His words settled her nerves. “You have an awesome family.”
He took her hand. “Mom would have loved you. I wish you could have met her.”
“I wish so, too,” Paige said wistfully. “She did a great job raising her children.” From everything she’d heard about Justin’s mom, she’d been a loving, nurturing figure to her children and a wonderful wife. Paige couldn’t help but wonder if Justin truly realized how extremely lucky he had been growing up.
He leaned over and kissed her, and her mood lifted. Someone banged on Justin’s window and he broke the kiss. “Sometimes family can be a pain,” he muttered.
As Justin opened his car door, Logan stepped back with a smart-ass grin. Leaning down so he could see Paige, he grinned at her. “Sorry to interrupt...”
“Sorry my ass,” Justin said, cutting him off. He rounded the Suburban and opened the door for Paige, then took the salad from her. She scooted out, feeling flustered and knowing her face was beet red by the heat radiating from it.
“Good to see you again, Paige,” Logan said. “Glad this time is under better circumstances.”
“That makes two of us.”
Justin settled a hand on Paige’s lower back as they headed for the house. “Are we the last ones here?” he asked.
“You’re always the last one here, little bro. Everyone’s waiting in line to hold Jaxon. Dad has him and won’t share.”
Justin grinned. “He’s on cloud nine about that baby.”
Logan nodded and clapped him on the back. “Aren’t we all?” His smile faded. “It’s hard not to wish Mom were here. Guess life goes on no matter what, doesn’t it?”
Justin’s smile evaporated. “Yeah. Mom would have been beyond thrilled to be a grandmother. I’m proud of Dad. It’s good to see him happy again.”
They went up the stairs onto the wide front porch decorated with hanging pots of red geraniums, and opened the door. “The party has arrived,” Justin said as they entered the large living/dining area, where everyone was gathered. All eyes turned toward them and a chorus of welcome filled the air, making the baby jerk and let out a piercing cry.
Justin set Paige’s salad on the long wooden table, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders as if knowing she was nervous. He seemed to always be able to read her moods. “You know you’re going to have to share that baby, Dad.”
His father gave him a scowl. “I don’t think I’ve held a baby since you were one. I’m taking all the time I want.” He leaned back in the recliner, and positioned Jaxon on his shoulder with a smug look.
Paige smiled, realizing for the first time how much Justin looked like his father, especially around the mouth and chin.
Dottie rested her hand on Jim’s arm. “Don’t you worry, Paige. Jim will share the minute Jaxon fills his diaper.”
Everyone laughed.
Justin shifted his gaze to Jillian, who sat on the couch with Stan across from his dad. “You two should take advantage of all these babysitters and go for a walk or something.”
Stan stood and pulled Jillian to her feet. “He’s right. Let’s get out of here.”
Jillian made a face at Paige as Stan hauled her across the room. “We’ll talk later. I’m glad you came,” she added as the screen door slammed behind her.
“Give me that baby, Jim,” Dottie demanded, holding out her arms. Justin laughed as his father scowled but handed over Jaxon.
“You get him next, Paige. I promise,” Dottie said as she snuggled the baby up to her neck. “There’s nothing as divine as holding an infant. Especially one as cute as this little guy.” Lowering Jaxon to her lap, she tapped his nose and made a face at him, and he gurgled and kicked his legs.
Paige watched the exchange. Jaxon looked like a Coleman. In fact, she’d bet this baby looked a lot like Justin had when he was an infant. Then again, all the Coleman’s resembled one another, she thought as she watched them coo over the newest member of their family. What a wonderful group of people. Just the kind of family she’d yearned for years to have someday. And just like that, a familiar stab of pain hit her square in the heart—an all-too-familiar pain because she would never have this. She forced back her tears.
“To heck with Paige. Give me that baby,” Justin ordered, stepping up to Dottie and holding out his arms.
