Butterfly Girl

by Wayne Purdy

  “What’s happened?”

  She tried talking, but it was mostly unintelligible. “Jaimie…she’s gone…”

  The hackles on my neck raised, and my stomach did a flip. “What do you mean, she’s gone? Where is she? How long has she been missing?” I reached into my pocket, retrieving my cell phone. “We need to get the police in on this right away.”

  Hazel cried even louder, if that was possible. “I already tried. They won’t do anything,” Regards said.

  “What the hell do you mean they won’t do anything?”

  “She’s not missing, Heck. Eddie took her.”

  Confusion washed across my face. Beside me, Hazel blew her nose into a Kleenex, it sounded like an airhorn. It took a beat, but she was able to compose herself and speak. “Eddie and I had a terrible fight,” she said in a broken voice. “He took her today. He said he was taking her for lunch, but he hasn’t come back. That was hours ago.”

  I was calmer now. Eddie loved Jaimie. She wasn’t in any danger. I was able to collect my thoughts, and approach this like I would have back when I was with the military police. “Have you heard from him?”

  “He texted me about an hour ago. Said he was taking her to Rochester. He has family there.”

  “Does he have a passport? Does she?”

  “We took her there for Christmas last year. Everything is still valid.”

  “Okay. And why won’t the police do anything?”

  “Eddie has legal custody,” she said. She looked at Regards and then at me and swallowed hard. “This isn’t easy. I’m afraid that you will think less of me.”

  “That’s not possible,” Regards said.

  “Hazel, I can’t help you if I don’t know everything,” I said, keeping my voice low and sympathetic.

  She shook with nervous energy. “I got into some trouble a while back.” She spoke slowly and softly. “It was just after Jaimie was born. I was feeling down, really down. The thoughts going through my head were horrible. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to be a good mother. I wasn’t even a good person. I didn’t deserve happiness. I didn’t deserve anything.”

  “Was it post-partum depression?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe yes. Maybe no. The truth is, I’ve always had depression. I always struggled with my self worth, even as a teen. I was a good student. I got good grades. I had friends, but I never felt like I really deserved to be happy, know what I mean?”

  “Lordy. Everyone feels blue sometimes,” Regards said. “You just have to get through it. Make yourself happy.”

  She smiled at him sadly. Regards was old school. He didn’t understand mental health. He thought depression was cured as simply as turning a switch. I’d had my own bouts over the years. It wasn’t that simple.

  “I started drinking to fit in with the other kids. The popular kids. It worked. Drunk Hazel was so much more fun than Sober Hazel. My grades fell. My relationship with my parents disintegrated. Then I started sleeping around. I fucked anyone and everyone.”

  “Lordy,” Regards said, as he lowered himself onto the edge of his desk.

  “It got to be that I was drunk more than I wasn’t, and it wasn’t enough. I found other ways to dull my senses. I slept with more men, and some of them were men, and I took more risks. Eventually, something happened. S-something bad.” She bit her lip and wiped the snot from her nose. Her cheeks were damp. Her sobs caused her to stammer.

  “What happened?” I asked. I was afraid to hear the answer.

  “I-I can’t tell you. It’s too much.” She stopped and collected her thoughts. “After that, I quit drinking. Quit everything. I even got into college. Barely. I met Eddie in college. We were both in the same accounting class. He saw something in me, something that drew him to me. At first, I thought that he saw that I was hurt, damaged, and wanted to heal me. Now, I know the truth. He saw that I was damaged, and he knew he could manipulate me. Control me. He was the first man I was with since…” Her voice broke off as her words trailed off.

  “It’s okay, Hazel. You don’t have to tell me all this,” I said.

  “I do, Heck. You have to understand.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I thought I loved Eddie. I thought he loved me. We were together for a few months when I’d gotten pregnant. He was overjoyed. I think he did it on purpose. Messed with my birth control or something. It was another way he could control me. My parents hated him, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t raise a baby by myself,” She wiped away more tears.

