Doctor Feelgood: (A Bad Boy Doctor Novel)

by Weston Parker

  "No, you weren't." He leaned down and brushed his lips by mine. "But it's okay. You’re modest, and you hate attention. I get it. I, on the other hand, love attention and have been getting none lately."

  "I know." I forced a smile and lifted to my toes, kissing his lips once more in hopes that we could go inside soon. He was handsome in a frat-boy way, but his personality drained me within ten minutes of being near him.

  "Spend the night with me tonight. You haven’t been in my bed for a month." He ran his hands over my cheeks and pulled me up for another long kiss. I closed my eyes and imagined him to be anyone but who he was. Sadness and guilt tightened around my insides as I forced my eyes open. I couldn't keep doing this just to spare his feelings. I couldn't do it just so I wouldn't be completely alone at night. It was getting ridiculous.

  "Not tonight. I want to visit my advisor, and you know she keeps late hours." I hugged him and moved back. "Come on. I'll stay the night soon. I promise."

  "I'm going to hold you to it." He popped my butt, and I stifled a growl. There had to be a better match for him. I wanted to desire him, wanted to feel uncontrollably turned on by his sexy voice and dark eyes, but it just wasn't going to happen for me. I'd watched him grow up, and for some odd reason that killed my desire to want him sexually. I'd been forcing myself for the last few years to sleep with him, but now that I was done with school, maybe it was time for a change - for both of us.

  We ate dinner and laughed the entire time, thanks to Stephanie and all of her crazy stories she told when anyone was paying attention. The girl didn't know a stranger, and if it hadn't been for her, we would never have been invited anywhere in college. She was in the center of everything, and just happened to drag me along, often against my will.

  My meeting with my advisor wasn't until early the next morning, but no one needed to know that. Besides, no one but Seth would care.

  Stephanie let out a yelp, and I glanced up from my burger to see her face light up as she read something on her phone.

  "Oh my God, Liz. I got in too. I'll be at St. Mark's with you. Oh my God." She jumped up and almost knocked the table over as she moved around my mother and wrapped me in an awkward hug. I was used to them, and simply turned and gave her a tight squeeze.

  "That's great news! Looks like we won't have to split up after all," I teased her.

  "And we can check out all the hot doctors together." She wagged her eyebrows before moving back and shrugging. "Sorry, Jack. You should've gone the doctor route. Accountants just aren't that sexy."

  "This one is." He brushed his hand down his chest and gave me a saucy look. "Right, baby?"

  "Right. So hot." I shoved three fries in my mouth and avoided my mother's hard stare. It would be time to go soon, and I couldn't pray hard enough for it to hurry the hell up.

  Chapter 2

  Aiden

  "There's nothing left for us to do." I glanced over at Dr. Billings as he reviewed the file I presented in his office. I should have taken a seat, but I needed to move around a little. Telling someone that there was no hope was the opposite of what I'd been trained to do. I was there to save lives, not resign someone to death.

  "I agree. You've made a proper assessment. Go meet with the family, and finish up your report on the file." He glanced up at me, his dark eyes not showing any remorse at all. My white- haired mentor had been trying to force me to look at patients as nothing more than a number on a file, but I couldn't. I never would be able to.

  "I should get one more opinion, Peter. Maybe I'm missing something." I ran my fingers through my short dark hair and let out a long sigh. "Maybe if we discuss options on the left ventricle-"

  "Aiden. We've done all we can. I know you hate this part."

  "Abhor would be a better word." I closed the file as a tightness inside of me threatened to steal my breath. "I just can't stand the thought of giving up."

  "How long have you been a doctor?" He walked around the desk and clamped his hand down on my shoulder, squeezing.

  "For ten years." I let my eyes move from him back to the file. "I don't care how long I've been doing this. Nothing can take away the fact that me throwing in the towel means death for someone. It's unfair."

  "It's part of the job. You've been with this patient far more than you should. You're starting to care about him." He released me and backed up. "You need to lighten your load. Our new residents are coming in the day after tomorrow, and I would like for you to take one of them."

