Returned to the Light

by C. M. Radcliff

  He lifts up, putting his weight on his hands. I open my eyes, peering up at his, filled with utter bliss. My body feels like it’s floating; like I’ll never come down. He softly kisses my lips and rests his forehead against mine.

  “I love you so much,” he whispers, pulling back. He looks down at me, his eyes full of emotion. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “So amazing.” He pauses. “Welcome home, baby.”

  chapter sixteen

  RYDER

  HOLDING HER HERE IN my arms, it’s so surreal. I’ve dreamed a thousand dreams of this. Her naked body is pressed up against my side, her head resting on my chest, and her arm draped over me. I lightly trace circles on her shoulder and back, listening to her rhythmic breathing.

  “Why didn’t you come meet me for coffee?” she asks, her voice quiet. My body tenses for a moment, my heart rate picking up for a fraction of a second. She tilts her head, looking up at me, searching my eyes with hers. “Ryder?” she questions when I don’t answer her.

  “Sorry, you startled me. I thought you were asleep,” I admit in a hoarse voice. I clear my throat, briefly pinching my eyes shut. “That morning, I went for a run at the park, and I saw you there. When I saw you with Trent and when he called you ‘mama’, I freaked out.” I pause. “Obviously, I was wrong.”

  “You thought I had moved on?” A flash of sadness passes through her eyes.

  “I did. I thought you were with someone else. Had a kid with someone else.” I take a deep breath. “I was hurt. And pissed off. I called Griffin and flipped my shit on him. And then I went and got drunk, trying to forget about it all. I didn’t mean to stand you up. All I could think about or picture was you with another man and Trent.” My voice trails off. “Fuck,” I mutter. “I was so fucking wrong. I’m so sorry.”

  The room falls silent. This time my eyes search hers, waiting for her to say something. Slowly, she reaches up and cups the side of my face. “I get it. And it’s okay. I’m not upset with you. I just wanted to know why. To understand. I was afraid I had done something wrong.”

  I reach for her face, brushing a lock of soft hair behind her ear. Her breath catches as I trail my fingers down her jaw line and tip her chin up towards me. I press my lips against hers and slowly coax them open. She kisses me back, our tongues caught in a slow dance, dancing to the sounds of our souls. Our bodies melt together, speaking their own language. Reluctantly, I ease my mouth away from her, instantly feeling the loss of her soft lips against mine.

  “I should have been there. You never should have been there alone.” I try to keep my voice even. But I can feel the regret and the anger washing over me. She needs to be protected, and all I was thinking about that day was myself and my damn feelings.

  “He was the last person I thought I would see.” Her voice is barely audible and her expression is unreadable. She doesn’t need to say his name for me to know who she’s talking about. Jared.

  “No one anticipated him showing up here,” I tell her. What I don’t tell her is that we fucked up by not killing him sooner.

  “I can’t keep living my life like this,” she declares, her tone increasingly growing hard. “I’m constantly looking over my shoulder; constantly living in fear. Even in Georgia, just knowing he was somewhere out there was unsettling.” She grows silent for a moment, her eyes slowly filling with a darkness I had yet to see. “I want him dead,” she speaks firmly, her voice cold. I stare at her, feeling the shocked expression on my face. “I overheard you and Griffin.” She pauses. “Tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

  I keep my eyes trained on hers, waiting for the look inside of them to change or waiver. But they don’t. Her eyes bore into mine.

  She quickly sits up and looks down at me. “Tell me you don’t want him dead,” she repeats, louder than before, pressing for an answer. My thoughts become conflicted. I could tell her the truth, tell her our plans. Or I can answer her and keep the rest to myself. I go back and forth between the two before coming to a conclusion. The less she knows, the better.

  “I do want him dead,” I admit. “I’ve wanted him dead for over two years now. It has played over in my mind every fucking day of hunting him down and killing him. And it kills me that I didn’t get the chance to,” my voice falters. “It kills me that I couldn’t protect you from him.”

