Returned to the Light

by C. M. Radcliff

  I quickly rise to my feet and grab my belongings, clutching my purse close to my chest. I hadn’t ordered anything so I leave the cafe without any parting words. Logan stands as I stride past him.

  “Lydia,” he says in a gruff voice, gaining my attention. His large frame looms over me.

  I turn towards him with a panicked look on my face.

  “Lydia, what happened?” he asks.

  “Nothing,” I reply in a shaky voice. “Cara can’t make it, and I forgot I needed to run an errand anyways.” It’s not a complete lie.

  He stares at me for a moment, remaining silent. He nods, reluctantly, and follows me to my car before returning to his own. I slip inside and lock the doors immediately. Pulling out my phone, I text Cara, letting her know that something came up and I wasn’t going to be meeting her. She apologizes for running late and tells me to call her.

  I opt out of calling her.

  Instead, I call my mom to check on Trent.

  “Mom,” I say as soon as she picks up, “is everything okay? Is Trent okay?” My words come out in a rush.

  “Everything’s fine,” she assures over Trent’s giggling in the background. “Are you okay?” Her voice is laced with concern.

  “Yeah,” I lie. “Sorry, I just wanted to make sure.”

  “We’re doing just well. Are you sure you’re okay?” She asks again.

  “I’m good,” I lie again. “I’m going to come by soon and pick him up.”

  “Nonsense,” she says. “We’re just here playing. I’m enjoying our time together, so don’t rush.”

  I want to come out and tell her what happened, but I can’t bring myself to do so. I don’t want her to worry. And I don’t want to ruin their time together. “Okay,” I tell her, “I’ll just come by in a little bit then.”

  “Like I said, take your time, sweetie,” she says. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I reply.

  We say our goodbyes and end the call. The feelings from before refuse to dissipate. I quickly glance around, taking in my surroundings, looking for any threats. Everything around me appears to be safe and normal. I contemplate calling Griffin to tell him about it too. It can wait until later, though; especially if it was just a figment of my imagination.

  I should have waited until Cara came so we could talk about moving. We were going back to Georgia within the next few days. She will be moving back here with Pierce, and Trent and I would be staying there. I’m not sure how Ryder will take the news or how I will even tell him.

  Pushing the thought out of my mind, I drive to the closest pharmacy. Logan arrives at my door before I even get out. Letting out an exasperated breath, I open the door. “I appreciate having a watchdog, but I will be right back. I don’t need you to come in with me.”

  “I’ll give you your space, but I’m coming in,” he informs me.

  “No, it–,” I start to argue, but he cuts me off.

  “It’s non-negotiable. Go,” he motions towards the store. I wander throughout the aisles until I get to the one with the pregnancy tests. On the bottom shelf, I find a paternity test. It’s the type that you do yourself and send away to a lab. I grab one from the stack and take it up to the counter.

  “Is this everything?” the young girl at the register asks me. She looks at me with her eyes full of judgement and questions.

  I nod, not speaking a word.

  Yeah, this is everything. No, I didn’t sleep with multiple men and don’t know who the dad is. It’s so I can find out whether my son was from me being raped or from the man that possesses my heart.

  Fucking bitch.

  She rings it up, and I hand her the money. She hands it to me in a bag without saying anything. I don’t bother saying thank you to the rude little bitch. I take the bag and leave the store.

  When I get to my car, I grab my phone and find Ryder’s name. I don’t know whether or not I should tell him I got the test. He gave me the option of him taking one so I should let him know, just in case.

  I type out a message to him.

  Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I got a paternity test, in case you wanted to do it. I hope you’re having a good day.

  I wait a few minutes for him to reply, but he doesn’t. I start to second guess saying anything, let alone purchasing one. Then again, he could just be busy at work and unable to respond.

