Secret Desires

by Fields, Cat

  “Hello Doctor,” she said, flinging the door open.

  “Hello Nurse Walker. I thought I told you to call me John?”

  “Oh, right, sorry.” Ada squeezed through her door, not wanting Doctor Whitaker to see the mess inside. She quickly locked it behind herself and faced him, smiling politely.

  “Ready to go?” he asked.

  Ada nodded. “Yes. Thanks again for doing this. I promise I won’t be a burden after today!”

  “Not at all,” he replied. “Carpooling is good for the environment. Perhaps we should do it everyday, so long as out shifts coincide.”

  Ada felt her heart quicken. The prospect of being alone with Doctor Whitaker every day was absolutely thrilling. The drive to work was only 15 minutes, but she would take any time she could get.

  “That sounds like a great idea. We can share the cost of gas too-”

  Doctor Whitaker shook his head. “No, no. Don’t you worry about that. I’ll take care of that.”

  Ada felt uncomfortable. Was he taking pity on her? Did he think she was struggling for money? Well … it was true that money was tight, but she didn’t want his charity.

  Doctor Whitaker walked Ada to his car and opened the passenger door for her, like the previous night. She hopped in and watched him walk around the front of the car to the driver’s side.

  Once again, the first few minutes of the drive passed in silence. Ada looked out the window, wishing she had something interesting to say.

  “So do you always do the night shift?” asked Doctor Whitaker.

  “Only recently,” she replied. Truth be told, she’d only volunteered the night shift because Doctor Whitaker was there at that time.

  “I prefer the nights,” he said. “I guess I’m a bit of a night owl.”

  “Me too,” Ada lied. She’d say anything to make him like her.

  ~

  The rest of the week passed without incidence. Ada and Doctor Whitaker shared several shifts, and he picked her up for each and every one of them. Conversation was infrequent, and usually work related, but that didn’t deter Ada. She was so smitten with John by the end of the week, that she spent most of her time thinking about him, and trying to run into him at work. He smiled widely at her every time they passed in the corridors, sometimes giving her a cheery “Hello Nurse Walker”.

  The few people among the Nursing staff that Ada had befriended, often teased her about her crush on Doctor Whitaker.

  “Look how red your face goes when ever he is near,” said her co-worker. “I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed himself.”

  “He probably has,” said another nurse. “Why else would he ask her to car pool? He hasn’t asked anyone else!”

  “True, and I only live a few blocks away from him,” said Ethel, an older nurse.

  Ada rolled her eyes. “You’re all being ridiculous. There’s no way he is interested in me. As if I would be good enough-”

  “You are the youngest nurse,” said Ethel. “Perhaps he likes a bit of young meat.”

  Ada sighed. “Don’t say it like that. It makes him sound like a … a-”

  “Womanizer?” Ethel provided.

  ~

  Ada ignored the jibes of the other nurses. They seemed to think Doctor Whitaker was playing favourites, but she knew that wasn’t the case. He was a caring man, and Ada was in need of a lift to work. He was her boss. That was the extent of their relationship.

  Friday night was a quiet one, and Ada was sent home at ten o’clock that night, four hours early. She changed into her street clothes in the changing room before heading into the carpark. She was about to hop into the seat of her taxi when Doctor Whitaker came running through the front doors of the hospital.

  “Nurse Walker!” he called, “wait!”

  Ada stopped, her hand on the door.

  “Why are you catching a taxi?” he said, slightly out of breath. He must have run from his office.

  “Oh, I was sent home early,” said Ada. “I know your shift doesn’t end for another four hours, so I thought I’d take a taxi.”

  “Don’t be silly,” said Doctor Whitaker, “I can’t allow that.”

  Ada thought this was extremely strange.

  “What other option do I have?” she asked.

  Doctor Whitaker pulled his keys from his pocket. “I’ll take you,” he said. “Then I can come back.”

  “I really don’t want to be any trouble,” she said. “I know you’re a busy man.”

  “It’s a slow night,” he said. “and I’ve got my pager. I’m sure they can do without me.”

  Ada rubbed her arm uncomfortably. “Well … if you’re sure.”

