by Aoife Walsh
Minny lay still on the bed, thinking about it for half an hour. She was wondering with a certain level of detachment how long she would keep up being angry this time. Also, if it was up to her at all. It was like a collective thing, this deciding how the relationship with their father was going to be, and it was all getting away from her a bit. All these people in her life were so unmanageable. Just as she was going to give up thinking about it for now and arise from her sweaty pillow, her mobile rang in her pocket. Of course it was Des. He was the most impatient man in the whole world; he couldn’t leave well enough alone.
‘Darling, thank you for answering. Are you all right?’
‘I’m fine.’
There was a pause. ‘Did you get Harriet’s letter?’
‘Yes, Dad, about five minutes ago. Do you have someone watching the house?’
‘No – your post comes late. Have you read it?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
‘Dad, I’m thinking about it still, OK?’
He paused again. ‘How’s Steinbeck?’
‘All right. I finished The Grapes of Wrath.’
‘So what next? Are you onto Jane Austen now?’
‘No,’ she said slowly.
‘I thought you said your mother was pushing her hard? You’ve got to tell that teacher about what you read,’ he rattled on. ‘Jesus, I hope you get a good one next year, it’s about time.’
‘Dad.’ She grasped the rail of the bed. It made her hand hurt. ‘Have you been reading my emails to Uncle Kevin?’
There was a long pause. Her nails were digging into the wood.
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Just answer the question, Dad.’
‘Minnymouse, there were years when I wouldn’t have been in any touch with you at all, you wouldn’t talk to me – understandably – and it was driving me crazy not knowing anything about you …’
‘Did you WRITE those emails? Was that you?’
‘No – some of them …’
She turned her phone off, so hard she heard it crack, and dropped it over the side of the bed. Half of her felt like banging her head against the wall, but it submitted to the other half, which was just deeply confused.
She hadn’t figured it out by the next day. She hadn’t told anyone either; it felt terrifically personal, perhaps because that was how she had felt about her relationship with Kevin. And because she felt like an idiot. Having to have physics with Penny giving her glances from across the lab didn’t improve matters, however hilarious the teacher’s last-day experiment was. When she met Veronica Sedgwick in the corridor on her way to history she grinned at her in a particularly friendly way, because Penny was nearby. Veronica stopped to ask after Ash.
‘Yeah, she’s fine. Still not doing any work – she’s been on holiday for weeks already.’
Veronica walked backwards away from her. ‘Listen, I’ve got some people round this evening. Franklin’s coming.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘Do you want to come?’
‘OK, sure.’
‘Good. Bring Aisling if she wants to come. See you later then.’
There was a furious tut from the other side of the corridor as Penny also walked off, tossing her hair.
It was nothing major. Franklin said there probably wouldn’t be many people there, it wasn’t a party or anything. Still, Minny took unusual care sorting her hair out. The house was very quiet; her mother was onto her last week of rehearsals now and had a bunch of arrangements to make which meant she wouldn’t be in till late, and Selena had gone for a sleepover at Victoria’s house. She had been freakishly excited about it. Aisling wandered in while Minny was considering which eyeshadow of her mother’s to borrow.
‘Why are you putting make-up on?’
‘I’m going out.’
‘Where to?’
‘Veronica Sedgwick’s house. She’s having a thing.’
‘What thing?’
‘People round, I mean. What’s the matter with you?’
Aisling had sat down looking despairing on Nita’s bed, right in the light from the bedside lamp. ‘I don’t want to stay here on my own with Babi and Gil.’
Minny pulled a face. ‘Is Gil here?’
‘Yes. He just arrived.’
It really was a terrible thought. Even Raymond was about to be put to bed; Minny reflected that she’d better not appear downstairs until she was ready to leave, or she might end up entertaining Gil solo while Babi bathed the baby. She looked at Aisling and winced. ‘Do you want to come with me?’