  "What? No." I glanced up. "I should have enough tenure in this department to say no to this."

  "And you do, but you've been requested by the dean at NYU to take on one of their best and brightest." Peter chuckled as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You're a great teacher, and I've let you slide for far too long on not teaching one-on-one. You need to diversify yourself, or you're going to be heartbroken every time you come in here. We’re neurologists. People die under our watch - a lot."

  "I realize that, but I'm not sure what you think I'll get out of having some younger version of me run around behind me, trying to impress me by flashing a little tit." I rolled my eyes, trying not to think of all of the various residents I'd agreed to mentor in my younger years. Most of them had stepped over the line, but it was just part of the fast-paced life of the hospital. Half the people on my staff slept together, whether they were married or not. I didn't keep tabs on any of them, nor did I show any interest at all. Honestly, because I wasn't interested.

  I was fast approaching forty, and though everyone at the hospital had tried to set me up with any eligible woman they knew, I just wasn't interested.

  My career was far too important to me, and sex was sex. A one-night stand would suffice, and there were plenty of women willing to offer themselves up. It was pathetic on my part, and yet I'd come to terms with it years ago in college.

  Peter chuckled. "It's a female, but I'm not sure she's the type of girl who would flash anything other than a bright smile."

  "Nerdy?" I lifted my eyebrow and smirked.

  "I’m quite sure, but I have no clue what she looks like. They'll be visiting tomorrow. I want you to review her file and sign on for this." He picked up a random file on his desk and handed it to me. "She's going to be a great asset to us. Her grades and involvement in some pretty complex case studies prove that. I'd almost bet that the woman could even impress you if given the opportunity."

  I shrugged and took the file. "Right. I'll consider it. Wish me luck."

  "With the resident?" Peter smiled.

  "No. With my patient and his family. I hate this part of my job." I walked to the door and chuckled at his question.

  "Even abhor it?"

  "Exactly." I walked out into the hall and brushed my hand by my lips as I met eyes with everyone that passed by me. Most spoke, and I gave them a professional curt nod, but nothing more. People were too needy, in my opinion. They were looking for a way in, and it wouldn't take much more than a smile and then they would assume that was an open invitation to converse. It wasn't.

  I knocked on the door just outside of Mr. Burns’ hospital room and took a deep breath before walking in. "Good morning."

  The guy in the bed hooked up to a handful of tubes was only five years older than me, though he looked at least twenty years older.

  "Dr. Crawford." He smiled and extended his hand as his arm shook slightly. "Nice to see you, sir."

  "You as well, Max." I shook his hand and turned to extend my hand to the pretty red-head who stood next to his bed. Her tears had left an ugly black trail down her cheeks, but it was moving. She was in love, and just the thought of losing him had her at the hospital with us non-stop for almost a week. I yearned for that deep acceptance, but the rest of the bullshit that seemed to come along with it was what stopped me from trying years before.

  "So tell us the news, Doc. I know you're a busy man, and we don't want to waste any of your time. What's the prognosis?" The hope in his voice twisted my insides until I had trouble br
eathing. I could play off the trauma that wrecked my emotions easily, but I hated like hell how it left me feeling afterward. Cold. Unattached. Alone.

  I pulled out his file and opened it, glancing down and taking a short breath before looking up and staring the dying man in the face. "We've run every test we can think to run. I've had your file reviewed by three of the best neurologists in the nation, included my sister, who’s the head of neurology at Boston General. We're out of options."

  "What?" The woman took a step toward the bed as she pressed her hands to her mouth. "No. No. You don't get to tell us that."

  "Cindy." My patient reached for the woman and tried to grab her, but she moved back as her face flushed red. He gave me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. We've been together since we were kids."

  "No! This isn't right. Check again. Do something." She moved around the bed, and I stood my ground. She needed someone to hit, to hurt, to hate. It could be me. It had been numerous times over the last ten years.

  Max tried to get out of the bed, but I lifted my hand toward him. "No. She's right to be upset."

