Through Cloud and Sunshine

by Dean Hughes

  “You can go much faster than these cars are going, as long as everybody does. That’s what we do on the Jersey turnpike.”

  “I’ve noticed that,” Jeff said, just trying to think of something to say. “People really get out and go back there. It’s the same in California, unless things get bogged down—which happens a lot.”

  “People out there don’t know how to drive either. I’ve never seen so many crazy drivers as we ran into in California.”

  Jeff’s actual opinion was that California drivers were aggressive but quite polite—at least compared to Las Vegas drivers. But he decided to say nothing more. It wasn’t worth it.

  “Didn’t you find it that way?” she asked.

  “Well, I don’t know. It seems like there are crazy drivers everywhere. We all seem to think we drive better than everyone else on the road.”

  But this was the wrong thing to say, and he knew it immediately. She looked straight ahead and didn’t respond. Olivia was an attractive woman—more well-dressed and put-together than pretty, but she made a nice impression. She had beautiful dark hair, though Jeff knew it was dyed now, and big, dark eyes. But she wore lots of makeup, which looked sort of baked on. When she looked stern, as she did now, her face seemed to take on a petrified appearance.

  Jeff found his exit and headed north. The traffic gradually lightened. He made an occasional comment about the snow letting up, or he estimated the time it would take to get back to Nauvoo, but Olivia only offered polite responses, nothing more. She clearly was in no mood to chat.

  It was almost two hours later, after crossing the Mississippi and passing by Quincy, Illinois, on their way toward Carthage, that Jeff made his mistake. “This is where William was born, here in Quincy,” he said.

  He expected her to glance toward the lights of the city, but she didn’t. She only asked, “How big of a town is it?”

  “I think it’s maybe forty thousand—something like that.”

  “I’m surprised they even have a hospital.”

  Jeff should have let that one go, but he still felt defensive about some of her earlier statements. “They have a good one, actually. Their heart and vascular center is the best in this whole region.”

  She laughed in a little sound like a cough and said, “I don’t doubt that.”

  Jeff tried to laugh too. “I know you look out there and see nothing but corn and soybean fields and you think there’s not much going on around here. But Dr. Hunt is one of the nation’s leading pediatric cardiologists. I don’t think we could have done any better. He made good decisions. William’s going to be a normal kid, from the way things look now, and—”

  “Yes. From the way things look now. But Jeff, you took a gamble with your own son. You could have brought him to Princeton or Johns Hopkins—anyplace you wanted—and John and I would have paid for anything your insurance didn’t cover. This country doctor of yours may have managed the job, but we won’t really know for a long time, and it’s something we shouldn’t have to worry about.” She took a loud breath and then added, “I haven’t said anything, Jeff, because Abby gets so upset when I do, but I feel like I have to get it off my chest with you. You promised to look after our daughter and to provide for her. And now you’ve moved her out here a million miles from civilization and you’ve taken a job with no future. I have to say, you’ve given me lots of reasons to wonder what kind of life my daughter is going to have.”

  Jeff felt rage and defeat at the same time. There was a certain logic in what she said. He hadn’t given Abby much so far. But there was a nastiness in her attitude that he wanted to defend himself against. For the moment, he kept driving, breathing, waiting to see what might come out of him. He told himself, Don’t say a thing, not a single word, but he did finally say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. I hope, in a few years, you’ll feel better about me.”

  The words were humble, but the tone was icy, and they didn’t relieve the tension. Still, Olivia did seem to sense that she had gone too far. “I’m sorry to be so blunt with you, Jeff. I like you. I really do. But I want you to start making better decisions.”

  Jeff let that one go too, and he let everything run through his mind. He decided there was one thing she really did need to know. “Olivia, Abby likes it here. She’s the one who would really like to stay. I haven’t forced her into this situation.”

  “I know that, Jeff. I talk to her all the time. But that doesn’t change anything. I want you to show some leadership. You can get a better job, if you really look, and you can move your son to a place where he’ll get the kind of constant care he’s going to need.”

  “Dr. Hunt says that his left ventricle is expanding and the aorta is normal now. He won’t need special care. He’s a normal—”

  “I can’t even stand to hear this, Jeff. Don’t do that to me. This baby, hardly out of his mother’s womb, has already had his chest sliced open. Don’t tell me that’s normal. This little boy is going to need careful attention all his life. I know a number of cardiologists. They tell me you should have taken my daughter to a top expert. They’ve never heard of this hospital you took her to.”

  It was no use. Jeff would not speak to this woman again. He played with a little fantasy of opening her door and pushing her out, but he couldn’t get himself to find any humor in any of this. So he drove on for another three or four minutes before Olivia said, “I know I’ve said too much. And you’ll hate me forever. But right now I don’t care. I’m going to say one more thing and get it over with.”

  She waited another minute or so, and Jeff watched the headlights on the other side of the divided highway. He could see flakes of snow streaking through the light of his own headlights, not thick, not piling up on the highway, but sort of mesmerizing to watch. Sensing that the next insult was going to have something to do with his religion, he readied himself and repeated in his mind, Don’t respond. Don’t respond.

