‘Whoa! Do you parents live in 1832? Where did they get these medieval ideas?’
Brie argues that 1832 wasn’t in the Middle Ages and that her parents are practicing catholics and believe that sex is to be had within the sacrament of marriage.
‘Brie, I am not discussing your parents’ beliefs but what do you believe? It’s your body, it’s your life...’
She shakes her head.
‘Clary you don’t understand. If I had sex before getting married, my dad and my brother would not even look me in the eye anymore, they’d be disgusted.’
This is getting more infuriating with every phrase she utters.
‘But what about Adam? He’s had sex and I haven’t received an invitation to his wedding...’
‘It’s different. He’s a man...’
‘What?’
I burst, disgusted.
‘That’s a double standard! So, you are supposed to stay pure and he can fuck around as much as he likes?’
Brie explains as if I was particularly slow:
‘He can’t fuck around as much as he likes. But he’s a guy and so his virginity is not that important...’
‘But why is that?’
I insist.
‘If that’s a religious thing, I am sure that God doesn’t make a difference between men and women...’
‘Men are different. It’s harder for them to control their urges...’
This time is Hazel’s turn to react:
‘So are they justified to go and take what they want? Are they excused if they do it without consent because of their urges?’
Brie looks at us as if we were stupid.
‘No one said they can go and do what they want, but in their case it’s not an unforgivable mistake...’
I exhale in exasperation.
‘Ok, ok... Let’s leave the double standard aside for a second. But if you believe so strongly that you need to wait for marriage, why are you even considering to break your promise?’
‘Because I love him and if I don’t do it, I will lose him...’
I tell her that if he makes her go against her beliefs, then he doesn’t really care about her and she starts to protest but I interrupt her:
‘Brie, he has been sleeping with Lucy too. I don’t think he has any interest in a monogamous relationship...’
Brie retorts straight away:
‘You are one to talk, you have 3 boyfriends!’
That’s a bit of a low blow but I let it slide, right now I just want to stop her from throwing herself and her beliefs away for someone who doesn’t deserve it.
‘Brie, this isn’t about me. Look, you are free to do what you want but what I’m saying is to think about it very carefully: you will have your first time only once and I am really worried that in a few years time, even in a few months time, you will regret this decision.’
She won’t budge and adds:
‘Look, in 3 days it’s going to be my 17th birthday and I have decided that’s going to be the day. But I need to prepare: I need some sexy underwear and to get a Brazilian wax. Will you go with me to the town and help me choose and keep me company?’
The offer is extended to both me and Hazel and I nod for two reasons: first of all, I want to keep the dialogue open and possibly try to talk her out of this whole thing when she’s less upset and secondly, I could do with some nice underwear and a Brazilian wax myself.
I tell my friends about my conversation with Xander and Logan this morning and about the things that might happen with my new boyfriends.
Brie perks immediately up:
‘So are you going to have sex with them?’
I explain that for now we aren’t planning on intercourse but Xander promised me orgasms and with Logan, we need to talk about some kind of arrangement because things are definitely heating up between us.
‘Orgasms? Well, good luck with that. I don’t think boys care too much about it.’
I ask her what she means and she says that boys just want us to get them off and don’t particularly care about reciprocating.
I disagree.
‘Xander said that he wants to make sure that I...’
‘Yes, they all say that in theory but let me tell you that they don’t care. Even when they try to do something to you, it’s only because it turns them on, not because they are worried about your pleasure...’
I am not sure that Brie’s right: I think Xander really cares about how I feel and I had the feeling that Logan feels the same way.
‘So, you have never...?’
‘Had an orgasm?’
She says she isn’t sure if she has.
This worries me a lot: Xander did say that I need to get to know my body but what if I can’t?
I decide to worry about it only if that proves to be a problem and to give this whole thing a shot.
I also have to talk to Austin before he finds out about my involvement with Xander and Logan via some anonymous note or some incident like when Brooklyn almost walked in on me and Logan this afternoon.
I go to bed with a few worries: my two girlfriends who seem to not be having an easy time right now, my impending conversation with Austin, the blackmailer.
But I am also excited about my boyfriends and so in love with both of them.
***
Brie drives us all to town and during the journey, I try to discuss again her decision to have sex with Justin.
But my friend is adamant about it:
‘He’s gorgeous, sexy, handsome, exciting, funny...’
‘Hot!’
Hazel and I join in.
We laugh for a second because Brie keeps saying always the same things about Justin.
‘On a scale from one to ten... He’s an eleven!’
She gushes.
‘I have never kissed anybody like him, he gives me these tingles everywhere...’
I look at her and her eyes are shining, her cheeks are flushed pink: she really is into Justin. I understand how he makes her feel because kissing all three of my boys makes me feel what she has just described but I just wished that Justin cared about her and not just want to add a new notch onto his bedpost. If I tell her that, she will stop talking to me and still go ahead with her stupid plan. So I might as well be there for her when this all goes wrong, which I know it will because Justin isn’t boyfriend material. Hazel and I discussed this last night and we hate having to watch our BFF throw herself away like this but there is nothing we can really do: when Brie makes up her mind, that’s it.
