Raising Cain

by Scarlett Jade

  “You weren’t there when she died, Dad. You didn’t watch her skin literally peeling away and her body slowly shutting down. You didn’t sit there and pray each day for God to save her. You didn’t see her go from a vibrant, beautiful woman to a shell of herself, broken and dying. I did. So excuse me if I’m not bouncing back like you think I should. I’m just doing what she asked of me. I’m raising her son. You cannot put a time limit on my grief. It’s not fair. You still miss my mom, don’t you?” Grace snapped, tears trickling down her cheeks. “Furthermore, I don’t have time to fall in love. The last time I let myself love someone, it wrecked me. All of my energy is for Cain. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who will love us both and accept everything that’s going on. I’m not looking for that today. Or tomorrow. Or anytime in the near future. So please get off my back and let me raise Cain. That’s all I want to do. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to think about the past. I just want to take it one day at a time and make sure he’s well. That’s it. Nothing else. So for the love of God, stop.”

  Damien sighed, his mouth pulling down in a frown. “Grace. You know I miss your mom, I’m only saying this stuff because I love you. I’m worried about you.”

  Grace pasted a smile on her face, and she furiously wiped at her cheeks. “Well, don’t be worried, because I’m fine. Just fine. Let’s get Cain in his high chair, Addie and Patrick will be here soon. Doesn’t he look so handsome in the outfit you got him?” She pushed the emotion down and forced herself to be the cheerful hostess.

  Before she could place Cain in his high chair, the doorbell rang. She passed Cain to her father and hurried to open the door. “Hi, guys. How was your trip?” Addie and Patrick stood on the doorstep of the mansion, awe written on their faces.

  “It was great.” Addie smiled brightly, and Grace accepted her warm hug. “The kiddos are staying with my parents, they were so excited to stay with Grammy and Pop and stay up late!”

  Patrick held out his hand for her to shake, and Grace did so. “The trip was nice,” he offered. He always seemed to be a man of few words. Grace wasn’t quite sure what to make of him.

  “Come on in, we have dinner ready. Cain is up.” Grace stepped back and the couple walked inside. “I hope you’re hungry, Dad got a little carried away with cooking.”

  “Where’s my little man?” Addie cooed.

  “He’s in the kitchen.”

  “Isn’t that a little dangerous with all that hot food?” Patrick asked.

  Grace smiled tightly. “I doubt he’s going to be in any danger. I don’t see him pulling the turkey over on himself or crawling in the oven just yet.”

  “Well, you definitely need to get some baby proofing done,” Patrick cautioned. “He’ll be active soon.”

  “Thank you for your concern, we’ve got it under control.” Grace assured him. “The kitchen and dining room is this way.” She gritted her teeth as she led the couple into the back of the house. As she walked into the kitchen, she grimaced to see Damien stirring potatoes while he held Cain. “Dad, let’s get him in his high chair…”

  “Oh, sorry. The little guy wanted me to hold him, and I wanted to make sure the potatoes didn’t boil over.” Damien grinned sheepishly, and Grace took the baby from him. Before she could react, Addie had snapped him out of her arms.

  “Oh, look at you! Are they feeding you enough? Let’s get some meat on those little legs!” Addie cooed, gently pinching his thighs. “Oh, it smells like you need a change, mister! Where’s his room, I’ll go change him for you.”

  Grace frowned and held out her hands for the baby. “I’ll go change him. Why don’t you two get comfortable?” Cain held out his arms, and she took him from Addie. Rushing from the room, she gritted her teeth again and hurried up to the quiet of the nursery. Cain gurgled and cooed as she changed his diaper.

  “If Christina hadn’t liked them, they wouldn’t even be here. They always make me feel like I’m inept and I shouldn’t have you. I know we’re doing just fine. Right?” Once he was changed, she put him back to her shoulder, and he puked. Grace froze as the hot vomit splattered down her back. “Oh, Cain…” She cried then, holding her godson snugly to her chest. “Why couldn’t you have saved that puke for Addie?”