  “I know you Mormons like to fill up your houses with a dozen kids, but don’t do that to my Abby. Your baby is going to need full attention for a long time. And Abby is a wreck right now. If she wants to have one more child, that might not be so bad, but don’t force your Mormon ways on her and make her have another baby for at least several years.”

  Don’t respond, Jeff was telling himself again. Don’t respond.

  Again some time passed. Jeff knew they were still the better part of an hour away from Nauvoo, and he wondered how he could hang on that long without exploding, but his silence was something of a defiance, and that would have to be his only satisfaction.

  But it wasn’t over. “Jeff, will you promise me that?”

  “Promise you what?”

  “That you’ll have no more than one more child, and that one, if you have it, will be down the road a few years.”

  “No.”

  “No, what?”

  “That’s not your decision, Olivia. It’s our decision—Abby’s and mine.”

  “So you want a big family. Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No, I’m not saying that. I’m saying that however many children we have will be up to us—and I don’t plan to consult you or anyone else. Except God.”

  “And this God of yours believes in a dozen babies—and maybe even a few extra wives. Is that it?”

  Jeff took a very deep breath, and then in the most controlled voice he could manage, he said, “No, Olivia. That’s not what God wants from me. But you know that. At this point, you just want to be offensive. So let me ask you to make a promise to me. Please, don’t say another word until we get back to Nauvoo—or better yet, for several years down the road.”

  “Trust me, you have my promise,” Olivia said. “But don’t trust me when I tell Abby what I think she should do with you. If my husband had ever talked to my mother that way, I’d have kicked him out of my house.”

  Jeff thought of a dozen things he might h
ave said at that point, but he voiced none of them. And it didn’t take long for him to realize what a tense situation he had created by saying what he had. He only hoped that Abby wouldn’t kick him out of the house.

  • • •

  Abby had been watching the clock all evening. She had calculated that Jeff and her mom would arrive no sooner than eight-thirty and, she hoped, no later than nine. The baby was still at a stage when he needed to be nursed quite often, and he was always awake at least a couple of times in the night. So she was sleepy. William was asleep now, and Abby worried that his grandmother would want to look at him when she came in—and wake him up. What she worried about much more was what kind of mood her mother would be in. She knew that her mom hadn’t wanted to take this later flight, and she knew how cranky Olivia could be when she was tired. She also knew that her mother was likely to give Jeff plenty of “advice” about getting out of Nauvoo and finding a better job. It was what she had harped about a great deal lately, to Abby, and she wasn’t likely to miss a chance to give Jeff a piece of her mind.

  Abby had been overjoyed to bring William home, but she had found the adjustment quite frightening. A nurse had been assigned to visit her three times a week and help with his incisions and check his vital signs—and that would help a great deal—but not allowing any visitors would mean long days for Abby as she tried to figure everything out for herself. These first three days at home had been difficult. Jeff had gone to work extremely early and come home in the afternoons to help, but he was new at all this too.

  Abby had called Kayla at least ten times in the last few days and had even broken down and cried on the phone a couple of times. “I don’t think he’s eating enough,” she had told Kayla. “He nurses and falls asleep, and then, in just a few minutes, he wakes up and cries again. It seems like he’s always hungry.”

  “They have to learn to nurse, Abby,” Kayla had told her. “He’s had a tube down his throat all his little life, and I’m sure he’s still tired from all he’s been through. He just falls asleep before he fills up. He’ll get better.”

  It was the kind of information Abby needed, but she wished that Kayla could pop in from time to time so she wouldn’t feel quite so much on her own. Still, William was doing well. He had gained a tiny bit of weight before he left the hospital, and now she just wanted to make sure he ate well and continued to get stronger.

  As it turned out, Abby was asleep when the kitchen door opened and her mother stepped in from the garage. She had thought she would watch TV for a few minutes, but she had sat down in a recliner and fallen asleep almost instantly. As soon as she opened her eyes, however, she knew that something was wrong. She saw it in her mother’s stiffness, her clamped jaw. Olivia was ready for a fight—or, more likely, had already been in one. “Hello, Abby,” she said, but she stood by the door as though she were thinking of leaving without saying anything more.

  Abby hurried to her mother and tried to hug her, but Olivia stood stiff and straight. Abby looked over her mother’s shoulder and saw Jeff standing just outside, unable to get through the door with Olivia staying so close to the entrance. Jeff gave Abby a little shrug and a roll of the eyes that seemed to say, I don’t know what happened.

  It was all exactly as Abby had feared. “Come in, Mom,” Abby was saying. “I’m sure you’re tired. Do you want to go to bed early, or—”

  “Am I staying here?”

  “Of course you’re staying here. I’ve got a bedroom ready for you. Come and see. Jeff will bring your things in.”

  “He doesn’t need to. I can carry my own luggage.”

  Olivia turned as though to head back to the garage, but Jeff said, “I’ve got your suitcase. I’ll take it to your bedroom.”

  The two women stepped aside, and Jeff carried the bag without pulling out the handle. Abby turned back to her mother. “Is everything all right?”

  “I don’t think I should stay here. Your husband has asked me not to speak to him. I certainly want to comply.”

