Logan sighs.
‘It sounds like maybe you went too fast with him? Maybe things need to slow down until you know him better and you trust him more?’
Logan is totally right.
‘Yes. Maybe I let things move too fast because he was so mad at me and when he finally decided to give the relationship a chance, I felt like I had to go there. It’s like, when I was naked in front of you or Xander, it felt right. I didn’t feel self conscious or embarrassed. I felt beautiful and wanted. With Austin... I was a bit anxious. And now I’m anxious about how he will take it if I ask him to slow down...’
He cups my cheek and kisses my brow softly, his cotton candy scent engulfing me and making me feel safe.
‘Clary, if he’s going to be your boyfriend, you need to be able to open up completely to him and be confident that he will accept your feelings without judgment. Sure, he can tell you that he disagrees and the sharing feeling goes both ways, but if you are anxious about his reaction, then you really need to slow down. You don’t feel worried about your safety, do you?’
His eyes darken with worry.
‘No. I know he would never be violent or force me into anything and I know that he genuinely loves me but I’m worried that he will break up with me out of jealousy...’
He tells me that I have to follow my heart and that if Austin can’t accept my feelings, then maybe we aren’t right for each other.
‘Maybe it’s because he’s older than all of us? There’s a wider age gap with him than with Xander or Joel...’
I think Logan might be right and that I need to have a heart to heart with Austin.
‘Logan, honey, thank you for being here for me. You don’t know how much I appreciate being able to talk to you about this and knowing that you have my best interest and my happiness at heart...’
He kisses me.
‘I would do anything for you, Clary. Anything.’
This time, I initiate a deep kiss, hugging him tight to me and feeling his hand cupping one of my boobs, under my t-shirt.
‘Clary, you have the most beautiful boobs in the whole world. I hope it doesn’t offend you if I tell you that since the other night, all I can think of is touching them, kissing them and just feeling them against my chest. I want to sleep with my head on them, they are so soft and firm at the same time...’
I smile.
‘You could never offend me, Logan. And there are lots of parts of your body that I am extremely fond of...’
We kiss again, lost in each other and we almost don’t hear Xander coming back into the room.
I crawl to the middle of the bed and get under the covers and the boys settle each on one side of me.
It should feel awkward but it really doesn’t: I am lying sideways while Logan hugs my waist and settles his head on my chest and Xander hugs me from behind with his head on the crook of my neck where he places a soft kiss before whispering a goodnight.
I sleep soundly, feeling protected and loved and this is why it’s really strange to wake up with the little hair at the base of my neck standing at attention.
We are still in the exact same position we fell asleep in, the only difference is that I feel both the boys have got that morning situation going on while they are still asleep by my side.
I don’t have time to decide if that turns me on or if it’s funny because I have the overwhelming feeling of being observed and when I open my eyes Austin is standing at the door, with the nob still in his hand.
His green eyes are as hard as steel, blazing with a barely repressed fury, his knuckles white on the doorknob.
I open my mouth to say something but he shakes his head and walks away.
I slide out of bed disentangling myself from Logan and Xander and just slide my flip flops on, the only thing covering me is Xander’s big t-shirt.
I go after Austin, catching up with him by a thick of maritime pine trees just before the beach.
‘Austin, wait! What’s the matter?’
He shakes his head slowly, his voice coming out low and unsteady as if he were trying to contain his reaction.
‘The matter is that I needed to talk to you about something important and I walked into that...’
He shakes his head again.
‘What do you think you walked into?’
I ask worried and confused at the same time.
‘Well, obviously you guys had a very special night...’
He says bitterly.
‘Yes we did, Austin. But not the way you think. We had dinner and the boys had a present for me and we talked and it was sweet and romantic. Nothing happened apart from a few kisses and they didn’t do anything in front of each other and no one was getting off in some weird way. Yes, we all shared a bed but we were just sleeping. And I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you about this. I thought we were past this kind of problem...’
His shoulders relax just a fraction.
‘Do you expect me to believe that you guys didn’t do anything last night?’
I sigh.
‘This is exactly what I expect you to believe, Austin. And if you don’t, I’m sorry, it’s really your problem not mine. Now, if we can stop trying to cheapen the beautiful night I had with two boys I am in love with, what is it that couldn’t wait till later and required you to barge in this early in the morning?’
Now it’s my turn to try to contain the fury that his constant distrust of me has caused.
‘I... Have you spoken to Brie after her birthday party?’
I shake my head.
‘No, I think I had my hands full with reconnecting with a certain someone or un-dumping him, if I recall correctly and then I got that note... Why?’
‘Brooklyn came to my room in a state last night. He was crying, Clary. Crying. Apparently Brie dumped him.’
I sigh and he continues:
‘He told me that they were together in Brie’s room, they were fooling around and then your friend tried to put a condom on him and when he said he didn’t feel ready to do it, she freaked out and broke things off with him. She kicked him out of the room naked, throwing his clothes at him and yelling something like that he was just a boy and she needed a man... Brooklyn is devastated, do you have any idea of what the hell is going on with Brie?’