  She cleaned herself up quickly and pulled on a T-shirt before taking Cain back downstairs. Damien caught sight of her first. “Uh-oh, did he get you again?”

  “Third time today.” Grace smiled tightly, hoping she could telepathically send a message to her father to shut up.

  Patrick interrupted. “Third time for what?”

  “Cain has some reflux issues. We’re trying to get his medicine right,” Grace explained.

  “Well, what are you feeding him? It could be the formula. I mean, just the cheapo formula isn’t going to work,” Addie piped up.

  “He’s on a preemie formula. We don’t just buy the cheapest formula, thank you for your concern,” Grace snapped.

  Addie seemed visibly taken aback. “Well, excuse me for being worried.”

  “We have it under control. His doctors know what is going on, and we’re working on it,” Grace continued, trying to be as kind as she could. “Thank you again for your concern.” She placed Cain in his high chair and handed him his favorite rattle.

  Dinner was a tense affair, where Grace felt ganged up on by both her father and the Cotters. She barely ate, and she tried hard to keep friendly conversation flowing around the table. After the beautiful pumpkin cheesecake Damien had picked up at a local bakery, they retired to the living room. Addie took over Cain’s attention, showing him new books and toys they’d brought for him.

  Grace held her tongue and smiled at the things they’d picked up for him. He already had at least three of the toys they’d brought. They didn’t believe in asking what he needed. After all, it’s not like I’d know what my godson would need. It irked her. She watched as Cain grew tired and began rubbing his eyes.

  “He’s ready for his nap,” Grace mentioned, standing to take him from Addie.

  “Oh, I can get him down.” Addie assured her. “Just tell me where his nursery is.”

  “He’s used to me getting him ready for his naps,” Grace argued.

  “Well, let me spend time with him today. I’ve rocked three babies to sleep, I think I can handle the job,” Addie retorted.

  Damien stood and offered Addie his hand. “Let me show you where it is.”

  Grace glared at him and sat down on the couch. “Sure, be my guest.”

  Patrick smiled at her. “Addie is so excited. Have you given any further consideration to our offer?”

  Grace closed her eyes and took a slow breath. Dammit! “No, I haven’t. Cain and I are doing just fine.”

  “I’m sure. I know it has to be hard for you. You’re still just a young woman, and you should be out living life, not raising a child with special needs.” Patrick crossed his legs and took a sip of his iced tea.

  Grace felt her anger bubbling up and threatening to explode. “If you’ll excuse me?” She stood and rushed out the back door to the quiet of the garden, trying to calm down before she said something she shouldn’t. The rose bush she’d planted for Christina sat tucked in a quiet alcove of the garden, and she plopped on a bench nearby.

  Christina, I’m trying hard to do what’s right for Cain. I’m taking care of him like I promised. I don’t want to be angry with Addie and Patrick. They’re driving me crazy! You wouldn’t have left him with me if I couldn’t handle it. She took in a slow, cleansing breath and blew it out.

  She sat in the garden for a few more minutes until she heard a noise. It was Cain, sobbing. Even with all the windows closed, she could plainly hear his keening cries. Something was wrong. Leaping off the bench, she ran for the door and skidded inside. “What’s wrong with him?”

  Addie was coming down the stairs. “You’ve really made him a lap baby. He’s upstairs crying it out. I bet you get no sleep. It will strengthen his lungs. It’s a good thing.”

 
Grace took off up the stairs, ignoring Addie’s words as she came into the nursery. Cain was red in the face and struggling to suck in air with each scream. Sweeping him into her arms, she grabbed the oxygen cannula and slipped it into his nose. “Shh…” she murmured to him. “I’m here.”

  Rubbing her hand up and down his back, she soothed him and her panic abated as his breathing regulated. Peering down at him, she found that he was asleep in her arms. Easing him into his crib, she carefully fitted the tubing around his ears and turned on the baby monitor. Stepping into the hallway, she closed his door and stalked down the stairs.

  She’d had quite enough now, and with each step she took, her anger flared higher. Stalking into the living room, she opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Addie.

  “Why did you go up there?” Addie sighed. “You have to let him cry sometimes.”