  “Absolutely. Allow me.”

  Ada couldn’t help but think that Doctor Whitaker’s actions were very strange. Never the less, she wasn’t going to protest any further.

  She got into his car, and they left the hospital together, leaving behind a rather disgruntled taxi driver.

  “It’s a nice night, isn’t it?” asked Doctor Whitaker, pointing to the starry sky.

  “It is. Warm too.” Ada wasn’t very good at small talk.

  “Seems a shame to waste it, doesn’t it?” asked Doctor Whitaker.

  “I guess,” said Ada, slowly.

  “We should make the most of it. It’s a nice night, and your shift has ended early. When was the last time you went out for a drink?”

  Ada couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was he really asking her out for a drink?

  “Um … I haven’t been out in over a year.” Truthfully, money was tight, and Ada couldn’t afford a night on the town.

  “Well, Nurse Walker, I insist that we go for a drink.”

  Ada, butterflies in her stomach, nodded fervently. “Alright.”

  Five minutes Doctor Whitaker turned a corner and pulled into the car park of a local bar. Ada had never been here before.

  “What is this place?” she asked.

  “Not sure,” said Doctor Whitaker. “I’m new in town, remember?”

  Ada smiled. “I’ve never been here.”

  “Well, sometimes it’s fun to try new things.” He gave her a sly wink as he jumped out of the car. Ada watched as Doctor Whitaker removed his white coat, revealing a plan black t-shirt underneath. She couldn’t help but stare at his toned, muscular arms. He was a dream.

  They walked to the entrance together, Ada feeling very nervous. This was definitely crossing the professional relationship they’d held until this point.

  The inside was nice. There was tables, a jukebox, and a long bar with many stools. Doctor Whitaker led Ada to two stools at the bar. The barmaid approached them, giving Doctor Whitaker a flirty smile.

  “What’ll it be Nurse Walker?” he asked, ignoring the barmaid.

  “Oh, um … a water, please.”

  “Oh, no, no, no,” Doctor Whitaker laughed. “You are having an alcoholic beverage little miss.”

  “I’m not really a big drinker,” said Ada. “What do you recommend?”

  “For you, something sweet,” he said, giving her a dazzling smile.

  “Perhaps an apple martini?” said the barmaid.

  “That sounds nice,” Ada nodded.

  Ada rummaged in her purse for her wallet, but Doctor Whitaker placed a warm hand on her wrist. “Don’t worry about that,” he said. “I’ll get this one.”

  “Oh, thank you Doctor,” said Ada.

  “Doctor?” said the barmaid. “You’re far too good looking to be a doctor!” She leaned across the bar, her full breasts spilling from her low cut up.

  Ada felt her cheeks flush with jealousy. The barmaid was openly flirting with Doctor Whitaker, and showing herself off, despite the fact that he had female company.

  “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks please,” he said, without looking at the barmaid. He kept his eyes on Ada the whole time. She couldn’t help but feel a little special.

  The barmaid huffed and went about preparing their drinks. She slid them to us without a word.

&
nbsp; “Thank you,” said Doctor Whitaker, sliding a fifty dollar note across the bar before handing Ada her drink. “Cheers.”

  Ada thanked the Doctor and sipped her apple martini. It was extremely sour, and not at all sweet. It made her lips pucker.

  “Oh, my. That’s … that’s nice,” said Ada.

  Doctor Whitaker smiled, sipping his scotch on the rocks. “You don’t like it, do you?” he said.

  “Oh, it’s lovely,” Ada lied, having another sip. She couldn’t help but pull a face. This made him laugh.

  “All right, we’ll try something else next.”

  “How is your scotch, Doctor?” asked the barmaid, attempting to get his attention again.

  “Fine, thank you. Can we get … hm … a pink lady?”

  “A pink lady?” Ada repeated. “I’ve never heard if it.”

  “I think you’ll like this one.”

  Five minutes later and the barmaid brought Ada a pale pink beverage that looked very creamy.

  Ada brought it to her mouth and took a small sip. “Mmm,” she smacked her lips. “It’s really good.”

