Kissing Frogs

by Kim Deister

  “Are you out of your damn mind? Or are all aes sidhe so completely of touch with reality that you can’t see that this,” I paused, gesturing wildly, “might be slightly nerve wracking? You’ve kidnapped me and threatened just about everyone I love!”

  She rolled her eyes. “Calm down, human,” she retorted with obvious exasperation. “We aren’t going there. At least not yet. But saying Fiona isn’t involved wouldn’t be entirely accurate, would it? She is very much involved. After all, you and Finn have spent a great deal of time with her. And I doubt it’s been all about tea and crumpets, has it?”

  “And how do you know how much time I spend with my grandmother? You’re a stalker and a kidnapper? That’s illegal, you know.”

  She looked at me like I was the dumbest human to walk the earth and she was probably right. Legality wasn't much of an issue when you weren't bound by the rules of the realm. I felt like an idiot, so, of course, my brain took another vacation. If Darwin met me, he'd be disappointed.

  “I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. Why pay attention to laws and morality? After all, you did steal Finn's life for most of the last three centuries, didn't you? Just because he ditched you." For the sake of all that’s holy or unholy, Cassidy, shut the hell up!

  Her tone was low and full of threat when she answered me. “You think you’re brave, don’t you, Cassidy? But are you? Or are you just stupid? You know who I am. You know what I am. Do you really want to anger me any more than you already have? Because right now you still have a chance to walk away from this and so do the people you love. But that can change...”

  I gulped. I knew she wasn’t throwing around empty threats. She would do exactly what she threatened if I pushed her too far. How much evidence of that did I need? My Irish temper needed to stay in check.

  That became easier to do when we passed first my parents’ house and then my grandmother’s. Siofra would do whatever she was going to do with me, but as long as my family was safe, I‘d deal with it. But passing Grandma Fi's also meant we left civilization behind. The homes past hers were summer homes that were empty now that we’d reached fall. We would be alone. Maybe Siofra had done some research after all.

  We drove for a few more miles before the pavement ended and the road turned to dirt and gravel. Soon, the trees started to outnumber the camps, growing tall and thick enough to hide the river from view. If she hadn’t pointed out the driveway, I wouldn’t have seen it until I drove right past it. I hit the brakes and turned into it, my truck hidden by tall pine trees. Even if someone drove by, they’d never even see it parked there. I followed Siofra through a gap in the trees and crossed a wooden bridge that led to a beautiful, cedar-sided home built on tall stilts around a giant tree.

  I realized that I knew this place, although I hadn’t seen it in years. It had been the summer home of my childhood best friend. When we were nine or ten, she moved away after her father transferred to another state. I hadn’t seen her or this place since then. A wash of memories swept over me and, for a moment, I forgot why I was here.

  The house was freezing cold when we walked inside. With a snap of her fingers, the waiting wood in the fireplace roared to life. I had to admit that was a handy skill to have, especially here in the northernmost parts of New York State. Without a word, Siofra motioned for me to sit down on the couch as she walked into the kitchen.

  I tossed my jacket on the couch beside me and looked around. It had been at least fifteen years since I was last here, but it didn’t look that much different than it had back then. Even the kitchen table was the same, scarred and scratched from a thousand dinners and card games played on its surface. I got up and ran my hand across its surface, my mind flooded with memories of times spent around that table. Playing games and eating hot dogs after a long day on the water or playing in the woods. I didn’t like the certainty that Siofra was about to ruin those memories.

  I turned away from the table and sat down as Siofra came out of the kitchen carrying two steaming mugs. She handed one to me before making herself comfortable on the armchair nearby and sipping at her mug. I looked down into the mug suspiciously. It looked like some kind of tea, scented with exotic spices and flowers. It smelled delicious and I wanted it, but I wasn’t at all keen on eating or drinking anything an aes sidhe gave me. I didn't grow up surrounded by magic, but I knew enough of the lore. I set the mug down on the coffee table, earning myself an icy glare.

  “What? My tea isn’t good enough? What do you think, that I’m trying to sicken you?” She scoffed at me.

