by Bry Ann
He slowly unclipped my bra and when it was hanging off me he threw it to the side and began to massage my breasts. I moaned as he increased his pressure. Then he took one of my breasts in his mouth and I lost it. I arched into him and begged for more.
“Gunner please. Uh, this feels so good.”
He was loving it. I saw it in his eyes. Then he made my way down my body to my underwear. My legs shook with anticipation. He held my legs down and then ripped my underwear off. It was fucking hot.
He traced his fingers along my sex and then leaned over and slid his tongue inside me. He applied more pressure this time and I writhed beneath him. He seemed to be losing control. He slid two fingers inside me and once again fucked me with the mercilessly until I was begging him to be inside me. He lined himself up with me and I saw a darkness in his gaze I didn’t see last time. I was slightly afraid, but I trusted him wholeheartedly.
“We are in my place now babe.”
He kissed me and thrust inside me all at once. I screamed and pushed my hips into his. We were connecting on a level I didn’t know possible. I didn’t care if it hurt. I wanted more, no I needed more. He pounded into me relentlessly. I squirmed and begged and pulled him closer to me. We both came, and he then collapsed, still inside me before pulling out. He hovered over me and stroked my sweaty hair back.
“Tell me. What was all this about?” he asked softly, as if he hadn’t just fucked the living daylights out of me.
“You love me.”
“And this just occurred to you?”
“No, no you don’t understand.”
I pushed him back, so I could sit up. I sat leaning against the headboard facing him.
“My whole life people either loved my brother more or loved me because of my brother or, in the best-case scenario, thought of my brother as a perk to knowing me. You love me. You don’t even care about Logan or his fame or his connections. It’s always been just me. I’ve never had that. With anyone.”
“It has always been just you,” Gunner said with furrowed eyebrows as if what I said confused him. “I don’t even like your brother and his fame his fucking annoying. If anything, Logan Prescott being your brother is a downside to being with you.”
I knew my eyes were beaming and Gunner looked really confused, but I didn’t care. He didn’t have to get it. I got it. I lived it, and now I had someone who accepted me for me. I wasn’t ever going to let him go. This had been my dream since I was a little girl, although I never pictured prince charming being a criminal.
“You know I don’t care about this, right?” I said gesturing to his apartment. “Logan kept his place barren for years. His whole life actually until he met Sam. He started to fill it with memories of all of us after that. I want that for you Gunner. You deserve that.”
He looked shocked at my revelation about Logan and absolutely unconvinced that he deserved to be loved in the same way. I hoped in time he could see he did deserve it, with me.
“You said you wanted me to make love to you, right?”
I bit my lip.
“Yeah.”
“Well, I think I just fucked you.”
With that he pulled me back and slid into me slowly. Gunner showed me that night how much he loved me. With his slow caresses, the way he slid inside me carefully and how he peppered with kisses the whole night.
I found out the difference between fucking and making love that night.
In my life I learned how much sex can give or take.
Present Day: Chapter 15:
“Where are we going Gunner?”
I knew I should be more excited about my boyfriend wanting to take me on a spontaneous date, but something about Gunner’s body language wasn’t sitting right with me. He was tense at the wheel. Well, more tense than usual. To him the world was still a dangerous place where there was a threat around every corner.
Not only was he tense, but his lips we were pushed together, and he wouldn’t let me touch him. He would just pull away. Alarm bells were going off all over the flipping place.
“First, we need to get your brother,” he answered, still not looking at me.
“My brother? What? What could we possibly be doing that you need my brother for.”
“You’ll see.”
There was a long pause.
“You know I care about you right? I would never do anything I didn’t think was good for you.”
“Okay stop the car now! Wherever we are going I don’t want to go.”
I pulled at the handle of my locked door to emphasize my desperation.
“Not this time Dana.”
We both sat in silence as we pulled into Logan’s driveway. The minute Gunner stopped the car I unlocked it bolted out.