Scowling, Dottie handed Jaxon over and a grinning Justin propped him on his shoulder. Patting his back, Justin walked around the room and Jaxon’s little head bobbed as his eyes tracked the people close to him. Paige couldn’t take her eyes off him, and when Justin sat and held him in the cradle of his arm, then kissed him on the cheek, her heart melted. Justin would be a wonderful father someday.
Justin saw Paige watching him and winked at her before shifting his focus back to his nephew, practically mesmerized by the infant. He’d never been big on babies, but this little fella had stolen his heart. He couldn’t help but think how good of a mother Paige would be. He motioned her over and stood, nodding to the chair. “Sit. It’s your turn to hold this little guy.”
She smiled and sank onto the chair, then held out her arms.
“Hey, I’m his aunt,” Claire said with a pout.
Dottie waved off Claire’s words. “Be patient, Claire. Paige took such good care of Jillian when she was pregnant, I think it’s time she got to hold this little boy. Besides, you had a turn the other night.”
“Those are fighting words, Dottie,” Sam teased, winking at Paige. “By the way, I’m Sam, Claire’s fiancé. I got to the hospital after you left so didn’t have the pleasure of meeting you.”
Paige took his outstretched hand. “I’ve heard good things about you, Sam. Justin took me to see the chapel you built. It’s absolutely breathtaking.”
“I kind of like it.” He smiled at her. “From what I’ve heard, you’re pretty special to Jillian. Which means you must be a terrific gal.”
“She’s definitely a terrific gal,” Logan chimed in. “Which begs a question. How did you land such a nice lady, little bro?”
“It wasn’t easy. How did I land you?” Justin asked with a wink.
“Who said you’ve landed me?” Paige said, and everyone laughed.
“You’d better watch yourself around this one,” his dad joked. “She’s onto you.”
After nuzzling Jaxon a few more minutes, Paige stood and handed him to his aunt Claire, her gaze lingering on the baby with a look of intense yearning. Sensing her sadness, Justin wrapped an arm around her. “Let’s go feed our faces.”
Paige pulled her gaze away from Jaxon and headed for the table, which was covered with enough food to feed an army. She began filling her plate with small portions.
“Surely you’re going to eat more than that,” Justin said.
“I’m not that hungry.”
He frowned, wondering what was bothering her. “You okay?” he whispered.
“I’m fine,” she answered stiffly, then practically ran out the front door, leaving her plate of food behind.
Justin followed her, worry niggling at him. “What’s wrong, Paige?”
Ignoring him, she sat on the porch swing and gazed out over the land. He sat beside her and waited. After a long few minutes she let out a shaky sigh. “It really is peaceful out here.”
“Yes, it is.” He took her hand. “You want to tell me what’s got you so upset?” She stared down at her lap but said nothing. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “I’m not known for being sensitive, Paige, but I can tell you’re upset, and I’d sure like to know what’s bothering you.”
“Now’s not the time,” she said, swallowing back tears.
Justin’s heart thumped erratically. “Did I do something?” he forced himself to ask.
“Of course not. You’re wonderful. So is your family. I hope you realize how lucky you are.”
He hooked a thumb under her chin and turned her face toward him. “What I realize is that something’s really upset you, and I want to help if I can.”
She sq
ueezed her eyes shut. “Let it go, Justin. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but you’re not fine now, and I’d like to know what’s eating you.” Her eyes filled with tears and she leaned away from his touch. “Why are you upset?” he persisted.
She shook her head. “I said not now.”
He forced himself to keep his voice calm. “Don’t you trust me?” She didn’t respond and anger and frustration pulsed through him. “We’ve been seeing one another for almost three months, and you can’t tell me what it is that’s got you looking so sad?”
She stood. “I need to go for a walk.”
He grabbed her arm. “Don’t do this, Paige. We need to be able to talk to one another.”
She jerked free, her green eyes filled with tears, her chin trembling. He tried to pull her close but she turned away from him. “I lost my baby five years ago,” she whispered brokenly. “She died during childbirth.”
Chapter Seven
Paige gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. “I can’t believe I said that.” She brushed past Justin and ran down the porch steps. She needed to be alone. Needed time to pull herself together.
