Yes, Mama

by Helen Forrester

  ‘Well, you’d better marry her, then. You can’t play around with her like she was some kid from back of Boundary Street. Not with folks like she’s got. And if you marry her, you’d better watch your step, boy, or you could end up quarrelling like a pair o’ cats – just ’cos you mayn’t understand wot’s the custom with folk like her.’

  ‘I want to marry her and I think she’d marry me, even though I’m stuck with a useless arm,’ Billy replied irritably. ‘If Ernie at the stable can make a full-blooded Cree, complete with feathers, happy, I can do the same for her. And you brought ’er up, not her Mam. You must’ve taught her plenty. It’s her Mam wot’s the problem – she’s ripe for the loony bin, she is.’

  ‘Now, our Billy! Would you’ve let our Mam go into Bedlam?”

  ‘Na, ’course not.’

  ‘Well, she’s the same about her Mam.’ Polly sighed, and then said, ‘If Mr Harold could get me some help, I could stay with her Mam and you take her to Canada.’

  ‘Oh, no,’ Billy replied firmly, ‘I’m goin’ to get you off this bloody treadmill an’ all.’ He picked up his spoon and began slowly to eat his porridge. ‘I’ll think of somethin’.’

  ‘Maybe we should talk to Dr Bell and ask him. And then get hold of Mr Harold, her uncle. He’s proper kind.’ Desperate with sudden desire to be free herself, she said, ‘Truth is, we’ve both gone on from day to day, and neither of us – nor her brother – ever really sat down and thought about what to do. Allie were here, so everythin’ was all right and they left her to it.’

  She picked up her porridge bowl and quickly put it in the sink, and warned him, ‘Now, Allie’ll be down in a minute to get her breakfast. You be careful what you do.’

  ‘I’m not goin’ to rape her,’ he replied crossly. ‘Anyways, I’ll be most of the day up at the Royal Infirmary while they try to make me arm work.’

  A few minutes later, when Alicia entered the kitchen, she was bitterly disappointed that he was not there. Polly, about to go to Elizabeth, explained that he had gone to get ready to walk over to the hospital.

  The glow had gone out of Alicia. ‘It’s too far for him to walk,’ she said. ‘I feel angry every time he has to do it.’

  ‘Let ’im try, luv. He’s got to get strong again.’

  With a leap of pure passion, Alicia remembered the strong embrace of the previous evening. She swallowed, and agreed. She had not kissed him out of pity or to comfort him; the kiss had been a spontaneous outpouring of a terrible longing which had grown in the months of his quiet stay with them. He was a lively, intelligent man, and the very thought of his return to Canada had been crushing.

  She had agonized through the weeks of being with him; she was sure that to give any inkling of the love she felt would have encouraged a man when she could not marry; that he might have responded by simply becoming her lover never occurred to her. Though her mother had had a lover, she knew that nice girls got married and were faithful; Polly said so.

  Reluctantly at first, though increasingly as the day progressed, she began to think, like Billy, of how her mother could be cared for by someone else. Not by Polly, she was determined on that; Polly had done enough.

  By late afternoon, she was telling herself to stop worrying; she was basing her desires on one kiss. It was ridiculous.

  Could Billy, perhaps, stay in England? In this house?

  She was combing her mother’s long, white tresses, as the idea occurred to her. She paused, comb poised, and considered what the situation would be.

  There would not be much work for him in England, other than labouring, she thought sadly. These days, an uneducated man was fixed firmly at the bottom of the ladder. Would Charles or the Reverend Clarence help him to get started in some small business?

  ‘Don’t be funny,’ she told herself, as she gently combed. ‘They don’t even help you.’ And she shuddered, when she considered how her brother and her brother-in-law would treat Billy if they met him, no matter how well-dressed he was or how good his manners were. To them, class was class.

  She did not see Billy when he came home and ate his warmed-up dinner in the kitchen with Polly. He was tired, depressed and in pain, so Polly got him a hot water-bottle and sent him up to bed.

  II

  Late that evening, Fanny rang the front door bell, and Polly answered the door.

  ‘Didn’t want to come up the back track,’ Fanny excused herself, as she slipped inside. ‘It’s that dark.’

  Polly replied, with a friendly grin, ‘Och, nobody cares which door you coom through; there’s only us here. How’s yerself?’

