Follow Me Back

by A. L. Jackson

  I led them up the side steps to the porch. Everyone was already lounging beneath the umbrellas, enjoying the Sunday afternoon.

  Rynna noticed us first. The second she did, she pushed from her chair and hopped to her feet, all welcoming the way she always was. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

  That chatter quieted to nothing, and about five different pairs of eyes snapped our direction.

  Sure, it was unnerving, but it was totally expected.

  I knew showing up this way was going to shock the hell out of them. Each of them was doing their best to play it cool when really it was clear their minds were working at a hundred miles an hour.

  Because I’d been completely straight up with Hope.

  This was a first for me.

  Rynna crossed to the edge of the porch where we’d stopped at the top of the stairs. Her sincere gaze moved over us before landing on Evan. When they locked eyes, Evan’s hand moved in an exuberant wave.

  Her expression grew tender, and she knelt down and signed HI.

  “Oh,” Hope breathed at my side, awe oozing out at Rynna’s display of welcome.

  It was at the same second that one simple gesture made joy light on Evan’s face.

  A goddamned sunburst.

  Because the kid was so damned sweet.

  “I’m Rynna. You must be Evan,” she said, her lips moving a little slower than usual.

  When I’d called to tell her I was bringing guests, she’d launched into a thrilled-sort of third-degree, badgering me for as much information as she could possibly dig out.

  I’d told her about Evan’s disability, giving her what I could without revealing too much, telling her he could read lips and not to treat him any different from Frankie Leigh.

  Which was ridiculous I’d even felt the need to say it.

  Evan gave her one of those enthusiastic nods, his little hand still wound up in mine, swaying at my side.

  “Well, it is so great to meet you, Evan. I hope you have a blast at my house today.”

  With an affectionate touch of his chin, Rynna pushed to her feet and extended both her hands toward Hope. “I’m Rynna Gunner. Welcome to our home. Thank you so much for coming.”

  Hope pushed the plastic container out in front of her like a peace offering. “Thank you for having us. I brought cupcakes.”

  Rynna accepted them with a generous smile. “Oh, my goodness, this is exactly what we needed. The only treats my family gets around here are my pies, and I’m pretty sure they have to be getting sick of them by now.”

  “That’s impossible,” Hope said.

  The girl was so genuine there was no question of her sincerity.

  She tucked a strand of that red, red hair behind her ear almost nervously and offered a smile. “I’ve eaten at Pepper’s Pies plenty of times to know it never gets old.”

  Rynna grinned from ear to ear. “You’ve been?”

  “Of course. Those pies are legendary.”

  “Well, I can’t exactly take credit. They are my grandmother’s recipes.”

  Frankie Leigh suddenly came barreling out the back door with her dog Milo hot on her heels, the screen door smacking shut behind them. “Uncle Kale! Uncle Kale! You came to see me!”

  She threw her arms in the air, feet clattering on the planks as she scrambled around the tables, flying for me. She came to a grinding stop when she saw the little boy’s hand wrapped in mine.

  Her eyes went wide in excited interest.

  “Is this mys new friend Evan?” she asked me, looking up at me hopefully.

  I knelt beside them. “Sure is, Sweet Pea. This is Evan, and he’s really special to me, so I hope you spend the whole day playing with him because he doesn’t know anyone else here.”

  Of course, she would. The kid was a force field of joy.

  But I never expected that my Frankie Leigh, my goddaughter and the girl who had always held every inch of my heart, would sign HI just like her mom had done, probably more awkwardly than I’d done when Evan had been trying to teach me the alphabet.

  But that didn’t matter.

  Nothing did except that my family had made sure to make this little boy feel welcomed.

  Emotion fisted my heart, not expecting to feel this way when I saw the two of them together.

  Overcome and a little overwhelmed.

  Evan signed with a huge grin, and I looked over my shoulder to Hope. She chewed at her lip, the woman so fucking stunning standing there with the sun shining all around her that I was having a hard time seeing straight. “Wonder Woman,” she said, her voice a wisp.