‘Mm …’
‘You can if you want. Veronica said you could come.’ She flicked the eye-shadow brush to shake the loose stuff off; usually she managed to get flecks in her eye and then her eye would water till there was black smeared down to her jaw. Aisling was still sitting limply. ‘Well, what do you think? Hurry up and decide. Look, I don’t think anyone’s going to be there who was bullying you. Veronica’s pretty sound. And you can always leave. Or we can.’
‘OK,’ Aisling said in a bright voice. Minny wasn’t at all sure about this really. She hadn’t taken Aisling anywhere with her socially since they were both so young that their mother would have been there as well.
‘Well, seriously, hurry. We’re meeting Franklin on the corner in fifteen minutes.’
‘What do I have to do?’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Ash. Brush your hair. Put your black vest on, and a skirt. And some mascara.’
‘Will you do it for me?’
‘Only if you hurry up.’
They barely had time to tell Babi that Aisling was going too – she raised her eyebrows, but since Minny had cleared her own evening with Nita – ‘She’s just a sort-of friend, Mum, she’s cool. You’d like her. I’ll walk home with Franklin. NO, no drugs.’ – she said it was fine.
‘Have you got a taxi number in case of emergencies?’
‘Yes,’ Minny said, rolling her eyes. She didn’t feel comfortable leaving Raymond in the bath, but luckily Babi was raring to get him out so she could hurry downstairs to Gil.
‘Don’t be late, or do stupid things.’
Franklin was already there, leaning on the corner by their street sign. Dusk was beginning to fall, the purple kind you get in summer. He had a bottle sticking out of his jacket. ‘Should we be bringing booze?’ Minny asked him, when they were on their way. She felt unprepared.
‘No, not unless you’re planning to drink it.’
‘Well.’
‘Are you?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know. Will everyone else be?’ He shrugged; how would he know?
‘I like booze,’ Aisling announced. It was true, she did. Their mother said she’d been stealing gulps of wine since she was a baby. Minny wasn’t a fan; it wasn’t the sourness of the wine so much as the way it coated your teeth, like flat Coke. She’d had beer once or twice and that was even worse. It made your nose tickle. She decided that this probably wasn’t the right occasion to try out public drinking, at least not in a quantity that would require her to bring her own alcohol. She was responsible for Aisling, and she had to go home afterwards, so if she was drunk her mother would know. Anyway, at least she had a cast-iron excuse for leaving if it was too awkward; Ash was certain to be ready to go any time she was.
Veronica lived less than a mile away. Her street was familiar because it was the most direct way to the river from school. If it wasn’t a party, it wasn’t the intimate gathering Minny had rather been expecting; there were a lot of people spilling out of the front door as Minny, Ash and Franklin came up the street. There was a nice cat sitting on the wall opposite, watching, and Minny and Aisling crossed the road to stroke it first.
Someone random waved them in. Minny felt uneasy, especially because Franklin looked so amused while she hovered, so she pushed Ash ahead of her up the hall. Veronica popped out of the kitchen and was welcoming and friendly to all of them, talking to Aisling for at least three minutes and actually
concentrating. Then she lifted Franklin’s bottle out of his jacket, put it on the kitchen table with lots of other bottles and got them each a beaker of something that looked like Coke and smelled like lighter fuel.
Minny recognised a lot of people, from school and just from round about. Some of them were older but not all. She saw Linnea Jessop on the stairs talking intensely to a sixth-form boy and turned away, rolling her eyes. Another girl she didn’t really know, called Karen, from the year above, summoned Franklin to an argument she was having with a group of people in the corner of the patio outside the back door, all of them waving cigarettes about; every now and then there was a puff of mauve smoke against the dusk. It was quite blary; Aisling kept putting her hands over her ears, and in the end Minny moved them both outside, past Franklin’s group. At least they could sit down out there, and it was pretty dark so not so many people would see them being a pair of complete losers. Aisling was in a quiet mood, as usual gulping her drink as fast as possible so she didn’t have to worry about it any more.
