Hate, Date, or Mate? (Supernatural Dating Agency Book 3)

by Andie M. Long

  “I’m stressed. Overloaded. This time last year the most I had to think about was if I had any clean knickers. Now I'm worrying about being turned into a vampire, birthing a healthy child, keeping everyone in Withernsea alive, and my HUSBAND,” I began shouting, “starts decorating the house. Like there isn’t enough happening! Now there’s dust and mess everywhere and I’m not at the nesting stage, mother, NOT EVEN CLOSE.”

  “Oh dear. I think your pregnancy hormones have kicked in a little, darling.”

  “You think?” I spat out as I looked around at the papers that had shot off my desk and were falling all around the room. I’d never had a good handle on my powers mixed with my temper.

  “As was.” I shouted, and they started to lift up and gather back into piles before they floated back down onto my desk. At least I knew how to rectify my disasters now.

  “So is there anything I can do to help?”

  I sighed. “Seriously, I doubt it. I’m just fed up is all. My life isn’t my own any more. Bloody Withernsea. I’m just glad the new Satan’s on vacation so there might be a little peace around the town.”

  “No mother’s life is their own anyway. Comes with the commitment. Even though I had to give you up for adoption, I never stopped searching for you or trying to put things in place for when I could come back home.”

  “What if I’m a useless mother? I mean if there’s a supernatural crisis in Withernsea I’ll have to deal with it won’t I? What if my baby hates me?” I started crying.

  My mum rummaged in her bag and passed me a tissue. “Try not to cry, honey, because the blood stains.”

  “What?” I wiped my eyes. Sure enough my hands were stained in red.

  “Oh my God, I can’t even cry properly now.” I wailed, and the papers went flying around the office again.

  “As is!” I yelled.

  My mum stood up. “Come on, let’s go to Jax’s.”

  “But I’ve gone off coffee. I mean that really is the Devil’s work, it’s got to be. Making me go off coffee and doughnuts is the worst evil I’ve ever encountered.”

  “Well, I sure need one, so let’s go before I suffer death by a thousand paper cuts. Now come here and let me wipe your eyes because you look like one of those statues that weeps blood. We don’t want people stood staring at you praying for miracles.”

  “I don’t mind if they pray for me to be able to drink coffee again.” I grumbled, but I let her dab at my face and then I stood up grabbing my bag and chucking my notepad and pen in it.

  Jax’s had people queuing out of the door and was packed inside. Kim had mentioned it, but I’d thought she was over-exaggerating again. I looked at the front of the queue at the new barista. He was sexy, but this was a little bit overkill. Surely the women of Withernsea had seen a sexy man before? I certainly had. Theo was gorgeous. Darius was a hunk. Here at Jax’s they were acting like sex-starved women at a male strip club.

  I mumbled some words so that to me and my mother everyone else was muted and then I magicked another table leaving all the room with the suggestion that it had been there all along.

  “You aren’t supposed to use your magic for personal gain.” Mum said.

  “It’s for the safety of these people here, or I might kill them all.” I snipped.

  Mum tilted her head at me, “Pregnancy hormones really are the pits. Right, stay there while I go queue for my drink.” She held up a hand. “No more magic, Shelley.”

  I had to sit there for twenty minutes while she queued, but rather than find it a hassle, it was bliss. With everyone muted, I could watch all their interactions but not get a headache from the noise. I started to realise how much people gave away with their body posture and mannerisms. There were so many hair flicks and smiles in the new barista’s direction. I focused in on him. The way the women were in here I would have thought he was an incubus, but he gave off no supernatural vibe whatsoever. He’d sent in an application form for the agency and I was in the process of inputting his application. Maybe he really was hotter than the coffee and my recent marriage had dulled my attraction switch. That and my current condition.

  My mum returned and sat in front of me with a coffee and a chocolate doughnut. I had all on not to leap across the table and pull her hair out.

  “Pass me your bag.” She said.

  “What?”

  “Stop questioning and just do it.”

