Tiffany sat back in her chair and eyed her. “Good. He needed to know.”
Paige cringed at the truth of her words. “I didn’t want him to know. I didn’t want anyone to know.”
Tiffany reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Why not? You know as a midwife that women who lose their babies need a support system.”
“I’ve got Mom,” Paige said, looking away.
“Thank God for that, but you need more. Why haven’t you joined a group? Or at least told me? You had to have known I would completely understand and sympathize.”
Paige took a sip of coffee to soothe her dry, tight throat. “I knew, I just…” She stopped, not sure she could explain her tumultuous feelings.
“Did losing the baby have anything to do with your husband walking out on you?”
Paige set her half-empty coffee mug down with a trembling hand. “Partly.” She stared at her partially-eaten cinnamon roll. “Or perhaps mostly. He married me because I was pregnant. Sure, he said he loved me, but I never really believed that. I did believe we could make a good home for the baby. I thought Derrick was an honorable man, but I can’t tell you why I thought that. Guess I couldn’t recognize honorable if it hit me in the face. Lord knows my father wasn’t an honorable man. He hightailed it out of town the second he filed divorce papers. I haven’t seen him but twice since then.”
“I’ll never understand how a parent could do that,” Tiffany said. “I’m sorry, Paige. You got a rotten deal. Twice.” Tiffany studied her, head cocked. “But I believe Justin is the real deal and you need to give him the chance to prove that.”
“We’ll see how he handles yesterday.” Paige shrugged, ready to change the subject.
“I’m guessing he won’t disappoint you. Not all men are jerks.” Paige rolled her lips inward and clamped her mouth shut, wishing that were true, but not at all sure it was. “You went and fell in love with this guy, didn’t you?” Tiffany asked softly. “And, on top of that, you’re scared to get pregnant again. You don’t have to be you know.” Paige pressed her lips tighter together. No way would she make the same mistake she had yesterday and blurt out something she wasn’t ready to tell.
“You’re a midwife,” Tiffany continued. “You know your next pregnancy would be a section, and the chances of losing your baby would be practically ‘nil because you would be monitored so closely.”
“I can’t do it again.” Paige stared into her half-empty coffee mug. “I’m not even comfortable talking about it.” She rubbed her forehead. “I’d give anything if I hadn’t blurted it out to Justin.”
“Sorry you feel that way, because I bet you learned something about that boyfriend of yours. Am I right?”
Paige’s heart warmed and she nodded. “He was very supportive. He acted like a real boyfriend who cared, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Our friendship was supposed to be a casual, fun fling, and that’s the last thing it felt like yesterday.”
Tiffany took a sip of coffee. “If you and Justin have moved past casual, then he needed to know about your loss. It’s a big part of who you are.”
Her friend’s words hit home. “You’re right,” Paige said around her tight throat.
Deep down she knew she needed to tell Justin more news about her past—news that would probably put a screeching halt to anything they had together. She only prayed she had the courage to do that soon, and he would stick by her, because she’d fallen hard for the man, and the thought of losing him was almost more than she could bear.
* * *
Justin tossed more bread crumbs to the honking swans in his pond. He should call Paige, but he needed more time to process all that had happened yesterday. He’d been awake most of the night thinking about her and what she’d been through. And when he wasn’t thinking about that, he was dissecting his own contradictory feelings.
He couldn’t help but wonder why Paige had chosen to be a midwife. Hadn’t she worried that taking care of women as they went through their pregnancies and delivering babies would keep her own loss raw? He remembered the teddy bear she’d given Jillian with the cassette of Jaxon’s heartbeat, and wondered if Paige had received that with her own baby. Or had she thought to do that for her patients because of her own loss?
His heart ached for her, and he wanted to be there for her, but he wasn’t sure what to do to help besides give comfort when, or if, he could. His biggest problem, though, was that a part of him had the urge to flee, which made him ashamed. He truly cared for Paige. He knew that now. And that changed everything. Made him want to run like hell, even while he wanted to take care of her. Help ease her pain somehow.
