Consume Me (A Burning Desire Novel)

by R. F. Allie

I hadn't told him how in love I was with him yet, and I might lose him before I could do it.

  He took off his jacket and placed it on my shoulders.

  I didn't notice how cold it was in the station until he brought the warmth of the wool jacket to my bear arms.

  I hugged it around my chest, drinking the smell of him, probably for the last time and walked where he guided me.

  Landon was famous around there. I couldn't understand how a lawyer from Chicago could have that much consideration in New York, yet he had. I grew anxious, the precinct was endlessly big; we walked through long hallways then got inside an elevator. Once the door closed, he took me in his arms, squeezed me in reassurance and it was my undoing.

  I couldn't hold the tears anymore, I'd no idea what might happen to Jude, or how Landon will react when I tell him about Caden. I blamed myself for everything that happened, and cursed the day I was born.

  I haven't been this happy for a long time, and when I finally embraced it, everything seemed to be crashing down on me.

  It felt like I was collecting on someone else's bad karma, because I did believe in such things.

  I've never committed any unforgivable deed, at least not that I can remember. But that might be only my opinion. Either way, I was collecting, big time.

  "I don't know what is happening, and I'm not in the habit of being unaware of what is happening around me, but I'm not going to ask until I make sure that Jude is alright and so are you."

  Landon spoke soothingly, but I could feel he was really upset about the whole situation.

  "Just know that I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, anytime."

  I sniffed my tears and mumbled a thank you convinced that his statement won't last once he learned the truth.

  We walked out of the elevator and as soon as we turned; I saw Ryan shifting through the hallway like a crazy person and Evelyn sitting on a bench.

  As soon as Ryan saw me, he ran to me and took me in his arms and I burst into tears again.

  Landon gave us privacy and walked to Evelyn. I calmed my hitched breathing and swiped my tears.

  “I'm so sorry Clea, Are you alright?”

  Ryan had always been the most unselfish person I've known; it suited neither his career nor his past friendship and relationship experiences.

  There we were, in the middle of a police station, his boyfriend arrested and he was worried about me, like I was the one facing charges.

  "Don't worry; just tell me what happened and why Evelyn isn't with Jude?"

  He glanced around us with a worried look then spoke close to me

  "He doesn't want her to know anything about Caden or what happened, so he asked for another one."

  He explained.

  I couldn't believe what was happening? How could he do that? Refuse a good representation to protect something I didn't care about protecting any longer.

  I needed him to get out, and right then, I knew who might be his best chance.

  "That's ridiculous, I need to see him."

  I brushed him off and walked to the end of the hall where Landon and Evelyn were standing with a middle aged Asian man.

  “Clea" Landon extended his hand to me.

  "This is Mr. Ling; he was assigned to represent Jude."

  I looked at the man, then between him and Landon.

  I extended my hand to him and managed a smile

  "Tell me Mr. Ling, do you believe you can get him to sleep in his bed tonight?"

  The man looked at me like I’d asked him if he would be able to climb Everest in two hours. I had my answer.

  "I don't know all the facts; I have to talk to the client. But they say its assault, and there were witnesses, so it might take longer than tonight."

  I nodded my understanding then turned to the other two

  "What about you guys? Can you do something about it?"

  "Boo, you can't."

  Ryan interrupted.

  I waved my hand at him asking him to let me take care if it; it was hard enough for me.

  Landon and Evelyn exchanged knowing looks and he brought his hands around me answering my question.

  "Good."

  I held back the tears and turned to Landon.

  "Go in there, tell Jude he can tell you everything about Caden Blye and get him back to us."

  I grasped Ryan's hand.

  "Tonight Landon; I beg of you."

  He gave me a chaste kiss and excused himself. I watched him go inside the room and tried to peek at Jude.

  "We shouldn't stay here." Evelyn announced gesturing for us to walk away. We didn't budge; I wasn't going anywhere, any soon.

  She brought her hand on mine with a sympathetic smile on her face.

  "Let Landon do his thing in order for your friend to be home safe and let's go have some tea."

  "Let's go Boo."

  Ryan agreed.

  We made our way back outside in silence. Every time I looked in Ryan's direction, I could read the worry across his features. He was nervous, about Jude, but I could tell that he was also worried about me with each glance he took in my direction.

  We walked to the nearest coffee shop. I was still holding on Landon's jacket. Printing his scent in my memory; drinking it in. I sat on a stool facing a window; I could glance out and see the police station entrance door from where I sat.

  The place wasn't crowded, it was a little past midnight, and a group of college kids were chatting loudly and another couple sitting at a cornered table.

  Evelyn sat next to me and got busy on her blackberry. I was thankful for her comprehensive attitude. She'd been kind tonight, and I made a mental note to myself to thank her later.

  I was too overwhelmed obsessing about what Jude might be telling Landon. Ryan handed me a hot cup of tea and squeezed me in a hug from behind.

  I took a sip of the blueberries flavored liquid and settled myself in its warmth.

  I could tell everything Ryan wanted to say by the way he looked anxiously at me. He wasn't sure if I made the right decision by letting Landon know the truth from Jude; and neither was I.