  She brought out of my bag a flask and a doughnut.

  “What on earth?”

  “It’s a glamour, you idiot. I’m surprised you didn’t think of it before. The flask that to you will taste of Jax’s coffee, is in fact your bottle of O-neg and your portion of liver will now taste and look like a doughnut.”

  Why hadn’t I thought of that?

  Because I’d been too busy drowning in self pity, that’s why.

  “Mum, you’re a genius!” I told her as I bit into my doughnut, the chocolate oozing out of the middle. For the first time in days a beaming smile broke across my face.

  My mum took a drink of her own coffee and smiled. “Mmmm, I swear this gets better.”

  “Thanks, Mum. I needed this.”

  “I know, honey, you basically sent out a mental SOS.”

  “Did that happen when you were on the astral plane?”

  She shook her head. “No. Until you came into your powers, I couldn’t locate you at all. They were the worst years of my life and I thank the powers that be every day now that I was returned to your life.”

  It was hard to believe that my separation from my parents was due to the fact that my dad had left Lucy for mum, resulting in years in hell for my father, trapped by Lucy when she was a demon, and my mum stuck on the astral plane. I couldn’t equate that Lucy to the one I knew now, and that was probably a good thing. There’d been fault on all sides anyway, and it had cost each of them dearly.

  “How is Dad?”

  “He’s fine, lovely. He’s spending a lot of time swimming out at the caves. Oh, that reminds me, he says everything in the sea is calm, so you don’t need to worry about that anyway. Your father’s happy to keep an eye on the water.”

  “You mean to tell me I have the whole sea to govern as well?”

  “Well, of course. You’re taking over rule from your father. At some point we’ll need to have a coronation and that will be one ceremony on land and another under the water so you can meet your subjects. You’ll be their queen.”

  I necked the coffee. Okay maybe it wasn’t able to give me the same effect with it being a glamour, but the blood gave me a buzz and it stopped me from screaming out loud while my mouth was full of liquid.

  I picked up my bag and rummaged inside until I found my pen. I placed that and my notebook on the table and added to my list.

  Rule the seas of Withernsea and meet supernatural water creatures.

  Then for dramatic effect I added in capital letters.

  HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

  My mother grabbed the notepad and looked down the list. “Oh, honey. Why haven’t you told me about all this? I could have helped you. A problem shared is a problem halved after all.”

  “Not unless you’re taking on half my to-do list.” I grumbled.

  “Let’s have a look and see if there’s anything I can do.” She said, completely ignoring me. I vowed to always listen to my child and attend to their every whim right there and then.

  “This isn’t a to-do list. It’s just a list. We can scratch out half the things on it.” She said, picking up my pen.

  “Right, ‘discover supernaturals exist’. Yes, you discovered it and what? How is that a problem? It’s helped you double your business hasn’t it?”

  “Well, yes.”

  “Right I’m crossing that off. ‘Meet and fall in love with a 126-year-old vampire.’ Oh you’re madly in love, oh how life sucks. Well, your husband does, at your neck. I’m crossing that off.” She struck through my writing. “’Discover your mother is a witch. Find out you have witch powers. Discover
father is a wyvern’. Yes, undoubtedly this will take some getting used to, along with the next one about your powers and being the current ruler of Withernsea. But we are here to help you now. Before you didn’t have your parents around you, so think of it as a good thing that you’re reunited with your mother and father.”

  She took a sip of coffee. “’Be informed your future child shall be the most powerful ruler of Withernsea which started out as a place called Wyvernsea’. Well, you have the advantage of knowing your baby’s future. What about mums who don’t know their future treasured offspring will grow up to be a serial killer, or a thief? Yours will be powerful and held in high esteem by the community. Boo hoo.”

  My mother had a point. I was being a mardy arse, wasn’t I? I took the pen off her and scratched a couple of things off the list.

  Marry the vampire.

  Discover the ghost of your vampire husband’s mother lives in your new home.

  Have to defeat Satan.

  Find out you’re pregnant.