  A smile flew to my face, and I looked back at Evan. “Yeah, buddy. This is Wonder Woman.”

  I turned to Frankie. “And this is my little Hulk.”

  Mine.

  My chest tightened.

  All of this was so goddamned new but so goddamned right.

  Frankie Leigh giggled like crazy. “I likes the Hulk . . . but he’s not as strong as my daddy and my uncles! Thor and Cap’in ’merica.”

  I felt Rynna staring at me, and I glanced up to meet her eyes.

  I’m happy for you.

  He’s wonderful.

  I’m so glad you brought them.

  “Wanna play? I gots my puppy and he’s so fast and he likes to jump and lick and he’s so funny,” Frankie Leigh rambled out, pushing the wild, wild locks of her hair from her face with both hands.

  Evan didn’t even hesitate. He dropped my hand and was rushing down the stairs, clambering behind Frankie and Milo out onto the lawn.

  Frankie squealed, dancing all around like the carefree thing she was, and Evan’s smile was as big as I’d ever seen it as he tried to follow her lead.

  I took Hope’s hand.

  She squeezed mine back.

  Her emotions leaching into my veins.

  Gratefulness and joy and that feeling that terrified me kept nudging me more and more.

  “Guys, I want you all to meet someone.”

  All those pairs of eyes that’d been watching us scrambled to their feet.

  I introduced Hope to everyone, pointing to them as I said their names.

  “Lillith. Brody. That’s Nikki, and that little thing sleeping on her chest is my godbaby, Ryland.”

  Hope gave a tiny wave, still clinging to me with the other hand. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

  Rex, who was grinning as he manned the grill, welcoming her to his home, sending me a bunch of looks on the sly that told me we would definitely be talking about this later.

  No shit.

  I knew showing up like this was signing myself up to stand in front of the firing squad.

  Especially considering the last time I’d been here I’d been claiming my old ways. Certain I didn’t need anything more when, really, I’d been lacking everything.

  I was ready to face it.

  Of course, Hope had already met Ollie. He sauntered up and pulled her into a big, burly, overbearing hug.

  Like they were the oldest of friends.

  My girl looked like some kind of rag doll when he flung her around, brows climbing to the sky when he peered at me from over her shoulder, silently telling me I had some explaining to do.

  So maybe I’d been dodging all his texts and calls for the last two weeks. Didn’t show at the bar on either Friday night the way I always did, deciding to trade in a night of carousing and revelry for hanging out with Hope and Evan.

  Crazy how quickly things could change.

  Finally, he set her on her feet. “So, I see you decided to put up with this asshole, after all.”

  Hope glanced at me. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

  Two hours later, we’d eaten, our stomachs were full, and everyone was sitting around talking and relaxing the lazy day away.

  Easy.

  I had to admit, my gaze was probably a little too eager where I sat on the porch nursing a beer, watching Hope where she was hanging out with the girls over at the far end of the lawn in the shade of a lush, sprawling tree
.

  Laughing.

  Chatting like she’d known them for years.

  Ryland was on a blanket, kicking his little arms and legs, and Rynna was propped up on an arm, sitting protectively at his side.

  Nikki, Lillith, and Hope had gathered around the little makeshift play area, lounging on chairs and sharing a bottle of wine.

  Frankie Leigh and Evan were still racing around the yard, playing hide and seek, Milo basically giving them away each time, all too quick to sniff them out.

  Broderick had to bail to take a conference call with his office in New York.

  Rex tipped the neck of his beer bottle out toward the yard. “This is all so very domestic of you,” he said, broaching the subject I’d felt coming all afternoon.

  He cut me a glance from the side, taking a long pull of his beer as he studied me.

  “You about ready to talk about what’s going on? Because this is so far out of left field, I’m wondering who you are and what you’ve done with my friend.”