He groaned with frustration and tossed more bread crumbs into the water, watched the swans grab them and then beg for more. He stood and went inside. Yanking open the refrigerator, he grabbed an apple, then ambled over to his couch and sank onto it. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and stared at her number. He needed to see how she was doing, but what would he say? It’s not like he could pretend nothing had happened.
He sucked in a fortifying breath and tapped her name and the phone rang until her voice mail greeted him. “It’s Justin. How are you doing? Holler at me when you can,” he said before disconnecting and tossing the phone onto the cushion beside him. Maybe she’d been called to deliver a baby. Or maybe she was still feeling down and wanted to avoid him until she perked up. Or avoid him altogether.
The thought made him stand and shove his feet into his loafers, then head for the car. He needed to see her. Needed to hold her in his arms and kiss her. Make her smile. They’d had some rough moments yesterday, and he needed to make sure she knew he was there for her.
Within ten minutes, he was striding up to her front door. He rang the doorbell and waited. When she didn’t come to the door, he walked around to the back of the house, hoping she might be outside.
And there she was, barefooted and wearing a red tank top and cut-offs, relaxing on a chaise and stroking a fluffy white kitten nestled against her neck. She looked peaceful and content. He let out the breath he’d been holding. “I see you have a new addition,” he said, making her jump.
“Yes,” she said after taking a deep breath. “Tiffany came over this morning, and when she left, I decided I needed a pet. We’re bonding.”
“Who’s Tiffany?”
“Dr. Warren.”
“Ah. My family’s hero. Mind if I join you?”
She motioned him in. “Come meet, Sassy. She’s only four weeks and a little young to be away from her mother, but it seems the mother cat’s milk dried up.”
Justin pulled a chair up beside her and stroked the tiny fluff ball. “I don’t have much experience with cats, but I’ve heard they’re easier than dogs in a lot of ways.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I could take care of a dog properly. I’m gone too much.” She smiled at him. “I’m glad you stopped by.”
Her words brought his frazzled nerves down a notch. “I wasn’t sure what to do when I didn’t hear from you. I called but got no answer. I figured you might be at the hospital delivering a baby, but decided to come check on you anyway.”
“I was here all night. Just didn’t sleep much, and then Tiffany stopped by. She’s the one who told me about the litter of kittens a neighbor had.” Paige smiled at him. “I was about to call you and then go take a nap.”
He arched his brows. “Think we could actually sleep if I joined you? I didn’t get much shut-eye last night either.”
“Why not?” she asked, a look of puzzlement on her face.
“You had a rough day yesterday. I couldn’t get you off my mind.”
She reached out and ran a finger down his unshaven cheek. “That’s sweet. I was worried I might have made you re-evaluate us.”
He took her hand and kissed her palm. “No way,” he responded even though the thought had briefly crossed his mind. He stared at her, lost in those compassionate green eyes of hers. “I’ve realized some things, Paige.” He saw her swall
ow.
“Like what?” she asked.
“Like this is more than a casual fling for me. I really care about you.” Her eyes widened, and he brought her hand up to his lips again. “Don’t run for the hills. We can take all the time we want to see where this might go.”
“Okay,” she said slowly, looking a bit dazed.
“Guess I’ve shocked us both, huh?”
She gave a slow blink. “I’m definitely at a loss for words.”
He sure would like to know what she was thinking. His proclamation obviously hadn’t overjoyed her, and that stung. He’d thought she was pretty taken with him. “Have I made you uncomfortable?” he forced himself to ask.
“Not uncomfortable. Just surprised. You sure this isn’t just your protective nature coming out because of my meltdown yesterday?”
“That crossed my mind, too” he admitted. “But it’s not what’s going on. In fact, even though yesterday made my protectiveness rise to the surface, those feelings are certainly not the bedrock of how I feel about you.”