  “The thought had occurred to me, yes. We both know you aren’t above it. You’ve already tried to highjack my mind a time or two today. Besides, I know better than to accept food or drink from an aes sidhe.”

  She rolled her eyes in disgust before leaning forward and replacing my mug with her own. “I told you I have every intention of letting you walk away, as long as you cooperate. If you don’t believe me, drink mine. I drank it and I’m fine. It’s just some flowering herbs.”

  “Just because it won't hurt you doesn't mean much to me. The physiology of fairies isn’t really in my skill set, so how do I know things work the same way for me as they do for you? Thanks, but no thanks."

  I watched her face while I spoke and I was surprised by what I saw. I figured I was walking a thin line between annoyance and homicidal rage. But that wasn’t what I saw in her expression. Instead, I saw a flash of hurt and that confused me. I can’t imagine that what I said about her tea would hurt her feelings. First, she would have to give a damn about what a mere human such as myself thought about her. And, second, she seemed to delight in scaring and intimidating me. So, what was the hurt expression all about?

  I wondered if Finn had been right. He never thought this was just about him. He always thought it was more about Siofra herself wanting something she could never really have. True humanity. And no matter what else she was, Siofra wasn’t human. It didn't matter how powerful she was,. She would never be able to have a normal life, not with anyone other than her own kind. But I could. I could have a life with Finn, have a family and grow old with him.

  Even if Finn hadn’t done what he did to her, he was human and she wasn’t. Life would never have been normal. He would grow old and die. She would be forever young. She might have had children with him, but they would be half human, too. They wouldn’t have her immortality, only a longer than average life. Eventually, they would leave her, too.

  Despite her beauty and her power, she was jealous of me because I could have all the things she wanted for herself. I saw that now. But telling her I understood would not be good for my plan to stay alive. She was a wee bit too volatile to be receptive to anything I had to say. Especially if she thought I was feeling sorry for her. That whole “superior aes sidhe” thing was an obstacle that I had no idea how to navigate.

  “So, let’s just cut to the chase. Why am I here, Siofra? What do you want from me?”

  “You know what I want. I want you to walk away from Finn. He doesn’t belong to you and he doesn’t belong in this time.”

  “Maybe he didn’t come from this time, but Finn’s pretty capable of being just fine no matter where or when he is. Thanks to you, he’s had plenty of time to learn to adapt, hasn’t he? And Finn doesn’t belong to you, Siofra. He doesn't belong to anyone.” I could see the anger in her face, but I didn’t back down. There were some things that had to be said, regardless of the risk to my person. But I softened my tone when I spoke to her again.

  “Look, I get that you loved him. Maybe you still do. And I get that you’re hurt by the way he treated you. Believe me, I know all too well how that feels. If you know anything about me, you know that’s true. You have every right to be angry because he was a complete ass. But it happened a long time ago, at least by human standards. Finn isn’t that person anymore. At some point, you have to let go and move on. No man is worth centuries of pain, not even Finn. Besides, it’s been three hundred years. Don’t you think you’ve gotten
your revenge by now?”

  “He was callous and dismissive and he had to pay for that.” Her words were clipped and she sounded pissed. But underneath the anger was something else. Sadness. “And I don’t need your pity.”

  “You’re right. He was. But he did pay for it. He’s paid for centuries. When will it be enough for you?” I decided to ignore her last comment. I didn’t need to push my luck any more than I already was.

  “He deserved it,” she spat.

  “For three centuries? You took his life, Siofra, and controlled it for more than three hundred years. And during that time, he experienced exactly what you said you wanted. He was hurt and he learned his lesson. And, come on, Siofra. If he was that callous and that cruel, why do you even still want him?”

  I finally pushed her too far. She sat forward in her chair, fixing me with her angry gaze. “How dare you question me? I owe you no answers. Don’t you get it? I am everything you are not. You are nothing. You are a mere moment in time that will be forgotten.” She spat her words out and I recoiled.

