Supernova

by Kate Stacy

  He slams his fist on the dash.

  "But I did know, Jax! I've known for more than six goddamn months and I fucking left her there! I left her in the hands of that sick fuck!"

  Nothing I say is going to alleviate the guilt he's feeling. Honestly, I'd feel the same way if it were Henley. Part of me feels guilt even now. I knew something was off with that douchebag, but there's no way I could have done anything about any of this.

  I want to do something now, though. I want to follow through with my threat. Then I want to take Madalyn home and make her feel safe. Protect her from any future pain. I want to hold her, remind her of the comfort and security my arms provide. If only she'll let me.

  "You can't change shit, Holden. But we're almost there and she needs you. She needs your love and comfort, not your anger. You gotta pull it together. For her sake. She can't see you like this."

  I see his clipped nod from the corner of my eye. "You’re right. I'm good. I've got this."

  And I know he does.

  He'll lose his shit here and now in front of me, but he'd never let Madalyn see him so broken.

  I pull into the apartment complex and Holden tells me where to go. Once we're parked, we both hustle to get to Hailee's apartment.

  Madalyn might not be happy that I'm here—I'm sure I'm not expected— but she's gonna have to deal. She doesn't know it yet, but she needs me. I know I need her. I need to know that despite everything, she's okay. I need to see her with my own two eyes. Once I do, I don't want to let her out of my sight. Not for a long fucking time. Not after the things I've learned today.

  I talk a big game, but in reality, if she asks me to leave—I will. Right now, it's not about what I want, but what she needs. I hope that’s not the case, but whatever puts her at ease. Holden knocks on the apartment door and seconds later, it opens. Hailee invites us in, but she's not her normal smiling self. She's pale and withdrawn. The shadows in her eyes tell me that like us, she's only just learning the details of what Madalyn has suffered through.

  Holden goes for his sister, but I wrap Hailee in a hug and ask if she's okay.

  "Fine," she lies in a whisper. "Just trying to wrap my head around how she stayed for so long. My heart hurts for her."

  Keeping my voice low, I tell her, "She's safe now, thanks to you. You're a good friend. She's lucky to have you."

  She nods into my shoulder.

  Keeping my arm around her, I guide her to the living room where Madalyn is curled up on Holden's lap. She's crying, and he's fighting hard not to do the same.

  I try not to disturb them, but Hailee shuffles away from me and Madalyn's gaze shifts to mine.

  Every bit of anger I felt on the drive over here floods back with a vengeance when I see what he’s done to her.

  Most of her body is covered in clothing. Baggy sweatpants and a hoodie, even in the intense summer heat. What I can see turns my simmering rage to a rapid boil. The entire right side of her face is bruised, various shades of yellows, greens, blues, and purples. Christ. She’s got bruises on top of bruises. What really ignites my rage is the hand-shaped bruises around her delicate throat.

  How in the hell has she been hiding this for so damn long?

  If her face and neck look this bad, what damage has he done to the rest of her?

  Even with the marks on her body, she’s still so goddamn beautiful. It breaks my heart to see her like this.

  Madalyn’s hazel eyes are clouded with a mixture of pain and fear.

  The thought of his hands on her sends a rush of anger through my veins. I want to break the man that put that look in her eyes.

  Her choked whisper breaks through the storm brewing inside of me. A single word.

  “Jaxson.”

  No one is more surprised than I am when she springs from Holden's lap and throws herself into my arms, crying out my name. Everything melts away when I wrap my arms around her slender body. In this moment, there’s no one in the room but the two of us.

  No abusive husband.

  No protective brother, no worried best friend.

  Not even the past matters.

  Only me, Madalyn, and an overwhelming sense of belonging.

  This is where she belongs. Where she’s always belonged.

  Fuck, I’ve waited years to hold her again.

  I don't know how long we stand there, arms wrapped around each other, holding on with all we've got. All I know is that I don't want to let go. Because while she obviously wants my comfort now, I don't know how long it will last.

