The Devil Couldn't Break Me

by Laura Aslan

  Kupi appeared very knowledgeable about the subject and told me how they flooded the area with Serb paramilitaries that prompted an exodus of Kosovan Albanians and of course a refugee crisis.

  He turned to me.

  “They started it so we must finish it.”

  Si pasojë e këtyre fërkimeve, njëri prej komandantëve të UÇK-së, Abedin Rexha - Sandokani, me 8 tetor 1998 pati një konflikt me Gani Geci, ku vetëm bashkëluftëtarët e tyre, arritën që ta parandalojnë më të keqën. Kupi said that people looked on him as a hero; they respected him greatly although he didn’t like to talk about it too much. For a man of modesty he talked for at least ten minutes about his exploits and his bravery and his courage. I’d given him the perfect platform to sell himself, to tell me what a great man he was and he seized the opportunity with both hands.

  After he’d finished he reached for his wine glass and took a large mouthful. He looked at me and smiled and then he drained the glass.

  He held out his hand.

  “Come with me Laura.”

  “Come with you?” I asked. “Where to?”

  “Come with me to bed.”

  The involuntary shaking returned instantly.

  “No Azem please.”

  “You do not want to be with me?”

  “No Azem, it would be wrong. You know our culture, please understand.”

  Azem Kupi wasn’t about to take no for an answer. I could see that the word of a woman meant nothing to him. This was a man who was used to getting his own way and he reached for my hand and pulled me to my feet. He held me for some time staring into my eyes much in the same way Brian had before he kissed me. I turned my head away and pulled free. Azem’s tender smile had gone as he took a step forward and reached for me again. He gently stroked my face.

  “You are so very pretty,” he said. “You’d be a perfect wife for a very lucky man.”

  What was Kupi up to? He’d already told me he was selling me, that the deal was done. I fought for breath as I felt myself being gently pulled towards the door on the far side of the lounge which I guessed was the bedroom.

  I was right. Kupi reached for the door handle and located the light switch just inside the door. My gaze fixed on a large king sized bed. He had planned this all along. My emotions were in shreds as I tried to figure things out. He had been a changed man ever since we had left Rexha and the others on the other side of town. So he wasn’t going to sell me after all? And yet the virginity test, the mention of the medical men. What was going on?

  Kupi pulled me into the bedroom and closed the door. I was thinking where he’d left his jacket, the one with the front door key. He began to undress.

  “Please Azem no.”

  He laid his shirt over a chair at the bottom of the bed.

  “Don’t you like me?”

  I wanted to tell him I hated him with a passion, that he was fat and vulgar and the vilest most violent beast I had ever encountered.

  “Of course I like you Azem.”

  “Then lie with me, give yourself to me tonight,” he said.

  I started to sob, begging him again to understand our culture and that it was just not possible. Kupi was naked now and walked over to the bed. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest my muscles tightening by the second as he slipped under the blankets.

  “Remove your clothes and come and join me.”

  This was the moment I had been dreading as soon as I realised that we would be spending the night alone. I somehow sensed that this was what Kupi had in mind. And yet it made no sense. What about the deal and the rich man who wanted to pay for a virgin?

  “Please Azem no.”

  He frowned.

  “We can do it the easy way or the hard way.”

  I find it difficult to describe how I felt at that moment. As teenage girls we would discuss our weddings and how beautiful and special they would be and when we got a little older we would also discuss those tender moments we would spend in the marital bed on our special night. It would be dreamy talk and we’d giggle and laugh and of course some girls would claim to know more than others and stories that were only half true would be shared with each other. I imagined my wedding would be a grand affair, somewhere special and of course with a very handsome husband who would be kind and tender and I’d love him with all my heart as we shared that special moment together. And now as I slowly began to unbutton my blouse, those images in my head had been blown apart. Instead I was looking at a man I hated who was about to take that moment away from me and if I didn’t yield to him voluntarily I knew he would initiate a viscous violent rape.

  “Take it off.”

  I pulled my blouse over my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. He pointed to my bra.

  “And that.”

  I knew my protests were futile now. Kupi was beyond the point of no return and I had to do exactly as he asked. I peeled off my bra and let that fall too. Kupi studied me for some time clearly excited at what he’d seen. He passed some comment but the words of the sentence did not register as I reached for the buckle of my belt and the tears I had been fighting for so long eventually came.

  When I was completely naked I stood for some time pleading with Kupi to respect me. He repeated his words about doing it the hard or the easy way and told me it was my choice. Eventually I joined him under the sheets, sobbing hard. I turned my back on him and he wrapped his powerful arms around me as he kissed me on the back of the neck. My skin crawled as involuntary spasms coursed through me. Kupi asked me what was wrong and I told him I was cold. He squeezed at my breasts as he moaned with pleasure and his hands wandered all over me. He wrapped on of his arms tightly around the top of my thighs and pulled me hard into him. I could feel his erection pressing into my buttocks as he moved rhythmically back and forth as his groans grew louder.