  Fanny sighed, as she took off her coat and hat and laid them carefully on a hall chair, smoothing the hat’s tremendous satin bow. ‘Well, I’m not too clever,’ she said. ‘I bin off sick a while. Goin’ back tomorrer. We don’t none of us keep too well in that place.’

  ‘Well, coom in. It’s nice to see yez.’ She ushered the little woman into the old morning-room, and while she took a box of matches and knelt to light the gas-fire, she urged her to sit down. After she had slowly got up off her knees and had lit the gaslight, she glanced at Fanny’s face and exclaimed, ‘Holy Mary! You look like a Chink!’

  Fanny promptly put a finger to each eye, to pull them into a slant. ‘Chinky, Chinky Chinaman, chop, chop, chop,’ she said with a wry laugh. ‘Foreman says its the TNT wot does it.’ She looked around the shabby room. ‘Where’s our Allie?’

  ‘She’s in with her Mam, changing her napkins.’

  ‘Aye, poor soul! And her such a fussy lady,’ Fanny exclaimed. ‘She always took such good care of her looks – till the Master broke her spirit. God, he were a son of a bitch.’

  ‘He were. He int much missed,’ responded Polly drily. ‘She’s proper daft now. Don’t know nobody nor nothin’ much.’ She went towards the door. ‘I’ll get a bevvie. Be back in a min!’

  Over a glass of light ale, Fanny began to describe the various men from the factory that she had been out with and their sexual abilities. Then she triumphantly listed the hats and dresses she had been able to buy. At the end of the inventory, her voice trailed off and an uneasy silence fell between them until Fanny picked up the conversation again. ‘It’s proper scary, workin’ there – you never know the minute when you’ll be blown to glory.’

  Polly got up from her chair. ‘I’d not take the risk,’ she said with a grimace. ‘What about coming into the other room to see our Allie and the Missus? Allie’ll be glad to see you.’

  Elizabeth was sitting up in bed, her delicate, lined face almost saintly in its new-found thinness, giving no hint of the violent behaviour of which she was capable. Alicia was struggling to heave open the big sash-window to get rid of the odour in the room. Fanny went across to her, pushed her out of the way and lifted the window easily. She grinned at Alicia, and said, ‘It’s a knack. How are you, duck?’ She ignored the woman in the bed.

  Alicia put her arms round her and kissed her, while she exclaimed at her sickly complexion. Elizabeth gave a frightened murmur, a quavery questioning.

  Fanny turned to her without hesitation, curtsied and said, ‘I’m Fanny, Ma’am. Come to make the fire up.’

  As if she understood, Elizabeth smiled slightly, and Fanny winked at Alicia. The maid moved towards the gas-fire and inquired, regardless of the lateness of the hour, ‘And how are yer, this morning, Ma’am?’

  Alicia watched fascinated. Though her mother did not reply, she inclined her head as if acknowledging the inquiry.

  Fanny muttered to Alicia out of the corner of her mouth, ‘Take her right back far enough and she often understands. Never had much difficulty with her, even when she got real uppity and lashed out at me. I could always settle her.’ She turned to the bed and made a little curtsey to Elizabeth again. ‘Has she had her evening cocoa yet?’ she inquired of Alicia.

  ‘Not yet. It’s an awful job getting it down her.’

  ‘Let me try giving it her.’

  Polly, anxious to see what would happen,
broke in and urged Alicia to let Fanny try.

  Ten minutes later, Elizabeth was sipping cocoa quite contentedly from her invalid cup. Fanny held it for her and gossiped to her about small happenings of years back. It took longer to persuade her to swallow her sleeping draught, but Fanny did finally succeed.

  Still playing her part as a young maid, Fanny put the cup back on its little tray, curtsied and quietly left the room. Polly followed her.

  Outside the door, they looked at each other and giggled helplessly. ‘Really, Fan, you are a one!’ Polly exclaimed admiringly. ‘And, you know, Dr Bell always says to get out photo albums of when she was a girl. And it’s true – she’ll often sit quiet and let you show her old pictures, as if she remembers.’

  After Fanny had gone, Polly made some more cocoa and gave Alicia a cup to take up to bed. ‘You go and get a good night’s sleep, duck.’ She leaned towards the girl and kissed her. ‘And you don’t worry about nuttin’.’

