’ She clasped her hand to her chest, eyes wide. ‘Overseas, even. Honestly, you scared the life out of me. I just got you back – I couldn’t face losing you again.’
‘So… um, there is something else.’ Luke’s heart raced.
‘Whatever you tell me now, love, it’s fine. We can get one of Ted’s friends to come over and help.’ Her relief was making her gabble, as she worked through the logistics of how they’d fill the gap when Luke no longer had time to do the farm work. ‘Nathan’s a good lad. Got to help on his dad’s farm as well, but if we’re stuck he’s pretty reliable. And Ceri can do a bit more outside. She won’t mind. Sod the housework, eh? And maybe on a weekend you could still pitch in at times. Then—’
‘Mum, I just need you to listen.’
She gazed at him, uncertain.
‘I’m moving to Bangor. Otherwise the travel’s going to be too much. And the kids have struggled with being taught in Welsh, so I thought… there’s an English school in Bangor they can go to. I think they’d be happier—’
‘Bangor?’ She sounded horrified, like he’d told her they were moving to the slums of Delhi. ‘Why would you want to live in Bangor?’
Twenty-seven miles didn’t seem that far to Luke, but to his mum it was obviously another world.
‘Because it’s easier to get to places, Mum. If I don’t get this job, then the A55 is on the doorstep if I’m in Bangor. I can look for something up the coast. There’s no jobs here for me, are there?’
‘But what about…’
She stopped herself and he knew what she was thinking.
‘I can still help with sales and deliveries of the cannabis capsules. Don’t worry about that. We’ll just have to be a bit better organised.’
She let out a long sigh and looked at her hands, fiddled with her wedding ring, twiddling it round her finger. He noticed then how thin her hands were, how much weight she’d lost, and wondered if he was doing the right thing.
‘It’s a lot to take in, love.’
‘I know. But I’ve got to put the kids first and I want school to be something they enjoy. Especially at this age. You know they’re finding it a bit of a culture shock at the moment.’
‘But they love it here on the farm.’
Luke nodded. That was the thing, the sticking point. Was he going to rip them away from the people they had grown to love and a lifestyle they had taken to like ducks to water?
Ted walked in and stopped in the doorway, a frown on his face.
‘This is very cosy,’ he said. ‘What happened to drinks for the rest of us?’
‘I was on my way,’ Luke said, standing up. ‘Just needed to have a chat with Mum.’
His mum looked up at him and grabbed his hand. ‘It’ll be fine, Luke. You just do what you have to for your family.’ She gave him a sad smile. ‘And what’s best for you.’
‘That’s right,’ Ted sneered. ‘Make sure you put yourself first, as usual.’
‘Ted, will you give it a rest!’ Fay snapped, her face contorted in anger, her words making her nephew flinch. Ted gave Luke a look that made him shiver inside. Because that look was full of rage. That look said he’d like to see him dead.
Eighteen
A month later, the children’s faces shone with delight as they unwrapped the presents that Mel had bought them. A book on how to look after ponies for Tessa and a model tractor for Callum, identical to the one they had at the farm, both sure-fire winners. Luke’s grin widened when he saw what she’d bought. She’d listened to him when he’d talked to her about the children. Really listened. She’d made these choices herself and they were absolutely perfect. Exactly what he would have chosen if she’d asked him what they would like.
‘Cool,’ the children said in unison, making Mel and Luke laugh. Callum started opening the plastic packaging, to free his bright-blue tractor, while Tessa flicked through her book, studying the pages and calling out at the pictures. ‘Look at this one, Dad,’ she said, excited. ‘This is my favourite colour. Dappled grey, isn’t it lovely?’
Luke threw Mel a glance and mouthed ‘thank you’. She gave him the thumbs up and his heart swelled with love. She really cares, he thought, and that alone lifted his spirits. If she was willing to try, then they could make this work. This was the best possible start to the day.
‘Say thank you,’ Luke prompted as his children studied their presents. ‘That was so thoughtful of you, Mel,’ he said. ‘Wasn’t it, kids?’
‘Thank you! Thank you!’ they both shouted, their gifts clasped tightly in their hands.
They were standing in the small lounge in Mel’s apartment, nobody sure what happened next until Luke took charge. That’s my role, isn’t it? Head of the family. A role he wasn’t allowed to have at the farm, because Ted had to be in control, everybody tiptoeing round him as if he was an unexploded bomb. Luke felt his resolve harden and he knew that his decision to move out was for the best.
‘So… Greenwood Centre, kids?’
His question was received with whoops of delight. They’d only been once before, but it had been a big hit with the kids and they had chattered on about it for weeks after the event. Luke grinned at Mel. He’d warned her to wear casual clothes that she didn’t mind getting a bit grubby and was pleased to see the jeans and fleece, which weren’t her usual style of dress and looked brand new. As did her white trainers. He’d winced when he’d first seen them, knowing that they’d be a few shades grubbier by the end of th
e day. Still, they’d wash, he reassured himself. And they were only a pair of trainers. They bundled into Luke’s car and set off while Luke explained to Mel where they were going.
‘It’s not far. Between Bangor and Caernarfon. Brilliant place for kids.’
‘So, what is it exactly? You didn’t really explain. Did I get the dress code right?’ She sounded a little anxious.
‘You’ll be fine. It’s all outdoors, but it’s quite physical, so even though it’s a little chilly today, you’ll soon get warmed up.’ She still looked unsure. ‘Honestly, I think you’ll love it. It’s an eco theme park. Loads of rides and activities for the kids. Beautiful views all around and the kids just run themselves ragged.’
Mel smiled at him. ‘So, we do that as well, do we? Run around?’
Luke put his hand over hers. ‘You do as much or as little as you want. If you want to go on the go-karts, you can. There’s a brilliant roller coaster. Mega slides, where you sit on these trays. Then there’s this climbing frame thing up the hillside with nets and ladders and tunnels. Unfortunately, I’m too big for that. Got a bit stuck last time, and felt like a right idiot, so I won’t be doing that again. Kids love it, though, so we can sit that one out, have a breather. And it’s right next to the ice cream shop.’
Mel laughed, eyes sparkling with excitement. ‘I can’t wait. Sounds like great fun.’
He let out a quiet sigh. He’d been hoping she’d say that. He supposed this was quite a big test today; the first time she’d met the kids and the first time they’d all been out together. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t nervous. He’d been awake half the night, wondering if he was being too ambitious, if it was too soon, hoping that the weather would be fine. So many variables that needed to come together to make this a happy day out.
It wasn’t that he didn’t miss Anna. He’d always miss her, and his memories of her and the time they had together were ingrained in him. But this connection he had with Mel was completely different. There was a level of passion he’d never experienced before, not even with Anna, a sexual attraction that he couldn’t seem to resist. After a year of grieving, she’d awoken him. Given him back his life, almost. Yes, it was as big as that. And she was so kind and interested in him and his family, which showed in her choice of presents for the children.