Against All Odds

by Danielle Steel

  He and Richard had been talking for the past few weeks about whether or not they wanted another one soon. Justin like the idea of having them close together, while they were already steeped in Milagra’s baby needs, rather than waiting until she was older and starting all over again. And they agreed that they wanted two kids. They knew it would be tight financially, but they were willing to make the necessary sacrifices. Alana had told them she would do it again, and Shirley said she might too when they asked her, although she said she would only do it one more time. She said her body was beginning to show the wear and tear of four pregnancies, but they needed the money. If they wanted to do it, Alana had said she would start giving herself hormone shots again on her next cycle, so Justin was pushing Richard for a decision before either woman changed her mind. It had all worked so well before that Justin didn’t want to have to use a different donor, or find another surrogate. They knew and trusted both, which was a major plus. But they didn’t mention anything about it at Julie’s wedding dinner or on Christmas because it was a decision they wanted to make themselves, without input from anyone else. They had learned that lesson the first time.

  When Julie and Peter left on Christmas Day, they all went downstairs to throw the rose petals the florist had provided, and then Julie and Peter got in a cab to go to the airport for their honeymoon in Hawaii. It had started snowing and Julie was beaming. It was a scene Kate knew she would never forget, and Justin put an arm around his mother’s shoulders as they went back upstairs after the couple had left.

  When they got back to the apartment, Richard was holding the baby and she was crying, and her cheeks were flushed. She felt hot to the touch.

  “I think she has a fever,” Richard said, worried. “I think we should call the doctor, or take her to someone here.”

  “On Christmas Day? Why don’t we wait,” Justin said practically. They had a thermometer at their friends’ apartment. It reminded Kate of the days of kids sick on holidays, having to change plans every five minutes, or sitting up all night for an earache or a fever. That had been her life for many years, and Richard and Justin were just starting out. Richard looked panicked, but Justin was calm. They left a little while later, and Zach and Izzie followed shortly after. Willie took his grandmother home and then gave the driver an address uptown. He settled back in the cab, looking happy, and sent a text that said “I’m on my way. Be there in ten minutes.” And then he looked out the window and smiled at the falling snow as the cab sped uptown.

  —

  Izzie went to lie down when they got home. It had been a busy two days, and she was beginning to feel the weight of the baby, though she’d had no problems. Zach went to watch football in the living room, and poured himself a glass of wine.

  She fell asleep, and it was ten o’clock when she woke up and went to check on Zach in the living room. He had fallen asleep too, and was passed out on the couch, with an empty bottle of wine on the table in front of him. She knew he was drinking a lot these days, and he was bored. He had nothing to do, and she had been unusually busy at work for the past month, with end-of-the-year legal work to do for her clients. She still wanted Zach to get a job and was planning to talk to him about it again seriously after the holidays. He had to do something. He couldn’t just sit around the house, drink, watch TV, and meet up with his seedy friends. She was afraid he’d get into trouble again if he continued doing that. His remaining idle was a bad idea.

  Her law firm was closed that week between Christmas and New Year, and they spent some nice time together, but couldn’t go anywhere, because of Zach’s probation restrictions. The electronic anklet confined him to a specific area, which included New York City, but nothing beyond. So the house in East Hampton was out of bounds until the anklet came off. They both really missed it, and hated being stuck in the city every weekend. But it was a small price to pay for keeping him out of jail.

  They had talked about going out with friends of Izzie’s on New Year’s Eve, but Zach thought they were boring, and it would be fun to watch the ball come down in Times Square, and go there to see it live. Izzie worried it would be crowded and cold, and she didn’t want to get jostled by the crowd, but he was such a big kid about it that she agreed. She was going to make a nice dinner for them that night, and Zach went off to see one of his friends in the afternoon, and came back in great spirits. He was in a festive mood when he kissed her, and she went to shower and change before she finished cooking dinner. Then she remembered something she had forgotten to ask him, and ran back to the living room wrapped in a towel. And as soon as she walked in on silent feet, she saw him with his head bent over something, and saw that he was holding a piece of glass and snorting a line of coke. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him with her heart beating faster.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she said in a loud voice and he jumped and turned to see her, with the powder dusting his nose and upper lip, and falling into his beard.

