“No, I’m okay. Just um, nervous I guess,” I say honestly.
He slides the key into the slot and pushes open the door, letting me enter first. It’s not like I didn’t know we would be sharing a room. We’d discussed this. It’s just earlier we were getting ready for the wedding and temptation wasn’t there just yet. But now? We’re standing in the middle of this room with one bed and our quick breaths. I’m staring at it when he walks behind me and moves my hair away from my shoulder. He breathes along my neck, and my breath quickens, the butterflies free falling. “Are you tired?” he asks. I immediately shake my head.
I turn around and find his hazel eyes smoldering with want for me. We just stare at each other breathing the same air. His mouth is so close to mine that I can almost taste the mint from his in my own. He tucks a curl behind my ear, and then trails his index finger down my neck and across my collarbone. My breath hitches and he smiles softly. “I love how you react to me.”
That one smile, that dimple and the look in his eyes sets me on fire. My body is covered in goose bumps, and he feels it as he brushes his knuckles down my arm. I don’t know what to do with myself. Last night was just a spur of the moment decision. This right here is deliberate. My mouth goes dry, and I lick my lips just to wet them. He makes a seething sound as he sucks his own lip into his teeth. Our eyes are on the others mouths, and we are leaning into each other. He cups my cheek and groans when our tongues touch. The kiss is sweet and full of all of the emotion we feel for each other—so beautiful that I almost weep.
It doesn’t take long for our kiss to become deeper, more impatient and our hands to begin removing the barriers that are between us. He lifts his shirt over his head with one hand, and I let my eyes trail down his chest. His muscles are ridiculous. I trail my finger along his V, and he sucks in a breath. It makes me smile. When I look back to his eyes, I find them dilated and dark.
Like a jolt of electricity has shot through my body, I become all nerves and butterflies on speed. I feel my hands shake, and I have to mentally talk myself into a state of calm.
This is Josh. Your best friend. Your boyfriend. Someone you have been with forever in your mind. This is nothing to fear and everything to desire. You love him. He loves you. Let it be beautiful.
It’s crazy. We have already done this, but I feel scared as hell. He’s unbuttoning my blouse and watching me. His hands glide under the fabric on my shoulders as he removes my shirt. He admires me and trails his index finger along my chest and down my rib cage. He lowers his lips to my neck and that spot by my ear. My hands are on his chest, his heart hammering against my palm and then his eyes lock with mine. Next thing I know he gasps, and looks over my shoulder into the mirror above the dresser.
“Oh, my God. Your back?” I look over my shoulder smiling, but when I look into his horrified eyes, I know his reaction is not the same as mine, not the same at all because he looks on the verge of punching the wall. “Did I do that to you? Oh, fuck. I didn’t do that to you, did I?” He says each syllable with pain etched in his voice. He gently touches the marks on my back; all the while a frown is placated on his face. “Does it hurt?” He asks, looking back into my eyes.
I shake my head back and forth, and cup his cheek making him look at my eyes, not at my back. “Look at me!” He does. “It doesn’t hurt, and I like it.” His eyes widen and darken all in a breath. “You didn’t do that to me. We did that together, baby. When I saw it this morning I was shocked at first, but then I remembered how we felt together. How badly I wanted you—want you now. We were so caught up in the moment that I never even felt the pain.” His eyes move back to the marks on my back as he moves behind me. “To me, those marks are beautiful,” I whisper as he wraps his hand around my stomach. He lowers his lips to the marks on my back where he kisses each spot. I forget how to breathe.
Then he lowers the zipper of my skirt and glides it down my legs. I’m left standing here in my silver heels and my black sheer bra and panties set from Emily, facing the bed. “You are so sexy.” His words are like a breath of hot air along my neck. Oh God. I press my butt into the front of him as he reaches his hand into the front of my panties to feel me. Then he does this thing that has me gripping for any restraint. When he undoes his pants and lowers them down his legs, he lowers down to the floor with them. He kisses my ankle and licks all the way up the inside of my leg as he slowly stands back up. He gently bites my ass, and softly kisses his way up my back. I moan loudly and then feel embarrassed. I shut my eyes and drop my head. He grips my chin and turns my head to look up at him. “Don’t hide your eyes. The sounds you make are the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” I bite my lip painfully because he pulls me close to him and tugs at my hair.