  Vampire husband decides this is a good time to redecorate and turn the farm into a Bed and Breakfast.

  “’Discover the ghost of your vampire husband’s mother lives in your new home’. Well, a lot of women have the mother-in-law from hell, yours is just floating around earth, be thankful. You’ve a permanent babysitter on hand, and she can help with the bed and breakfast.”

  “I don’t think seeing a ghost is going to help business much.”

  “Shelley, make it supernaturals only. It won’t hurt to suggest to human enquirers that you’re full. I know Theo’s excited about his new business venture and it must be difficult for him to get his teeth into something that excites him after 127 years on earth. Gosh, that came out wrong didn’t it?” She said as we both burst into guffaws of laughter.

  “Aw thanks, Mum. I’ve been ruminating about things that are in the past and things in the future that are beyond my control. Not only have you helped me with that, but you even sorted my coffee and doughnut problem. I love you, Mum. You’re amazing.” It was the first time I’d said the words to her since I’d found out who she was and had started the process of getting to know her. I watched as my mum’s face crumpled and she began to sob. “I’m so sorry I had to leave you, Shelley. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I suffered every day.”

  “It’s in the past, Mum. Let’s just enjoy the here and now, shall we? That’s what I’m going to do from now on.” I said, and then we heard the coffee shop door burst open and a voice screamed, “We’re all doomed.”

  Chapter Seven

  Shelley

  My jaw dropped open as Ebony almost fell through the doorway before she practically bounced off the nearest table. My mum and I ran towards her holding a side of her each and steered her to our table where I made another chair subtly appear and plopped her onto it. This chair had arms so she couldn’t fall off, given that she was rip-roaringly drunk.

  “Ebony, how much vodka have you had?” I whisper-hissed.

  “I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything.” Her eyes went wide. “I got to the boutique this morning for eight, and then it’s all blank, and my visions have stopped.”

  “Well, duh, isn’t that why you have all the vodka?”

  Her hands flailed around her face. “I drink to lessen them but they’ve gone. My mama always said if they went then that meant major evil was around. I can’t protect people right now with no visions. What if you all die?”

  Ebony then headbutted the table as she passed clean out.

  Jax came running over. My mute spell had dropped the minute I’d started talking to Ebony, and I was more than aware of the gossip and stares happening around us. I picked up my mobile phone.

  “Kim? Stop tidying, we have an emergency at Jax’s. No, the coffee hasn’t run out. It’s Ebony, there’s something wrong with her. Can you or Lucy mind her boutique? Lock the office up and get down here will you, quick as you can?”

  I carefully lifted my friend’s head up to make sure she was just passed out and hadn’t broken her nose or anything, on her face’s date with the table top.

  “Can you get some really strong coffee for her, Jax?”

  “Sure, coming right up.” Jax went over to some customers seated on a sofa. After she’d talked to them they got up and came over to us, a look of concern on their faces.

  “We’re gonna help you move your friend over to the sofa so she can lie down with her feet up.” One of them said. “Then we’ll have your table.”

  “Thanks so much,” I said, and I went to help move Ebony.

  “Hold it right there! You shouldn’t lift anything in your condition.” Yelled my gobshite best friend from the doorway. She then realised she’d announced my unannounced pregnancy to half the female population of Withernsea. “With your bad back.” She shouted louder. “The doctor said you weren’t to move anything with your BAD BACK.”

  “If only I had Ebony’s foresight I could mute your damn mouth.” I said to Kim as she came over. At least she went to the gym and so was good at helping move the dead weight of our friend.

  Finally after some huffing and puffing Ebony was laid on the sofa with her feet elevated above her head. She was starting to come around and started groaning. On my mother’s advice we murmured a spell suggesting that the other customers in the cafe had had enough coffee and cake and they gathered their coats and left.

  “Oh dear, Ebony’s drama has scared off my customers. I hope they come back.” Jax said, unaware that anyone in Withernsea had supernatural powers.

  “I’m sure they’ll be back soon. At least it gives you a chance to get cleared up and have a breather.”

