An Uncertain Heart

by June Tate

‘Go, my boy, I’ll look after her.’ Looking at Helen, he held her hand. ‘Now you lie still, there’s a good girl.’ He took off his coat and covered her.

  Doctor Coombs came immediately, leaving others to run the surgery. He gave Helen a cursory examination to judge if she could be moved, then suggested that James and Toby make a chair with their hands and carry her up to one of the bedrooms where he could examine her thoroughly. He sent James out of the room, telling him to wait outside until he’d finished.

  Toby was full of apologies but James stopped him.

  ‘It wasn’t your fault. The horse was frisky after the exercise then the water. There was nothing you could have done.’ But he was deeply concerned because of her pregnancy.

  After his examination, the doctor was also concerned. Helen had been kicked in the side and he was sure she’d fractured or broken a couple of ribs, but he was concerned for the baby, as Helen was bruised on one side of her stomach.

  ‘I’m calling an ambulance,’ he told her. ‘You need your ribs strapped and I want you under observation for the next few days.’

  ‘My baby?’ Helen looked worried.

  ‘We’ll have to wait and see.’ He left the room, called for an ambulance and told James what he’d done.

  Percy Grisham suggested that he and his son should leave and for him to let them know when it was convenient to collect their horses.

  ‘There’s no rush,’ he assured James. ‘You need to see to your wife. We are so sorry,’ he added. Then they left.

  James watched as Helen was taken into the ambulance on a stretcher.

  ‘I’ll follow you in the car,’ he told her, trying not to show his concern.

  At last Helen was put into a side ward and examined by the hospital doctor who sent her to the X-ray department before making any decisions.

  ‘When we get the results, then we can decide what we need to do,’ he said.

  James accompanied her as she was wheeled there and waited outside until the X-rays had been taken, then returned to the ward where he sat holding her hand. Both were too worried to make conversation.

  After what seemed an eternity, the doctor returned.

  ‘You have two broken ribs, Mrs Havers, which we’ll bind – so far your baby is fine, but we’ll keep you under observation for a few days, to make sure. You just need to be quiet and rest.’

  Helen smiled at him. ‘I am a theatre sister, Doctor, so there’s no need to walk on egg shells around me. I am aware of the dangers to my baby.’

  ‘Well that’s a relief,’ he said. ‘I’ll leave you with your husband, then you can tell him what to bring in here for you. Left to themselves, men always get it wrong, I’ve found.’ He chuckled and left them alone.

  ‘Well, this is a strange situation,’ James remarked, ‘you in the hospital bed and me being the one beside you.’

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ she said, trying to reassure him, but they both knew that wasn’t quite true, not at this moment in time.

  ‘You had better give me a list of what you need,’ he said, taking a piece of paper and a pen from his pocket. ‘I’ll leave you to rest and come back this evening.’

  When he arrived back at the cottage, James packed the things on his list then drove to the manor to tell his parents the latest news. They were most anxious as they had been in the house when the accident happened. James at last was able to air his worries in the open.

  ‘God, Mother! It would be terrible if anything happened to the baby.’

  ‘Now stop that, James! Don’t for goodness’ sake be so negative. Helen is a healthy woman and she’s in the best place, so stop it, do you hear?’

  He couldn’t help but grin at his mother.

  ‘You have just made me feel like a naughty boy.’

  She came over to him and held him. ‘I can understand your concerns, darling, but fretting won’t help Helen or you. It’s a waiting game and we all know about that, no one more so than you. It’s your turn to be strong for your wife as she was for you.’

  ‘I know and I will be. How about a cup of tea and a sandwich? I realise in all the excitement I haven’t eaten and suddenly I’m starving.’

  It was Edward who laughed now. ‘Well, that at least is a healthy sign,’ he said.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Ann Carson was not a happy woman. Her carefully laid plan for her apartment to become her love nest was in tatters and now, unable to mix with her lady friends and entertain them in her marital home, she had time on her hands and no company. She began to long for her previous existence: even if it hadn’t been a deliriously happy one at least she’d had a life. Now there was nothing. Not even Clive.