  ‘Little do you realize,’ thought Alicia miserably.

  III

  Polly took another cup of cocoa and slowly climbed the stairs to Billy’s room. The candle she was carrying dripped grease on to the stair carpet. She paused and looked down at the offending spot for a second, and then continued up. Who cared about the carpet? It was Allie she was bothered about.

  The flicker of candlelight on his face roused Billy from sleep. He turned and groaned, as the movement pained his shoulder.

  ‘I brought you some cocoa and a bickie, chooks. How you feelin’?’

  ‘I’d hate to tell yer.’ Billy heaved himself up clumsily, and she quickly put the cup down on a side table, and pushed a couple of pillows behind him. Then she handed the cup to him carefully, so that he could grasp the handle.

  While he drank the scalding brew, she pulled up a straight chair and sat down by the bed. She folded her hands in her lap and watched him quietly. Then she asked, without preamble, ‘You sure you want to marry our Allie?’

  ‘Don’t talk daft. You know I do.’

  ‘Well, does she want to marry you?’

  The answer was slower in coming. ‘I dunno for sure, now I’m a one-armed Jack,’ he said. ‘And there’s her Mam holdin’ her back in every way. I can’t solve that one either; if she don’t want a disabled man, she could use her Mam as a polite excuse, come to that.’

  He looked down at the muddy contents of his cup, his face so filled with despair that Polly wanted to hold him to her as if he were a small boy.

  ‘I’m afraid to ask her – formal like, in case she turns me down. A kiss is one thing; marrying is another.’ He looked up at his sister, and added, ‘I couldn’t bear to be turned down. I’ve had enough. All me life I’ve dreamed and worked for her, in a manner of speaking. And here I am, stuck with this bloody arm.’

  Polly wanted to cry; in the world she had come from a man with the use of only one arm was a dead loss – how could he labour?

  ‘That’s no way to think,’ she told him sternly, and she asked, ‘Could you earn enough to keep her, do yer think?’

  ‘Oh, aye. I bin lyin’ here thinkin’ for hours. There’s timber on my quarter-section – I already built a cabin wot Simon Yellowknee, the Metis who’s carin’ for me horses, lives in. With him to help, and maybe one or two of me neighbours, I reckon I could put up a better cabin for her. And I always intended to run more horses.’ He sighed heavily, while Polly waited for him to continue. ‘I’m always goin’ to have to pay help, ’cos I doubt if I can plough or carry sacks, but it can be done. And there’s steady money coming in from the café – not a lot, but the way things are going, it’ll grow; it were a lucky strike that I bought into that and didn’t just lend ’im the money – it could end up being the best thing I ever did. A real friend, Huang is.’

  ‘What about the stable?’

  ‘I’ll have to talk that one over with Ernie. When I think of it, by the time I left, I weren’t actually handling horses that much – we’d a couple of stable lads, and it could be that I can manage more’n I think …’ His voice trailed off. ‘It could be I’ll have enough without workin’ for him.’

  ‘Well, it don’t look as if either of you would starve.’ Her voice was forcedly brisk and cheerful. ‘And you haven’t allowed as she might help you a lot – she’s a smart young woman when she’s given half a chance. I bet she could learn how to breed horses and care for ’em.’

  ‘A lady?’ exclaimed Billy, scandalized.

  ‘Aye, some great ladies with titles is very knowledgeable about ’orses.’ She got up and took his cup from him, and then began to rearrange his pillows. ‘Now, you listen to me. Tomorrer, you ask her proper – and you tell her what the odds are – don’t hold nothin’ back. And see what she says.’

  ‘And what about her Mam?’ He sounded bitter.

  ‘Well, chook, you’re not the only one as has bin thinkin’ – and I might be able to solve that one.’ She made a wry face at him and then laughed at his surprise. ‘I got to get help from a lot of people – and Christ only knows if I can swing it – but first you got to ask her.’

  IV

  When Alicia entered the little kitchen the next morning, after giving her mother her breakfast, she blushed scarlet and muttered, ‘Good morning, Billy.’ She did not look at him, as she scraped the saucepan clean of porridge and dumped the sticky mass into a dish.