  I glance at the time and put my car in drive. I head to my mom’s house to pick up Trent and spend the whole drive checking my rearview mirror for that black SUV.

  chapter twenty-one

  RYDER

  I HAVEN’T HAD TIME to see Lydia in two whole days. She texted me telling me she had gotten a paternity test. As bad as it might sound, I couldn’t be happier that she chose that on her own. It didn’t matter to me as to whether or not Trent was biologically mine. It didn’t matter because regardless of the results, I would still treat him as my own.

  I’ve spent the past few evenings working with Griffin to find Jared and formulate a plan to take him out. Lydia was aware of what I’ve been doing and has been understanding of it. But that didn’t mean that not seeing each other wasn’t killing me. Talking to her wasn’t enough anymore. I needed to see her. It’s Friday night and I’m taking my girl on a date.

  Finishing up at work, I text Griffin and let him know I’m taking Lydia out instead of coming to his office tonight. I have her number dialed and the phone to my ear before I even reach my car.

  “Hey,” her soft voice comes through the speaker. It’s like music to my ears.

  “Hey you,” I reply, unable to contain the smile forming on my face. “Cancel any plans you have tonight. I’m taking you out for dinner.”

  “That sounds like a perfect night,” she hesitates, “but I don’t know if I can get someone to watch Trent for the evening.”

  Shit. I’m a dumbass for not even thinking about that. “That’s not a big deal,” I tell her honestly. “He can always come along, as long as it means I get to see you.” I need to get it together right now.

  She’s silent for a moment. “Let me call my mom and I’ll call you right back,” she says.

  “Perfect. Regardless, I’ll be over around seven to get you.”

  “Okay,” I hear her smile through her voice, “I’ll be ready.”

  “Let me know what’s going on and I’ll see you then,” I tell her.

  “I will,” she says. “Bye, Ryder.”

  “See you soon, babe.” I quickly hang up the phone with a grin I can’t wipe from my face.

  I HEAD STRAIGHT TO GRIFFIN’S house, not bothering to stop at my own. I pull into the driveway and park my car, collecting myself before getting out. I resist the urge to sprint to the front door. I focus on my footsteps as I walk up to the house. One foot, then the other. I make sure they’re walking at a slow even pace. My phone starts to ring as I reach the door. Pulling it out of my pocket, Lydia’s name shows up. I silence it and ring the doorbell.

  “Said she can wa–,” Lydia stops as she pulls open the door and sees me. She ends the call with a look of surprise on her face. “I was just leaving you a message,” she lets out a nervous laugh. “It’s not seven already, is it?” Her voice is confused and worried.

  I smile at her. “No, it’s not. I couldn’t wait to see you, so I came straight here.” I pause. “I hope that’s okay.”

  The surprised look on her face is replaced with a smile. “Of course it’s okay. Come on in.” She opens the door wider, inviting me in. “I was just calling you to let you know that my mom could watch Trent.”

  I follow her inside the house and into the living room where Trent is watching a movie. He sees us walk in and runs over to me and hugs my leg. “Hey, little man,” I say, touching his head. He pulls away and looks up at me with a grin and then takes off across the room, jumping back on the couch.

  I look over at Lydia and see her watching with an adoring look on her face. Each day, I love this girl even more than the last. She notices me staring
and she blushes. “If you wanted to go now instead of waiting until seven, we can do that,” she suggests.

  “Anytime is good with me,” I tell her honestly. As long as I’m with her, I could give a shit where we go or what we do.

  “Let me go get changed and then we can go.”

  I look her up and down, taking her in. She has on a light grey dress with her dark hair falling in soft waves down her back. Her face is free of any makeup, revealing her natural beauty. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “You look perfect just the way you are,” I tell her.

  She smooths her dress and pulls her hair into her hand. She looks up at me, nervously. “I should at least put on some makeup or something.”

  I grab her hand, making her release her hair and hold onto it. “Trust me, no amount of makeup could make you look as beautiful as you do now.” She blushes and averts her eyes away from mine. I squeeze her hand, gaining her attention. “I wouldn’t lie to you,” I assure her.