‘Be careful of that,’ Minny warned her. It tasted really strong – she had to not breathe while she was swallowing it. ‘You don’t want to get hammered.’ It was nicer outside. It was a big garden with tangles of bushes round the outside so that there was a channel of light up the middle, cast from the kitchen. Minny found she was getting close to the end of her beaker, and wondered if she had the cojones to stay sitting in the middle of this unknown garden with her autistic sister if neither of them had a drink and no one else was talking to them. Fortunately Veronica came wandering out with a jug and refused to give any to the group Franklin was still with before she’d refreshed Aisling and Minny. Minny liked Veronica. She liked her crazy hair; she had a violet curl on each side of her face, so entirely distinct from every other curl that not a single violet hair could be seen anywhere else. Minny didn’t want Aisling to keep on drinking, but she could hardly say so.
‘Watch that,’ Franklin said unexpectedly in her ear, sitting down beside her. She nearly spilt it on him. ‘It’s really strong, didn’t you say …’
‘Oh, shut up, Franklin.’
People kept coming up after that; some of them said hi to Aisling, which was nice. There seemed to be a lot of people around them, almost having the same conversation. Someone else gave Minny a drink. She had slyly passed Aisling’s cup to Franklin, who started drinking it with an innocent expression; Ash didn’t seem to mind. Minny talked to a boy called Dylan who was in her French group for a minute, and when she turned back round Linnea was squished in next to Franklin with her arms wrapped round her knees, her skirt shining white in the evening and her head on one side. Minny gulped at her drink. Dylan had drifted off and she had no one to talk to for a second. She heard Aisling saying, ‘Franklin. Franklin. Excuse me, Franklin.’
‘Hang on a sec, Ash.’
‘What is it, Aisling?’ She tugged Ash a couple of inches towards her. ‘Don’t keep talking to Franklin,’ she hissed in her ear.
‘Why not?’
‘We don’t want to look like we’re tagging onto him. Look, I’ll tell you later. Just don’t hang around him too much, OK?’
‘Who shall I talk to then?’
‘I don’t know.’
There were other people available; Veronica was sitting near them. Aisling looked reflectively over at the lit-up kitchen; there was a gang of kids squashed onto the sofa there. ‘That girl goes to my youth group.’
Minny looked at the one Ash was pointing out; she was crammed in between two boys, looking from one face to the other and smiling faintly. She had long glossy thick brown hair with blonde stripes and a pouty pale-pink mouth. ‘You mean she’s autistic?’
‘Shush.’
‘What? I was quiet.’ Maybe she hadn’t been, or maybe Ash’s hearing was veering between super-sensitive and a bit deaf, like her own. ‘Really?’ Minny couldn’t not be interested; the girl didn’t look autistic at all. ‘What’s she like?’
‘I don’t know. She doesn’t talk much to me.’
Minny wondered what it would be like being her. Could you get away with being autistic, as a girl, if you were good-looking in a certain way and never opened your mouth? And if so, would that be a good result? She wanted to ask Aisling, but she had moved, which was just as well – Minny nodded wisely to herself; it might upset her maybe. She thought about asking Veronica, who was beside her instead, but realised it wasn’t very cool to out someone as autistic in case it wasn’t generally known, so instead she asked if she knew where Ash had gone.
‘I told her there was a bunch of weirdos playing Cluedo inside,’ Veronica said cheerfully. ‘I throw the best parties.’
That was perfect. Aisling wouldn’t win, she never won Cluedo, but she would enjoy it so she would be fine. Minny beamed.
‘You look happy,’ Franklin said, breaking straight out of what he’d been saying to Linnea, who seemed to have turned into Susannah Pitcher.
‘Yeah, I am.’
‘Good, you don’t need to drink any more then.’
‘Franklin,’ Veronica chided him, ‘don’t be such a bossy git. You sound like … You two aren’t even going out, are you?’
‘No.’
Minny blushed.
‘Well, you sound like a controlling boyfriend.’