  “Enough with that shit!” she demands. “I didn’t come back here to talk about any of that. What’s done is done. It was beyond your control. I can’t stand to see you continuing to beat yourself up over it.” Her eyes grow softer. “I don’t blame you for any of it. Please, for me, stop hating yourself for it. You need to see yourself for the man that I see you for. You deserve happiness and everything that life has to offer to you.” She pauses and clears her throat. “So, it’s time to stop this shit, got it?”

  My lips slowly curl into a smile. “Yes, ma’am.” I may not see what she sees in me. And I might not believe a word she is saying. But having her here with me, sitting right in front of me, is more than I could ever ask for.

  She leans down, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you, Ryder,” she whispers against my lips. “I always have and I always will. I can’t stand to be away from you any longer.”

  The words barely leave her lips before I attack her with mine. Pulling her on top of me, I grab her face, kissing her like my life depends on it. She kisses me back, holding onto me for dear life, when suddenly, she freezes in place. I slowly push her off of me, sensing her panic. Quietly moving across the floor, I walk to the door and press my ear against the crack. And then I hear what she heard. Commotion coming from downstairs. I slowly open the door and poke my head out into the empty hallway.

  “Trent, no!” I hear Griffin yell, which is followed by a loud crash as something shatters on the ground. Lydia jumps up to her feet, rushing towards the door. “Shit. I mean shoot,” he mutters. “Go play with your toys, little man, while I clean up this mess.”

  “Listen,” I whisper to her. “He’s fine.” She quickly steps away, gathering her clothes and putting them on in a rush. “Lydia.” I reach out to stop her. She stops and looks at me with her eyes wide, full of fright. She takes a deep breath, the look slowly fading. I grab my clothes and pull them on. I grab her arm, pulling her towards me, and wrap my arms around her. “It’s okay.” I breathe into her hair.

  “Do you see what I mean?” Her voice waivers. “Right away, feelings of flight take over and my mind goes to the worst case scenario. I can’t take it anymore.”

  “Lydia.” I pull her away from me, holding her at arm’s length. My eyes meet hers. “I promise you, everything will be okay.” I try my best to reassure her. It won’t be okay until that motherfucker is dead. But she doesn’t need to know that it will be at my hands.

  She quietly nods. I’m not sure she believes me, but it’s enough for now.

  “But right now, there’s something more important.” I pause, watching her expression grow confused. “There is a little boy downstairs, and he might be mine.” Her eyes widen as the realization hits. “Yeah,” I say. “That’s something we should probably talk about.”

  chapter seventeen

  LYDIA

  HOLY SHIT.

  How could I forget?

  And how the hell do we even go about this?

  “Um,” I say nervously, stepping out of his grip and sitting down on the bed. “Well, what do you think we should do?”

  His eyes narrow slightly. “What do you mean? You don’t think we should tell him?”

  “Well, yeah. But I don’t know if right now is the right time,” I reply, hoping he understands.

  He doesn’t.

  “And when is the right time, Lydia?” His voice has a tinge of anger. “Next year? His fifth birthday? How about when he turns ten? Shit, maybe his high school graduation.”

  I rise to my feet, meeting his angry eyes full on. “Do you hear yourself? Stop being so dramatic,” I huff. “What are we suppose
d to do? Just drop it on him that you’re his dad? We don’t even know 100% if you are.”

  He grabs my face, his eyes boring holes into mine. “Are you mine?”

  I stare back into his clear blue eyes. “Yes.”

  “Then he is mine.” His voice is firm, leaving no room for questions. His expression grows softer. “If you want to wait to tell him, I understand.” He lets out a sigh. “I just want him to know, but I get it. He doesn’t know me and it might confuse him, even if he is still so young.”

  I close my eyes for a moment and slowly open them, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Thank you,” I tell him. “I don’t want this all to be too much at once for him.” He stares at me before nodding his head.

  “We’ll tell him when you feel he’s ready,” he reassures me. “And if you want a paternity test, we can do that too. Whatever you want, Lydia, I will do it.”