  Billy emerged from the protection of the morning newspaper, and said, ‘Hi.’ He carefully folded up the paper as best he could with one hand and put it down beside his teacup.

  She sat down opposite him and sprinkled sugar thinly on to her porridge. I behaved like a street woman, she chided herself silently. What will he think of me?

  She nearly choked on a mouthful of her breakfast, when he asked suddenly, ‘Allie, will you marry me?’

  She put her spoon down slowly, and swallowed, while she picked up her table napkin to wipe her mouth. Tears welled up, and she exclaimed, ‘Billy, darling, you know I can’t.’

  He licked his lips. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, you know I can’t leave Mama.’ In her distress, she sounded irritable.

  ‘Is that the only reason?’

  ‘Well, of course, it is. Why else should I say No?’ Tears were running down her face. ‘I love you, I love you.’ The words burst from her.

  In an instant, he was on his feet and by her chair, his good arm round her shoulders. ‘Don’t cry, luvvie. I can’t bear it.’ He held her against him. ‘Come on, chook, cheer up. I didn’t know ladies cried when men popped the question!’

  She picked up her table napkin and wiped her eyes and giggled suddenly. But then she said, snuggling her face into him, ‘I don’t know what to do.’ He felt her heave a great shuddering sigh. ‘Oh, Billy, dear. You’re the sweetest thing that ever happened to me.’

  ‘And you don’t mind the mess I’m in?’

  ‘Your shoulder? For goodness’ sake, Billy! I’d still love you if you were in a bathchair!’

  Billy stroked her back, and said slowly, ‘That’s the best thing that anyone ever said to me.’ He bent and kissed her upturned face.

  Her porridge went cold while the kiss lasted, and then he drew back reluctantly, and told her, ‘Our Polly says as she thinks she knows how to get your Mam cared for – proper,’ he added the last word quickly, as mixed doubt and fear showed on her face. ‘Not in a madhouse.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘She wouldn’t tell me, but she’s goin’ to talk to you today.’

  ‘She’s not taking on the job herself?’

  ‘No – that is, I don’t think so. I think she wants to emigrate.’

  Alicia made a wry face, and sighed. ‘What a lovely dream, Billy.’

  ‘Well, supposin’ for a minute she can do it?’

  ‘Yes?’

  He hesitated. ‘I don’t have any fancy manners,’ he said a little shyly. ‘And, honest, I don’t know how you’ll put up with me at times. But there’s some nice women around Edmonton who like to play p
ianners and speak nice – you’d have friends. Would you really come to Canada with me – serious?’

  ‘With you, Bill? Of course. I’d go anywhere with you.’ She clasped him more tightly.

  ‘Well, Polly says I’m to tell you as best I can what we’ll do there. And I can’t promise you the earth, mind, and it’ll be hard work.’ He loosened her arms gently from round his hips, and turned to sit down again on his chair. ‘Now, you come here and sit on me knee and I’ll tell yez.’

  ‘Billy, I couldn’t sit on your knee!’

  ‘Yes, you can, you silly judy. Come here.’

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  A little later on, Alicia carried to her mother’s room a bundle of brooms, dusters and tins of polish, in order to clean it. She moved mechanically, as if in a trance. She wanted to drop her brooms and run back to the kitchen and cuddle again with Billy. How on earth could she let him go back to Alberta without her? The idea was unbearable.

  As she opened the old library door, Polly glanced up from easing Elizabeth into a clean, white blouse. ‘So he asked you?’ she inquired knowingly.

  Alicia leaned the brooms against a wall, and smiled dreamily back. ‘Yes.’ She pushed a few wisps of hair back into her bun, and then said, ‘But I don’t know what to do – he said you had some ideas.’

  Polly quickly buttoned Elizabeth into her blouse and led her slowly to a couch in the window. Then she went over to Alicia and hugged her. ‘I don’t want to raise your hopes too much, luv, ’cos we got to get a lot of people to help. But the most important one is Fanny.’

  ‘Fanny?’ Alicia came out of her dreamy state immediately.

  ‘Yes. You know she’s gettin’ sicker and sicker in them munitions. If it weren’t for the money, she’d give it up, I’m sure. And for all she’s a proper little man chaser, she don’t like bein’ ’arassed by men as she is being.’