  Her words stung me, more than I cared to admit. I picked up my mug without thinking and started to take a sip. Just as the hot tea touched my lips, I glanced at Siofra. The icy, smug look on her face snapped me out of it and I realized the mistake I’d almost made. I wiped the tea from my lips as I lowered the mug. Tricky, tricky.

  “Maybe I am nothing compared to you. Maybe I will be forgotten. But so what? Even if that’s true, this isn’t about me. It isn’t even about you. It’s about Finn. It’s his life. Shouldn’t he get a say in this? Ask him what he wants, Siofra.

  “Let me ask you a question. Woman to woman. Wouldn’t you rather have him want to be with you instead of being forced into it? If he wants to be with you, fine. So be it and I’ll walk away. But if he wants to be with me, then accept it and let us be.”

  The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I’d said the wrong thing. Why did I think I could reason with her? I’d made the mistake of forgetting yet again that Siofra wasn’t just a woman. She was a fairy. She wasn't human and she didn't think like one. Her sole focus for centuries was revenge. Someone as powerful as Siofra didn't have to listen to reason. This was someone who always got her way. Except with Finn.

  Her eyes flashed and the ends of her hair sparked with electricity. She slammed her mug down so hard that it shattered. I didn’t even see her move, yet she was in front of me glaring with eyes that burned with rage. My mug slipped from my hands and joined hers on the floor. I barely registered the scalding tea that burned my legs through my jeans. Every bit of my attention was riveted on the angry fairy that stood in front of me.

  I cowered away from her and I hated myself for it. So much for not letting her see any fear. I prided myself on my ability to not be easily intimidated, but a crazy, magic-wielding, angry aes sidhe was a good reason to cower.

  All of a sudden, every muscle in my body convulsed painfully. Against my will, I stood up awkwardly from the couch. I had no control over myself and it felt like knives stabbing me in my skull when I tried to fight it. I stood so close to her that I could feel her breath warm on my face. It smelled like flowers, filling my nose. The world tilted, righted itself, tilted again. It swam in and out of focus. It was like being in a drug-induced fog, intoxicating. My thoughts were sluggish and I could barely think. When I tried to speak, nothing happened. The words escaped me, drifting away from me before I could capture them in my brain. Inside my own mind, I screamed incoherently as I tried to push against her magic. I was completely at her mercy, powerless to do anything for myself. There was no escaping her hold this time.

  The longer we stood face to face, the more terrified I became. Everything in me wanted to fight for Finn, for my family and friends. But I didn’t know how. She had powers I couldn’t fight against, powers I didn’t understand. As if to prove that point, the door behind me opened without a single touch.

  I felt invisible hands on my shoulders, turning me to face the door. I felt her move behind me, saw the flash of my fleece out of the corner of my eye. She slid the sleeves over my arms, dressing me like a doll. I wasn’t sure what the point of that was. If she’s just going to torture and maybe kill me, why does she give a rat’s ass if I’m warm? There was very little Siofra did that made rational sense to me.

  She swept past me and stood on the deck outside, waiting for me with an evil smile. Her Jedi mind tricks had me so frozen that I couldn't even glare. My left foot felt like it weighed a thousand pounds when it rose off the floor. I fought it with everything in me. Despite the cold wind coming through the open door, beads of sweat popped on my forehead when I struggled. No matter what I did, she was stronger and every step was a battle of wills. If this had been any other situation, I would have laughed at the image of myself walking like a zombie. But there was nothing funny about it.

  I fought against every movement and I lost each time. But then Siofra’s attention turned toward the river below us. It was just for a moment, but it was enough for me to realize that Siofra didn’t have total control over me. I had the tiniest bit of free will in my right arm, just enough to grab the tiny, iron anchor resting on the end table. It had been on that table for as long as I could remember, but all I could see now when I looked at it was a weapon. I shoved it clumsily into my pocket just as she turned back to me and took back total control. Having it in my possession made me feel better, even though I had no idea what good it would do me.

