by Bry Ann
Logan could not have been more wrong to give her privacy.
I got a call from Logan some time midafternoon and the tone of his voice made my heart stop. His voice was shaking, and he seemed frantic.
“Get to the hospital now!” he snapped.
“What the hell happened?” I yelled as I skidded around my room trying to put on my sneakers.
“Sam’s unconscious. She tried to kill herself.”
Then click. He hung up. Call over.
My head spun, and I slipped on the corner of my shoe and fell to the ground. Sam, Sam, tried to kill herself! Despite everything, I could have never have imagined Sam would ever get that desperate. I know how desperate you have to feel to have the courage to try and kill yourself. The guilt and pain I felt became so overwhelming I threw up all over the floor. Then I remembered I had to be there for Sam. I gathered up all my courage and stood up on shaking legs. I ran in the kitchen, threw a wad of paper towels on the floor, grabbed my shoes and flew out the door. My apartment would smell and what I did was gross, but I had to be there for Sam. It couldn’t wait. I had to be there for Logan. This is the second time someone he loved tried to kill themselves, and both times had something to do with me. My insides literally shook.
Is this how Logan felt when I tried to kill myself?
I felt like a horrible person. It still eats at me.
I got to the hospital and Logan was pacing the hallway. I saw two bodyguards outside and one was standing in the hallway in a professional stance keeping tabs on the surroundings. As soon as Logan saw me he rushed towards me.
“Why?” he snapped, getting way too close for comfort.
I took a step back. Logan was shaking. I was too, but mine was more out of guilt and pain than anything else. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Logan was feeling in this moment.
“Why what Logan?” I asked softly.
“Why would she try and kill herself? She has Jazmine. Me. You! We just got her back!”
I grabbed Logan’s hand and pulled him into a more private area.
“I can’t answer that, only she can. All I can say is we have no idea what she’s been through, what she’s feeling. It’s not our place to judge her.”
“Like fuck it’s not!” he snapped. “She keeps a kid from me, then pops back in after breaking my flipping fucking heart, then tries to off herself and stick me with the kid! Is this a joke?”
Logan’s voice cracked, and he started pacing again. I knew he didn’t mean what he said. I knew he was just mad and more than that, hurt, but what he said still pissed me off. I frowned at him.
“Listen to me Mr. Prescott!” I yelled pointing my finger in his face. “If you say something like that in front of Sam I will kick your ass. Now, we are both going to go in that room and support her. You’ve never understood what it’s like to be that desperate. Your life has gone your way. You’ve never struggled with anxiety or depression. Don’t get on your high horse and cast judgement on her.”
He glared at me but pushed past me and headed to her room. I sighed. I knew he hadn’t calmed down, but all I could really do is pray to God that he would behave.
I knew he wouldn’t.
Present Day: Chapter 12:
Three days past. The best three days of my life. I took everyone to Ray’s, and although Gunner was uncomfortable at first, the craziness of our conversation and Rex and Alexa’s awkward hate/love chemistry distracted him. By the end of the night he was happy, and he took me there for our “first date” the following night.
I was sad to see Sam, Logan and Jazmine go, but it was time. Jazmine was getting impatient and Sam was starting to struggle. She’d never say anything, but I could see from Alexa, Logan, and Sam’s tired eyes Sam’s nightmares had been getting worse. Alexa must have been watching Jazmine at night for them, so she didn’t hear Sam scream. Plus, this hotel had a lot of mirrors and that was still something Sam was working through. Alexa was all but forced into staying behind for a few more days. Sam begged her. I told them I was fine, but Sam insisted, and Alexa is incapable of saying no to Sam. Rex went home but he lived close and him and Gunner hung out all the time, so he was always around. Logan told us we could stay as long as we wanted, not to worry about the money. Easy enough.