“Fuck Dana!” Gunner yelled.
I tried to run in the house, but Logan grabbed me by the upper arm.
“You hate Gunner. Where are we going? What the heck is going on?”
“Come on Day.”
Logan grabbed my hand and pulled me in the back seat with him. A rock sat in the base of my stomach. Gunner said nothing as he put the car in drive. Logan, on the other hand, began to talk my ear off to distract me.
“So, I am thinking of finally picking up a project. Sam is on the mend and the director is willing to film in Nashville. It’s a movie, a three-month shoot. I miss working. The only downside is the press aspect. Paparazzi and rumors would increase and I’m not sure I want to put Sam and Jazmine through that.”
Logan talked on and on, but I was busy studying both of their body languages. Gunner was quiet, and I could tell his wall was up. If I tried to talk to him I would get an evasive one-word answers. Logan, on the other, was talking on and on. A clear sign of he was nervous. Obviously, he didn’t sound nervous, because Logan has trained himself out of it. He always sounded controlled. However, I knew my brother. I know when he’s nervous. His nervous rambling was not what caught my attention though. What caught my attention was how nice Logan was dressed. He was in suit pants with a tucked in white shirt and nice dress shoes. He hadn’t dressed this Hollywood in a while. He had his full movie star charm on. His hair was perfectly styled, he had shaved, and he reeked of cologne. I guess he smelt good to most people, but it just reminded me of his fake life.
“Should I have dressed nicer?” I asked, cutting Logan off.
“What?”
“You look, you look like you are about to go to a Hollywood premiere. Even Gunner is wearing something other than cargo pants and a plain t-shirt. Should I have worn a dress or will my sweater and skinny jeans work?”
I couldn’t hide the insecurity from my voice.
“I want you to look like yourself,” Logan said softly.
Neither of them said anything else the rest of the ride. Not. one. Thing.
Two hours later we pulled into a suburban neighborhood. My heart rate increased tenfold.
“Where are we going? Why the hell are we here? What is this place?” I practically screamed. I knew. I already knew.
Logan was looking out the window and Gunner was staring straight ahead. He pulled into a driveway and I sat frozen in my seat. Logan got out and Gunner came around to my side of the car and crouched down in front of me like I was a scared child, because that’s exactly what I was in that moment. A terrified little girl. Logan stood behind him, giving me a brotherly look.
“Do you know where we are?” Gunner asked softly.
I glared at him with all the hatred I could muster. I hated him. I hated both of them for bringing me here. They are supposed to live in LA. My parents lived in LA. Logan would never agree to this.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“They live in LA,” I said looking straight at Logan. Gunner didn’t exist to me anymore, because I didn’t know Gunner at thirteen and in this moment, I felt myself retreat into my thirteen-year-old self. “They live in LA.”
“They moved here several years ago. I’ve been keeping tabs on them.”
I stood up
abruptly almost forcing Gunner on his ass, but he was way to suave for that so he somehow managed to stay on his feet.
“Why Logan? Why? Gunner has an excuse but why the fuck would you agree to this. I'm not going in there.”
“Yes, you are. Come on,” Gunner said firmly, jumping in the conversation.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the door. Literally. Logan stood behind me patting my shoulder like that fixed anything. We disowned them. Before we rang the doorbell, Logan turned me around to face them and the sincerity in his eyes caught me off balance.
“We need this Dana. We were kids when we left them and went out on our own. We need to know for sure if we made the right choice. We’ll regret it for the rest of our lives if they die and we never tried again. I know I will.”
“I won’t. I know I made the right choice. I thought you knew it too. I thought I was worth it. I thought it was worth it to you to give them up for me.”
Logan grabbed my shoulders roughly.
“It is worth it. I’ll walk out that door right fucking now if they mistreat you, but I need to try Dana. I need to.”
“Fine whatever.”