“Paige, wait.”
She picked up speed, but Justin caught up with her, took her arm and slowed her. “I’m so sorry, Paige. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
She nodded, but words wouldn’t come. She kept walking until she’d reached the corral where several horses milled about. She leaned against the wooden rails draping her arms over the top one, and pulled in several long breaths in a vain attempt to calm her racing heart.
Justin propped a foot on the lowest rail but said nothing. Just as well. There was nothing he could say to make her feel better. The palomino mare that Justin had ridden last week walked over and nudged her hand, blowing warm air across her cold fingers. Paige stroked the mare’s velvety nose, and the mare stepped closer.
Needing the contact, Paige climbed over the fence and wrapped her arms around the horse’s neck, who stood perfectly still except for turning her head and nudging Paige’s side from time to time. Paige rested her head against the shiny golden coat and breathed in the scent of horse. Ashley had said this was their best horse, and Paige could see why. This mare, with her unconditional love, was exactly what she needed right now. Made her wonder if she should get a pet.
“Logan told me the other day that Majesty is a therapy horse,” Justin said as he reached out and patted the side of her face. “I kinda shrugged that off. Boy, was I wrong.”
“She’s wonderful,” Paige said. “If I didn’t have such long hours, I’d get a pet.”
“You’ve got me, Paige. I’m ready to listen whenever you want to talk.” Justin held out his hand.
She grasped it, glad for his support. “You’re a good man, Justin, but I’m not ready to talk about it. I didn’t even mean to tell you.”
He nodded. “Whenever you want to talk, I’ll be here.”
She climbed back over the fence and dropped down beside him. Majesty hung her head over the railing and they both petted her. “This horse is as perceptive as a dog,” Justin said. “I never knew horses could be that way. No wonder Logan is excited about the therapy program he and Hank are putting together.”
“Maybe I should be their first patient,” Paige said, trying for a touch of lightness, but failing.
“Why not?” Justin draped an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned into him.
“Thanks for your support, Justin, even if I’m not ready to talk about this. Not many people know about my baby, so I’d appreciate it if you kept it to yourself.”
“Of course.”
With tremendous effort, she forced herself to lighten up. “If we ever come back to ride, I get dibs on Majesty.”
He patted the mare. “Deal, but don’t hold your breath for me. I bet Claire would ride with you anytime you want to ride. Not sure I’m up for a repeat anytime soon.”
“Chicken.” Paige rubbed Majesty’s outstretched neck. “I wish I had a treat to give her.”
“I have a feeling your nearness was enough of a reward.” Justin squeezed her shoulders. “So, what do you want to do? Go back and eat and mingle a bit or head out. Your call.”
She wanted to do both, but the yearning to hold the baby some more won out. “I’d like another turn with Jaxon. He’s special to me. Plus, he’s your nephew.” She understood only too well how important that was to Justin.
He nodded. “Then we’ll stay for a bit. Jaxon is pretty special to us all. He might not have our last name, but I think he looks a lot like his mom. Don’t tell Stan I said that,” he added with a scowl.
“My lips are sealed, but I think he looks a lot like you.”
He grinned. “Good lookin’ kid, huh?”
She smiled, feeling a little better. Maybe there really was something healing about spilling your guts. She hoped so. Justin was a good man—a good listener and sympathetic—and that was nice to know, because if their relationship became serious, she would need to tell him the entire story of the day she lost her baby.
* * *
Justin followed Paige into her house. He could tell she was worn out, but she’d insisted on staying at the ranch most of the afternoon. He wished there was something he could do for her, but she was obviously ready to be alone.
He sat on her couch, then patted the cushion beside him. “Sit for a minute, then I’ll leave.”
She didn’t move. “I’m tired, Justin. It turned out to be a great day with your family, but I’m ready for some time alone.”
Worry washed through him. He was ready for some time alone too, but hearing her say it made him uneasy. He stood and pulled her stiff body in for a hug and rubbed her back. Finally, she let out a sigh and relaxed against him. He tilted her chin up and kissed her, a soft kiss that he hoped showed he cared. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said, then walked to the door and opened it.