  “Its funny now, because I’ve raised Jaimie alone for so long, but at the time it seemed impossible. When Jaimie was about a few months old, I started having those thoughts. Dark thoughts. I believed I was worthless. I believed that Jaimie was better off without me.”

  “I dropped her off at daycare one morning. Eddie and I were fighting, so he was at his parent’s house. He spent a lot of time there in those days. I had some errands to run. I went to the pharmacy, picked up some things and stopped in the aisle for men’s hygiene. As soon as I saw the razor the voice in my head purred.

  That’s what you need. All your problems will be solved. Everyone’s problems will be solved.”

  “I went home. Ran a hot bath, stripped off my clothes. I remember folding them up and putting them on the vanity. I didn’t want to leave a mess for anyone to clean. I sat in the water and ran my finger along its edge. It was so sharp. A thin red line appeared on the skin and it didn’t hurt. Not much, anyway. I knew I could do it. I held the blade in my right hand and let it bite into my left forearm. It was so easy. It was like the razor was alive and it was hungry. I just had to let it feed. Then I switched hands and let the razor get its fill again.”

  “Lordy,” Regards said. He exhaled sharply, and his glassy eyes were heavy with tears.

  “I watched the blood pour out. It was like slow motion. I remember the euphoria I felt, watching my life flow out, and then I thought of Jaimie. Suddenly, I didn’t want to die. It was a horrible mistake. Jaimie needed me. I called 911.”

  “When I woke up, I was in the intensive care unit at the hospital. They kept me in the psychiatric ward for two months. In the meantime, Eddie won legal custody. When I got better, he let me have Jaimie back. I think raising a kid was too much for him. He can’t even look after himself. On paper though, he’s still her legal guardian.”

  “That’s problematic,” I said. I didn’t comment on her story. She told it to me to provide context, to explain why Eddie had custody. She didn’t want sympathy. She wanted Jaimie. That was my priority too.

  “Can you find her, Heck?” Regards asked. “Aren’t you good at this sort of thing?”

  “What can I do? He’s not breaking any laws.” I rubbed my hand through my hair.

  “Maybe you can talk to him?” Hazel said. “Convince him to bring her home.”

  “What was the fight about? When did it happen?”

  “He stole some money from me. I confronted him about it. I called him a loser. We said horrible things to each other. It was years of hurt and resentment finally boiled over.”

  “How much did he make off with?”

  “I don’t know. It was in a jar. We, Jaimie and I, were saving it for a vacation. Just us girls. We agreed not to count it until it was full. There must have been hundreds of dollars in there. Maybe a grand?”

  “And he took it? You could bring the police in on a theft.”

  “I can’t, Heck. The last thing Jaimie needs is another parent in trouble. What if he goes to jail? What if the courts decide that neither one of us is fit? She could end up in foster care!” Her voice trembled.

  I pondered this for a moment and decided she was right. It was too great a risk. “Does he have any other money? Anything squirreled away someplace?”

  “I doubt it. He hasn’t a job and can’t save for shit. He’s always mooching off me.”

  “Okay. That’s good.” I pulled out my phone and did a quick Google search. “I’ve g
ot an idea.” I looked at Regards, expectantly.

  He shooed me away. “Go, go,” he said. His speech was uncharacteristically fast. “We can cover for you. Just bring that little girl home, Heck.”

  Hazel got up from the chair, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. “I’m coming with you.”

  “That’s not a good idea, Hazel. I’m running on a hunch, but I could be wrong. You need to work the phones. Call his friends and family and track him down.”

  “I don’t have that much time on my phone,” she said, holding up her antiquated flip phone.

  “You can use the office phone,” Regards told her. “I’ll shut the door. You can have all the privacy you need.”

  I tossed my apartment keys at her, and she caught them reflexively. “Use my phone. Make yourself comfortable.” I don’t know why I still have a landline, I guess I’m just old school. The only people who ever called me on it were telemarketers or my mom. I suppose I’ve just convinced myself that I need it in case of an emergency. It was paying dividends now.