The day after our date Gunner and I went on a walk through the hotel garden. Sounds romantic, but it was more because Gunner was getting antsy and there was nowhere else to walk. Gunner and I were discussing his future and the whole conversation was making him grumpy. That was the best word to describe it. Not mean, not cruel, just plain grumpy and whiny, which was a funny mood on him.
“Just because you are my girlfriend doesn’t mean you can boss me around Dana,” Gunner grumbled as we walked through the garden. “I mean you’ve already asked three major things of me! When do I get to ask you for favors?”
I winced slightly, but he immediately caught it.
“You know what I meant Day. I’d never ask for those kind of favors.”
My body relaxed.
“Three? I’ve only asked for two favors; that you go to therapy and for you to consider getting a job.”
“I have a job!”
“I meant a legal job. One that won’t get me, or my friends raped or killed.”
Gunner sighed.
“This is all I’ve known Dana. I’m not the kind of guy who is going to sit behind a desk and file paperwork. I just can’t do that. You have to know that.”
“Gunner, what if you just sold marijuana or something?”
Gunner scoffed.
“Don’t insult me. I’m not associating with stoned twenty-year olds.”
“Geez, didn’t mean to offend. Tim was such high class.”
“Dana,” Gunner warned.
I was about to try and settle the argument, so we continue talking about the future when the sound of crying interrupted us.
“What the…” I whispered to Gunner.
He shrugged and looked just as confused as I was. I followed the voices and whipped around the corner to see Alexa crying and hyperventilating on the floor. My shock didn’t even register as I went to sprint over to her. Before I could get anywhere I felt a strong hand on my forearm pulling me back. I was ready to bite Gunner’s head off, but he gestured for me to look ahead. I saw Rex rounding the corner. I gave him a knowing look and backed off.
“We should go,” I whispered. “Spying is… wrong. Really wrong.”
Gunner smirked and raised an eyebrow.
“You’re oh so convincing. If it helps I’ll hold you here so you don’t have a choice. You know you want to watch.”
“You’re a terrible influence on me.”
He just smirked and nodded his head. Against my better judgement I popped my head around the corner to listen. There was another thirty seconds of her just crying and struggling to breath, which made me feel horrible for not being over there. Then I saw Rex come up from behind the view of the dumpster.
“Alex,” he gasped running over to her.
“It’s Alexa you fucker,” she snapped through her tears.
Her tone was less than convincing. Rex crouched in front of her and touched her knee, which made Alexa wince.
“I don’t want you to touch me.”
Rex removed his hand but stayed crouched in front of her. He looked troubled.
“What’s wrong?”
Alexa sobbed harder.
“You should go.”’
Rex’s jaw tensed.
“Despite wishing I could, my moral code won’t allow me to leave you crying by a dumpster.”
“You don’t care though!” she snapped, looking up at him. “I fucked up. I fucked up so bad and lost you. Pushed you away, just like everyone else because of my stupid fucking father. My whole life is a lie. Even my friends don’t know the truth about me. Who I am, what I’ve had to do. Fuck him!” she screeched.
Then she turned around and punched the wall so hard I shot back and winced as I heard her bones crack
. I was desperate to run out to her, but I knew Rex wouldn’t leave her and this was important for them.
“Fuck,” she whispered as she cradled her hand and let tears slide down her face. “That really hurt.”
She curled into herself more, trying to protect her hand.
“Jesus Alexa!” Rex reached for her hand, but she stayed strong and kept it hidden. Rex’s jaw clenched. “You need to get that looked at, it’s broken.”
Alexa looked like she was in excruciating pain, then let out a bitter laugh.
“That’s so telling. I am so angry at him for what he did to me, and I’m the only one who gets hurt.”
“Holding resentment is like drinking poison waiting for the other person to die,” Rex sighed, more to himself than her. Then Alexa looked at him with another look I had no idea she was even capable of. Deep and utter despair and remorse.
“I lost you. I hurt you. Just fucking go.”