  She pushed against my chest as her voice rose. "Upset? Upset?! Try destroyed. What kind of doctor are you? You come in here, running your stupid fucking tests, and just because you don't find what you can fix easily, you're done? No! Fix him. Fix..."

  "Baby." Max had tears dripping down his face as I reached for his wife and pulled her into a tight hug. I didn't know the woman, but I hated her pain all the same.

  "I'm sorry. I wish like hell there was something... anything I could do. I really do." I glanced over at Max as his wife sobbed against my chest. "I've searched high and low for an answer that might not force me to have this conversation."

  "It's okay." Max extended his hand to me as he began to cry harder. I reached out and took it, forcing back the tears that wanted to burn my eyes. I didn't get to cry. It was their time to weep and mourn. Not mine. I was the one unable to help. The one with no resolution.

  "I'll keep looking, but you needed to know." I released Cindy as she moved back and crawled into the bed with her husband. He wrapped her up tightly and gave me a weak smile.

  "I know you will. Thanks, Doctor Crawford." He pressed his lips to the side of her head and turned his attention from me.

  I closed the file and walked to the door, stopping only to answer her question as she called out. The agony in her voice seared my soul and I didn't care how long I'd been a doctor, or how long I would remain one, I would never become callous toward someone dying. I couldn't. It just wasn't me.

  "Doctor?"

  I turned around. "Yes, ma'am?"

  "How long?" She pursed her lips, and Max turned his attention back to me, his eyes wide as if he'd just realized that there was an expiration date on his life.

  "Four to seven days." I let out a shaky sigh.

  "Shit." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back as I slipped out of the room. They needed their time together, and I honestly couldn't handle another minute of watching their agony.

  "Aiden. Wait up, man." Parks was one of the younger doctors on the floor, and I had made a point to take him under my wing as much as I could. He wasn't insanely ingrained in what we did, and a good guy, a decent friend.

  "Now is really not the time." I gave him a sideways glance and kept walking.

  "Oh shit. You alright? You look like your mother died," he snorted, and popped me in the chest as we turned the corner. "Wait. Your momma didn't kick it, right?"

  "My parents died when I was a teenager, Parks." I opened the door to my office and walked in, ignoring him.

  "Oh shit." He dropped down into the chair across from my desk as I let out a long sigh and glanced up at him.

  "What do you want? I'm not in the mood for company. If you have a question about something you're working on, or need a second opinion, I'm your guy. Otherwise, get out." I gave him a tight smile.

  "Alright. I see where we are. You're in that solemn, shitty mode you get into." He got up. "I was just stopping by to see if you were taking one of the new residents. I wanted to have one, but I guess I haven’t been here long enough."

  "Take mine. I'm not interested." I picked up the folder and handed it to him. "I'll tell Peter. The girl is supposed to be at the top of her class. Enjoy."

  "Um, no. I've heard all about that girl. She's too much brain and looks for me. I need to hit up the stragglers." He chuckled and walked to the door as I continued to hold the file out toward him.

  "This is a program where you're supposed to mentor a young mind to be the next great asset for the hospital. Sleeping with them isn't part of the deal. Good way to get your ass fired." I dropped the file. "And how do you know what she looks like? Peter gave me a file that only had the girl’s stats, grades, and CV."

  "Then he did you a favor. Your girl is fucking hot." Parks wagged his eyebrows as I gave him an expressionless stare.

  "Doubtful, but whatever." I sat down in my seat and turned to my computer. "Close the door behind you."

  "Fine, but look up the girl and then go get laid." Parks laughed as he started through the door.

  "I'm not sleeping with my resident. You're not either. Keep that in mind, or you and I are going to have words."

  "Oh, I didn't mean sleep with her. Just get her face in your mind's eye, so when you sleep with one of those faceless chicks you pick up from the bar, you can close your eyes and have a real experience." He ducked as I chucked a squeezable stress ball at him.

  "Get out." I waited to smile until he was gone. The idiot was too much, but he was the only one around the hospital who could drag me from my funk most days.