  She smiles sweetly. “I’ll get Trent ready,” she says, letting go of my hand to get him. I watch her softly talking to him. He looks over at me, giving me a toothy grin, and I wink at him. She sends him to go to the bathroom and begins picking up his toys. I walk over to her to help. “Why don’t you let me finish this and you can get his things?”

  “You don’t mind?” She asks, looking up at me with her soft hazel eyes.

  “I got this,” I wink at her. She disappears upstairs as I finish cleaning up.

  She comes back into the room, holding a box. She doesn’t say anything at first, looking down at the box. Her eyes meet mine when she looks back up. “So,” she starts nervously, “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to take this test or not.” She pauses. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to,” her words come out in a rush.

  I walk over and take the test from her hands. “Of course. Anything you want or need, it’s no question.” I flip the box over, opening it up and read what to do. I pull out the mouth swabs and follow the instructions, swabbing the inside of my cheeks. I slip it into the envelope. I hand the kit back to her. “There’s a swab for Trent and one for you too, and then you just send it in.”

  She takes it from me, nodding. She swabs her mouth and then Trent’s when he comes back in. She seals everything in its respective envelopes. “All done,” she smiles up at me. “Thank you for that.”

  “You don’t need to thank me for anything.” I take her face in my hands and kiss her forehead. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she professes, rising on her tiptoes and placing a soft kiss on my lips. She turns away from me slightly. “You ready to go,” she asks Trent, who stands there watching us.

  “Let’s go, let’s go!” He exclaims in his toddler voice, running past us to the front door. Lydia grabs his bag and her purse and follows him outside.

  We all pile into the car and stop at the mailbox for Lydia to leave the paternity test. Trent talks non-stop the entire drive and Lydia answers his countless questions. When we get to her mom’s house, she runs him inside and the car is finally quiet. For some reason, the silence is oddly discomforting. It doesn’t take long before Lydia returns and her warmth fills the air. I take her hand in mine and pull the car away from the house.

  As soon as we enter town, I can feel Lydia’s whole body grow tense. Her grip on my hand slightly tightens. I look over at her and find her staring out the window with a panicked look on her face.

  “Hey,” I say, squeezing her hand. She looks over at me, eyes wide and washed over with fear. “What’s wrong?” I ask her in a worried tone.

  She lets out a deep breath, her face slowly relaxing. “Nothing,” she says, shaking her head. “Just freaking myself out.”

  I know exactly what she’s talking about. She’s expecting to see Jared lurking around every corner.

  “Motherfucker,” I mutter, looking back at the road. I glance back over at her. “You’re safe with me. I promise.”

  “I thought that once before,” she whispers.

  “I won’t let that happen to you again,” I reassure her. There’s no fucking way I’d let anything happen to her. And I need her to believe that.

  “WOULD EITHER OF YOU like any dessert tonight?” Our server asks as we finish our meals.

  I look to Lydia, who has a mouth full of food, and she shakes her head no. “I think we’re both good,” I tell the server. “We’ll take the check whenever you’re ready.” She nods and takes some of our plates. I wait until she leaves before saying another word.

  “Lydia, would you be willing to give us another chance?” I ask her. “I can’t stand the thought of you not being mine. You and Trent both belong with me.”

  She stares at me for a moment. “Ryder, I have loved you every second of every day since we first met. Why are you asking me such a stupid question?”

  I don’t know what I did right in life to deserve to be loved by her. But that is something I will never take for granted. I stare at her, not sure how to respond. For once, I feel nervous.

  “Yes, I would be more than willing to give us another chance,” she smiles. She looks at me raising an eyebrow. “I thought we already went over that and we’re together? Or was I just making that up.”

  “You are mine,” I tell her, leaving it at that.

  “I always was yours,” she admits. “Even when I wasn’t here, I was still yours.” She pauses. “I do have something to tell you. I am still supposed to go back to Georgia.”