She continued to stare at him, her hand over her heart. “I care about you a lot,” she finally said. “But just so you know, I have some things I need to work on.”
Worry clogged his throat. “You’re perfect as far as I’m concerned.”
“I’m far from it,” she said breaking eye contact.
Justin hooked a finger under her chin and coaxed her to look at him. “No you’re not, and whatever it is that you think you need to work on, don’t ever forget that.” She blinked rapidly and a lone tear rolled down her cheek. He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. “Promise?”
“You’re a hard man to resist,” she said, pulling him in for a kiss, and causing all thoughts to flee except his desire and need to be there for Paige and work on their new-found relationship.
* * *
Justin rolled over in bed and came face-to-face with kitten fur. He swallowed down a curse. He was some kind of sucker for sure. He’d never slept with an animal in his life, but here he was, his nose buried in white fluff. He picked the kitten up and moved it to the other side of Paige.
Better. Much better. He wrapped an arm around Paige’s warm body and closed his eyes, enjoying her bare backside snuggled against his chest. He was almost asleep when pin pricks on his hand made him yelp and jerk his hand back.
Paige turned toward him. “Sorry,” she muttered, draping an arm around his waist.
He instantly forgot about being mauled. Willing to risk another cat attack, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. A few seconds later the kitten pounced again, digging her claws into his hand and biting his knuckles. “That does it. Kitty is banned to the bathroom the rest of the night.”
“Be sure and put her bed and water in with her. And a toy,” she added. “She’ll get lonely.”
And he’d get sleep, Justin thought. He grabbed the kitten and its bed with one hand and her water dish and a toy with the other. After depositing the squirming kitten and all her necessities in the main bathroom down the hall, he headed back to bed, doing his best to ignore the pathetic yowling coming from behind the closed door. After he entered the bedroom, he shut the door.
“Almost-silence,” he said on a sigh and settled back in bed. “Tell me again why you wanted a kitten,” he asked as he nuzzled Paige’s neck.
“I’m alone too much,” she murmured. “Maybe I should have taken two, so they could keep each other company.”
He ran a hand up and down her back, then over her cute ass. “We’ll go get another one tomorrow after work.” He turned her onto her back and grinned down at her. “Problem solved.”
“Aren’t you tired?” she asked around a yawn.
“Exhausted.”
“Then hush.”
He rolled onto his back and pulled her against him. “Paige?” he said after a long silence.
“Hmm?”
“We’d sleep better if we had sex.”
She slapped his chest playfully. “It’s hard to have sex when you’re practically comatose from lack of sleep.”
“Speak for yourself.”
She chuckled and snuggled closer. He felt her heart beat against his, and knew he’d never wanted anything more than to protect this woman. “Paige?”
“Hush.”
He shifted so he could tilt her head up and meet her gaze. “You still want to help me babysit Jaxon in a couple of weeks? I’ll understand if you don’t.”
Frowning, she studied him. “Of course I do. Why would you even ask me that?”
He trailed his fingertips up and down her arm. “Just trying to make things easy for you.”
“I deliver babies for crying out loud. If I couldn’t deal with them, I wouldn’t be a midwife,” she said with a scowl.
I wondered about that when I thought of you being with newborns all the time.
“It’s wonderful to be a part of the birthing process,” she responded.
“I’m sure it is, but I thought maybe getting to know one of those babies might be a whole different ball game.”
She shoved up onto her elbow. “Don’t do this. I’m not fragile. I lost my baby, but life goes on. I want to babysit Jaxon with you. Make sure you don’t put him in the bathroom with his toys when he won’t go to sleep.”
“Joke all you want, but I know it’s painful for you.”
She squeezed the bridge of her nose. “Yes, it is sometimes, and I appreciate your concern, but I don’t want to talk about it.” With that proclamation, she turned her back to him.