You liked it rough?” His question is a husky whisper in my ear.
“Yes,” I breathe.
He’s pressed against me, and I can’t help but whimper, my head falling back on his shoulder as he tickles his fingers up my rib cage and to my breasts. He moves his hand to the nape of my neck. He gently pushes me down to the bed, my hands catch my fall on the bed as I gasp, shocked by the movement. I have no idea what he is thinking, what he plans to do from here. His hand moves down my back and to the backs of my thighs. I look over my shoulder and find him standing back staring at me with heated eyes. His eyes move from my ass back to my eyes. “As much as I’d love to take you like this, I don’t want to fuck this time. I want to take my time enjoying you, to feel every inch of you shiver when I make love to you. I want to crawl inside of you and watch you come undone.” I can’t speak. I’m so turned on. I’m beginning to think that sex with Josh will never be gentle and sweet, and right now as I watch his eyes penetrate mine, I don’t care. I push against him, silently begging him to do it that way. He just grins and shakes his head. He’s taunting me, making me wait. “I’ve watched you all damn day tempting me with your lip biting, your lollipop licking and just being you. Do you want me, pretty girl?”
I nod because speech isn’t possible. “Say it!”
I stand up and turn around to face him. “I want you,” I whisper as I unhook my bra, and he watches closely. I let it fall to the ground, and his eyes darken and drop to admire me. I climb onto the bed and scoot back. “I want you to make love to me, Josh. I want to give you everything I have and more, because you have given me my life back, and I love you.”
He crawls onto the bed like a lion seeking its prey—his hands climbing up my body and into my hair as our mouths connect desperate for the other. Our hands are everywhere, and passion ignites something so beautiful between us. I moan as his mouth sucks on my breasts before moving to the other. He travels down my stomach and sits back on his heels in between my open legs. I lift as he glides my panties down my legs. He lifts one ankle kissing the inside of my leg as he removes my heel, and then he repeats the same process on the opposite foot.
He trails his hands up each of my legs and to the inside of my thighs. I’m trembling.
“God, you are so beautiful, Riley.” He grins as I squirm under him. He lowers his mouth to mine. I love the way our skin feels against each other. He touches me between my legs and a soft moan escapes my lips. “Feel good?” His words caress my lips.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“I want to taste you there.” He looks in my eyes as if asking the question. I nod my head. He kisses his way down my stomach. He inhales and groans deep in his throat. Oh, good God. My body is taking over, and I grab his hair behind his neck and my hips roll on their own accord.
“You smell so good.” He says these things and they are messing with my head. My head starts thrashing back and forth. I don’t know what to do with my hands, and he hasn’t even made contact yet. He’s just breathing air over me.
His finger traces the musical heart tattoo that is for him sitting on my hipbone. He replaces his finger with his lips where he delicately kisses the spot on my hip, kissing the spot next to it and then next to it. He dips his tongue in my navel, and I
begin writhing beneath him.
He presses his hand down on my hips to still my movements and licks his way down. As soon as his tongue makes contact I’m already unraveling. I can feel his smile against me. And then he proceeds to make me believe in magic. Everything with him is so intense, and this is no different. Everything he does to me is so perfect. He makes this sound deep in his chest, and it vibrates against me.
“Josh, oh God, I…hmm, I…please.” I’m not even coherent. My head is thrown back and my back arches. I’m tugging on his hair and pushing his head where I need it. He mutters words about me tasting good and tells me to let go. As if I could stop whatever this is happening to my body.