  I didn't want to do it, but I was far too curious to let Parks' comments go. This resident was a gem on paper. I had to see what she looked like, though it was irrelevant.

  "Completely irrelevant." I typed her name into a search engine and sat back while it quickly pulled up every Elizabeth Jenkins known to man. I added some qualifiers to find the Elizabeth Jenkins in New York who had just graduated with her M.D. from NYU.

  A beautiful brunette with a wide smile and warm brown eyes filled up the screen. Her skin was flawless and her smile sexy, though it was obvious that she didn't mean for it to be. An innocence sat on her that was refreshing, yet stimulating.

  "Wow." I sat back and brushed my fingers across my chest as my cock hardened and pressed tightly to my scrubs. "Beautiful."

  Maybe taking on a resident wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. Then again, I'd been quite clear with Parks on the hospital’s fraternization policy. They wouldn't stand for it for a minute. Hell, I wouldn't either, as one of the most tenured staff there.

  Elizabeth was breathtaking, though. She was someone that I honestly would have turned around to watch walk away if I'd met her on the street. She wasn’t the type of woman I would pick up in a bar, simply because I could see the warmth behind her gaze. She was a woman who deserved love, not a night of passion and cold sheets the next morning.

  "I hope you're married, pretty girl." I flipped the switch on the monitor and stood up. If she wasn't, then it wasn't just me who was in for a load of trouble, but every male who was stuck next to her for hours on end.

  Surely she was taken.

  She had to be.

  Chapter 3

  Elizabeth

  My knee bounced uncontrollably as I sat in the chair just outside of Dr. Martin's office. My advisor had been a huge part of my success, and was undeniably my biggest fan and my strongest supporter, but that didn't mean that the woman didn't intimidate the hell out of me. She did.

  A million thoughts ran through my mind, but I forced myself to focus on the simple fact that I'd graduated at the top of my class for my M.D., and I could do anything I put my mind to. Dr. Martin would make sure that I was paired up with a top surgeon for my residency, and would continue to take care of me. She had promised as much the last time we spoke. It was time to share the good news with her, and talk through who she felt was the best match to bec
ome my mentor.

  "Elizabeth?" She poked her head out of the open door of her office. "Come on in."

  Her dark hair was in a loose bun, her makeup beautifully on-point, and her slacks and button-down shirt professional. She was stunning, and I couldn't help but feel mousey in front of her. I had too much of my father in me to feel petite or feminine.

  "Thanks for seeing me today." I sat down and pulled the letter from my portfolio that was clasped tightly in my hands. "I have good news."

  "So I've heard." She smiled and extended her hand. "Let me see it anyway. This is the fun part."

  "I agree. I was so nervous that I would have to move to another part of town, or even to another city. St. Mark's is so busy, and hard to get into." I moved back in my chair a little, but kept my posture and forced myself to keep my chin in the air. Dr. Martin's loyalty was hard- earned, and she expected the best of all of us, every moment of every day. There was no rest in medicine.

  "Well, St. Mark's only takes the best of the best, and then a few whose daddies pay a pretty penny to get them in there. We know how hard you've worked. It's well-earned, Elizabeth." She set the paper down and leaned back as a smile lifted her lips. "I've been thinking a lot about this moment."

  "Why is that?" I brushed my hands down my black slacks, but kept my attention fully on her.

  "Because we had a department meeting last week to talk about our top M.D. grads, and of course your name came up. Most of us had an inkling that you would get the residency with St. Mark’s." She tapped the table as her expression tightened just a little. "What we couldn't agree upon was your mentor."

  "Oh." I lifted my eyebrow as confusion rolled through me. "I thought that you were the one to determine who I'd be working under for my residency."

  "I usually am, but with your high marks and your strong personality, the Dean of Medicine wanted to discuss options." She shrugged. "It's rare that he gets involved, but it’s a good thing. It's impressive, and telling of your future. You're going to be quite successful if you just keep your nose to the grindstone."