I tell him what happened with Justin and that makes Austin even angrier.
‘So, she was using my brother to get back with that fucking asshole?’
‘I don’t know, Austin. I told her not to and that Brooklyn is a great guy and doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment and yesterday she seemed actually truly into him. I don’t know what...’
Austin interrupts me.
‘You knew what her intentions were and you didn’t think you should tell me about it, so I could avoid getting Brooklyn’s heart smashed to pieces...’
‘I wasn’t sure about what she would do, I am actually surprised that she behaved this way. I thought she had abandoned that stupid plan of sleeping with Justin... And by the way, the stuff she told me was in confidence, Austin. I couldn’t betray her by telling anyone. I tried to reason with her but...’
He looks at me with disappointment etched on his gorgeous face: his eyes closing for a second as if he couldn’t stand to look at me.
‘By not betraying her confidence, you did betray me though, Clary. Brooklyn is my brother and since we lost our dad when we were very young, I have always looked out for him. Especially since our mom has always been away a lot with the army... I thought as my girlfriend, you would think I come before some stupid girl code...’
Now I’m really angry and I snap.
‘This isn’t about girl code! She’s one of my best friends and she confided in me. Was she in the wrong? Yes, totally. But that doesn’t mean I should go and tell on her. Especially since I wasn’t sure...’
‘Ok, look, I don’t think you understand, princess. I would have come to you if Xander had told me something about wanting to just have sex with you and then move on...’<
br />
I see his point. Maybe he’s right.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to betray you. You are right. The only justification I have is that after yesterday, she seemed genuinely into Brooklyn and I don’t know what changed. I should have talked to you, I am sorry. Can you forgive me?’
He hugs me tight and I inhale his scent of leather and berries.
His lips find mine and deliver a scorching hot kiss, his teeth biting on my bottom lip a bit too hard at the end.
‘I missed you last night, princess. Can I see you tonight?’
I agree and he kisses me again, his hand sneaking under my t-shirt and pressing my ass against him and trying at the same time to sneak under the lace of my panties.
The contact leaves me hot and breathless but when his other hand tries to lift my bra to touch my boob, I pull away.
‘No...’
He stops immediately but asks me:
‘Why?’
‘Not here in the open, Austin. After all those notes...’
‘Sorry...’
He says taking me in his arms and pressing himself against me, hard against my hip.’
‘You are just so beautiful, I can’t keep my hands off you...’
‘Austin...’
His lips crush against mine again, commanding, making my heart beat so fast, I think it’s going to leap out of my chest,
‘Austin...’
I call, panting and trying to slow down my breathing.
‘What?’
He asks with a hint of frustration in his deep voice.
‘I... I wanted to talk to you... Maybe it’s best that we do now, before we spend another night together...’
‘What’s up, Clary? If you promised Logan and Xander...’
‘No. It’s not that...’
I tell him what I told Logan last night and maybe it was a mistake because I can see straight away the hurt in his jade green eyes.
‘Did you feel forced to do things? Princess, I am so sorry. I don’t...’
‘No.’
I interrupt him.
‘No, you never forced me. I know you never would. I just... Austin, I am really inexperienced. Relationships and especially sex are very new to me... I don’t know exactly how to explain it but the way you pushed my boundaries even though exciting and not unwanted, made me realise that we need to slow down and get to know each other more before we get that intense again. I am not ready to feel that exposed again soon...’
He shakes his head trying to understand.
‘So, will you be having the same conversation with Logan and Xander?’
I can’t lie to him.
‘No. With them is different. I feel more in control...’
‘So you think they would stop if you asked them and I wouldn’t? Is this still about bonfire night?’
‘No. No, it’s not and I trust 100% that you would stop. I don’t trust myself that I would ask you to stop when I need you to. And it’s not because I think you’d get mad or not stop. You have been loving and so hot... It’s because I am so attracted to you and you are so much more experienced than I am that I don’t trust myself when I am with you. I wasn’t ready for what happened the other night and I didn’t stop you. That’s on me. But if I let this happen to me again, I’m worried that in the long run, it will hurt our relationship. I love you, Austin and the problem is that when I’m with you I lose all sense of myself and while that’s wild and exciting, it doesn’t feel healthy, it leaves me scared and anxious...’
He hugs me again, this time without any lust but I know I’ve hurt him because his green eyes are veiled by tears.
‘I... I don’t seem to be able to do right by you, Clary. I need some time to think. I need to go...’
He walks away, leaving me there alone, sad, frustrated and so confused.
I wonder if he just broke up with me: why things with Austin have to be always so hard?
I am too busy with my musings to notice that I am not alone anymore and it’s too late to get away when I spot Justin right in front of me while Rob has placed himself behind me: a pine tree against my back.