He kisses his way up my stomach, up my neck and to my mouth. My hands are gliding along his skin. Our eyes are locked as I use my feet to guide his boxers off of his body. I’ve come to realize that I love how I taste on his tongue. We kiss slow and deep. Our skin feels hot touching the other, slick with sweat.
I cup his cheek trying to find the right words. “You feel so good, Josh. I need you inside of me.”
His mouth takes mine in a hungry growl. “I love you,” he whispers as he presses into me.
“I love you, too.” I pull his face to mine as we kiss and begin to find a rhythm. Again, our bodies know just what to do with each other. I never knew it would feel so good. I never knew we would be so perfect together. That this, with him, would feel so right. He likes to talk to me when we make love, and he kisses me like he can’t get enough of my lips. Everything about him intoxicates me. He’s like a drug to me, and I’m completely high.
I feel myself getting close, and I shut my eyes. He grabs my face, “Open your eyes. I love watching you. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I open my eyes and my breath catches at the look in his eyes. He rests his forehead against mine, moving faster and deeper into me. My legs are wrapped around his waist, locked at the ankles.
He reaches his hand underneath me and lifts me just a little. That’s it. “Josh. Oh, God. Stop...no, don’t stop.” He smiles and watches me as I come undone just like he wants. I grab his face and greedily kiss his lips as he groans into my mouth.
In the shower, I take my time to really notice Josh’s body—how lean his muscles are, how strong his arms are, how beautifully sexy his hair is wet and clinging to his forehead. The motions of him lathering soap along my skin ignites yet another burning inside me. We kiss and we touch, and I have decided that I will never get enough of him. He washes my hair for me, and the gentleness in how he cares for me warms my heart. I feel high until he says, “I’m going to miss you so damn much.” And now I’m hollow.
I squeeze my eyes shut as immediate tears sting my eyes. I know he has to go. I don’t want to be the reason he gives up an opportunity that might be good for him. But who am I kidding? This is going to be hard on us.
My reply is tense. “I’m going to miss you too, Josh.”
My back is to him so he can’t see my tortured face. He turns me to face him, and the tears fall unbidden. I hope he doesn’t notice the tears fall. I hope that the tears mesh with the water trickling down my face and body from the showerhead. His eyes study mine, and when his thumbs move under my eyes I know he knows I am upset. Nothing about me goes unnoticed to him.
“I can stay, Riley. Where ever you are is where I belong. You are my heart.”
I want to tell him to stay. I want to, but I don’t because I can’t. “I belong with you, too, Josh, but you have to go. I can’t be the reason you give up something that matters to you.” I tell him truthfully.
“Riley, I wanted to give this up before you and I became an ‘us.’ You know that. I want to see your face every day not just hear your voice. You matter to me the most.”
God, I know what he means. We are talking about college away for four years. Are we just in denial? How could we survive that? I’m going to have to transfer to be with him, or I am afraid I will lose him forever. I’ve already applied for the spring semester, but he doesn’t know that.
I begin to tremble and shake as a sob falls from my chest. He holds me to him and sighs heavy. “I’ve already applied to UTA, Riley. If you want me to go, I will, but I’m not promising to stay away. You are my heart. You are my home, and with you is where I belong. Fuck the rest. Fuck football. Fuck anyone that doesn’t understand why I need to be with you.”
I kiss him, pouring my entire heart into that kiss. Kissing him like it will be the last time. Kissing him in a way that says, even if he were gone away for four years my heart would always be his. Nothing would change that...ever. I belong to, Joshua Parker. I am his. He owns me—mind, body and spirit.
He wraps me in a towel and places a kiss to my forehead. We brush our teeth, and I get dressed in my pajamas as Josh just throws on a pair of boxer briefs. I fall asleep to him humming a song. For the first time in a while, I don’t have a nightmare.
CHAPTER 20
It’s an emotional mess that is destroying us both. I’ve never felt so much for someone. I’m blissfully happy with her and in the same damn breath—I’m scared as fuck for us.