  He kept asking me to give myself to him and he kept asking me to turn around but as much as I feared the aggression that would no doubt come I just couldn’t bring myself to face him. He was trying to force his penis between my legs from behind but I was determined that I wasn’t going to make it easy for him and I sensed him getting more and more frustrated. And still he pushed against me, harder and more rapidly and I began to wonder when the inevitable rape would take place.

  “Give yourself to me Laura,” he said time and time again but the more he said it the stiffer I became and I dared to think that the rape perhaps may not take place after all. Both hands cupped my breasts now and he rubbed his penis hard against my buttocks and I sensed that he was fast approaching his climax. It was an awful moment as he cried out loud and ejaculated and yet in many respects I was so relieved at the outcome. Kupi turned over and rolled away from me as I climbed from the bed.

  “Where are you going?” he said.

  “To the bathroom, I need to get cleaned up.”

  Kupi grunted and pulled the blankets up to his chin.

  “You get back here quickly.”

  I walked through to the bathroom. The light was still on and I noticed Kupi’s jacket slung across the back of the chair. I wouldn’t be too hasty before retrieving the key. I would wait until he was sleeping.

  I took a shower and washed Kupi from me. The water stream was powerful and I turned the shower up as hot as I could possibly bear it and scrubbed my whole body with a brush until it tingled. It was so different to the shower in the apartment in Pristina where we were lucky to get even lukewarm water for a few seconds. I stood for some minutes letting the water cascade over me. I told myself that every drip that disappeared through the plug in the bottom of the shower tray was a piece of Kupi as he had violated me. I felt strangely good, I was even a little pleased with myself that I’d somehow managed to avoid what I thought was the inevitable but then again I knew it wasn’t over. I became aware of the door opening and looked over to
see Kupi standing in the doorway. He stood and glared at me as I reached for the towel and stepped out of the cubicle.

  “I told you to be quick,” he said.

  “Sorry,” I replied, “the water is hot, it feels so good.”

  Kupi watched as I dressed and then turned and walked away. I followed him through to the bedroom. He was sitting up propped against a pillow and looked deep in thought.

  “I wished you had given yourself to me,” he said, “things could have been so different.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  I never got a reply as Kupi eased himself under the covers and closed his eyes. I got into bed beside him and turned my back. I looked at my illuminated watch display, it was just after midnight and remembered reading somewhere that around three in the morning was the time most people slept the deepest. I would lie awake and wait. I would wait for Kupi to sleep, to snore and then I would wait a little more. He was snoring gently within about fifteen minutes. Snoring had never sounded so good and I fought my natural desire to close my eyes.

  I lost my battle somewhere between one and two in the morning and as Kupi woke me I looked at my watch and my heart sank as realisation set in that I’d slept most of the night. Kupi was telling me to get ready, as we would soon be leaving. There was none of the tenderness in his voice that there had been the previous evening. He was back to his normal self, barking out orders and demanding a quick response. He spent some time on his mobile phone.

  We were out of the apartment within twenty minutes and driving back out of the city of Pejë. Kupi hardly said a word and I thought it best to keep quiet myself. He had been quite cold towards me since he’d woken me.

  The street we had driven into looked familiar and I realised it was where we’d dropped off Rexha and the other two guards. Kupi stopped the car and made a quick phone call on his mobile. Within a few minutes Rexha and the two guards were walking up the street and coming towards the car. Kupi told me to get in the back and they made me sit in between two of the guards while Rexha climbed into the driver’s seat and Kupi switched to the passenger side.

  Kupi turned around to the two guards and nodded. They both produced a gun and made a point of showing me, then I got a gun barrel pressed either side of my ribs.

  “We are going to the border of Albania,” He said. “If you try anything stupid they will shoot you dead.”

  Organs for Sale to the Highest Bidder

  We passed through the towns of Rastavica and then Junik and Kupi mumbled something to Rexha and pointed to a huge mountain up ahead.

  Rexha turned to me.

  “That is the mountain of Bjeshket e Nemuna and on the other side is Albania,” he grinned wickedly. “That’s your destination you Serb whore.”

  The other two guards were abusing me too, making wise cracks about some Sheik and how the Arabs much preferred another form of sex rather than the more conventional method. More than once I felt a gun barrel pressing into my ribs. Kupi was strangely quiet as he concentrated on the road up ahead.

  “But I don’t want to go to Albania Azem,” I said.

  He ignored me.

  “Why are you taking me there?”

  He turned.

  “Didn’t you hear him? So that a big Arab Sheik can have some fun with you.”

  The car irrupted with the sound of laughter. It seemed everybody had to laugh at Kupi’s jokes.

  Bjeshket e Nemuna was drawing agonisingly close and I became aware that the men in the car took on a more sombre mood the nearer we got to the border but still I bombarded Kupi with questions that he chose to ignore.

  Rexha took great pleasure in telling me that virgins were very much in demand. I had been told that before, but I would only be a virgin for a very short time and I was more concerned about what would happen to me afterwards.

  “Azem... please talk to me. Will I be coming back soon?”

