‘I wish there was a swimsuit competition! I have the perfect golden bikini, it would become more famous than Princess Leia’s, I look so hot in it!’
Both Hazel and I roll our eyes in unison.
‘Thank god there isn’t a swimsuit competition, or I would be out.’
I complain.
‘Why? You are hot, especially with those boobs!’
I have to admit that Brie has many flaws but she’s always been telling both me and Hazel that we are beautiful and stupid for having hang ups about our bodies. When she wants to be, she can be such a great friend.
The town centre has about 3 suitable shops where we could buy a dress for the pageant, which Angie wants to call a contest because she hates the bitchiness of pageants and this contest is supposed to be all in good fun.
If only she heard Hayley and Lucy and their cruel taunts and their bets, she would realise that putting a bunch of girls together and making them compete to decide who’s the prettiest, isn’t exactly conducive of friendship and harmless competition.
And this is why I am participating only because Logan and Joel enrolled me because they say I am the prettiest girl.
I see why Logan feels this way, in Joel’s case I am actually surprised because he must like the others, since he has slept basically with all of them.
I shake myself off of that kind of thoughts: it is unfair to Joel. If he just wanted to get into my pants, he would have either given up when he saw that it wasn’t going to be easy or insisted and taken advantage of my weakness basically every time we have been alone.
Instead, he’s been exercising a surprising amount of restraint which tells me that his intentions towards me are genuine.
Regardless of the anxiety I have experienced lately with the nasty notes, the on and off situation with Austin and the encounter with Rob and Justin, I admit that shopping with my besties is a lot of fun and just what I needed.
We try on every single dress in town, all the while laughing and taking photos that go straight into our Instagram and Facebook profiles, since we do have cell reception in town.
In the end, I settle for a dark green all lace strapless dress that ends right above my knee and will look amazing with my silver sandals and my red hair.
Brie goes for a chiffon ruby red dress that makes her look like an exotic flower with her olive skin and dark hair and eyes.
Hazel sits down snapping pictures of us and saying very little.
So when we sit down for a slice of pizza before the hour drive back to Camp, I have to ask what’s up.
‘Nothing...’
Brie and I both narrow our eyes not fooled by her despondent attitude and press on:
‘I know you way too well to fall for that, Hazel. You can tell us what’s wrong now, or we can interrogate you all the way home, since we have an hour drive through the woods and cell reception goes off about 10 minutes in...’
I threaten.
‘Yes, you know we won’t give up until you share, so spill!’
Urges on Brie.
Hazel sighs and takes a sip of her soda and if to give herself courage to say what’s bothering her.
‘Yesterday I spoke to Rob...’
It’s like setting off an explosive device: both Brie and I go off at the same time with a slew of outraged questions and remarks.
‘What? Are you insane?’
Me.
‘What the fuck? What can that fucktard have to say to you after what he did?’
Brie.
‘I hope you screamed for help...’
Me.
‘Or kick him right in the nuts...’
Brie.
She shakes her head and asks us to calm down.
‘Look, it’s not that big a deal. Logan apparently said something to him about what happened on bonfire night when they were playing basketball, threatening to beat him up or something like that and he came to find me. He admitted he was drunk and didn’t realise that I didn’t want to have sex. He didn’t even remember that we actually had sex. He apologised if he caused me any distress and asked me if we can be friends...’
‘Really? He couldn’t remember and he didn’t realise? Doesn’t that sound a bit too easy? He left you there, Hazel! You were crying! It was your first time and he took that away from you!’
‘Clary, I don’t think he knew that it was my first time and I would rather keep it this way and not draw more attention to what happened and embarrass myself even more...’
‘How can you say that? And he should be embarrassed, not you!’
I don’t mention Rob and Justin’s disgusting bet, maybe if Rob thinks everything is fine with Hazel, he’ll leave her alone.
‘Talking about first times...’
Starts Brie and this time is me and Hazel who brace ourselves about whatever she’s about to say.
‘I... I decided to honour my promise ring for now...’
We actually exhale in relief: finally my BFF is using her brain!
‘Justin has agreed to keep seeing me and we decided to hang out during the winter when he comes to New York for auditions. It’s going to be an open relationship because he can’t give me 100% commitment if I won’t have sex with him. But he says that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me...’
She says that with dreamy eyes and I take back what I just said about my BFF using her brain: she’s a fucking idiot.
‘So, you both can see other people?’
Asks Hazel.
‘Yes but when he’s in the city, he will take me on dates and then we decided to revisit the situation next summer. Maybe he will be ready to commit or he’ll have changed his mind about being my first... He was right that I would have probably tried to talk him into a very serious, formal relationship if we had done it... But in the meantime, I will get him to meet my family and then we’ll see...’
This sounds very suspicious: Justin wants to be a model and guess where Brie’s family’s wealth comes from? Yes, you got it. Her mom is a fashion designer and her dad owns a few modelling agencies nationwide... So, forgive me for thinking that Justin might have an agenda here.