  I shake my head, taking her hands in mine. “None of that matters right now. We’ll figure it all out.” She smiles and scoots her chair closer to mine, laying her head on my chest as I wrap my arms around her. “All that matters is us.”

  WE FINISH OUR TIME at the restaurant and drive to pick up Trent, both caught up in our feelings of euphoria. I carry his sleeping body out of the house and into the car while Lydia talks to her mom. They hug each other goodbye and Lydia gets in the car, grabbing my hand and not letting go the whole ride home. The drive is far too short and we get there sooner than I had wanted. When we pull up to Griffin’s, neither one of us get out of the car.

  She turns towards me, her eyes meeting mine. “Thank you so much for tonight. I had a lovely time.” I stare at her for a moment before taking her face in my hands. I pull her towards me, pressing my lips against hers. She meets mine and they move together slowly, the kiss growing deeper as time passes by. We steal each other’s breath, taking and giving everything we have. Our lips don’t break apart as Lydia moves across the center console to straddle me.

  “Mama?” Trent’s voice comes from the backseat, bringing us back to reality.

  Lydia breaks away. “Shit,” she mutters, looking at me with lust filled eyes. She kisses my forehead and moves back to the passenger’s seat. “Yes, baby?” She asks him.

  “I go to bed,” his voice is quiet.

  “Let’s get you up to bed,” she tells him, opening the car door. Sorry, she mouths to me. I give her a reassuring smile. As much as I hate being cockblocked, I can’t be mad about it. I get out of the car while Lydia gets Trent out of the back seat. He wraps his arms and legs around her and rests his head on her shoulder. I walk them up to the front door to say goodnight.

  “Thanks again for tonight,” Lydia tells me.

  “The pleasure was all mine,” I tell her, leaning forward and softly kissing her lips. Trent stirs in her arms. “Call me after he’s in bed if you’d like to.”

  “I will,” she promises. “I love you,” she says, smiling.

  I open the front door for her. “I love you too. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight,” she murmurs and shuts the door.

  While driving home, I can’t help but feel like a part of me is missing. I didn’t want to come home or come home alone, but taking care of Trent is more important.

  I pull up to my house and find a familiar car parked in my driveway.

  What the fuck?

  I get out and walk towards the porch, seei
ng her dark form sitting on the bench. “What are you doing here, Jess?” My voice is laced with irritation. She rises to her feet as I meet the front door.

  “You’re not even excited to see me?” she asks. “I miss you. I just had to come see you.”

  “I already told you, we never were anything and we’ll never be anything,” I open the front door and step inside. “Go home, Jess. I’m with someone else, you know that.” Before I get a chance, she dives underneath my arm and slides into the house.

  “You don’t want to be with her. You know you want to be with me. I can give you so much more than she can. I’ve already showed you that. Does she make you come like I do?” She comes closer to me.

  I push back, pushing her back towards the door. She sticks her hand out and slams it shut. “Jess, look, you’re a great girl, and I’m sure you’ll make someone happy. But that someone isn’t me.”

  “You’re wrong,” she insists, coming back towards me. “I know you love me, just like I love you.”

  “You need to go. Now,” I tell her sternly, pointing towards the door.

  “We both know I’m not going anywhere,” she retorts, reaching for my waist.

  Someone knocks on the door, grabbing both of our attention. I walk over, my hand lingering on the doorknob. I slowly open the door.

  Our eyes meet and I’m frozen in place.

  chapter twenty-two

  LYDIA

  AFTER RYDER LEAVES, I quickly usher Trent upstairs. Skipping a bath, I get him dressed for bed and tucked in. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep. I make sure that he’s comfortable and head downstairs to wait for Griffin to get home. I sit down on the couch and watch the clock tick. He should hopefully be home any minute. I don’t bother turning the T.V. on because I don’t intend on being in here long enough to watch anything. A moment later, the lock on the front door clicks and opens.