  Eventually, she pulls away. Wiping her tears, she looks up at me, whispering an apology before turning her gaze to the floor.

  Gently, I reach out and grip her chin between my index finger and thumb. Turning her face to mine, I make sure she sees the gravity of my words.

  "Don't ever apologize for coming to me for comfort. No matter what happens, I will always be here for you."

  Choking back a sob, she cries, "I don't deserve you, Jaxson."

  "Baby, there are a lot of things you don't deserve, but I'm not anywhere on that list."

  Fuck this.

  In one swift motion, I pull her into my arms, pick her up, and sit down with her in my lap, cradling her against my chest. I’m not finished holding her.

  Nothing has ever felt more fucking right.

  I never thought I’d find myself in Jaxson’s arms again.

  I had no idea that Holden would bring him along tonight, but when Jaxson walked into the room, I didn’t think twice before going to him. Despite the anger radiating from him and the murderous look in his eyes, my body instinctively moved towards his.

  Having his strong arms wrapped around me, his scent—a mixture of cologne and whiskey— enveloping me, it felt like home. A true sense of safety washed over me for the first time in almost two years.

  Maybe I should have pulled away sooner, but I selfishly held onto him, soaking up the comfort I felt in his familiar touch.

  Sitting here now, safe in his arms again, my emotions catch up to me and I can only cry. Overwhelming tears of joy and relief. Tears of regret and pain. I’m finally free of David, free of the torment and abuse I’ve suffered. I’m not ignorant enough to believe that it’s over—no, he won’t let me go so easily—but here and now, I’m safe.

  A mess of chaotic thoughts and emotions swirl through my mind.

  One thought remains at the forefront of them all. How can Jaxson be here providing me comfort after everything I’ve put him through?

  God, Jaxson should be repulsed by me. I’ve treated him like shit. Pushed him away. He should hate me for the things I’ve done, for the way I’ve treated him. Yet here he is, comforting me like no time has passed at all, like we’ve never been apart.

  Clearing his throat, Holden bursts the bubble around me and Jaxson.

  “Mads, we should probably get moving. Get you home.”

  My body stiffens at his words, eyes widening in fear.

  He must see my panic because he clarifies, “My home, baby girl. Relax.”

  Jaxson’s hand moves up my spine in a soft caress, but he makes no move to release me.

  Holden watches the two of us with an expression I can’t read. Standing, he crosses the short distance between us and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go, so Hailee can get back to the bakery. It’ll look suspicious if he shows up and neither of you are there.” Grabbing my bags, he heads for the door.

  Jaxson stands with me in his arms, then slowly lowers me until my feet touch the floor. I resist the urge to latch onto him. Barely. He moves to follow Holden, looking back at me when he realizes I haven’t moved. A few quick strides puts him back in front of me. Jaxson takes my hand.

  “C’mon. We’ll get you settled in and order some Chinese.”

  Of course he remembers my favorite comfort food.

  With the hint of a smile and a small glimmer of hope, I follow.

  The ride to Holden’s apartment isn’t as comforting.

  I sit alone in the
back while Jaxson drives.

  Ignoring my aversion to his questions, Holden turns around in the passenger seat and peppers me with them the entire ten-minute drive. I’ve told him everything, except the details. He doesn’t need those, no one does. He knows enough. Knowing the exact ways that David tormented me won’t do anyone any good.

  I refuse to answer his questions until he asks one that makes my stomach sink.

  “Are you telling mom and dad, or am I?”

  Hesitantly, I give him the truth. “Honestly, I wasn’t planning on telling them at all.”

  That’s all it takes. That calm that my brother was holding onto is gone. He explodes.

  “Are you fucking kidding me, Madalyn? You can’t be serious with this shit. This isn’t something you should keep from them! It’s bad enough that you stayed there and suffered through it for almost two goddamn years. You should have told someone. You should have come to me! I could have helped you sooner!”

  He doesn’t hear the hitch in my breath over his anger, but Jaxson does. His eyes flit to the rearview mirror and his gaze finds mine.