But as usual, I know that telling her that will only cause a fight and I guess the fact that she isn’t trying to throw her virginity away for him anymore, is a victory at least for now.
‘What about Matt, then?’
She smirks.
‘I have a date with him tonight after curfew. He’s dating Ella exclusively but I plan to change that. I will steal him back from her and then I’ll decide what to do with him. But that bitch has to learn to keep her hands off from guys who are taken...’
So, if it isn’t a silly scheme, it’s just a slightly different one. At least she isn’t going to sleep with him.
We eat our pizzas in relative silence, each of us lost in her own thoughts when we get our check which gets slapped in front of me with a loud noise that makes us all jump.
‘What the fuck?’
Starts Brie and Tatiana is standing there, looking at me with particular anger in her brown eyes.
‘Here without your boyfriend?’
She asks, eyes blazing.
‘Joel and I are just friends...’
I protest.
‘He didn’t sound like he considered you just a friend last time he refused to even talk to me...’
‘Look, I don’t know what to tell you, you’ll have to talk to him... I’m here with my friends...’
She sneers.
‘Oh, I see, are you all fucking him then?’
My friends and I all glare at her at the same time.
‘Why would you think that?’
Asks Brie with obvious annoyance in her tone.
‘Because Joel doesn’t really do relationships, so it only makes sense that he would be banging all of you...’
‘Listen, I am not interested in discussing Joel’s sex life with you, ok? Just talk to him if you have any questions to ask him...’
I try to get rid of her and s
he finally goes, leaving me alone with my friends.
On the way back to Camp, we ride in a poignant silence: we are all lost in our own problems.
I keep thinking how Joel comes with quite a bit of baggage but I am willing to put up with it, not only because I do care about him regardless of the fact that he’s one of the hottest looking guys I have ever laid eyes upon but also because I know how much Xander cares about his best friend and brother.
Also, when he comes close to me like he did a few days ago at the gym, I can’t help but imagine how it will feel to kiss him, to touch him... I am only hoping not to feel as out of my element as I felt with Austin, since I doubt there’s anything Joel hasn’t tried sexually.
Talking about Joel, I find him waiting for me at reception.
‘Hey, cupcake! I missed you today! Did you find a gorgeous dress for the contest?’
He says enveloping me in a hug and kissing my cheek: his scent of sunscreen and soap really does something to me and I stay in his arms maybe one second too long than what would be appropriate with a friend. Brie and Hazel notice because they give me knowing smiles and offer to take my dress down to my room.
We go to Angie’s office where Joel has to leave a message for his aunt.
‘Hey, every contestant has to choose a song that will be played while you walk in front of the judges in your pretty dress. Do you mind that Logan and I picked one for you?’
I comment on how nice it is of them to do that for me and ask which song they picked. He smiles and says:
‘Well, we know you love 90s and 00s music so it was between uptown girl- the version by the westlife, which we know you love- or Dreams by the Cranberries and we picked the latter for two reasons...’
‘Why?’
‘Logan wanted to pick it because you danced to that song a few weeks ago and he said that’s when he realised that he was truly in love with you. And I wanted to pick it because the lyrics are especially true to me: because you are changing my life, every day and in every possible way and you are a dream to me...’
His words go straight to my heart and they sound almost like a love declaration but he doesn’t say the words, he doesn’t say he’s ready, so when he takes me in his arms and kisses my temple, my heart reacts in two different ways: it is full because what he said is wonderful and at the same time it breaks a little bit because even though I know it’s too soon, the heart wants what the heart wants and mine has wanted Joel for a long time.
We stay that way for a few moments: his arms around me, our heads close, eyes locked.
‘Clary...’
He whispers and I don’t dare say anything: if he wants to kiss me, I might be done with turning him down.
The door opens abruptly and Austin enters the room but we don’t part in a hurry: Joel simply lets his arms fall away from my waist and takes one of my hands.
Austin is looking at us without a word for a few seconds and then shakes his head and before walking away, says to Joel:
‘Could you tell Angie that I will help? Thanks. Bye Clary...’
His tone is dark, his eyes accusing. Part of me wants to chase after him but I don’t have the energy for another fight. I would really love to talk to him before we leave camp in 5 days but I know that if I do it now, I will make things worse.
***
Miss Summer Camp day comes really quickly: this means after tonight, we will only have 3 days before we get back to reality and my boys will all go back to San Francisco and I will be back home under lock and chain for 11 months.
Xander keeps promising that I will see them a lot and not to worry about their love and commitment to me but my heart is already breaking and I already miss them.
We decided that we’ll spend every night all together in Xander and Joel’s cabin which is ok with me because while that will take away any chance of too many intimate moments with my two boyfriends, it will take away any temptation I might have to go all the way with one of them simply because I am freaking out about not seeing them everyday.
In the last two days, Joel has been really sweet and held my hand and hugged me every time we were alone but he hasn’t tried to kiss me anymore, maybe he’s feeling the end of the summer too and part of me fears that he’s already distancing himself from me and that he’s going to slip back into his old life of fast girls and meaningless hookups as soon as he goes back home.