‘No, this is more like a bloody relative or something. I live with her grandmother and I promised—’
‘Yeah. You still sound like him.’ She nodded towards the kitchen. Minny turned round and saw Penny in there, looking fragile against the background of Jorge’s T-shirt.
‘Oh, bloody hell,’ she said, turning back again.
‘Oh yeah, that’s your mate, isn’t it, Minny?’ Veronica started getting to her feet.
‘Not so much any more.’
‘I’d better say hello. I’ll get some more drinks out.’
Minny checked on Aisling a bit later because she had a sudden panic that it might be Strip Cluedo or something, but it wasn’t and she seemed fine. There were two boys playing the game with her and a scared-looking girl watching. Veronica’s house was nice; Minny went on an expedition. She felt the slightest bit wobbly and thought perhaps she wouldn’t drink any more; the fuzzy bright head was pleasant enough but she didn’t want to fall over or anything, or spill things on the floor, especially upstairs because there were carpets there and they were very clean. Once upstairs, she decided to go to the bathroom; it all felt a bit of an epic adventure, what with the size of the house and the heaviness of all the big white doors and the way you didn’t know which way they opened. Minny thought she must be drunk, after all, but it was nice, you didn’t worry about being on your own. She got a dark bedroom where there were voices, and backed out as quick as she could because she realised one of them was Penny. ‘Can’t you just stay with me a little while?’ she was saying.
‘I want to go downstairs. It’s a party.’
‘You never want to just be alone with me any more.’
Safe outside, Minny found an airing cupboard full of coloured sheets and then a bathroom, which was a mess. She still looked all right in the mirror. On her way back down there were girls all over the stairs, it was like a dream. ‘Hiya,’ she said to Linnea. Linnea went on talking to a girl Minny didn’t recognise. ‘Hiya, Linnea,’ Minny said, tugging a lock of her hair.
‘Hello, Minny.’
Franklin was at the bottom, talking to Damon, that boy from his year. Minny was so delighted to see him she tripped on the last step. He caught her and propped her against the wall. ‘You think I’m drunk,’ she accused him.
‘You are drunk.’
‘I am not. I am socially able.’
He laughed down at her. ‘I’ll tell Judy that, shall I?’
They went back into the garden. Minny found the fresh air helpful, and rubbing her hands through the dew-wet grass. ‘What are you going to do when you grow up, Franklin? You’re so good now, and everything.’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll g
et to university, so it depends. I’m going to Texas sometime, soon as I can.’
‘Texas? Like a cowboy?’
‘No, like Steve Earle. Or Townes Van Zandt. Only without all the substance abuse – like Aisling said, like a good addict’s child.’
Minny yawned into the grass. ‘You’ve lost me.’
‘It’s where all the best musicians are from. I’m going to live there. What about you, Minny Molloy?’
‘I don’t know.’ She half rolled over, and looked up at the sky. ‘I used to think I’d do English and be brilliant, and maybe write books, but I suck at English now. I’m not good at anything any more.’
He snorted. ‘Who told you that?’
‘I don’t know. Mrs Lemon.’
‘Mrs Lemon is a fool. Anyway, I bet she didn’t. Why would you let one bad teacher make you think you aren’t good at something? That’s ridiculous. Don’t be stupid.’
‘All right. Blimey. I won’t then.’
‘You were always brilliant at English. God, you’re frustrating.’
‘OK …’
‘You shouldn’t need me to tell you this stuff.’
‘I don’t.’ She rolled her dew-wet fingers over her face. ‘Actually I don’t.’
He went off after a while, maybe to get a drink. There were different people out there now. Someone said hello to her through the dark; it was Alex Traves, which gave her a flutter for a quick second because last year she had sort of had a crush on him, mostly pretend, to have something to talk about. She stopped when Penny started going out with Jorge, because it was either that or start pretending to be terribly in love with him. He didn’t seem anywhere near as cool all of a sudden, but in a good way; he was drunker than she was. For some reason they were talking about fruit, and which was the best fruit.