  His brow lifted. “You know, the one who’s insisted since he finished medical school that he didn’t need anyone in his life other than his patients and us. A warm body without a face to keep him company on the nights he wants to get his dick wet right before he goes on his merry way.”

  He gave a sharp shake of his head. “Then my wife shocks the shit out of me last night by telling me you’re coming over with some chick and her kid. That’s enough of a one-eighty to make any man’s head spin.”

  Wasn’t that the truth.

  I drummed my fingertips on my knee. “It’s complicated.”

  Apparently, I had been hanging out with Hope too much.

  Rex’s expression turned incredulous. “Think you’d better figure out exactly what that means, because there isn’t room for fucking around when there’s a kid involved.”

  His words were hard, and there was no mistaking it was fueled by a threat.

  He got it on a level many couldn’t.

  “You really think I’d fuck around with her if I didn’t get that?” My tone was a little harsher than I’d intended.

  But fuck.

  His warning hit me in all the wrong places. In those places where my own terror was held. The worry that I might fail this kid.

  “No. I didn’t think you would,” Rex said with a shake of his head. “Which is why I’m wondering what the hell is going on in that head of yours.”

  Ollie rocked forward in his chair, leaned his elbows on his knees as he looked over me. “Last time I talked to you, you were still hung up on the past. Thinking you didn’t deserve the chance. That you couldn’t take it.”

  His brows drew together. “That neither could she.”

  My attention landed on Evan, who was in the middle of the yard. His arms were thrown up over his head and he was spinning in a circle as he let the sun rain down on his precious face.

  My heart throbbed. Pulsing and pressing and pushing.

  “They happened.”

  A snort puffed from Rex’s nose. “Women. When we meet the one, they make us forget ourselves, don’t they?” he mused as he sipped his beer.

  Ollie scoffed. “Uh . . . no. I can assuredly say I don’t know what that’s like, man. But this fucker sure seems to have caught the same plague that your sorry ass did.” He hooked his thumb my direction.

  I smirked at him. “Hey, man, go ahead. Rub it in. Know you’re just jealous.”

  “Fuck no,” he said with a laugh, not even realizing his attention immediately drifted to Nikki, who was cracking up in her chair, rocking forward as she clutched her stomach.

  Her eyes flashed up to meet his like she felt the weight of his stare.

  Just as fast, he jerked his attention back, the way he’d done for too many goddamned years.

  Asshole didn’t know what was right under his nose.

  Or more likely, he just did a damned good job of ignoring it.

  Ollie scrubbed a tattooed hand over his face like he was breaking himself from the trance.

  I didn’t think he knew how he’d gotten there in the first place.

  “But seriously . . . are you ready to let it go? Give her up? Because you’ve been clinging to her memory for years. And that girl . . .”

  He pointed at Hope, who’d taken Ryland in her arms.

  She stared down at the tiny thing as if she were looking on beauty while at the same second it broke her heart.

  Ollie’s features shifted, not even a remnant of a tease. “She doesn’t deserve to live in the shadow of Melody’s ghost, man. She doesn’t. And neither do you.”

  Unease slithered beneath my skin. Melody’s face a sequence of flashes in my mind.

  Stark, blinding lights. Compression after compression. That fucking flat line.

  Smiles and laughter and grief.

  Never thought I could love anyone again.

  Had never entertained it.

  “I’m terrified of it,” I admitted. “That I’m always going to be haunted by her ghost. That I might fail again. But I don’t think I can stop this, either.”

  Silence fell over us for a beat, my eyes watching Evan as he played. He caught me staring, waved over his head.

  This kid.

  This kid.

  I gulped around the thick emotion that swelled in my throat. “He has a bad heart.”

  Rex’s attention whipped my direction. “Fuck, man.”

  Yeah.

  Fuck me.

  25

  Hope

  I held the tiny baby in my arms.

  It spun my heart into intricate knots.