Then she tucked her head into her knees. Rex went to do something, but I pulled my head back and pulled out of Gunner’s grasp.
“This is too personal. We need to go.”
Gunner nodded and followed me. We were silent all the way up to my room. More because of me than him. It was alarming to see Alexa like that. It is almost like I forgot Alexa had feelings too, and a life before she met us. I was just starting to realize why she never told us about her childhood. It must have been awful. Empathy ate me alive as I opened the door to my room. Empathy is supposed to be a good thing, but sometimes I think the degree in which I feel it is not healthy. It eats me alive inside.
I sat on the bed and stared straight ahead.
“That was wrong. I shouldn’t have listened in.”
Gunner crouched in front of me on the floor.
“What’s going through your head?”
“I just… I feel so bad for her. I don’t know what happened, but it must have been really awful. I hope her hand is okay.”
“Rex is taking care of her, alright? There’s nothing you can do about it right now. You have enough to worry about. Don’t you think?”
“Rex’s hates her.”
Gunner laughed.
“Dana, Rex is incapable of hating anyone. He doesn’t hate her. They have a history of some sort. He seems hurt. It’s probably complicated. He cares about her though. I can tell. Despite everything, she’s in good hands. Trust me.”
“I trust you.”
“You should trust Rex as well.”
I rolled my eyes. Gunner smiled and came to sit with me on the bed.
“What are you thinking about now?”
“We’ve been friends for too long.”
“That is true, but since that is the case I know you. You didn’t answer my question. What are you thinking about now? Something is still bothering you.”
I closed my eyes tight.
“Can we just have fun for a bit before we get into a heavy conversation?” I opened my eyes and looked at him, begging. “Please.”
“Fun?” he smirked.
“Don’t be an asshole.”
“You knew I was an asshole when you met me.”
“Not to me you weren’t.”
Gunner smiled and leaned over and kissed me. I was not expecting the amount of passion he put into that kiss. It was so intense it forced me on my back. Once I was lying down he let his tongue slip into mouth and I let out an involuntary moan. I put my hands on his chest and ran them down his thick, hard abdominal muscles.
“Fuck Day,” Gunner grumbled.
I smiled and slid out from under him, so I was leaning back on the bed in the correct direction. I saw Gunner’s erection through his pants and the conflicted feeling inside me heightened, but mostly I felt desire. It astounded me someone like him could want me, but I was grateful for it. I was done ruining my life with my insecurities. I’d accepted them as part of myself, but I didn’t want them to control me anymore.
“I want you,” I whispered. “I really, really want you… and yes I’m sure. I figured I’d answer before you asked.”
Gunner let out the faintest hint of a smile, but still seemed hesitant.
“Dana, are you sure? With a guy like me? I… if something goes wrong it could really set you back. I don’t want to do that to you. I would never want to do that to you.”
“I want to try,” I whispered as I ducked my head to hide the red on my cheeks. “I want this. I know I do. I just…”
Gunner leaned over and kissed me with such force again that I sunk back into my pillow.
“Shh, I get it. I do. Are you sure you trust me… with this?”
I put my hand on his cheek softly.
“I trust you explicitly. I’ve known you for six years and you’ve never, ever hurt me. I love you. I love you so much.”
I felt tears rising to the surface, but I swallowed them back. Gunner looked at me for a second then gently started to remove my pants.
“Well then let’s get going!”
He tickled my side a little as he spoke, teasing. He knew exactly what to say and do to make me laugh. To get me out of my head. He was always great about helping to ease my tension with humor.
I giggled and tugged at his shirt. Very quickly we were both naked in a hotel bed in Missouri, laughing. Just at the absurdity of our lives. The fact that we were actually together. The laughter continued for a while then there was this very distinct moment when all the laughter died, and we looked at each other as lust took over all of our senses.