  “For my own sake,” I pause, instantly feeling selfish, “I feel like I need to know. In a weird way, it might bring me some closure.” As soon as the words come from my mouth, I realize how they make no sense whatsoever. What type of closure would I get from finding out my precious little boy is the result of being raped?

  Ryder gives me a strange look, but doesn’t question me. “I don’t give a damn who’s he is. It changes nothing.”

  “We should probably go downstairs,” I say, quickly changing the subject. “I’m sure Griffin has had his fill of dealing with a toddler all day. He’s not always cooperative.” I wink at him and slide past, letting myself out of the room.

  THE THOUGHT HAUNTS ME for the remainder of the day. Trent is the spitting image of Ryder. It almost feels impossible to think there’s a possibility that he might not be his. It might not change anything, but it could help me finally put everything that happened in the past. So what if Trent isn’t Ryder’s biological child. That doesn’t mean Ryder wouldn’t be his dad.

  Terrible things happen to people everyday. What happened to me was something I never imagined I would experience. The fact that I beat the odds and lived was something I would forever be grateful for. And the fact that Trent was born, with so many things fighting against him, was nothing short of a miracle. Deep in the darkness, I found a sliver of light. When I questioned everything in life, there was another life depending on me, pushing me forward. Together, we survived. And I owed it to him, so one day, he would have the truth.

  The day was quickly coming to an end and Ryder hadn’t left. I expected him to leave at the first chance he got. I dropped a bomb on him, telling him about Trent. The whole day was stressful. Yet amidst talking about the pain we’d endured, something beautiful happened. We found each other. Two lost pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly together. For the first time in a long time, I truly felt like I was exactly where I belonged.

  Griffin helps me clear off the dining room table while Trent leads Ryder into the living room. Watching them together feels so natural. It’s like they’ve always known each other. Trent’s eyes haven’t left Ryder all evening. You can see the admiration in his little face as he quickly became his shadow.

  I carry the rest of the plates into the kitchen and hand them to Griffin as he loads the dishwasher. “I told him,” I tell him quietly.

  “Everything?” He looks at me as he stands back up.

  I nod and take a deep breath. “Everything.”

  “Good.” He turns to face me. “It seems like he’s taking it well. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him like this. Trent’s already got him wrapped around his finger.” He smiles, glancing towards the living room. The open floor plan leaves the living room visible from the kitchen. My eyes follow his, landing on Ryder. He sits on the couch with Trent’s little body curled up next to him. With one arm draped around him, Ryder holds a book in front of them. I watch his lips move as he reads, and Trent’s face lights up with amusement. My heart swells at the sight of them together. I can’t contain the smile that takes over my face. And I wouldn’t hide it, even if I could.

  “You deserve to be happy,” Griffin states, bringing my attention back to him. “You both do. And your happiness is right here, right in front of you. I’ve never witnessed anything like what the two of you have. It’s what everyone seeks to have in life. You belong with each other.”

  I look back into the living room, at the two loves of my life. “I never should have left,” I admit quietly.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t have. But who is really to say that? You did it for you, and look at where you are now. You’ve taken care of yourself and got healthy, for all three of you. There will always be a should have, could have been. But that’s irrelevant now. What matters is what’s right here, right now.” Griffin reaches for the dishes with the leftover food. “I got the rest of this. Go be with them.”

  “Okay,” I smile at him and pull him in for a hug. “Thank you.” Words could never truly express my gratitude for Griffin and everything he’s done for Trent and I. I step away from him and walk to the living room. Ryder looks up at me as he slowly closes the book. He smiles down at Trent and looks back at me. His clear blue eyes are filled with bliss.