  “Thanks, Heck,” she said, hugging me. Her tear-drenched face rubbed against mine. I could taste the salt. It was the most intimate moment we had ever shared, and it left me craving more. I broke away from her abruptly.

  “I’ll keep you posted,” I said, rushing to the alley. Regards tapped me firmly on the back.

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m still paying you for tonight.”

  I wasn’t worried. In truth, I hadn’t even thought about it. It was nice to know, though.

  I climbed into my VW and pulled out onto the street, towards Union Station. My gut told me that Eddie wasn’t taking a plane, and if he was, he was probably already out of the country, and there was nothing more I could do. Plane tickets were expensive, and he had limited funds. That left the train or a bus. Train would be my first bet, but the last one had already left. The next one out was at 7:30 am. If I was wrong, there was plenty of time to chase that down. There was a greyhound scheduled for 11:30 pm. I checked my watch. That was a couple hours away. It was cheap. It was a long trip, just a hair over five hours, but the one thing Eddie Cline had was time.

  I found a lot near the station and paid the attendant, groaning at the cost. There must be a baseball game on, because it cost more than usual.

  “Why so much?”

  “Surge pricing. Display the ticket on the dash.” I handed the pimply young man my credit card, and he returned it a moment later with a parking stub, instructing me to display it on the dash. I did so and backed into the narrow space.

  Inside Union Station, I asked a bored looking custodian where the Greyhound terminal was, he pointed towards it, miffed by the gall of my question. I thanked him anyway and made my way over. There wasn’t anyone working the desk, but I saw a group of tourists hovering over a computerised kiosk. A digital departure sign hung on the painted brick wall. The 5579 out of Toronto to Rochester was on-time, scheduled to leave in a few hours. I looked around. I’d seen Jaimie many times. With my eyepatch, she thought I was a pirate. It was cute.

  My phone buzzed. “What’s up?” I asked into the receiver.

  “It’s Hazel.”

  “Nothing to report yet, Hazel. I’m at the bus terminal.”

  “When does it leave?”

  “Not until 11:30.”

  “Knowing Eddie, he’ll get there at the last minute.” I could hear the anxiety in her voice.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I told her, hoping that I sounded more reassuring than I felt. I was beginning to feel like this idea might be a bust.

  “I hope so,” she said. “I’m scared, Heck.”

  “Can you describe them for me?” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my notebook.

  “Jaimie is five years old, long black hair, probably in a ponytail. She was wearing a red tee shirt and blue shorts. Eddie is twenty-nine. He has longish, light brown hair. Average height and about a hundred and thirty pounds. He’s pretty skinny.”

  “That’s good. I’ll keep an eye out. Any luck on your end?”

  “No,” she said, disappointed. “I’ve reached out to everyone I can think of. I called his aunt in Rochester. She hasn’t heard from him. I don’t know if he’s going there or if he was bullshitting me.”

  “We’ll know in a few hours.” We said our goodbyes and I went into a convenience store. I bought a bottle of water and a bag of sour cream and onion chips. I went back into the bus terminal and took a seat on a bench beside the family of tourists. I munched thoughtfully on the chips, thinking about Gracie and Sandra.

  I planned to run down the names Nowak gave me, but it was going to require a drive, probably an overnight visit. Millhaven prison was the furthest stop, but I may as well talk to Frank Bello too. He was the last person, besides her killer, to see Gracie alive. I never got to interrogate him back in Kandahar. I was laid up in a hospital bed while Zaki botched the investigation.

  I was missing something. I never believed Frank Bello killed Gracie. The evidence just didn’t support that. He beat her. I’ve no doubt about that, but he didn’t kill her. Both Nowak and Irene Telford danced around some trouble that Gracie had gotten herself into, but wouldn’t, or couldn’t, elaborate. Was that why Bello beat her? Or was it something else, just simple, homophobic hatred? I finished the last of my chips washing them down with a healthy drink of water.