  At the next charity meeting he’d declined to have lunch with her, saying that under the circumstances he thought it best if they kept their relationship purely on a business footing.

  She had been livid!

  ‘How dare you treat me like this? I am not some hussy you can enjoy one moment and drop the next.’

  ‘Precisely, Ann. You are the wife of an eminent man, now living apart, albeit without anyone’s knowledge, which in itself is a tenuous situation. No way can you compromise yourself further – and certainly not with me. If you feel you can’t manage to do that, I’ll understand if you wish to resign from the committee.’

  She felt the blood drain from her face. Leave the committee? It was the only thing she had left and now Clive was prepared to take that away too.

  ‘No, there’s no need to go that far. You’ve made your position perfectly clear and I accept it, although, Clive, I do think you have taken advantage of me, but I’ll forget about it for the good of the charity.’

  He knew her well enough to see how she’d been hurt by his suggestion and he was still very fond of her. She looked so lost and that was a pity.

  ‘My dear Ann, I hate to see you this unhappy. You shouldn’t live alone, you need to try and make it up with Richard. You should be there in your rightful place, you know that. You could make it work if you really wanted to.’

  She could feel the emotion creeping up inside and her pride wouldn’t let Clive see her cry. She walked towards the door.

  ‘I’ll see you next week,’ she called over her shoulder, blinking back the tears brimming in her eyes.

  Clive was right, of course. She should be with Richard. She couldn’t live like this, it would drive her mad without a social life. She already felt like an outcast. Not her style at all.

  She let herself into her apartment, called the hospital and left a message with Richard’s secretary to ask him to call her at his first free moment. She poured herself a gin and tonic and walked to the window and watched the life that was London passing by the Thames.

  It was late afternoon when her telephone rang. She took a deep breath before answering.

  ‘Ann? It’s me, I’ve been in the theatre all day and just received your message, are you alright?’

  There was something strangely comforting at the anxious note to his voice.

  ‘I need to see you, Richard. Could we meet for dinner this evening – please?’

  ‘Yes, of course. How about Luigi’s, seven-thirty?’

  ‘That’ll be fine, thank you, Richard, I’ll see you there.’ She replaced the receiver with a sigh of relief.

  Richard was puzzled as he put down the phone, wondering what Ann wanted. She certainly hadn’t sounded herself at all. Perhaps there was something wrong with the apartment? He hoped not, a surveyor had assured him that all was well with the building. Oh well, he’d find out this evening.

  Ann was very nervous as she dressed that evening. She’d changed her gown several times before deciding what to wear. Eventually she slipped into a deep-maroon creation that she knew was one of Richard’s favourites, over which she wore a long string of pearls he’d bought her some years before and in her hair a small comb edged with pearls to match. Around her shoulders she wore a fur stole to keep out the night air. Twisting to and fro in front of the mirror, she knew she lo
oked elegant, which would also please her husband.

  She took a taxi to the restaurant, arriving fifteen minutes late, not wanting to seem too anxious, and was shown to the table by the waiter.

  Richard stood up and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Ann, you look lovely. What would you like to drink whilst we order – an aperitif?’

  ‘Thank you, that would be fine.’ She smiled at him. ‘You’re looking well.’

  ‘Oh, I’m fine, keeping busy, you know how it is, and what about you, my dear?’

  She tried to keep her voice light. ‘Well, Richard, I’m not busy and that’s not like me at all.’

  He looked puzzled. ‘I don’t understand. When we were living together you were hardly at home, as I recall.’

  ‘But that was then. To keep our separation a secret, I’ve been unable to meet my friends because I would be unable to invite them back to the house, as was usual. You know how we would take turns every month. It would seem strange to meet them and then not take my turn. You see what a problem that is? It’s like being a leper without the disease.’