He cupped her shoulder. “Whenever you want to talk about it, I’ll be here.” He heard her sniff and knew she was crying. So much for his ability to help. He pulled her against him and rested his chin on the top of her head. After a few minutes her sniffles subsided. He kissed her bare shoulder and closed his eyes, wishing he’d known what to say to make her feel better, but at least they were together. His desire to comfort her was strong, and he was glad he was here to hold her.
Somehow, when he wasn’t watching, this woman had carved out a space in his heart, and for the first time in his life he wanted a woman for more than a fling. And while that scared the hell out of him, it scared him even more to think about losing Paige.
* * *
Paige lay in bed listening to Justin’s soft snoring next to her. He’d been patient and kind to her earlier, and she’d basically told him to leave her alone. She should be thrilled to know he truly cared for her. God knows, she’d fallen for him. She should have told him that last night, but she couldn’t say those words knowing she needed to come clean with him about her past. Just thinking about spilling her guts and running the risk of losing him forever, made her stomach hurt.
She slipped out of bed, and hurried to the kitchen and heated the special milk they’d given her when she got her kitten. She could hear Sassy crying as she waited for the milk to heat. Poor kitty. Quickly, Paige pulled down a bowl and dumped in dry food and the warmed milk before hurrying down the hall and opening the bathroom door. Meowing, Sassy tried to climb her bare leg. Grimacing with pain, she pulled the kitten off her leg and took her to the kitchen, setting her down by the bowl and gently nudging her nose into the warm milk. After a few seconds, the kitten began lapping up her breakfast.
She’d need to be fed again in about four hours, and Paige wasn’t sure how she would be able to do that. She really hadn’t thought this through. What if she had to go to the hospital to deliver a baby and was gone for hours, leaving Sassy alone and scared and hungry? “You’d better learn to eat dry food fast, Little Miss Priss.” Paige looked up when Justin entered the room.
“It’s four o’clock in the morning,” he muttered.
“Sorry if I woke you. Sassy has to eat regularly.”
Justin glanced down at the kitten. “What if you have to leave and deliver a baby? And are you planning on taking her to the office?” he asked around a yawn.
Paige flinched. “I was just thinking about all that. It’s possi
ble I might have jumped into this without enough thought.”
“You can always take her back.”
“No way,” she responded with a scowl.
“Can’t blame me for suggesting it,” he said around another yawn. “You’d better think of a solution fast. You have work in a few hours.”
She shot a sideways look at him, and he held up a hand. “Don’t even think it.”
“But you don’t have to go to work until later this afternoon. If she’s fed around three o’clock, she’ll be okay until I get home.”
“Unless you have a delivery,” he added, arching his brows at her. “And the answer is no.”
Her mood dipped. “I can probably get Mom to help me.” She stared down at the kitten who had finished her breakfast and fallen asleep with her head in her empty bowl. “She’s worth the trouble.” She picked up the kitten and ran her fingertip over Sassy’s back, and she began to purr.
Justin frowned. “What’s that noise?”
“Tell me you’re kidding.”
He shook his head. “I’ve never had a cat. Or wanted one,” he tacked on.
“She’s purring. It’s a sound they make when they’re content and happy.”
“Nice to know someone is content,” Justin grumbled.
Paige held the kitten to her chest. “You’re a grump when you haven’t slept much.”
He yawned for the third time. “Guilty,” he admitted. “Jillian and Stan have my deepest sympathy. Jaxon doesn’t sleep very well at night.” He ran both hands through his hair. “When I get ready for kids, I’m adopting a preschooler.”
“There are a lot of children who desperately need parents.”
“I was kidding. I want the little tyke to be a Coleman.”
Of course, he did. Most people felt that way, especially men, and the Colemans were a close-knit group. Family was very important to them. Paige started for the bedroom. “I need to get more sleep. You can go home if you’d like. I need to be up in less than two hours to get to the office on time.”
Since I Found You (Crystal Springs Romances: The Wedding Chapel Book 2) Page 10