I whipped around and slammed on the door bell. I saw Gunner throw Logan a look behind me. They knew this wasn’t going to be end well. I was going to make sure it didn’t. I was strong now. They couldn’t push me around like before.
Logan hit the doorbell a second time and then a man with gray speckled hair, a checkered blue and white shirt, slacks and a firm jaw line answered the door.
“Lisa!” he yelled the second he saw us. “Come here now!”
A woman with curly blonde hair, a scoop neck red shirt, heels and black slacks came running to the door next while the man I knew as my father just stared at us in shock.
“Logan,” she squealed shoving me to the side slightly so both of my parents, Frank and Lisa Prescott, could hug him. I stumbled over one of my feet and Gunner caught me. I was instantly hit with the weight of their rejection. Gunner tried to hold onto me for support, but I jerked away and curled into myself.
“Come inside, come inside,” Lisa finally said as she ushered us in with tears in her eyes. We all convened in the living room.
“I can’t believe it’s you,” Frank said shaking his head. “We moved to Nashville hoping, but I mean we never thought... We tried to contact your manager, but he never put us through to you.”
I kept taking small steps back. I could feel how torn Logan felt. He kept trying to look back at me, but my parents kept vying for his attention. He didn’t want to be rude after all this time. That’s Logan.
Gunner stood back, giving me my space. Logan and my parents talked for a while, while Gunner and I stood in the back like outsiders. Finally, my mom turned her gaze to me. She assessed me up and down before saying a word. I’d never felt more judged or self-conscious in my life, not since I was a little girl. I instantly regretted everything; my outfit, my hair, my food choices, just everything. Logan came to stand next to me, but it did nothing to ease my shame, my discomfort.
“Dana,” my mom said curtly. “Still into sweaters I see.”
I nodded shyly. Gunner came to stand closer to me and Logan grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
“Well they don’t accentuate your pear-shaped figure.”
I twiddled my thumbs and looked down at my hands. Self-doubt was running rampant in my head. Is that what Gunner thought when he saw me? Or what other people saw when they looked at me and my gorgeous movie star brother? Lisa assessed me further.
“I see that that anxiety is still an issue for you. I told Logan that treatment wouldn’t help. Certain things are just ingrained in your DNA. Some people are just beyond helping.”
“That’s enough!” Logan said firmly. You could hear his voice echoing off the walls.
“Who’s this?” she said jerking her gaze over to Gunner and looking disapprovingly at his tattoos.
“That’s my boyfriend.”
She scoffed.
“The drug dealer I read about in the paper I assume.”
I saw Gunner’s jaw twitch.
“No mother, the one who saved Sam and I’s life on multiple occasions.”
“Oh Sam! I would love to meet her and the paper’s said you have a daughter!”
She clapped her hands together, practically squealing like a little girl... and once again I was invisible.
“That privilege is earned.”
I could tell Lisa was a little thrown by Logan’s answer, but she collected herself nicely of course. I took a few steps back to go in the hallway. I needed air. I felt like I was suffocating. Logan looked back at me with pain in his eyes, but he couldn’t get away from them to help me. I snuck back and slipped into the hallway. I put both of my hands on the fancy wood paneling and took deep breaths.
In. Out. Like my therapist said.
“I wanted to give you a minute.”
I turned my head slightly to see Gunner approaching with his hands in his pockets. I didn’t respond to him. I just left the hallway and went over to the dining room where I knew Lisa had put out the food she had pre-prepped for “emergency guests”. Gunner followed me in. Logan looked over at me. I could tell he felt awful, but I didn’t care. I was so flipping mad at him. So jealous of him. So tired of living under his gigantic shadow.
We all sat at a long wooden table with beautiful designs around the ends.
How were they affording all this stuff?
Then I looked over at Logan and it dawned on me.
“You fucker!” I shrieked as I stood up, sending my chair flying back.
Everyone looked at me in surprise.
“You fucking fucker! You’re paying them!”
That is when Logan realized I meant him.