“Justin?” He turned. “Thank you.” Nodding he shut the door and got in his Suburban, his emotions all over the place. Relationships sure could get dicey, he thought. And there it was. He’d gone and done what he swore he wasn’t ready to do—got himself in a bona fide relationship. He wasn’t at all sure he was comfortable with that even though the thought of not being with Paige made his heart heavy. He pressed down on the accelerator, ready to be home where he could try and figure out what he wanted with the woman who had claimed a piece of his heart without even trying.
* * *
Paige sat on her back porch sipping coffee and wondered what Justin was doing this morning. Yesterday sure had opened her eyes to the complications of keeping secrets. Justin had been supportive and caring when she’d blurted out that she’d lost her baby, and she’d appreciated it, but she still wished she’d kept her mouth shut.
They were supposed to be in a casual relationship, but she’d broken the stipulation they’d made when they started dating to keep things light, and had gone and fallen for the man. Now what? She rubbed her temple where a headache brewed and listened to the happy songs of birds as the sun rose, spreading shades of pink over the eastern sky. Houselights throughout the neighborhood began to blink on—houses filled with couples and families—and as much as she’d tried to believe she could handle a light-hearted relationship with Justin, her heart ached with the knowledge that what she felt for this man was anything but light.
Feeling Jaxon in her arms had filled her with motherly love and fed the yearning for family that she fought so hard to keep at bay. And hanging out with Justin’s family had been wonderful. They were caring and fun and the type of family Paige had always dreamed about.
A Ruby throated hummingbird hovered in front of her honeysuckle. Paige watched the delicate creature as it flitted from one blossom to another sipping nectar and fought back feelings of sorrow for what she’d lost. Her life might not be perfect, but there was always beauty and love if she looked for it. She needed to keep that in mind.
When the hummingbird da
rted away, Paige went inside to get dressed. She’d called Tiffany last night and said she needed to talk. Tiffany had offered to bring over fresh cinnamon rolls this morning if Paige provided coffee.
She took a quick shower and dressed for the day in jeans and a t-shirt. Pulling her hair up in a ponytail, she added mascara and lip gloss, then went to the kitchen to cut up fresh fruit and brew more coffee.
Thank goodness Tiffany would be here soon. Her friend made her laugh, and if ever she needed that it was today. She also needed her warmth and wisdom. Within minutes, her doorbell rang and she hurried to the door and opened it.
“So, what’s up?” Tiffany asked without preamble as she entered, waving the promised bag of cinnamon rolls, whose delicious scent filled the air. “I come with calorie-laden offerings.” Paige forced a smile, and Tiffany scrutinized her. “Have you been crying?”
“It shows, huh?”
“Definitely.” Tiffany arched her brows. “Must be man trouble.”
“Bingo. I have cantaloupe and coffee to go with those rolls.” She gave Tiffany a quick hug. “I’m really glad you’re here. Thanks.”
“Anytime, and I hope you know that. Now tell me what happened,” she said as they headed to the kitchen.
Paige poured them each some coffee and grabbed the bowl of cut-up fruit on the counter. “Let’s go out to the patio.”
As soon as they were seated and had started to eat, Tiffany motioned for her to talk.
Paige set down her fork. “Not many people know this, Tiff, but I lost a baby when I was married. Complications with placenta previa.”
Tiffany dropped her half-eaten cinnamon roll onto her plate and leaned toward her. “I’m so, so sorry,” she said laying a hand on Paige’s arm. “Is that part of why you became a midwife?”
“Good guess,” Paige admitted. She leaned back in her chair, her appetite gone. “Long story short, Justin and I went to a family event yesterday and seeing his big, happy family and the new baby got to me. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. Justin, of course, had no idea what I’d been through and insisted I tell him what was wrong. I was so upset and distraught, I blurted it out.”
Since I Found You (Crystal Springs Romances: The Wedding Chapel Book 2) Page 9