  “Oh why am I thinking about my customers? It’s Ebony I should be worried about.” She shouted over to Seth. “While it’s quiet why don’t you take a break, Seth?”

  He removed his apron and came around from the back of the counter. “Is there anything I can do? I’m so sorry I couldn’t help move her but I was stuck behind the counter serving.” He looked around. “It’s so strange how everyone left like that. Can I help at all?”

  “We’re okay here, Seth. Thank you. Either get your break or if you could help by tidying up…” Jax said.

  “I’ll clear up.”

  “I’ll help you.” My mum told him.

  “Thanks, Margret.” Jax said. “Help yourself to anything from behind the counter.”

  “Is Seth included?” Kim smirked.

  “If you fancy a sandwich or a bun or anything.” Jax added.

  I took a baby wipe out of my bag and started wiping Ebony’s brow with it.

  “Aww, look at you, you’re already being all…”

  I glared at Kim.

  “Efficient.” She exhaled. “You are so, so, efficient.”

  Ebony continued to come around, and we gave her some sips of water and then strong coffee. I decided she wasn’t in a fit state to stay by herself back home. “Listen, we’re going to stay here for a while. Just here on the sofa and then when it gets to four o’clock I will call Theo and ask him to take us to mine.”

  Ebony started to protest.

  “No. You’re coming to our house and that’s that, until we work out you’re okay. We’ve loads of room. I’m not leaving you on your own until your visions are back. You can’t carry on like this anyway,” I said looking at her. “I’m going to ring the doctor.” I emphasised the word doctor so that Ebony knew I meant the one who helped supes.

  “Frankie.” Ebony said. “Frankie might be able to help me.”

  “Okay, we’ll call Frankie. Again, we’ll have to wait until later.” Frankie used to be a physician at the local hospital before he became a vampire so as long as we waited until he was awake he could well be able to help Ebony.

  I looked at my friend. To say she was dark skinned she looked pale. I was so used to her dramatic behaviour I’d never really stopped to think about what it was doing to her mental and physical health. There must be something I could do to hel
p her live with her visions because from what I’d seen today if not they were going to slowly kill her.

  Theo had to use his car rather than whizz here by vampire super speed. Luckily we didn’t live too far away. Ebony had spent most of the afternoon sleeping. Theo walked in and picked her up like she weighed the same as a Barbie doll. “Subtle, husband, subtle.” I whispered knowing his vampire hearing would pick it up. He started to act like he was struggling with her weight. “Let’s get you to the car.” He said. Then he stood stock still and stared at Seth.

  “I don’t believe we’ve met.” He said, and no word of a lie while he was holding my friend he let one hand go and held his other out to Seth. God help me.

  “Seth Whittaker.” Seth said, shaking his hand. “I’m the new barista.”

  “Oh, my wife didn’t mention there was a new barista. Good to meet you.” He said and then stared into Seth’s eyes. “You will never find my wife attractive, when you see her you will think of your grandmother naked.”

  “Theo!” I yelled.

  Seth was staring into space as the compelling took place. I knew as soon as it had worked because he glanced over to us and then heaved. Bloody insecure vampire husbands.

  “Let’s get out of here before someone gets hurt, and I mean you.” I yelled at Theo. He put his hand back on Ebony and pretended to struggle again.

  “Take that image out of Seth’s mind.” I mimed to my mum, who nodded. Otherwise poor Seth was going to be a basketcase.

  When we got back to the farm, Mary, Theo’s mother, greeted us. Mary was a ghost but could solidify while ever she could summon the energy. “Who have we here?” She said. “And I don’t think drugging people is the way to get boarders.”

  “It’s my friend Ebony. She’s not feeling well so I’ve brought her here so we can take care of her.”

  “Oh, the poor love. I’ll try to put the kettle on.” Mary bustled off.

  “Come on, Ebony, let’s get you settled on the sofa.” Theo helped me get her there and then I sent him to the kitchen to help his mum to make a lot of black coffee.