  “Gin, grenadine and cream,” said Doctor Whitaker, downing his scotch in one swallow. “I knew you’d like it.”

  “Did you?” said Ada with a smile. She felt the alcohol go straight to her head. She hadn’t eaten all night.

  “Yes, it matches your pretty pink lips,” he said, his eyes lingering.

  Ada blushed and avoided eye contact as Doctor Whitaker ordered a soda-water, saying that he still had to drive.

  ~

  Three pink-ladies later and Ada was on the verge of being tipsy. Not only that, but the conversation between them flowed easily. They joked, laughed, and talked, his hand lingering on her shoulder, or elbow. It left bumps over her skin, and made her heart flutter anxiously. Was Doctor Whitaker trying to get Ada drunk? No, she thought to herself. He knows I’m stressed and is just being friendly. Don’t get your hopes up!

  However, Ada couldn’t help but feel as though Doctor Whitaker was being flirtatious. Why else would he bring her to a bar and pay for her drinks all night? A horrible thought crossed her mind. Was he trying to get her drunk.

  No, he was a respectable man.

  But Ada didn’t think she would mind if he made a move. On the contrary, perhaps her tipsy state was excuse enough for her to make a move. What if he rejected her? She would be so ashamed. How could she ever face him at work again? Their working relationship would be ruined.

  All of these thoughts ran through Ada’s head as Doctor Whitaker ordered her another drink.

  “Oh, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” said Ada. “I think I’m getting tipsy.”

  Doctor Whitaker shrugged. “You should go a little wild every once in a while.”

  “I’m awfully clumsy when I’m drunk,” said Ada. “I don’t want to be a burden!”

  “You could never be a burden Nurse Walker.”

  Ada smiled. “You can call me Ada,” she said.

  “Well thank you, Ada. Is that short for something?” he asked.

  She nodded. “It’s short for Adelaide.”

  “That’s a very beautiful name, Adelaide.”

  Ada blushed, avoiding eye contact.

  Doctor Whitaker took Ada’s chin, cupping it gently in his hand, and tilted her head up so she was forced to look at him. He stared at her for several seconds before saying, “You do have lovely eyes, you know?”

  “Th-thank you, Doctor.”

  “John,” he corrected for the thousandth time.

  Ada licked her lips nervously. She knew the alcohol was affecting her decisions, but she had to say what was on her mind. She might not get another chance.

  “To be honest … I kind of like referring to you as Doctor.”

  “Oh?” he said, a smile playing his lips. “Why is that?” He removed his hand from her chin and watched her carefully.

  “I guess I’m submissive,” she said, her cheeks flushing red. She couldn’t believe what she was saying. Had he spiked her drink with truth serum? “Calling you Doctor is a bit of a turn on, don’t you think?”

  Doctor Whitaker’s eyes widened, and he smiled, showing two rows of straight, white teeth. “Well, well, Nurse Walker, this is a side of you I haven’t seen.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, wrinkling her nose in embarrassment. “It’s the alcohol. I would never usually say something like that.”

  “You know what I’ve heard about alcohol? It gives you the courage to say things that are already on your mind.” As he said this he placed his hand lightly on Ada’s knee, causing her heart rate to increase exponentially.

  “It also affects your brain’s ability to make rational decisions,” Ada countered.

  Doctor Whitaker laughed heartily, removing his hand. “I guess you’re right. Perhaps it would be unwise to tempt you, in that case. Who knows what you’ve got going on in that pretty head of yours.”

  Ada’s heart pounded wildly. She wanted nothing more than for him to tempt her. She wanted to shake him and yell ‘take advantage of me!’ but felt it too inappropriate.

  “I’m sorry, I’ve embarrassed you,” he said, smiling kindly.

  “I don’t mind,” she said, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She wanted to make a move, but feared rejection above all else. “Doctor Whitaker, I really admire you.”

  “Well, thank you Ada,” he said.

  Ada took a deep breath, calming herself before moving one shaking hand and placing it on top of his. He looked at her for a few seconds, a quizzical expression on his face. Slowly, he turned his hand over and entwined their fingers until they were interlocked.