  Then she couldn’t control herself any longer, and word vomit bubbled up. “When I went up there he was struggling to breathe. I know what’s best for my son!” Grace countered, her chest heaving with emotion. “I’m tired of the two of you constantly hinting that I give him to you, or that I’m a terrible mother. Because I’m not. Christina left him to me, and my son and I are fine! He’s getting the treatment he needs. I think you should go.” She hurried back up the stairs and ran into her room, where she threw herself across the bed and wept.

  Sometime later, a soft knock came at her door.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s me,” Damien replied.

  “Come in.” Grace sat up on the bed and wiped her eyes.

  Damien stepped into the room and sat beside her on the bed. “They’re gone. We had a long chat, and I think they realized their mistake. They said they were sorry and it’s up to you when they can come back. Addie promised to be on her best behavior.”

  Grace snorted. “Whatever. All they’re worried about is taking him.”

  “When you were downstairs showing your ass, do you realize what you said?” Damien asked.

  “Do you think I was wrong in being angry?” Grace murmured.

  “No, I don’t. Do you realize what you said?” Damien pressed.

  “What? I told them to leave.” She shrugged and wiped her nose.

  “You admitted that he’s your son,” Damien replied.

  Grace’s eyes flew wide. “I did?”

  “Yes, you did. You knew in your heart he’s your son, your brain just had to catch up. You’re his mama. Only a mama would have come roaring downstairs like you did ready to kill anyone who hurt her baby,” Damien stated.

  Grace sniffled and wiped at her eyes again. “I love him.”

  “We all do.” Damien pulled her into his arms. “You’re a good mama, Grace.”

  Later that evening she wrote in her diary the latest developments of their little life. Their little perfect, crazy life.

  Dear Diary,

  I’m a mama. I can finally say that now. It feels like it’s okay for me to say. Does that make sense? I’m Cain’s mama. I don’t think Christina would be mad at that in any way. I love that little boy more than breath, and he loves me. I’m going to raise Cain the best way I can and we’ll have our weird little family. It’s perfect, and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. I’m a mama. That’s so crazy to think about. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect him, keep him safe, and give him the family he deserves.

  Grace

  Chapter Three

  Drake plopped into his chair with relief. It had been a long six months on tour with Jacob’s Ladder, and he was exhausted. They would have a month off, and he planned on vegging out for the next thirty days and doing nothing. Then he’d jet off to Tokyo and then Europe for the next leg of the tour.

  “I’m so glad to be home!” Drake yelled.

  Toby, his band mate, came into the room with a grin, holding two beers. “I am too, man. This whole touring thing is gonna make me old before my time.”

  “Hey, you’re six months older than me,” Drake quipped.

  “Yeah, yeah, remind me of that every chance you get, why don’t you?” Toby snorted, passing him a beer. “Let’s drink to a quiet Christmas.”

  Drake popped the tab on his can and held up his beer. “To a quiet Christmas. I’ll drink to that.” They clinked their cans together and both took a deep draught of the cold beer.

  “So, are you gonna go home for Christmas?” Toby asked, and Drake shook his head.

  “Nah, I’m not into hearing about how I screwed my life up leaving Yale again.”

  Toby grinned. “Aww, Mrs. S still riding your ass about it?”

  “I think she’ll be harping on what a mistake I made on her dying day.” Drake rolled his eyes and laughed. His mother, Connie, hated that he’d rejoined the band, and she had made her displeasure clear every time they talked.

  “Did you ever hear anything from that girl?” Toby probed, stretching out on the couch and putting his booted foot on the edge of the coffee table.

  “Who, Grace?” His throat closed slightly just saying her name. “No, I never did. I guess her folks told her I was a bad idea.”

  “Well, when are you gonna move on, man? You’re hot. Chicks dig that you’re all damaged and junk, and you should be able to totally tap some fine ass.”

  Drake shrugged and drank his beer. “I don’t know, Toby. I really cared about her, and it kinda messed me up.”