I am back in my cabin with my girlfriends to get ready for the beauty contest and I would lie if I said that I wasn’t a knot of nerves.
I have never really enjoyed the spot light, my mom had to learn that first hand when I was 8 and I won the regional spelling bee contest but I kept vomiting before every stage of the competition.
Right now I am not feeling too differently: my hair is full of big rollers, I am wearing my silky dressing gown over my favourite turquoise lace underwear set, the one I was wearing during the storm with Xander, and I am trying to put my make up on while Hazel is helping Brie squeeze into some Spanx and Logan is watching the whole scene in amusement while sitting on my bed.
Joel and Xander are down by the clubhouse helping Mrs Taffar and Angie set up for a fancy buffet dinner tonight: apparently there’s going to be an important guest coming and joining the judges panel for the beauty contest.
‘Omg, I can’t fucking breathe!’
Curses Brie once she is trapped into the Spanx and I roll my eyes with frustration.
‘Then don’t wear them! We’ve been talking about it all morning: you don’t need them. You don’t have any lumps and bumps. You are perfect, Brie. And there’s nothing wrong with having hips, I for one should know...’
Of course she won’t listen to anything we have to say and she keeps fussing with her hair which Hazel helped to put up in a loose french roll.
‘I wish Austin was here to help us get ready! I would look 100% hotter if he’d done my hair and make-up...’
She groans and I miss Austin too: we have been avoiding each other and every time we have crossed paths in the last few days, Hayley was with him, so I don’t know why he keeps denying that there’s something going on between them.
My make up is done and Logan is helping me take the hair rolls off so that my hair can flow down my back in accentuated beach waves, to give me that mermaid look that Xander loves so much.
‘Where’s my red lipstick? The glossy one? I can’t find it and it matches my dress perfectly...’
Brie gripes throwing all the contents of her makeup bag on Hazel’s bed.
‘Dude! Will you relax? It’s a silly summer camp game, you aren’t running for Miss America!’
I try to put her nerves into perspective before she spirals down and gives herself a proper panic attack.
‘Well, I have a lot riding on tonight. Justin said he’ll spend the night with the one that places better between me and Lucy...’
‘Brie, what the fuck? Isn’t he your “boyfriend”?’
I snap, annoyed that she lets Justin play stupid games with her heart.
‘Duh! What part of open relationship you don’t get, Clary? If I lose to Lucy, I’m going to hang out with Matt in his room...’
I sigh and decide to stay out of her love life and then I remember that I borrowed her red lipstick a few nights ago when Xander took me out for a romantic dinner in town.
It isn’t in my makeup bag so I think I might have left it on my bathroom counter and I go look for it.
My scream makes everybody run to see what’s wrong, Logan is first and stops by the bathroom door as petrified as I am.
I have showered earlier this morning and none of us have entered my bathroom since after breakfast and until then everything was normal.
Now the mirror above the sink is smeared with Brie’s red lipstick and the red letters spell one word: SLUT!
‘Who could have done this?’
We all wonder but Logan shakes his head and says:
‘It doesn’t really matter. Look, the other guys and I checked the com
puters in the media centre and we didn’t find anything. We don’t know about the art centre because Austin isn’t really speaking to any of us and Joel hasn’t had any time with making sure you aren’t alone and helping Angie organise tonight. The important thing is that I won’t leave your side until dinner. So you are safe, gorgeous. If anyone wants to hurt you, they’ll have to go through me!’
He takes me into his arms, careful not to ruin my hair or make up but right now I don’t care: in his arms I feel safe and I keep my mind from going forward in 3 days time to when we’ll say goodbye.
Logan helps me zip up my dress while Brie is donning hers in her room.
His hands are warm and before fastening the zipper, he sneaks one hand inside the dress, caressing my rib cage and resting his hand under one of my boobs.
He’s standing behind me, his strong chest coming into contact with my back when he places a soft kiss on my shoulder.
I inch closer to him, so that his groin comes into contact with my ass.
He exhales slowly into my ear and then kisses the sensitive skin behind my ear lobe.
‘Are you trying to make me ruin your beautiful hair and make up? If you get any closer to me, I am going to lose it, Clary...’
‘I don’t care. I would rather have some alone time with you than win the beauty contest, even if it was Miss America...’
‘I love you...’
He whispers, his hand cupping my boob under my still unzipped dress and I am about to say to hell with the hair and make up and undress for him when my BFFs come back into the room:
‘I thought he was supposed to help you get dressed, not the opposite...’
Laughs Brie.
I groan.
‘Go away!’
‘Come on, sweet thing, we’ll make sure we have some “us time” after the competition. I might be lucky enough to spend the night with Miss Summer Camp...’
Logan zips up my dress and takes a step back, discreetly adjusting himself after I got him as worked up as he got me.
‘You are breathtaking, Clary.’
He says, looking at my reflection in the mirror from behind me.
‘What about...’
Lake Emerald Chronicles: The First Summer: A Reverse Harem Romance Page 43