  “Oh, for chrissake, Iz…it’s New Year’s Eve, don’t be so uptight.”

  “Uptight?” she said, advancing on him, still holding the towel around her. “Uptight? Remember me? I’m the attorney who had to beg and plead and practically promise to give the assistant DA a blow job to keep you on probation, got you into rehab and kept you out of prison, with that fucking anklet you’re wearing that you’re so proud of. If it weren’t for me, they’d have revoked your probation and put you in prison six months ago, and I’m ‘uptight’? And what was the point of three months of rehab if you’re doing lines?” She was horrified.

  “All right, I’m sorry,” he said, dusting his face off, but she saw that he set the piece of glass down carefully, so as to preserve what was left of the cocaine, and it was quite a bit. She wondered if he had more in a bag in his pocket. And she realized now that he’d been drinking too. He looked hopped up and the coke was already taking effect, or maybe he’d had some before.

  “I want you to get rid of that stuff now. If you get caught with drugs again, you’re dead. The cops won’t even wait for a hearing, the judge will put you away on a probation violation and talk about it later.”

  “I’m not throwing out high-grade shit like this,” he said, grinning at her. “This stuff is great.”

  “Get rid of it,” she said menacingly. “I don’t want that in my house.” But she was sure he had more, and it could be hidden anywhere. “You’re a fool if you keep playing with it. You’re going to wind up in prison, and there won’t be a damn thing I can do next time. You’ll be a three-time loser. They can put you away for fifteen to life.” The very thought of it made her shudder, and she could feel their baby moving inside her, as though the baby was upset too. Maybe it was the adrenaline pumping through her veins. “Don’t you care about this at all?” she said, pointing to her stomach. “I don’t want him to have a father in prison.”

  “Neither do I.” Zach looked suddenly angry and aggressive. “And I don’t want him to have a father who’s pussy whipped either. You can’t tell me what to do all the time, Izzie…get a job…go to work…make some money…be responsible…stay off drugs…Shit, that’s not who I am. You knew it when you met me. I like to party. I’ve never worked in my life. What do you expect me to do? Sell shoes at Macy’s?”

  “Maybe, if that’s all you can do. You can’t sit around and do nothing forever.” She was fighting back tears as she saw the effects of the coke in his eyes. He was flying high now.

  “Why not? What the fuck do I care about working? You make enough for both of us.” It was true, but that was no reason for him to do nothing and sit around snorting coke.

  “I don’t want you doing drugs,” she said, trying to stay calm.

  “I’m not going to get caught here. What are you going to do? Call the cops?”

  “You bought it somewhere. That’s how you get caught.”

  “I bought it from my old dealer, he’s cool, he knows me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks as he said it. Her life felt totally out of control
. He just didn’t get it, and didn’t want to. “Why are you always pressuring me about something? Just let me be. I don’t tell you what to do. Why are you always trying to cut off my balls?” He looked vicious as he said it.

  “I’m not, I just don’t want you to do drugs, or get arrested. You’re on probation, and I don’t want drugs in our life.”

  “A little happy powder might do you some good. Loosen up.” He was getting increasingly hostile as he said it, and he walked toward her and left the piece of glass with the rest of the coke on the table. “Get off my back,” he said, as he strode past her. He wasn’t usually like this with her. She knew it was the drugs. And he must have done a lot, because he was suddenly very speedy and volatile. She didn’t think he’d hurt her, but he might do something stupid without meaning to, in the haze of the cocaine, and she took a step back as he grazed past her and grabbed the keys off the hall table to a truck he had rented recently.

  “Where are you going?” she asked, looking frightened.

  “None of your fucking business. I’m tired of being chained up like a dog in a yard, with this goddam anklet. It’s New Year’s Eve. I’ll go wherever I damn well want to.”