Gunner lightly ran his fingers down my body causing me to shiver involuntarily. Something about the soft motion of his fingers on my body turned me on and I just wanted him to touch me. Anywhere. Everywhere. My hands shook with desperation and fear. Gunner ran his hands all the way down my body until he was all the way at my feet. He began to slowly massage his way up my leg and I could feel my body starting to shake with desire, anticipation. I squirmed under his touch, and I could tell he liked that. He liked knowing he was the reason behind the sensations in my body. He was in control through his touch.
Gunner was such an enigma. For someone who was so aggressive and so dominant in his real life, he was such a gentle and non-possessive lover.
Gunner kept massaging his way up my leg until he got to my upper thigh. A weird mixture of being completely and utterly turned on and absolute and total uncontrollable fear hit me all at once. Gunner saw it. Of course. His fingers found their way to my clit in a soft motion, and then looked into my eyes.
“You okay?”
It was very hard to talk with him touching me like that, but I gave him a wobbly smile.
“This feels incredible. I just.... have issues.”
Gunner stopped and came up to kiss me.
“I will do everything in my power not to hurt you but know we don’t have to do this today. We’ve only been together for like a week or whatever. I can wait.”
I laughed because he said the last part so gruffly and glanced down at my breasts. I smirked and put my hand on his face.
“We’ve been together longer than that. You know that,” he gave a small nod. “I want you. I want this. I just, I can’t promise I’ll react exactly how you want me to this first time. It wouldn’t matter if we did this today or in a year I’d still react this way and I’d still want it to be with you.”
Gunner’s eyes lit up in a way I hadn’t seen before. It made this man’s large, intimidating demeanor seem lighter. He continued to stroke my clit and I couldn’t control the sensations coursing through my body. He glanced up at me with a smirk on his face, still checking to see if I was okay.
I was more than okay.
The moan that escaped my lips right as he looked at me was his answer. He gently pressed down on my clit, then picked up his pace. I started to moan louder and got lost in the sensation of his fingers on me. I was so wet, so desperate I practically leaped off the bed when I felt Gunner’s mouth circling clit. He glanced up at me and the look in his eyes was by far the sexiest things I’d
ever seen. I relaxed into the bed, but it didn’t last long. Gunner drove his tongue inside me. I bit my lip to hold back my scream. He quickly pulled away and took one of my breasts in his mouth. I arched into him and that only made him more desperate. He took his free hand and rubbed his finger along my clit.
“Gunner,” I moaned. “Please…Ugh, Geez…”
He laughed and pulled off the breast he was working on.
“Please what babe?”
“I don’t know,” I gritted out. “Fuck.”
There was so much pressure in my lower belly and the tingling between my legs was almost unbearable now.
Gunner laughed and came up to my face.
“Trust me,” he whispered. Then he plunged one finger inside of me, while still stroking my clit. “Let go Dana, it’s okay,” Gunner said softly.
He then removed his hand and started to fuck me with his finger. I felt the tension building in my body until I couldn’t fight it anymore. I was scared to let loose, but my dang body was making impossible not to. I glanced at Gunner for a second, scared, but he gave me a reassuring look and I let go. I cried out Gunner’s name as my whole body seemed to light up like a firework. I saw stars and I couldn’t process anything other than the mind-blowing ecstasy coursing through my body. When I finally came out of orgasm I could feel the sweat beads on my forehead and Gunner staring at me intently.
“Woah,” I whispered as my cheeks turned bright red. “That felt … good.”
“Just good?” he cocked an eyebrow. “Cause babe…”
I held my finger up to his lip.
“No definitely not just good,” I laughed, “Incredible. Amazing. I don’t think I'm capable of thinking of big words right now. Cut me some slack man.”
Gunner laughed and came up to kiss me.
“Not going to lie, that was by far the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah right, shut up.”
Gunner’s eyes darkened. The lust radiating off him took my breath away.
“I don’t lie.”
I wasn’t even mad about the intensity or demanding tone he used with me because the insinuation was so flattering.