  He hid a smile at her terminology. Ann without her social life would indeed be a problem for her. He did have some sympathy, he at least could go to his club for company without any strings attached.

  ‘Oh dear, I can see how difficult this must be for you.’

  ‘That’s why I asked to see you. I can’t go on like this, Richard, I just can’t!’

  ‘Then what do you suggest?’

  She hesitated for just a second. ‘That I move back in to the house and we resume our normal life once again.’ She held her breath.

  The waiter came and took their order and all the time Ann was mentally screaming, go away and take the bloody order later! But she remained calm and gave him her choice, then looked at Richard – and waited.

  He was deep in thought. Although things hadn’t been right with Ann over the last couple of months before she left, he had missed her. It was never nice to walk into an empty home, however comfortable it was, but things would have to change if it was to work for him and he said as much.

  ‘I’m sorry you’re not happy, Ann, that wasn’t my intention when I bought the apartment, but if we are to live together again, things would have to change.’

  ‘Like what, for instance?’

  ‘You popping off for meetings for a few days.’

  ‘Oh, that won’t be happening again, I can assure you, and indeed I was thinking of resigning in the future.’

  ‘I would like you to be at home at dinner time. A man needs company and comfort at home with his wife after a long day. He doesn’t want to have to put a meal in the oven to warm up and then to eat alone.’

  ‘Yes, I understand.’

  Richard became watchful. What on earth had brought about this great change, he wondered? Ann was only too anxious to agree to his every suggestion.

  ‘What about the apartment? I invested a lot of money in it for you to live in.’

  ‘Well, Richard, that was entirely your idea, not mine!’

  He had to smile. She hadn’t lost all her spirit, thank heavens, and she did look very attractive this evening. He hadn’t enjoyed being celibate much, either.

  ‘I suppose I could rent it out or sell it on. But there’s no rush. I can decide later.’

  She tried not to look too eager. ‘Does that mean you’ll agree to my coming home?’ she asked casually.

  ‘We can but try, Ann, and see how it goes. After all, there is still the apartment if it doesn’t work out.’

  You bastard, she thought. You’re holding that over my head as a threat, but she smiled.

  ‘I’ll move back in tomorrow if you give me the spare key.’

  He took it off his key ring and handed it to her. ‘Welcome home, my dear.’

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  It was deemed safe for Helen to return home after four days in the hospital, to everyone’s relief, but she’d been told not to pick up anything heavy or to ride, other than that to continue her life as normal, with her own GP keeping an eye on her.

  During her time in hospital, Percy Grisham had collected the horses as James had wanted Genghis gone by the time Helen came home, knowing she’d be nervous if he was still in the stables and he didn’t want anything to upset her. He also thanked the man, who had sent flowers to the hospital.

  ‘It was the least I could do,’ he said. ‘Give my regards to your wife and take care of the baby when it arrives.’

  Once Helen was back and settled at the cottage, James suggested they go for a drive and look at the blossom trail in the Vale of Evesham. It was mid May and the trees would be at their best.

  ‘We could stop and have a lunch somewhere,’ he said.

  After being stuck in a hospital ward, Helen was delighted with the idea.

  The trail was several miles of apple orchards with the trees full of blossom; it was a beautiful sight as they drove slowly through and eventually stopped at a local pub for lunch.

  As they waited to be served, James looked at Helen and said, ‘You have no idea how scared I was that day in the stables. I thought I was going to have a coronary when I saw you on the ground. Don’t you ever do that to me again!’

  Raising her eyebrows she said, ‘Now you have some idea how I felt the day they wheeled you into the surgery in France.’

  ‘Mmm. You have a point. Well, darling, I think now’s the time to seriously look for a permanent home as we are to be a family. The cottage was fine for us, but I’d like to see us settled before the baby’s born and I want to buy more horses, set up a proper business.’