  “You can’t,” she said, trying to snatch the keys from him, but he yanked them away and pushed past her as he headed to the front door. “Zach, please, it’ll come up on their screen immediately if you go out of the area you’re allowed to.”

  “Fuck them,” he said in a fury, “and fuck you too.” He slammed the door behind him, and when she opened the door into the hallway, he was gone. She could hear him thundering down the stairs in his biker boots. He hadn’t even bothered to put on a coat, and it was cold outside. He had abandoned the line of coke on the table, which made her suspect he had more on him somewhere. He was wasted. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t call the police to stop him or find him, and she was terrified he’d drive out to the Hamptons, or someplace worse, where he’d either get caught or his anklet would set off an alarm, and they’d look for him and find him in the condition he was in.

  She was sobbing when she walked into the apartment and sat down. She stood up then, took the glass with the coke on it, and washed it down the drain in the kitchen sink. Her hand was shaking so badly that she bumped the glass on the faucet, and it cut her hand. She wrapped it in a kitchen towel and went to lie on her bed. She tried calling his cellphone, and he didn’t answer. She wrote him a text and told him she loved him and begged him to come home. And then she saw his cellphone sitting on the couch when she went back to the living room. He had forgotten it and she had no way to reach him. He was out in the stratosphere somewhere doing what he wanted, snorting coke and drinking, and God only knew what else. And something bad was going to happen if he didn’t come to his senses. But he was high on drugs now and she knew there was no stopping him.

  She went to put her clothes on. She put on the maternity jeans she had to wear now, with one of Zach’s flannel shirts over them, and slipped her feet into a pair of old loafers. New Year’s Eve had lost all importance. All she wanted was for Zach to come home safely. And after that, they’d have to figure out what to do next. He needed to go to rehab again. She wondered if he’d been doing coke for a while, although she thought she would have known, but maybe not. But right then at that moment, she knew he was at risk of doing something crazy, and she had to stop him, but she didn’t know how. And without a phone, she had no way to reach him. And she didn’t know his friends’ phone numbers or his password to access them. They were all deadbeats and drug addicts, and Zach still saw them on his own time, not with her. She didn’t even know who most of them were, or their right names. That part of his life was very dark. She had kept away from it, and urged him to give it up too. She thought he had, but apparently not.

  She sat on the couch for hours, unable to eat or think, or even cry after a while. She just sat there, waiting to hear from him, and praying for him to come home. All she wanted was for him to find his way back, come to his senses and say, as he did when he screwed up, “Oh baby, I’m sorry.” She could hear him say it in her head. She just prayed he wouldn’t call her to say it from jail. If he got arrested again, or caught in possession of drugs or committing some other crime, there would be nothing she could do. If he was even caught speeding, and they searched him, they would arrest him immediately.

  It was two A.M. when she glanced at the clock in the living room. Midnight had passed without her noticing it. And then it was four A.M., and she still hadn’t heard from him, and finally, just after five A.M. on New Year’s Day, she closed her eyes and fell asleep on the couch. She hadn’t heard from Zach all night. She had called the house in East Hampton and he wasn’t there. She had no idea where he was, but at least he hadn’t called from jail.

  Chapter 19

  The sun was streaming in the windows when the phone rang and woke Izzie up just after nine A.M. on New Year’s Day. She leapt toward it, and grabbed it, praying it was Zach and he was okay. He had probably come down from the coke by then, and was calling her to apologize. But it wasn’t him, it was the police, and her heart sank as a Lieutenant Kelley identified himself. She knew what that meant. He had been arrested the night before. It was why he hadn’t called her. Either they hadn’t let him call, or he was too embarrassed to tell her he was in jail, or too stoned.

  “Is it about my husband?” She sounded breathless as she asked, and the officer was startled and didn’t answer for a minute.

  “I…yes, ma’am, it is.” He was serious and subdued.

  “Is he in jail?”