  But the present circumstances gave me no other choice.

  I settled my head on folded arms and closed my eyes to stop the tears from ascending and maybe manage to relax.

  Jude would've sacrificed himself for me and accept a petty representation for my sake, so there was no doubt that I made a worthy sacrifice.

  Maybe he'd understand and won't judge me... Maybe he'll stay.

  I hoped that he would with every fiber of my being, but he was listening to my story, the one I was most ashamed of, the one I couldn't bring myself to tell him about.

  In my tired state, I was taken back to that night.

  I'd waited for Caden for hours past what we'd agreed to.

  The candles had burned out and the smell of chocolate had worn out. He was unreachable on his cell and I started to get worried.

  Sometime close to eleven, I buzzed him upstairs and got rid of my sad face, resigned to spend an agreeable night. Once past the door he'd taken me in an embrace and had apologized explaining that he had to take his sister back to Long Island.

  He smelled of alcohol and cigarettes; He went straight to the bathroom and took a shower.

  When he came back to have dinner; he'd barely touched his plate before he’d said that he was full and would rather have move to the cake.

  I'd thought he might've had dinner with his sister and didn't want to disappoint me by refusing to eat all together.

  We went to the living room where I had a nice ambiance prepared for us. I put all of the thirty three candles on the cake and made him make a wish.

  We ate and drank and danced like a normal couple in love with each other. I'd been relaxed and happy, especially after I saw his appreciative face when I’d given him the bow tie.

  It felt better than I’d expected. Well at least at first; Caden had been very distant and precarious for a while. I’d been scared to lose him and that was the main reason I
’d convinced myself that it might’ve been time for us to move to the next level.

  Admittedly, he’d been very patient with me. He still had his moments; whenever I backed up from any intensifying moment between us, he’d get frustrated and call me a prude or a teasing tart.

  It was his way if insulting me without really doing it; but as soon as he’d calm down, he’d apologize.

  He’d promised to take me to have dinner with his mother and sister. I’d never met them, only his brother and sister in law.

  But I’d insisted on being discreet to avoid any entanglements with college administrations; he didn’t mind.

  I’d been stressed out; not really ready for it.

  But bushed it out of my mind and resigned myself to do it.

  When he levered himself on top of me and started kissing me; my courage was still nowhere to be found to let me unleash myself and let go. I was tense. He kissed me repeatedly trying to make me respond with a little passion.

  I usually did, when we kissed, but I had a curious feeling in my gut that kept holding me back, no matter how much I loved him.

  He stopped for a moment, but only to take me to my room in his arms. The gesture should've made me eager, yet I'd felt empty and even more hesitant.

  "I can walk."

  I'd said smiling weakly at his face.

  "I know you can Kitten, but I'd rather carry you."

  "Okay, just let me get in the bathroom for a second."

  I'd asked gently.

  "No need, you're perfect."

  He ignored me and pushed through the door, settled me and himself on the bed.

  He'd crawled onto the bed and started kissing me again.

  I'd relaxed and kissed him back until I wrapped my arms around him and my brain around the idea.

  His kisses were passionless, just hungry, like a savage. He didn't care how I responded. He took of his tie and unbuttoned his shirt.

  "Touch me."

  He'd said and I'd conceded.

  He brought his hand to my breast and violently stretched the hem of my dress to reveal my bra. I wasn't feeling good about it. I wasn't a prude, I just didn't like the way he did it.

  I'd grew uncomfortable, almost suffocating.

  " Wait, Caden, stop."

  I'd breathed out, suffocating.

  He didn't.

  "I'm tired of waiting, just let go Kitten."

  He said nibbling my neck down my breasts.

  He sounded serious, yet I didn't stop shuffling under his hold. I wanted to breath, to get out of the room and the house altogether.

  I pushed him away, but he was way stronger than I was, he didn't move an inch.

  "Please Caden, I don’t think I’m ready, I can't breathe."

  I was pleading past the chocking I was feeling, I wasn't ready.

  He slammed my mouth bluntly and silenced my complaints.

  I felt like I was out of oxygen through my whole body, unable to breathe or shout.

  I stilled for a beat, gathering enough force to fight him off.

  Everything went blank, I could only hear his echoed voice in my mind, calling me things he never did and forcing himself onto me.

  “Come on you little tease.”

  It lasted for several minutes.

  Caden thrust his hand between us and shoved it down my pants and it was all it took to push him off of me with everything I had in me.

  I'd been fueled by pain and anger. My fear of him was my most valued source of strength.

  Images of him shredding through my intimacy, my body, my heart, flashed between my eyes.

  It was so surreal, so much so, that I lost consciousness for a while.

  Creasing sounds reasoned in the back of my mind; the next minute it was a pounding sensation that felt so loud and hurting that it took me a while to get back any awareness of my surroundings.

  At first; I thought that the whole thing must've been a nightmare; Caden was nowhere in the room. I'd been lain on the floor.