I awake to the smell of coconut and vanilla across my face. I smile because I can imagine waking up to her hair in my face every morning. I take this moment to study her features to memory—the way she breathes, the little freckle that is next to one of her eyes. She looks like an angel—my angel. I study the soft curve of her nose, the little dip in her lips, and how her hair covers her face and my pillow. I watch her sleep and imagine a future where we wake up like this each morning.
“So, how long will you be gone?” she asks in a soft voice. We’re sitting at our spot by the lake the following day. Later, we’ll be moving her into her new apartment with Emily, and then we have a few weeks together before everything changes.
“Two weeks and then I’ll come back for a week.” She’s sitting between my legs against my chest. I can feel every breath of air she intakes.
She says, “I’m going to miss you, but I know we can do this,” she mutters out loud, but I think she’s speaking to herself, not so much to me. She turns suddenly to face me, sitting on her knees, looking down at her hands in her lap.
I guide her chin up with my fingers. “What is it?”
She sighs softly, and her eyes bounce back and forth between my own. “I’m just so sorry that I stole so many moments from us. We could have had so many years together if I just had believed enough. I feel like I’ve just finally started living, and now you’re leaving. I...I promise to be strong, Josh. It’s always been you for me.”
My chest hurts—like it’s strangling my heart and robbing me of air. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to be away from her. I feel like I’ve just started living as well—living with her. She is the reason why I live. “Riley, I love you. I’ve always loved you. We may not have been together the way I wanted all those years, but I remember every fucking moment we’ve ever shared. There have been moments that I cherished that you may not even have known I grabbed. I’ll come back to you. I promise.” I tuck her hair behind her ear, and when I trail my finger down her neck, she shuts her eyes breathing shallowly. I love that her skin covers in goose bumps when I touch her.
I lean forward, closing the distance between us as I kiss the corner of her mouth. She inhales deeply. I cup her cheeks and then press my lips to hers, not opening my mouth. We just stay like that for a beat before she parts her lips slowly, and her tongue very so softly touches my lips. That’s all it took for our kiss to become the kiss that has sealed my fate—I am hers. I will never belong to anyone but her.
“I can’t believe her dad furnished the apartment,” I state to Riley as I load up my truck with boxes of her things to bring to her new apartment.
“I know right. I’m glad, though. Now, I don’t have to lose my bedroom here. There might be times I need to escape the apartment if Collin comes to visit Em, and you don’t get to make it to me.” I know she doesn’t mean for that t
o sound offensive, but it does. I don’t call her on it though. There may be times Collin can come home and I can’t.
“Why don’t you run inside and get Tink and her stuff, and we’ll get going,” I say shutting the hatch to my truck.
She pecks my lips and runs inside. I’m about to climb inside my truck when an all too familiar motorcycle parks at the side of the road by my mailbox. I turn my head and find Dean looking to Riley’s house and then to me. He smirks. “Remember when I said I realized she belonged to you? I lied. No worries, Parker. I’ll keep her warm while you’re out of state.” He hollers over to me with a taunting gleam in his eyes.
I ball my fist, and I’m walking towards the street prepared to remind him again of whom she belongs to. The door to Riley’s house opens, and she comes walking out with Tink and her things. Her back is turned to lock up when I look over at her. Dean’s tires burn as he zooms off down the street. She turns around and looks down the street with wide eyes. She looks back to me, those same wide eyes holding the question. An internal debate is going on in my head—to tell her what he said, to not? To stay in Texas and not let him have an inch, or go because it’s what I have to do?
“Was that Dean?” She asks, as I walk up to help her grab Tink’s litter box and a bag full of her stuff.
“Probably so,” I say, avoiding her eyes as I turn to walk back to my truck.
What the hell did he mean? Like she would let him near her again. She wouldn’t let him near her again. But he will obviously try, and that in itself is enough to make me crazy mad.
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