  “Hey,” I smile back at him. Trent yawns beside him and rubs his eyes. I glance at the clock and see it’s almost eight o’clock. “You ready for bed, buddy?” I ask Trent. He nods and puts his arms out, reaching for me. My arm brushes against Ryder’s side as I go to pick Trent up. I hear the sharp intake of his breath, and my heart rate picks up. My stomach flutters. I quickly lift up Trent, clearing my throat. “Say goodnight to Ryder,” I tell him as he rests his head on my shoulder. Unexpectedly, he reaches out towards Ryder. His eyes meet mine as he rises to his feet.

  “Hug,” Trent says, reaching for Ryder. He takes him from my arms and hugs him. I watch them in awe, completely taken aback by their interaction. Everything looks so natural between them.

  “Goodnight, little guy,” Ryder whispers, giving him one last squeeze before handing him back to me.

  “Night, night.” Trent’s smile turns into a , and he nuzzles his head into my neck.

  “I’ll be back down in a little,” I tell Ryder as I walk toward the hallway. I feel Trent’s hand leave my back, and he waves to him as we leave the room. I carry Trent up the stairs and into our bedroom. I pull back the covers and gently lay him down. I cover him back up and lie down next to him. He rolls onto his side, turning towards me. I plant a soft kiss on his forehead. “I love you so, so, so much.”

  “I love you too,” he manages to say, in his jumbled toddler way of talking. “Love Ryder too,” he adds with his lips forming into a smile. The words flow from his mouth and melt my heart. It usually takes time for him to warm up to someone. To hear him say such things about Ryder warms my soul and banishes any worries or doubts I had.

  I can no longer think of a reason for us to wait.

  It’s time for Trent to know who his dad is.

  And together, we’d tell him.

  chapter eighteen

  RYDER

  “LET’S STEP OUTSIDE while she puts Trent to bed.” Griffin rises to his feet and walks towards the back door. I stand up and follow him out the door, quietly closing it behind me. Reaching into my pocket, I grab my pack of cigarettes and pull them out. I flip open the lid and slide two out, handing one to Griffin.

  “You’re a bad influence,” he scolds me, taking it from my fingers.

  “I didn’t put the cigarette in your mouth and light it for you,” I retort, rolling my eyes.

  “Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “Since you’re already here, we have some shit we need to discuss.” He turns and faces me. “My guys found where Jared’s been hiding. They found a cabin about fifteen miles from here. It’s a mile or so off the beaten trail, hidden deep in the woods.”

  “How’d they manage to find him?” I ask. They’ve been looking for so long and couldn’t find him. Suddenly, he shows up out of nowhere and now they know where he’s at?

  “I didn’t ask specifics. I don’t gi
ve a shit about that right now. What I care about is finding Rowena and putting that motherfucker to sleep.” Griffin’s expression grows cold and a darkness fills his eyes. I’ve seen this look before. “We need to get our ducks in a row, figure out exactly how we’re going to do this, and then, we’re going on a little field trip.” He flicks his cigarette into the yard without a care. “Come to my office tomorrow after you’re done working. I don’t want Lydia involved in this shit. I won’t have her put in danger again.”

  “Keeping her safe is my top priority,” I reassure him. I’ll be damned if I lose her again after just getting her back. I refuse to allow anything to happen to her or Trent. “She wants him dead. If she knows about this, there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s not going to let us do this without her. As much as she deserves to get revenge, it’s too risky.” I look away from him and snub out my cigarette on the bottom of my shoe.

  “Just throw it in the yard,” Griffin tells me. “I’ll get them in the morning.” He turns back towards the house. “We should head back in before Lydia comes back downstairs.” I nod and follow him back into the house. I pull the door closed behind me as Griffin heads into the kitchen. I start to walk through the living room when I see her sitting on the couch.

  “Hey,” she says in a soft voice. My legs move on their own, drawing me closer to her. I sit down next to her, my body turned towards her. My eyes wander over her body. She’s wearing a black pair of cotton shorts with a thin white t-shirt. Her tanned legs are curled underneath of her. My gaze trails over her body before landing on her face that’s free of any makeup. Her thick hair is pulled up in a messy bun. Black framed glasses rest on the bridge of her nose.