‘Brie, at least will you make sure that you have safe sex?’
‘I will pick up condoms.’
She says matter of factly and I exhale not to have to worry about her picking up a nasty disease from that man whore or even end up pregnant with his child.
I buy a few sets of lacey underwear: a green one, a pink one, a white one and a black one. The Brazilian wax is painful but Brie guarantees that guys don’t like hair down there.
It’s not like I can ask anyone else, so I listen to Brie.
I guess I could ask Logan and Xander what they like but I find it way too embarrassing and I also think that they would try to make me feel like I don’t have to change for them and say that it doesn’t matter.
When we get back to Camp, I find Logan and Xander waiting for me on my porch.
‘Hey baby, welcome back, I missed you!’
He kisses me and as soon as his lips leave mine, Logan pulls me into his arms to give me his own hot welcome back kiss.
My friends look at us partially amused and partially jealous:
‘Hey Guys, can you tell me where to find two smoking hot boys who agree to both date me at the same time? Without killing each other over jealousy?’
Brie asks and Logan laughs.
‘Who told you we aren’t jealous? I would kill Xander if I could, but then Clary would be sad, so I have to put up with his ugly mug...’
Xander gives him a playful slap on a shoulder:
‘Same here, I am jealous as shit but whatever makes my Clary happy, is fine with me. Plus, despite not being the prettiest thing to look at, Logan’s not a bad guy. He kind of grows on you...’
They both laugh, and I look at them both amused and relieved that they can joke about being jealous and are actually becoming friends.
‘So, Clary, we might have a small problem though...’
This is Xander.
I ask him what’s up and he continues:
‘I was here to ask you to go for a little romantic swim together, while Logan wanted to...’
‘Go and try the new hot tubs they have at the spa centre...’
‘Fucks sake, that’s a nice problem to have...’
Comments Brie amused.
‘I... I guess I could do both or we could pick one and go all together...’
They laugh at my predicament.
‘No, baby. Logan and I talked about it and right now we both want alone time with our girlfriend. So this time, we need you to choose. But we promise you we won’t be mad if you choose the other one. Who doesn’t get to go on a date today, will have dibs tomorrow...’
I nod.
‘Ok, as long as there aren’t any hard feelings...’
They both smile.
‘I would like to go with Xander, since I spent yesterday evening with you, Logan...’
He pouts for a second but then he grabs my hand.
‘Fair enough. As long as I get a little goodbye kiss and you promise me not to do anything I wouldn’t do...’
I laugh at his twinkling eyes and walk into his open arms.
‘That would leave me practically any option open...’
I whisper.
‘I trust you, so yes, just have fun, beautiful.’
He kisses me long and deep and I forget about Xander and my friends standing there.
‘What the fuck is going on? Hey, asshole, why are you kissing my girlfriend?’
Austin is standing at the base of my porch, his green eyes as hard as steel, the only thing keeping him from coming up to possibly hit Logan is Xander’s quick reaction: he’s flown down the stairs and he’s keeping his cousin from attacking Logan.
‘Xander, I swear to god, if you don’t let me go...’
‘Calm down, Austin, let Clary explain...’
He looks at me, his eyes still blazing and says:
‘Yes, Clary. Would you care to explain what’s going on?’
Oh, Jesus! I guess my conversation with Austin is about to happen, right here, right now.
‘Can all of you leave?’
He glares at my friends and the other two boys.
‘Austin, I would like to have Logan and Xander here for this...’
He looks at me with his mouth open in disbelief.
‘What the hell is going on? You aren’t frightened to be alone with me, are you? I promise the other night I...’
He’s referring to the incident with the condom and I shake my head.
‘No, that was forgiven when I said it was...’
Logan intervenes:
‘If he has done anything to you, Clary, I swear that I will kick his ass...’
Xander looks mad, his turquoise eyes glaring in a very similar way to Austin’s.
‘Seriously, can I have a conversation with my girl without you two here?’
Austin reiterates and I realise that I have to tell him everything and fast, before the hostility between them grows any further.
‘I... I didn’t know that you thought that I was your girlfriend, you never asked...’
He looks at me, livid and asks:
‘So, do you think I just go into random girls’ cabins and try to fuck them ?’
Logan and Xander both react to his choice of language:
‘Fuck? What did you do?’
Austin folds his arms in front of himself and glares at the other two.
‘What Clary and I did, is none of your business!’
‘Yes it is. And nothing happened. I told him that I wasn’t ready.’
I say and when he opens his mouth to protest, I charge on without giving him time to say anything else.
‘It’s their business because I love them both and they are both my boyfriends. I have feelings for you too, Austin. I am sorry, I should have talked to you all at the same time, but I got this note and...’