  I had almost resigned myself to the fact I had been sold and accepted that a very rich man would want to take my virginity. I looked around the car at the animals I was travelling with. Surely the rich Sheik couldn’t be any worse than them.

  “How long will I be there Azem?”

  Rexha looked in the rear view mirror and I caught his eye.

  “There are sixty four positions in the book of the Kama sutra, so your Sheik will fuck you at least sixty four times before he tires of you and sends you back.”

  What’s the Kama sutra? I asked myself.

  “You will come and get me?”

  My question remained unanswered.

  “Please Azem tell me what-”

  “Mother fucking whore,” he snapped, “don’t you ever shut up? I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. You’ve been sold to a Sheik for a large sum of money but Rexha is correct, he’ll be sick of you within the month and he’ll be looking for another virgin girl to replace you and then you’ll be sold for organ harvesting.”

  I’d never heard of organ harvesting.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  Kupi turned around as he spoke through gritted teeth.

  “Mother fucker, I swear if you ask one more question I’ll order those two beside you to put a bullet into your head.”

  Rexha pointed ahead.

  “The border Boss. We are nearly there.”

  Kupi looked up.

  “Okay,” he said, “let’s keep calm.”

  Sitting in the middle of the back seat I had a perfect view as we neared the border and I could see that there was a large queue of cars and buses and many UN vehicles blocking the road. Kupi and his men looked nervous and Rexha fidgeted and changed gear many times when there was no real need. Kupi slapped his wrist.

  “Keep fucking calm I said.”

  I noticed that there were many cars being turned around and just an odd one was being allowed through. Kupi and Rexha were anxious. Rexha said that it wasn’t normal. As we neared the roadblock I recognised a flag on one of the soldiers’ uniforms. He was Italian and I also noticed another Italian flag fluttering in the breeze from the aerial of a truck parked by the side of the road. There were men in other uniforms too and a police car. As if sensing what I was thinking one of the guards pushed the barrel of his gun into my kidneys. I let out a little yelp and Kupi turned around as he gave the guard an approving look.

  “If she says one word don’t hesitate to pull the trigger,” he said, before turning back as he wound the window down.

  A policeman approached the window with two Italian soldiers carrying rifles.

  Kupi spoke politely to the policeman who turned out to be a police translator.

  “What seems to be the problem officer?”

  “The border is closed to anyone who doesn’t live in Albania. Have you any ID that states that you live in Albania?”

  “No,” Kupi said. “We are from Kosovo but we need to get to Albania tonight for a friends funeral.”

  “No chance I’m afraid. You’ll need to turn back.”

  Kupi tried to argue with him, nicely at first, he sounded rather persuasive.

  “Whose decision is this?”

  The policeman pointed to the Italian soldiers.

  “The UN,” he said. “I have no authority here, now please, turn around as quick as you can.”

  Kupi let out a sigh.

  “But we can’t, we have a funeral, you must appreciate how important it is to pay our last respects?”

  One of the Italians leaned through the window and looked at me. I was so close to saying something but of course I didn’t know any Italian. What would I say? And then he disappeared, looking at the car behind us. Kupi had pulled out his wallet and opened it in front of the policeman. It was full of money and he pulled out a handful of US dollars.

  “If it’s a question of mon
ey I’m sure we can...”

  The policeman turned aggressive and started shouting abuse, saying that we were lucky we all weren’t arrested there and then. The policemen took Kupi’s dollars and threw them back into his lap.

  “Get going,” he said. “Get your car turned around right this second or I’ll have you all arrested. The border is closed and I won’t tell you again.”

  Kupi was furious as Rexha performed a quick three-point turn and we headed back in the direction we had come from. He cursed and swore and banged his fist on the side of the door.

  “Mother fucking Italian bastards, who do they think they are? This is my country not theirs, the mother fuckers.”

  I had never seen Kupi in such a bad mood as Rexha tried to placate him and tell him they could come back in a day or two.

  Kupi didn’t seem to be listening. He turned towards me.

  “It’s her fucking fault, she’s bad news, and She’s causing me too much trouble.”

  Kupi rubbed at the side of his temples as he looked down at the floor and then he looked up as if he’d thought of something.

  “Fuck the Sheik, fuck him. He’s not getting her.”

  Rexha looked at him.

  “What do you mean Boss? She’s worth a lot of money.”

  “Fuck him,” Kupi repeated, “I’ll rape her myself and then we’ll harvest her.”

  I couldn’t help myself.

  “Harvest me? I don’t understand. What does that mean?”

  The guard to my left spoke grinning.

  “Will I tell the bitch Boss?”

  Kupi looked at the guard and then at me.

  “I’ll tell her. I’ll tell the mother fucking Serbian bitch.”

  The car fell silent as Kupi spoke. It was as if he’d composed himself to deliver my sentence. He told me exactly what he meant by harvesting.

  “It’s all quite simple,” he said, “we’re becoming quite expert the more we do it. You’ll be taken to one of our doctors and operated on, he’ll test your blood beforehand so that he can assess your health and our contacts can find a match. Don’t worry, the doctor will sedate you before he removes your heart and your liver and perhaps a kidney too.”