  She was delighted with the idea. James had found his niche. He was at ease with his animals, at home in the stables. He still suffered with claustrophobia, but most times he coped and when it was too much, he had the sense to say so and it had been some time since he’d had a nightmare. The future was looking bright and often she’d mentally thank Arthur Hurst and the treatment James had received in Devon.

  The search for a home was over. There was an old farmhouse at the foot of Bredon Hill, which suited them very well. The interior was in good decorative order, which meant they could move in immediately. James planned to have stables built in what used to be the old cowsheds, so he wouldn’t have to use those at the manor house. There was some land that went with the property that was ideal for setting out practice jumps. There was also a small orchard with apples, pears and plums growing. It was ideal.

  By the time the contracts had been exchanged and they moved in, it was July and Helen was heavy with child, with another month to go before it was due. James was concerned that the move would be too much for her, but Helen assured him she was fine. They had people in to do any heavy moving and before long they were settled, with builders outside working on the stables, and the weather was getting warmer by the day.

  Helen stood in the kitchen and, leaning over the sink, she ran the cold tap and cupped her hands to fill them with cold water, which she splashed on her face to try to cool down. She soaked a glass cloth and, sitting in a chair, put it round her neck, undoing the buttons of her blouse. Closing her eyes, she sat still, breathing steadily. She needed to lie down but couldn’t face the stairs, so she heaved herself to her feet and went into the drawing room and lay on the large sofa, closed her eyes and fell asleep. It was here that James found her an hour later.

  ‘Helen,’ he called softly.

  She stirred in her sleep and gradually opened her eyes.

  ‘Helen, darling, are you alright?’

  ‘I was so hot,’ she said. ‘I felt tired and couldn’t do the stairs and came in here. Would you get me a glass of water please?’

  He rushed off to do so and returned to help her sit up and drink.

  ‘Shall I call Doctor Coombs?’ he asked.

  ‘No, no, I’m fine. It’s just the heat, but if you help me upstairs, I’ll get undressed and lie on the bed.’

  Eventually, she looked more comfortable. James helped her into a cool ni
ghtgown, opened the windows to let in a slight breeze and sat on the bed beside her. He bathed her face with a cold flannel until she felt better.

  ‘Can I get you something to eat?’ he asked.

  ‘No, I just need to be quiet,’ she assured him. ‘You carry on with whatever you’re doing, I’ll be fine.’

  Reluctantly he left her, but went straight to the telephone to call the doctor. He explained what had happened.

  ‘It’s probably the heat, James, but let me know if anything changes,’ the doctor told him. ‘Try not to worry, I’m sure she’s fine – after all, she’s almost due and that’s tiring. Keep me informed.’

  Still feeling concerned, James rang his mother-in-law and told her he was worried and she agreed to come over for a couple of days to look after Helen.

  Helen, though surprised, was delighted to see her mother when she walked into the bedroom.

  ‘James panicked,’ she laughed. ‘I was just overcome with the heat.’

  ‘You must remember that this is his first child, this is all new to him. He’ll get used to it. Nevertheless, I’m delighted to be here. It makes a nice change and I can see what work is being done.’ She wandered over to the window and looked out over the fields.

  ‘This really is a lovely place, Helen. You did well to buy it.’ She walked back and sat on the bed. ‘How is James these days?’

  ‘Busy, happy and keeping fit. He has the odd hiccup, but on the whole, he’s fine.’

  ‘I’m so happy to hear that. To be honest, although I love my son-in-law, it did worry me that you might have taken on more than you could cope with at the time. He’s come a long way and I couldn’t be happier for you both.’

  Helen soon recovered, to James’s relief, and Margaret returned home but not before saying she would come again if needed.

  Three weeks later, Helen felt the start of her labour pains as she lay beside her husband. Looking at the clock she saw it was five o’clock in the morning. Climbing out of bed quietly, she opened the curtains and watched the dawn break. There was no need to disturb James as yet. He’d been working so hard and was in need of his sleep, she thought. She would go down to the kitchen and make a cup of tea.