The whole story comes out and Austin listens to me without saying a word and at a certain point, he sits on the steps, his hands covering his face.
When I am finished, he asks:
‘So, you are serious: this isn’t retaliation for the other night? You seriously want me to be your boyfriend at the same time as these two?’
I nod.
‘If you think you could...’
He cuts me off.
‘No, I fucking couldn’t. If you cared about me, like you say you do, you would choose me.’
He looks at Logan and Xander.
‘And if you two had a bit of self respect, you wouldn’t even buy into this crazy game she’s trying to play...’
Xander comes to my defence, explaining that it wasn’t my idea and how they both love me and I love them.
Austin shakes his head and says bitterly:
‘She doesn’t love anyone. She just likes to have us all at her beck and call, picking us up and discarding us whenever the mood strikes. Are you seriously going to let her do that to you? Especially you, cuz...’
It is Xander’s turn to be furious now:
‘Don’t talk about Clary this way. You obviously don’t know her. And if this is how you feel about her, maybe it’s a good thing that she found out now, before she got more involved with you...’
‘Austin...’
I plead and I put a hand on his arm but he shrugs it off and looks at me with those jade green eyes full of contempt:
‘No, princess. This time you don’t get everything you want. I’m sorry, I misjudged you. I am done with you. And with you too, cuz...’
He walks away without looking back at me, his shoulders rigid, his fists clenched.
A part of my heart shatters in a multitude of tiny pieces: I was falling for him and I think I broke his heart the same way he just broke mine. Sure, I have Xander and Logan and I couldn’t even have expected them to forgive me for falling for all of them at the same time, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that Austin feels the way he does.
I guess after how things went with Xander and Logan, I dared hope.
Xander takes me in his arms:
‘Clary, baby, let him get over the shock. He might rethink the situation once he has had the chance to cool off...’
I shake my head, trying to keep myself from crying.
‘I... I don’t really blame him. To be honest, I expected the same reaction from you and Logan yesterday, when I told you...’
Logan strokes my hair, while my head is on Xander’s chest.
‘Sweetie, wether he changes his mind or not, Xander and I aren’t going anywhere. I know we must look crazy to lots of people but seriously, I love you and I don’t mind if Xander loves you too. It’s Austin’s loss to be so closed minded that he doesn’t get to be with you...’
The boys cancel the previous plans and decide to spend a fun evening in the arcade, to take my mind off what just happened and I appreciate their devotion and attentions more than I can express to them with words.
The evening is fun, they make me laugh constantly, we even play table soccer with Brooklyn forming two teams: Xander and I against the other two boys and they let me win, because while I might be a force to reckon with at air hockey, I totally suck at table soccer.
At the end of the night, they both walk me to my cabin and before saying goodbye, Logan asks:
‘I am sorry if I ask you this right now, Clary, but I keep thinking about this “condom incident” that Austin kept mentioning and I know it will bother me if I don’t ask you...’
I tell him that both he and Xander have every right to know and rec
ount what happened between me and Austin on bonfire night.
‘I don’t know if I have to be mad at him...’
Starts Xander.
‘I am glad he stopped. Because if he hadn’t, I would go and teach him what you do when a girl says no...’
Growls Logan.
I hug both my boyfriends and go to bed wishing I was surrounded by their warmth, so I wouldn’t feel sad about the one connection that was severed today.
9.
Hearts and minds
The day after, I spend the morning at the beach with Brie and Hazel. They want to know every detail of my break up with Austin and even though I would rather not think about it, I oblige.
As usual, they have opposite reactions: Brie says that I’m better off without him and that she’s disappointed in his reaction while Hazel thinks that in time, he might at least forgive me and see that I didn’t mean to hurt him.
I don’t want to make the whole conversation about me, so I ask Brie what’s the plan for her birthday party in two days:
‘I’m so excited! My mom and dad have ordered this huge cake and we’ll have a pool party. And after, I will lose my virginity to my sexy boyfriend!’
Hazel and I look at each other a bit dismayed by her unwavering commitment to the stupidest plan known to man but we know full well that rehashing why that’s a bad idea, would only make Brie mad at us, without changing her resolve.
After a light lunch at the beach, I change into a white, soft, floaty skirt and a dark green silky button down shirt that ends right before my skirt starts, leaving just a little wedge of skin showing. I pin my hair to the side and go meet Xander at the archery range.
He greets me with a soft kiss and keeps his incredible eyes fixed on mine while tucking a strand of hair that has escaped my pin behind my ear.
‘How are you today?’
I know he’s referring to yesterday’s events with Austin and even though I’m still sad, I don’t want he and Logan thinking that they aren’t enough for me.
‘I’m ok, considering everything. Look, I have to move on. Of course if you and Logan had reacted the same way Austin has, I would be a total wreck but I cannot change the way he feels. I have only one worry...’
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 21