“You… you… you told me you disowned them for me. You lied to me! You lied! You were gone all the time and I was alone in treatment and the only thing I told myself is that you disowned our shallow parents for me. Your money meant shit to me!”
I was seething. Beyond help. Beyond being calmed.
“You fucker,” I said one more time as my voice cracked. I faltered backwards as tears ran down my face.
Then Frank stood up.
“Now listen here young lady. Your brother paid for your sorry ass to get all the care you needed after you decided to date a complete loser. We didn’t support it. I’m sure he’s seeing now what a waste of money that was.”
Logan looked like he wanted to respond to that, but he looked so completely torn and hurt he couldn’t speak.
“Money means shit to me! Did you not hear that! I would have been happier if Logan was there sharing a box with me on the street than some fancy ass treatment center alone. You’ve never gotten that. I just wanted you guys to love me, and you never could!”
“Oh, and you think your boyfriend here is better?” my mother scoffed. Gunner was gripping the table so tightly his whole hand was virtually white.
“Yeah, I do,” I said without hesitation.
She let out an evil laugh.
“Really interesting. See Kyle, down the street, you know the one with a coke problem. He was talking about a new supplier. A guy with tattoos a lot like yours, Gunner is it? Said he’s probably moving but could meet halfway once in a while. I recognized you once I saw you,”
Lisa threw an evil smirk at Gunner. Gunner looked like he wanted to kill her.
“Enough!” he yelled as he stood up. He turned to face me, but I was gone. I ran and grabbed my keys off the counter. I had my purse in hand and could see Gunner and Logan running after me, screaming something. My parents stayed inside. They didn’t even bother with me.
On any other day I would have never been able to outrun either of them, Logan or Gunner, but so much fire was burning through my body I was fast. Much faster than usual. I stuck the keys in the ignition and locked the doors. Gunner was banging on the door desperately and Logan was close behind him. I didn’t even bother with them. I slammed on the gas and t
ook off. I didn’t need any of them. Gunner lied. Logan lied. I was leaving this stupid fucking town. My heart felt like it had caught fire. I wanted to rip it out of my chest. The two people I probably cared for most in this world didn’t love me like I thought they did. Nothing hurt worse than that.
I only knew one other person in the world who wasn’t directly linked with my life in Nashville and I was going to give him a call.
Present Day: Chapter 16:
“Thank you for doing this,” I said as I shuffled inside Rex’s condo. “And, uh, thank you for not telling Gunner.”
Rex nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. He was wearing a Hollister t-shirt and some basketball shorts. He looked like an Abercrombie and Fitch model in real life.
“Of course, but, um, you drove all the way out to Missouri alone because….”
“I just need some time to earn a little money. Then I’ll get my own space. I’ll be fast.”
“I don’t mind that you’re here Dana. That’s not the issue.”
“What is the issue then?”
I matched him, crossing my arms over my chest. Rex sighed and ran his hand over his face.
“Isn’t your brother like loaded? Why do you need money? He won’t share?”
“I don’t want his money,” I spat out.
Rex arched an eyebrow. “Gunner’s pretty loaded too…”
He was baiting me. I could tell, but I still fell for it.
“I don’t want his stupid, lying, illegal, drug money either!”
“What happened Dana?”
“You know what. Never mind! This was a bad idea, I’ll go.”
I picked up my purse and turned to leave. Rex grabbed my upper arm. I turned back towards him, face hardened.
“Stay please. It’s fine. I have a spare room.”
I nodded, trying to suppress any emotion I could possibly be feeling. I didn’t want to trust him, trust anyone. He showed me to my room and I tucked myself in. I fell asleep immediately. For two days I stayed inside, watched movies, applied for jobs and ate dinner with Rex. He turned out to be a super funny, laid back guy. I could actually see Alexa and him being perfect together. They were polar opposites. I could see him bringing out the fun in her. I desperately wanted to ask him what happened between them, but it would be inappropriate to ask while he was doing me a favor.