  Ada’s mouth felt dry, so she gulped the last of her drink down. She was about to confess her attraction to Doctor Whitaker, but he spoke first.

  “Well, I suppose we should get going, don’t you think?”

  “What?” Ada said, crestfallen. “You want to go already?”

  “Well it is almost midnight,” he said. “Come, Ada, I’ll take you home.”

  “Oh, all right.”

  Ada cursed herself mentally on the way back to the car. Of course he wanted to take her home; she’d been behaving foolishly. She was stupid to think he’d been flirting. She’d ruined the entire night by holding his hand, and now he was going to take her home.

  Ada sat quietly in the passenger seat on the entire ride home. Doctor Whitaker did not speak either, but seemed in a rush. He probably wants to get rid of me, she thought miserably.

  “You’re awfully quiet,” he said when they were almost there.

  Ada shrugged, and stared out of the window.

  “Are you feeling all right?” he asked, a worried expression on his face. “You didn’t drink too much, did you?”

  “No, it’ not that.” Truth be told the alcohol was beginning to wear off, and a depressed, guilty feeling was spreading though her stomach.

  Doctor Whitaker took one hand off the steering wheel and reached over, grasping Ada’s, which rested in her lap.

  She looked at them, thinking how beautifully they fit together. She rubbed her thumb across his the back of his hand, feeling the coarse hair.

  Doctor Whitaker gave a long, deep sigh.

  “What’s the matter, Doctor?” she asked.

  “Oh, Ada.” He took a deep breath, thinking hard. “I think I like it when you call me Doctor, too.”

  Her heart raced. She squeezed his hand gently, and he squeezed back.

  They pulled into Ada’s driveway a minute later, and sat in the car, unmoving. Neither spoke for a long while, they simply stared ahead as Doctor Whitaker’s headlights illuminated Ada’s beat up garage door. Electricity flew between them, heating up the car and fogging the windows.

  “What are we doing?” he said, groaning slightly, resting his elbow on the window frame. He seemed rather distressed by the whole situation. The last thing Ada wanted to do was complicate his life.

  “We’re not doing anything,” she said. It was true
.

  Doctor Whitaker turned his car off, throwing them into darkness. The only source of light was from the streetlamp behind them. Ada could only see Doctor Whitaker’s silhouette as they sat in the car, both too afraid to move a muscle, for neither wanted to be responsible for setting things in motion.

  Finally, Ada was the first to speak.

  “Would you like to come inside?” she asked.

  Doctor Whitaker gulped loudly, and nodded. She knew what he was thinking, because the exact same thing was running through her mind.

  What am I doing? Is this right? What will the repercussions be? What if the other Doctors or nurses find out?

  They exited the car in unison, and walked up the garden path together. Neither spoke, nor made physical contact. Once at the door, Ada fumbled with her keys, struggling to get them into the lock because her hands were shaking.

  “Allow me,” he said, taking the keys from her trembling hand.

  Doctor Whitaker unlocked the door with ease, letting it swing open to reveal the dark hall beyond.

  “After you,” he said, escorting her inside.

  Ada was ashamed of the state of her house. It was in shambles. Old food containers littered the coffee table, the dishes hadn’t been done, and washing was piled high in her laundry. It wasn’t that she was lazy, she simply had no time for chores.

  “I’m sorry it’s such a mess,” she said, anxiously. “I’m just so busy.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he smiled. “It’s homely.”

  “Heh … thanks. Uh … coffee?”

  “Just a water please,” he said, taking a seat on her sofa.

  Ada went to fetch Doctor Whitaker a water, hurrying back and placing it in his hand. She sat on the opposite end of the sofa, watching him drink it.

  What on earth am I doing? She thought to herself. She wanted to touch him, hold him, but she was too scared.

  Doctor Whitaker drained the glass and placed it on the coffee table. He ran a hand over his jaw, scratching his stubble before glancing at Ada from the corner of his eye. She couldn’t help but state. He was so handsome. Rugged, and manly, yet gentle and caring. He was perfect, and she wanted him to be hers.