  The bus arrived, pulling into its bay as a small throng of passengers jostled for position, eager to board. There was still no sign of Eddie and Jaimie. The doors opened and the driver stepped out. He checked tickets and then opened the compartment hatches, loading the assortment of luggage into the bowels of the bus. I looked up at the digital clock. The bus would be leaving in five minutes. Damn. I must have guessed wrong. I stood up, anxiously looking around. Hazel did say that Eddie would be late. I decided to wait until the bus pulled away. Then I would go to the train terminal and wait there. If that didn’t pan out, I didn’t know what I would do. I didn’t have a Plan C.

  “Wait! Please. We’re coming.” Behind me, I saw them. Eddie was holding Jaimie in his arms, a small backpack bobbed on his pack. He was certainly travelling light. He likely didn’t have any spare clothes for Jaimie and he probably only packed himself an extra outfit or two. He intended to buy some more once they were stateside.

  The bus driver was by the late arrival and checked his watch. “We’re leaving in five minutes,” he bellowed. “You’ll need to purchase tickets inside.”

  I could hear Eddie groan. “Come on, man. Can’t I just pay you?”

  The driver shook his head and pointed towards the kiosk. Reluctantly, he came inside, dropping Jaimie to her feet, and holding her hand. She spotted me and waved, “Hector!”

  Eddie craned his head towards me. “Shit.”

  Jaimie put her hands on her hips. “Daddy, you said a bad word again.”

  I walked towards them. “Eddie. You can’t do this,” I whispered, trying to keep my words from Jaimie’s little ears. I didn’t know what she knew, but I doubted she realised that she was effectively being kidnapped.

  “I can do whatever I want. I got full custody.” He said it with the cocky bravado of a man that knew he was right. And he was.

  “Let me take Jaime to home to her mother,” I said, continuing to talk softly, but my words carried some heft.

  “Or what,” Eddie sneered. “What are you gonna do tough guy?” I assessed Eddie. He looked like a British pop star; tall, lanky, and pasty. Heroin chic. His greasy hair hung in his face and his thin lips formed a cruel sneer. For the life of me, I couldn’t see what Hazel saw in him. I noticed his weight shift and his legs spread. His arms tensed and his right hand balled into a fist. The little prick was going to take a swing at me. Instinctively, I positioned myself to dodge the blow and then subdue him, but, with effort, I allowed him to hit me. I rolled with it, and it was nothing more than a glancing blow. It did catch me on the lip, splitting it. I could taste the copper.

  “Daddy,” Jaime shrieked.
A look of terrified horror formed on her face. She probably thought that I was going to tear her father apart with my bare hands. She had more sense then he did.

  For his part, Eddie immediately regretted his decision. He put his hands in front of himself, palms out, as if those little matchsticks could stop me if I was really going to hit him. “Sorry. My temper got the better of me. Don’t hit me,” he said in a pleading voice.

  “I’m not going to hit you.”

  “I’m sorry.” Relief washed over his face.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m taking my daughter,” he said.

  “And then what?” The question took him aback. His words failed him.

  “Are you going to enroll her in school? Buy clothes? Feed her? Clothe her?”

  “I can do all that” He said, but his confidence was waning.

  “Oh yeah? With what money? You’re not working, are you?”

  “I’m between jobs.”

  “Look, Hazel is never going to get back with you. Not like this. She needs a proper family. You need to get it together. Grow up. Get a job. Support Jaimie. She deserves you at your best, doesn’t she?”

  Eddie looked down at his daughter. Her face was caught between an expression of concern and embarrassment. He slipped some change into her pocket. “Get yourself a Gatorade from the pop machine.” She skipped away happily.

  “One minute,” the driver yelled.

  “I know you’re mad at Hazel, but you can’t do this to her. This’ll gut her. You know that. I won’t stop you. I can’t stop you, but you need to really think about this. Do you want to get back with Hazel?”

  “I know what you’re doing,” Eddie said, his voice suddenly hard.

  “I’m not doing anything.”

  “You just want her for yourself.”

  “That’s not true.” Holy shit! Is it that obvious?

  “You want her for yourself but let me tell you something. You don’t know her. You don’t know her secrets.”

  “She told me everything,” I said, jutting my chin out, thinking about her suicide attempt.