  “Oh, Mom, I’m sorry if something went wrong, but please, we do want you to stay with us. That’s why you came—so you can help me with the baby.”

  “I can come over after he goes to work each day—and leave before he comes back.”

  “Mom, it can’t be that bad. I don’t know what—”

  “It is that bad. I’ve never been spoken to so rudely in my entire life.”

  Abby knew that Jeff could say the wrong thing sometimes, but he was not mean-spirited. If the two had had words, she knew very well that it was her mother who had instigated the argument. But she also knew how difficult this was going to be. Abby would have to watch her every word now. She would talk to Jeff when she could, and see whether some sort of apology might help, but her guess was, he was actually the one who had been abused.

  By now Olivia was looking the place over. Jeff had removed the window unit from the kitchen window once the air conditioner had been installed, but the woodwork around the window had been warped and scarred, so Jeff had torn out the framing and had not yet replaced it. The little kitchen had worn linoleum on the floor, which would also be replaced in time, but hadn’t been yet. Maybe worst was the carpet in the living room, which Olivia could surely see from where she was standing. It had been worn out before Jeff and Abby had moved in, but now, with all the tramping back and forth as Jeff had worked on the house, a dirty path ran past the couch. Abby had seen no reason to get the carpets cleaned when the plan was to replace them soon, but she had known before her mother arrived that she would have to apologize for the way things looked.

  “Mom, Jeff has done a lot of work on the house, but most of it has been in the basement. He’s put in central air conditioning and he’s repaired the basement walls, which used to leak like crazy. You can’t believe how hard he’s worked, but there’s still a lot to do. We’re getting new carpets as soon as spring comes, and we’re replacing almost all the woodwork in the house—even the kitchen cabinets. I know the bathroom looks awful, but that’s another project Jeff will get to before long.”

  “If he says so, it must be true.”

  “Mom, I hope you—”

  “Where’s the baby?” Olivia asked.

  “I have him in our bedroom for right now. He’s asleep. He wakes up a lot, and I just can’t stand to have him in another room for now. Do you want to see him?”

  “Of course I want to see him, but I won’t wake him. I’ll get up with you in the night if you need me, but that means I better go to bed now. Where am I sleeping?”

  Jeff had returned to the living room. He sort of gestured toward the hallway beyond, but he didn’t say anything. “It’s down here,” Abby said. She walked ahead and took her mother into the extra bedroom. What Olivia couldn’t have known was that there hadn’t even been a bed in the room until the day before. Abby had been setting the room up as a nursery, but once Olivia had insisted on coming to help, Abby had wondered out loud to Kayla where they could get a bed. Kayla had sent Malcolm to their hometown, Augusta, Iowa, with his pickup truck, and he had brought back an old bed frame and mattress they had left stored with her parents. Malcolm had come in and set it up while Jeff had been at work.

  But when Olivia looked at the bed, she asked, “How hard is that bed?”

  “Uh ... actually, I don’t know. It might be softer than you like.” Abby had been so happy to have something, she hadn’t thought to worry about that.

  “You know how my back is. Maybe I should look for another place right now. Is there any kind of hotel in this dumpy little town? We drove so long, I thought we had reached the edge of the world, and then we drove another fifty miles.”

  Abby was starting to feel that enough was enough. When her mother was like this, she expected everyone to bow down and try to please her, but it was never possible. Fortunately, she usually came back to her senses, at least to some degree, once she realized that she wasn�
��t getting what she wanted.

  “Mom, you’ll have to make this bed do for tonight. If it’s not hard enough, Jeff can try to fix it tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll do anything he can to make you comfortable.”

  Abby didn’t stand up to her mother very often, but she had spoken with some sternness this time, and she hoped her mother heard what she meant: If you keep this up—or say anything against my husband—I just might throw you out.

  Olivia seemed to get the message. “Just let me settle in a little, Abby. I’m mad right now. You can tell that. But I have good reason. All the same, I’ll bite my tongue, and I’ll help you in every way I can.” She glanced around the room. “Is there no TV in this room?” she asked.

  “No. I’m sorry.”

  “Why am I not surprised?” she asked with that icy sarcasm of hers, but she added quickly, “It’s all right. I’ll go to bed.”

  “The bathroom is right next door to you, but we only have one—and Mom, the grime on the shower tile just doesn’t come off. I’m sorry, but—”

  “How can you live this way, Abby? I don’t understand.”

  “We’ve talked about all this, Mom. We’ll have a nicer house someday. But—”

  “Never mind. Just leave me alone. I need to calm down.”

  “Okay. These towels on the bed are for you, and if you need anything else, let me know.”

  “Fine.” But as Abby walked out, she heard her mother say, “I need some things, all right.”

  Abby almost spun around to tell her what she thought, but she resisted. Instead, she walked back to the living room, where Jeff was sitting in his recliner looking as though he had been knocked over the head with a hammer.

  “What happened?” Abby asked him, and a long, whispered conversation followed. Abby heard nothing that surprised her, and when she heard the remark about Mormons, she threatened to sock her mom in the jaw.

  “It’s okay,” Jeff told her. “I’ll apologize in the morning and tell her it was all my fault. I don’t want to fight with her anymore.”