‘Austin seemed pissed off when I saw him leave, what’s up, little miss prissy, did you refuse to fuck him? Is your gold pussy only reserved for Joel and Xander? Do you know that Rob and I always share Joel’s girls? So I can’t wait to see what has all the other guys in such a tizzy over you...’
He steps closer and tries to touch my face but I move closer to the tree, my back now scraping against it.
‘You know, this little scared girl act makes everything only more exciting but you can totally drop the act now. Do you want to follow me and Justin to our room or do you want to do it here in the woods?’
Says Rob from behind me and he distracts me from Justin stepping yet even closer to me, his stench of cigarettes and beer invading my nostrils.
I move my face to the side to keep from being sick and tell him to go away.
‘What’s wrong with you, little bitch? Do you only fuck guys with trust funds? Am I not worthy of you because I’m poor? Rob here is loaded with money, will you let him fuck you? I guess I’ll take your ass while he takes you. I know you can take both of us, if you can take Joel and Xander...’
‘I... I don’t know what you are talking about. And Joel and I are just friends...’
I state, trying to keep my voice steady and flattening myself even more against the tree to put more distance between me and Justin.
He laughs and retorts:
‘Just friends! That motherfucker could not be friends with a girl in a million years. He fucks his way through anything pretty looking. I hate how fucking arrogant he is but I have to give him that he has excellent taste, he only fucks hot girls. You are hot but not his usual type. I guess that he fell for your little innocent act while we both know that you are a filthy little slut!’
He comes closer and grabs my chin in his hand, digging his fingers in my flesh and making tears spring to my eyes.
‘Justin I swear to god, I will bite your face off if you get any closer to me...’
I try to sound as scary as I can while on the inside I am terrified.
Rob grabs my long hair and yanks hard to keep me from moving my head.
‘Justin, I think she likes it rough, this is why she’s fighting us... Maybe you should start by fucking her throat, I will keep her still for you...’
My eyes dilate in terror and I start thrashing around in an attempt to break free from their hold.
Justin starts lowering the zipper of his shorts and I scream.
‘Help, please somebody help!’
‘What the fuck is going on here?’
Joel comes running from up the hill and I don’t think I have ever been happier to see another human being in my entire life.
‘Joel!’
I cry.
As soon as he’s in sight, Justin and Rob let go of me and walk away quickly.
When Joel reaches me, I am sobbing and shaking and my knees are unable to support me any longer.
He catches me before I fall on the ground covered by a carpet of pine needles.
‘Clary, darling, what did they do to you?’
He asks taking me in his arms and supporting my weight, his head close to mine, his voice soothing.
‘Nothing but they were about to...’
I tell him everything, including what happened with Austin and he says:
‘Listen, cupcake, let’s get you somewhere where you can sit down and we can talk about it if you want. Is that ok?’
We go to my cabin and he tells me that Xander and Logan are playing a tennis double with Brooklyn and their other roommate.
‘Do you want me to try and get ahold of them?’
I shake my head and I’m about to say no when I hunch doubled up in pain.
‘What’s wrong, Clary?’
Asks Joel, worry darkening his blue eyes.
‘I... I need to go to the bathroom, one second...’
&nb
sp; When I go to the bathroom, my suspicions are confirmed: I am getting my period. I guess the stress of the last few days might have brought it on a couple of days earlier than due and often when I am stressed, I do get really painful cramps, a few times they have been so bad that they left me bedridden for a couple of days.
I change into my special padded underwear and my pjs and I wobble back into my bedroom where Joel is walking around the room with a worried expression on his handsome face.
‘Are you all right, Clary?’
I am about to make up an excuse, embarrassed to talk to him about periods and cramps but Joel is very observant and has probably noticed how I have one arm clutching my stomach.
He comes closer and strokes my hair, tucking a loose strand behind my ear.
‘You don’t have to be embarrassed to talk to me about anything, Clary. Do you need some ibuprofen? Why don’t you lie down and I’ll bring you some and make you a hot water bottle? That will help ease the cramps. You can take a nap and I’ll stay with you until Logan and Xander get back. How does it sound?’
‘Thanks, Joel.’
‘It’s what friends do, right?’
I lie down and he returns a minute later with the painkillers and a hot water bottle.
‘May I? I promise I will be on best behaviour, I just want to be close to you and hold you while you sleep, cupcake. Just to make sure you are ok...’
I move over so he can lie down next to me and he gives me the hot water bottle while he settles by my side.
I flinch as soon as the hot water bottle touches my skin as it’s too hot and Joel notices and takes it away.
‘Maybe we should let it cool down for just a few minutes. Come here...’
He scoots a bit closer, lying on his hip facing me and starts lifting my tank top. I’m about to say something when he pleads:
‘Trust me, Clary, please. I am not trying to do anything weird, I just want to put my warm hand on your stomach to soothe you. You’ll see, it will make you feel better...’
He lifts my top and places his big hand on my stomach, lightly so that I feel just the tiniest amount of pressure which actually gives me a lot of relief together with the warmth.
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 36