  I walked by her in stilted steps and plodded down the steps like a marionette. A path to the right led down the hill to the water and I realized that she meant to walk me right into it. In my panic to avoid that, I almost struggled myself face-first into a nearby tree. With a huff of impatience, Siofra stopped me right before my face slammed into it. My body froze at an angle that defied gravity. My muscles screamed in protest, but I couldn’t break free from her invisible ropes around me. Wave after wave of vertigo swept over me.

  She moved me away from the tree and forced me the rest of the way down the hill. I came to a halt on a small stretch of sandy beach, close enough to the water that it lapped at my toes. My heavy combat boots sunk into the wet sand, miring me in place. I felt her eyes boring into the back of my head. It terrified me to be so out of control and the longer I stood, the more the terror built.

  The terrifying reality suddenly came crashing down on me. This was it for me, the end. I wasn’t even going to have the chance to say goodbye to the people I loved. Despite what she’d said, I knew Siofra had no intention of allowing me to survive. No matter what I said or what I did, there was nothing I could do to change that. Even if I gave into her demands and promised to walk away from Finn. Even if I gave in without a fight. Nothing I did would stop her from going after Finn. No matter what I did, my story would end only one way.

  My death would give Siofra one more way to punish Finn. She hated that he loved me and I knew she wouldn’t hesitate to use it against him. She might leave Taylor and my family alone if I gave in without a fight, but not Finn. She was too full of rage. Whatever she did to him now would be even worse than the curse. I had never felt so powerless, so alone. I felt so guilty for my big mouth and the punishments Finn would have to endure because of it.

  But even knowing that I was about to die, knowing that there was nothing I could do, I knew I wasn’t ready to give in to her without a fight. For Finn, for my family, for my best friend. I wasn’t ready to admit defeat when I finally had so much to fight for.

  I felt those invisible hands on me again and the wet sand held my boots in an iron grip as she pulled on me. The pull of her power wrapped around me like thick chains, yanking on my body until my bones felt as if they would break under the force. The sand didn’t want to release me and she yanked even harder until my boots came free with a loud squelching noise. I felt her magic lift me off the ground, holding me in place so that the soles of my boots just skimmed the sand. When I finally faced her, I was shocked but what I saw in front of me and if I had
been able to, my mouth would have fallen open.

  Siofra had changed. Her hair no longer sparked, but crackled with tiny flames that circled her head like a crown. More flames raced up and down the length of her hair. Her eyes were the color of the midnight sky, the whites completely vanished. Gone were the tight jeans and shirt she had been wearing. Her body was wrapped in tissue-thin lengths of purplish-black fabric, shimmering with the sparkle of thousand diamonds. Around her neck was the necklace I’d spent hours creating for her, the heavy moonstone pulsing with power. The necklace I’d seen her take back at the arena was wrapped around one of her wrists.

  The Siofra that stood before me now had no trace of humanity left in her. She was pure power. She was otherworldly beautiful, but it was a terrible beauty. In that moment, she needed no power and no magic to control me. Fear was enough to keep me from fighting her. But she still didn’t release her hold on me. She wanted me to be afraid. She fed off it.

  The invisible hands pushed me backwards, lowering me back to the ground once again. The river lapped at my ankles and water seeped into my boots. The shoves became harder and harder, forcing me into water that was ice cold. By the time it reached my waist, I couldn't feel my own body. The hands were relentless and I wanted to scream, but only I could hear my cries of terror. Siofra stood motionless on the hill, watching me with a cruel smile.

  Step after step, I stumbled backward, stopping only when the freezing water lapped at my chin, icy fire burning a path along my skin. She watched me dispassionately, silently calculating. As her lips curved into a smile as cold as the water in which I stood, the invisible hands fell away. She must have seen something in my eyes, something that told her that I had lost the will to fight. But she was wrong.

  She would never understand what it meant to be human, what it meant to love someone else more than yourself. She would never understand why one person would give themselves to save another. She couldn’t even conceive of that and so she assumed that because I was weaker than she, I had given up. But I hadn't lost the will to fight. I wanted to live and I wanted a life with Finn.