  I blinked ruefully and pushed on heavy feet. Once I gathered all my senses, I realized that I hit my head on my night stand. I brought my hand to the back of my head, it was tingly, and it hurt like hell; a mixture of burning and cutting, it was damp.

  I'd been bleeding.

  Tears started streaming endlessly. I was sad, furious and confused all at once.

  I couldn't believe Caden would do that to me.

  Do what exactly? How long had I been out?

  I was taken by a fearful thought, did he...?

  I couldn't hold my tears, yet I didn't feel different. Other than my head wound, everything else felt as normal as it could be giving the situation.

  There was little damage to my dress and my underwear were intact.

  I'd started praying eagerly, thankful that he'd gained some sense and stopped before it was too late.

  I wasn't aware that anyone else was in the apartment until I’d heard an unfamiliar sound coming from outside my room. I was so taken by my fear and confusion that I hadn't been alert to what had been happening around me.

  I walked outside the room on shaky legs; my mind had disintegrated from my body; or was it the other way around.

  I found Caden pacing through the living space; I froze. He was naked from the waist up, his expression was one of pure annihilation and fury.

  I'd never seen him like that and it scared the hell out of me. I wanted to run away from there, from the whole world.

  The man I loved tried to rape me.

  The thought made my insides claw at each other to the point of hurting.

  It was only when I had enough courage in me to walk towards him to ask him to leave and never show his face again that I realized that he was mumbling rapidly and unclearly.

  " No, no, no, no, no...."

  And he kept going on and on and.

  My first thought was that he was panicked about what he did, that he regretted it, that he was drunk and had been taken by the moment.

  I took notice of something behind the couch, I squinted and winced to the pain to the back of my head. I was trying to assess what was.

  It was a hand.

  I peeked further and saw a woman's face. I thought I was hallucinating, and looked at his face shaken and confused.

  His eyes were cold and fearless, there was a scary sparkle in them, and something I couldn't understand. He fixed me for a while, then took a deep calming breath.

  "This is your fault."

  He'd said moving back, revealing the rest of a woman's body lain on my carpet in the biggest flake of blood I'd ever seen.

  My heart pounded violently, it was literally trying to push out of my throat, by breath hitched and I was barely standing.

  "Who is she? Is she ... "

  I couldn't say the words.

  He looked at me, his face nude of any compassion.

  "It's my wife."

  My wife, my wife, my wife...

  It kept echoing in my head like the word was unfamiliar to my vocabulary.

  "Your wi..."

  How was it possible?

  It took me a moment to assert that no matter who she was, she needed immediate attention. I ran to the bathroom and picked up something strong and some towels, then grabbed my phone and ran back to her.

  I had no idea what I could possibly do, I'd little knowledge about any first aid or CPR. The only things I remembered, I'd learned from some mandatory courses I’d attended during my first year in college. I kneeled in front of her. I couldn't detect where the blood was coming from, and there were so much of it that I thought she might've been bleeding from everywhere.

  "What'd you do?"

  I yelled looking at the man I barely knew.

  "It's your fault..."

  Caden kept on repeating.

  I kneeled closer to see if she was breathing, it was slow but definitely existent. I put towels all over the blood then sprayed one with lots of perfume and brought it to her nose.

  "Wake up, wake up, plea
se wake up."

  It took what seemed like the longest minutes in my life, but she eventually coughed in the piece of fabric and I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

  I didn't wait any longer to call 911, and give them my address.

  I'd no way to explain to them what had happened to her and Caden was frozen, staring at the blood.

  "My baby."

  Caden's wife finally breathed out trying to stand.

  I stopped her from moving as I'd been instructed by the woman on the other side of the line.

  "Get away from me."

  She stuttered.

  Her eyes were full of blame and hatred, aimed at me like daggers through my core. I wasn't in any state to explain or apologize, or whatever I needed to do and say.

  Caden didn't move an inch to try to attend to her, I was speechless and thankful for being strong enough to remain calm.

  I heard a key turning in the door knob and Ryan's laughter echoed through the apartment.

  I rose to my knees, even more thankful to have him and Jude home.

  "What the fuck."

  Jude yelled and ran to me the second I fell into his sight.

  "Oh my god."

  Ryan followed him next to me.

  "What the fuck happened here? Who is this?"

  Jude screamed at Caden pointing to the general direction of the room and Caden's wife.

  He had the nerves to look at him with disgust, the man seemed to be blaming everyone but himself

  "It’s his wife, I don't know what happened. I called 911."

  It was all I could manage to say before I lost all ability to talk or move.

  My head pounded; my eyelids got heavy and my whole body numb.

  The voices became mere humming in the back of my head and my vision darkened

  Chapter XXII

  I felt a hand caressing my hair gently and nudging me lightly into a fuzzy state of wakefulness. I steadied myself slowly on the stool and felt Ryan's hand stroking me. I blinked in surprise, I didn't realize I'd been sleeping.

  I turned to Ryan.

  His expression had changed, but I couldn't fathom it either.

  "Where's Eve? Is Jude okay?"

  I panicked when I didn't see Evelyn.

  "Shush Boo, look over there."

  He gestured behind me, and through the glass to the police station entrance.