  “Dude. No ass is worth being messed up over this long. Jesus Christ, it’s been like what, a year and some change since you wanked off? Your stuff could be broken.” Toby clutched his crotch through his jeans. “I couldn’t imagine not having sex for over a year!”

  “You couldn’t imagine not having sex for a day, what the hell are you talking about?” Drake retorted, sarcasm lacing his tone.

  “Hey, all the girls you say no to are all too happy to screw me. I know I’m second best in the looks department. I’m cool with taking on the responsibility of taking care of all that fine ass. I mean, I worry about you, man.” Toby leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “You really gotta let this chick go.”

  Drake stared at his best friend. He’d known Toby since kindergarten. Toby had always been kind of gawky and goofy, with a shock of red hair. When he started working out and became built, girls went crazy for him. Toby had known what was going on with Grace almost from the jump, and he’d been worried, but never told Drake to leave her alone.

  “I know. One day I’ll be able to forget about her. I just feel like things weren’t finished,” Drake finally mumbled.

  “Then look her up. Go see her,” Toby suggested.

  “Nah, I can’t do that. If she wanted me she would’ve called,” Drake argued.

  “You changed your number, man! Then you broke your phone in Germany. Remember that crazy fan that shared your number online? So how was she gonna get up with you? My God, you might’ve gotten the looks, but you didn’t get the brains. And you were a teacher!” Toby snorted and drained his beer. “Want another one?”

  “I’m gonna go check my email. I haven’t been on there in months. I’ve been too busy playing XBOX with you guys in our off time. Maybe she finally e-mailed me.” Drake tamped down any hope he felt in his chest that he would’ve heard from Grace.

  “Hey,” Toby started. “Don’t be too disappointed if she didn’t, okay?”

  “I won’t,” Drake promised as he meandered into his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. His laptop lay on his bedside table, turned off and waiting for him. It had sucked being without his laptop and phone, he probably could’ve gotten new ones on tour. There had never been time. It had been nice in a way being disconnected too, especially after the crazy fan fiasco. Sitting up against the pillows, he pulled the laptop onto his lap and turned it on. As it loaded, he connected to the Wi-Fi, which he noticed Toby had changed its name to ‘The Panty Police FBI Van #12’. With a snort, he waited for his e-mail to load.

  Thousands of e-mails awaited him, and he groaned, not looking forward t
o searching through them all. Deciding to save time, he typed her name into the search bar and his finger hovered over the Enter button for a moment. What if she didn’t e-mail me? Do I really want to know?

  Finally, he pressed enter and as his messages were searched, he fought the urge to close the laptop. A message popped up with Grace’s name in it and he clicked the little box. It was from Christina, her feisty blonde friend who had nearly taken his foot off in the door of their dorm. Why is she e-mailing me?

  Dear Drake,

  I want you to know that I was wrong. Grace loved you. I hope I’m not too late and you’ve found someone new. There’s something you need to know. Grace had a baby today, very early. It’s your baby, Drake. You need to know you have a son, and his name is Cain. I may have waited until it was too late to tell her that you’d come back. She met someone else…and she’s raising Cain in Phoenix with her boyfriend Damien. I want you to go see her. I’m putting her address at the bottom of this e-mail. Go meet your son. You deserve that much. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.

  Christina

  The e-mail was dated March 14th. It was now December 10th. Unless Christina was totally bullshitting him, Grace had a baby that was several months old…and it was his. “Toby!” he yelled and Toby ran into the room.

  “What the hell are you yelling for? Did you see a big spider that you need me to kill for you?”

  “Read this.” Drake passed him his laptop, and he watched Toby’s face as he read the e-mail.

  “Awww, shit! So she’s fucking someone else and has a baby with you? I mean, are we sure it’s yours?” Toby handed him the laptop and Drake closed it, placing it at the end of the bed.

  “I don’t know. We used a condom, but anything can happen. I seriously doubt this chick would e-mail me and lie. She really hated my guts and almost snapped my foot off in a door last time I saw her. I can’t imagine her wanting me back in her best friend’s life, you know? It really pisses me off to think of Grace with someone else raising my kid.” Drake seethed.