  Because I could almost remember Evan this way.

  The way he’d felt when I’d held him.

  Tiny and soft.

  But he had been so fragile.

  Broken.

  While I did my best to breathe belief.

  To fill his little soul with it so he’d know he was loved. Cherished and adored. Even though he spent months in and out of the hospital attached to wires and monitors. Even though he’d endured so much pain.

  He was loved.

  In my periphery, I could see Rynna’s smile. “You should see your face right now.”

  Confused, I looked up at her, blinking.

  “With that baby,” she sang as if I was ridiculous. It was a soft tease. A gentle coaxing. “Seems you need another one of your own in your arms.”

  The reality of life squeezed down on that faith. On that hope. I forced a smile that I knew wobbled, my voice more hoarse than I meant for it to be. “No. No more babies for me.”

  The deepest frown pulled across Rynna’s brow, and I could sense Lillith and Nikki shifting forward, as if that minor movement was them standing and taking guard. There for me when they’d barely just met me.

  These women were all so different from each other, but each so incredibly kind.

  Welcoming Evan and I into their mix as if we’d always belonged.

  No wonder Kale talked about them the way he did. The camaraderie and intimacy and devotion they shared.

  Ryland cooed and pursed his little lips. He twisted his tiny fingers in front of his face, eyes bulging at the magic of his trick.

  I attempted to clear the heaviness from my heart, to shuck the weight from my chest. “Evan’s hearing and heart defects were genetic. I can’t risk passing that on to another child.”

  I felt like a hypocrite saying it. Because my son was perfect in my eyes. Yet, I couldn’t fathom being so selfish to curse another child to this life.

  A muted, whimpered sound wheezed from Lillith.

  As if she’d tried to hold it back and it’d bled free anyway.

  She inched closer to me. “Oh God, Hope.” She splayed her hands out over her heart as if my confession caused her a sharp, sudden pain. She looked over to where Evan played on the lawn. “I can’t imagine. He’s such an incredible little boy. One smile, and I was in love.”

  Tenderness had me chewing at the inside of my cheek, fighting the emotion that thre
atened to moisten my eyes. “He’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given,” I murmured softly.

  “But you hate what he’s been through,” she continued in complete understanding.

  No judgment.

  Kale was right.

  These were amazing, incredible people.

  “I completely understand that.” She hesitated for a moment before she asked, “You’re the carrier?”

  Rynna shifted forward, winding her arms around her knees, listening intently.

  I hefted a resigned shoulder. “They deemed my testing inconclusive.”

  Nikki jolted forward. “Wait . . . you don’t know for sure?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  Her blue eyes widened, and I could tell she was holding it back, fighting a question she figured was out of line. But it didn’t matter. I could already see it all over her face, written in big, red, blinking letters.

  I went ahead and answered, more comfortable with the three of them than I could have imagined. “His biological father couldn’t possibly be a carrier, now could he? Not with his dignified Southern bloodline. Testing would be nothing less than an insult to his masculinity and his heritage.”

  It rolled out in a tirade of sarcastic bitterness and disdain.

  So unlike me.

  But it’d finally all caught up to me.

  The festering mess of anger and disappointment and grief.

  It was all doused with the hatred that burned for the fact he could possibly think Evan wasn’t worth the fight.

  Gasoline to my battling soul.

  Finally, I felt ready to face it. Head on.

  I didn’t know if it was Kale who’d given me the last measure of courage.

  Either way, I was so thankful for his promise. That he would be there at my side. That I didn’t have to go this alone.

  Nikki bit down on her lip, butt shimmying in her seat, before she burst out with, “Oh my God, I can’t stand it. Someone please tell me this is where we get to call the wanker names and talk about how horrible he is in bed and how his breath always stinks. Oh, oh, oh, and how he got piss-ass drunk and stepped out in front of a speeding car and now poof. Gone. Problem solved.”

  Her hands made an exploding motion out in front of her.