  “Easy, man. This isn’t the time.”

  “This isn’t the time? When is the fucking time, Jaxson? Did you see her face? The marks around her neck? I’m supposed to ignore that?”

  “Of course not, but right now, I think we just need to—”

  “Better yet, Jaxson. Why are you defending her? You’re so quick to jump in and play hero for someone who’s treated you like garbage. Why are you even here?”

  Darkness clouds Jaxson’s eyes and I break.

  I lose myself to sobs in the backseat of Jaxson’s truck.

  He’s right. Everything Holden said, as hurtful as it may be, is absolutely fucking right.

  Even I want to know the answers to those questions because I meant what I said earlier.

  I don’t deserve a man like Jaxson.

  Not after the mistakes I’ve made. The secrets. The lies.

  I finally accept that I’m not at fault for the abuse, and not to blame for David’s wrath. But I am responsible for the things that have happened with Jaxson. Those choices were mine and mine alone.

  “Shit, Mads.” Holden breathes out a heavy sigh. I open my eyes to see him drag his hand down his face. “I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry anymore.”

  “But you’re right,” I cry out. “I-I’ve b-been horrible to everyone!”

  “Goddamn it, Holden! I know you’re angry, but this is not fucking helping! If you can’t reign it in, I’ll drop you off and take her home with me. There will be plenty of time to hash shit out later, but right now she needs her loving big brother. Not a fucking lecture.”

  I don’t hear Holden’s murmured reply, but Jaxson puts the truck into park in front of Holden’s building. Both men get out, arguing with each other across the hood of the truck. I stay put, not sure I can handle anymore anger today.

  A few minutes later, Jaxson walks around the truck, moving closer to Holden. They're no longer yelling. Jax says something that takes the fight right out of him. His head drops, his shoulders slump, and he nods at whatever Jaxson is telling him, but his eyes don't leave the ground.

  Jaxson pulls Holden into a hug, clasping a hand on the back of his neck, and doesn’t let go. I watch as my brother lays his head on Jaxson's shoulder. I bite my lip when I see his body start to shake. I shed more tears when I realize that my big, strong brother is crying...because of me.

  How many more times am I going to hurt the people I love?

  A dam breaks somewhere inside of me and emotions rush in like a flood, completely overwhelming me. My heartbeat races, heart pounding like a drum in my chest. Chills skitter across the surface of my skin, moving inward to the bone. A wave of dizziness washes over me and I know instantly that something is wrong.

  I recognize what’s happening, but I can’t seem to calm myself. I can’t catch my breath. It feels like the whole world is closing in on me.

  Somehow, I manage to call out.

  Two sets of worried eyes snap to mine.

  They’re the last thing I see before everything goes black.

  When I come to, my body stiffens in response to the sensation of falling.

  “Shhh. I’ve got you, baby girl. I’m just laying you on the couch. You’re okay.”

  Now that he’s spoken, I can feel his arms—one under my knees, the other around my upper back—until he releases me.

  Opening my eyes, I see my brother on his knees in front of me. He brushes my hair back from my face and runs his fingertips gently down my bruised cheek.

  “I should have been there to protect you. This should never have happened.”

  Reaching out, I use my thumb to smooth the frown lines in his forehead, but it doesn’t erase the anguish in his eyes.

  “It’s not your fault Holden,” I say, giving him what I hope is a comforting smile. “You can’t protect me from everything. Besides...I brought this on myself.”

  He jerks back, looking at me in disbelief.

  “How can you even think that, Mads?”

  “I stayed. That choice was mine.” A rueful chuckle leaves my lips. “Seems all I ever do is make one bad choice after another.”

  Holden tries to argue, but the facts can’t be disputed. My life has been a series of wrong choices, starting with leaving Jaxson.

  A shake of my head is all it takes to stop his response.

  I try to sit up, but another wave of dizziness sends my head spinning and makes my stomach churn.

  “Whoa. Easy now. You fainted, sis. Take it easy.”

  “Did I hit my head?” I ask.