  “No, ma’am, he’s not.” Her spirits rose for an instant as the lieutenant said it. Thank God, Zach hadn’t been arrested after all.

  “Where is he?” She was smiling as she held the phone to her ear with a shaking hand. “Can I talk to him?”

  “I…he had an accident on the Long Island Expressway last night, just before the exit to East Hampton. There was a lot of ice on the road.” Izzie interrupted him before he could tell her the rest. She couldn’t stand the suspense and he was speaking slowly and deliberately. She didn’t care about the weather conditions. Where was Zach?

  “Is he in the hospital? Is he okay?”

  “No, ma’am, he’s not.” The lieutenant hated calls like this, but they were his responsibility as the officer in charge. The highway patrol had called him, because of the address on Zach’s papers. “He was driving over a hundred miles an hour. He hit an eighteen-wheeler, went across the divider, and was killed instantly. I’m sorry.” After he had said it, Izzie sat in total silence for a minute with the phone in her hand.

  “He what? Are you sure?” She sounded like she was fading away and felt like she was going to die herself. How could that happen? How could Zach be dead? Lieutenant Kelley had to be wrong. “Where is he?” Not that it mattered now. He was gone. Her husband and the father of her unborn child was dead.

  “He’s at the hospital in Long Island where they took him. They’re running some substance tests on him. We need to know if he was under the influence for our report. The driver of the eighteen-wheeler was killed too, and two other vehicles were involved. We’ll be bringing him to the morgue this afternoon. You can identify the body and claim him there after six o’clock. I’m very sorry,” he said again.

  “Thank you,” she said, shaking from head to foot. And she was aware that the baby had stopped moving too, as though he also knew that his father had just died. Without thinking, she dialed her mother’s number, and Kate picked up immediately. She was planning to take Frances and her mother out to lunch. She was in good spirits, and had spent a quiet night at home. Bernard had sent her a text to wish her a happy New Year, and she had ignored it. She smiled when she saw the call was from Izzie when she picked it up.

  “Hi, sweetheart. Happy New Year.” She froze when she heard Izzie’s voice.

  “Zach is dead. He was killed in an accident last night.” And then she started to sob hysterically and Kate couldn’t understand
what she was saying.

  “Are you okay? Were you with him? The baby?”

  “He drove out to East Hampton alone….We had a fight….”

  “It’s not your fault, Iz. Whatever happened, you didn’t do it. He was driving. You weren’t there.” Kate rushed to reassure her. Izzie was blaming herself.

  “But I upset him.” Izzie sobbed pitifully into the phone.

  “I’ll be there in five minutes.” Kate grabbed her coat and purse and flew out of her apartment. She gave the cabdriver a twenty-dollar bill and told him to get her to Izzie’s address as fast as he could. It wasn’t far and she had just enough time to call both her sons and tell them. She didn’t know the details, but she knew that Izzie would need their help, and she told Justin to call his grandmother and tell her Kate couldn’t take her to lunch, but not why yet. Kate wanted to know more before she told her mother.

  “Do you know what happened, Mom?” Justin asked in a shocked voice.

  “No, I don’t. She said they had a fight.”

  “Oh God. Maybe he was drunk.”

  “I’ll call you later,” she said quickly. They had just gotten to Izzie’s address, and she thanked the driver and jumped out, and pressed the intercom to Izzie’s apartment. She buzzed her mother in without asking who it was. Kate didn’t wait for the elevator but ran up the stairs and was out of breath when she rang Izzie’s doorbell and Izzie let her in. She looked ravaged and collapsed in her mother’s arms with her big belly between them, and Kate was relieved to feel the baby kick. She led Izzie to the couch, and Izzie told her a disjointed, somewhat cleaned-up version of what had happened. She left out the coke at first, and then finally admitted it to her mother. But whatever he had done, however foolish and irresponsible he had been, now he was dead. And Izzie loved him. They had been married for eight months to the day. And now she was a widow, and her son would have no father when he was born.