  “I don’t think so, but I’m not positive. We can take you to the hospital to get checked out if you want. Your call.”

  The hospital is the last place I want to go. I’ve spent too much time there already. I’ve had an emotional, nerve wracking day so far. I’m not in the mood to try to come up with excuses for the bruises that cover my body right now.

  “No, it’s just a little headache. I’ll be fine.”

  He looks like he’s not sure whether or not to believe me, which is fair. I’ve been lying to him for years.

  “Really, Holden. I’m—” My stomach growls loudly. “Hungry. Apparently. I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I was too nervous this morning, worrying about David catching me trying to leave.”

  It’s not a lie. It’s just not the entire truth. I was scared shitless, but I’ve also been dealing with some killer morning sickness and just the thought of food this morning was too much. But I’m not ready to tell him that.

  “I’m not gonna give you a hard time. Jax went to grab food. He should be back anytime.”

  No sooner than the words were spoken, he walks through the door. The scent of Chinese food reaches my nostrils and my stomach growls again.

  Chuckling, Holden stands up, holding out a hand to help me to a sitting position. “Stay here. I’d prefer if you didn’t move around just yet.”

  He disappears around the corner to the kitchen.

  The guys come back with plates piled high with food. All of my favorites and then some. They both take a seat on either side of me, and Holden starts flipping through Netflix to find a movie. He always seems to know what I need.

  We watch a movie and I eat until I’m stuffed.

  For the rest of the night, I rest easy knowing that I’m surrounded by the comfort and protection of my big brother, and the man who secretly holds my heart.

  Nonchalantly placing my hand over my stomach, I rest my head against Jaxson’s shoulder and drift off to sleep.

  For the first time since I left David a week ago, I’m alone.

  Holden and Jaxson both had to work the bar tonight, and both of my sisters both had some type of plans. They tried to cancel, not wanting to leave me on my own, but I insisted I’d be fine. Honestly, it’s a relief to have a bit of time to myself. I’ve been lucky to get five minutes alone for the last week.

  It’s not that I
’m not grateful for everything they’re doing for me but having someone by my side almost twenty-four hours a day gets to be a little much. I shouldn’t complain; I know I’m extremely blessed to have such a loving and supportive family.

  I’ve spent the last week trying to get my shit together and get my head on straight. Without anyone knowing, I managed to get an appointment with an OB/GYN. I’m still keeping the baby a secret. Maybe that’s not the right thing to do after the secrets I’ve already kept, but this is a little different. I don’t want to say anything until I can be sure that nothing is wrong. I’ve already lost one baby to a trauma. Between David’s heavy-handed abuse, and the stress, panic attacks, and fainting, I need to make sure everything is okay with the baby before I spill the beans.

  I won’t be able to hide it much longer anyways. I don’t know how far along I am, but I’m starting to show in an obvious way. Thank goodness my appointment is in three days.

  Next week will be my week of truths.

  I’ll be making a visit to the police station so I can file for a restraining order against David. It shouldn’t be hard to get when I show them the documentation of his abuse. That particular file should also help me during the meeting I have scheduled with a lawyer to file for divorce.

  I also have plans to tell my parents and Grams the ugly truth about my marriage, and the nightmares I’ve survived at the hands of the man who vowed to love and cherish me. I don’t plan to give them too many details, which is part of the reason I’ve waited so long. My bruises are fading, and it will be easier for me to talk to them without the evidence of his abuse all over my body for everyone to see. It’s not going to be an easy conversation to have, but I can try to lesson everyone’s shock.

  The final truth will be the real reason I finally had the courage to leave. The little miracle inside of me. As happy as I am to be pregnant, I can’t help but wish the baby’s father were anyone but David. I’ll love my little one regardless, though. Evil is bred, not born.

  After a long, relaxing soak in the bath, I slip on a pair of Holden’s baggy sweatpants, a sports bra, and a form-fitting tank top. I’ll grab a hoodie to hide my bump later before Holden comes home, but for now I want to be comfortable.