by Carol Rose
Kelsey slowly shook her head, trying not to feel that she’d somehow failed her sister. “I just sat there looking at him and thinking about all the times we wondered how he looked—“
She broke off, helplessly, looking at her sister.
“—wondered why he never called or sent birthday presents. Wondered if he’d like us.”
Amy’s expressive face shimmered suddenly with the remembered pain that Kelsey felt herself.
“And I just couldn’t speak to him,” she finished. “I sat there thinking of all the things I could say. ‘Hello, I’m your grown daughter.’ ‘So you’re the man who donated the sperm.’”
She shrugged. “I didn’t know what to do.”
“Yes,” Amy said slowly. “I guess it would be hard to know what to say.”
“Then, he looked at me,” Kelsey said, still fidgeting with the cushion. “You know, like he really saw me in the midst of all those other people. And I didn’t know what I’d do if he came up to me. So, to keep from calling him a bastard and bursting into tears, I just left.”
Amy sat next to her in silence, her face troubled.
“I wish you’d told me you were going,” she said, at last. “It might not have been so hard if we’d gone together.”
“Maybe not,” Kelsey agreed, returning her sister’s sudden hug. “But I didn’t really decide to go till the last minute. And besides, you’ve been so up about things with Doug. I didn’t want to bring you down.”
A smile dawned suddenly on her sister’s face. “Things are going well with Doug. We watched videos and ordered in Chinese last night. I mean, we’ve done that a hundred times before. But there was this moment—he had his arm around me and he looked down at me—you know, eye to eye? I thought he was going to kiss me again. He didn’t then, but I know he will soon.”
Amy’s glow of excitement sent a warm surge of satisfaction through Kelsey. This was why she would marry Jared in a few short weeks. She leaned over, hugging her sister again.
“I’m glad. He couldn’t kiss a better girl. I’m so happy things are finally getting straightened out with you two.”
“Me, too.” Her sister bounced on the seat like a four-year old filled with exuberance.
Amy threw her arms wide, falling back against the loveseat. “Everything’s working out for us both! Who’d have thought you would fall for Jared just when I was about to give up on Doug?”
Throwing her love-fogged sister an indulgent glance, Kelsey murmured, “Yeah, what a surprise.”
“And Jared’s such a great guy,” Amy enthused. “So perfect for you. Strong and, you know, masterful. Not like some of those wimps you’ve flirted with. Jared’s absolutely the perfect guy for you.”
“Yes.” Kelsey twisted the antique sapphire ring on her finger, thinking about the man with whom she’d soon be sharing her bed and her life. Jared Barrett was the perfect man for her…for one whole year.
****
Kelsey held the cool champagne glass in her hand, glancing around again in amazement at the crowded room. She had no idea how Jared’s friends had pulled this bridal shower/engagement party together so quickly.
The wedding was all set for a week from this evening, less than six weeks from the fateful day in her office when she’d announced to Jared that she needed a husband. As far as she knew, however, this elegant, if boisterous, soiree had sprung up as an impulsive celebration sponsored by two couples Jared had known since college.
They were a rowdy bunch, despite their accumulated wealth and dignified professions. She’d never seen such a group of normal, cheerful people. Jared ran with a more diverse crowd than she’d have expected. He’d already introduced her to a young, hot architect, a stockbroker, two doctors, an editor for a small press and several struggling artists.
Even Doug was here with Amy in tow. As one of Jared’s executives, Doug had naturally been included any festivities. Apparently, Jared was known to have an egalitarian management style that frequently included socializing with his staff.
Kelsey was excited that Doug and Amy had come together. Even if his glance lingered occasionally on Kelsey, he turned back to his date soon enough. Her sister had never looked happier.
“Kelsey! Come let me introduce you to some people,” exclaimed Jennifer Scoggins, the wife of Jared’s college roommate.
With the other woman lightheartedly tugging at her hand, Kelsey laughed and allowed herself to be towed through the swarm.
“This is Sandra and Dina,” Jennifer said. “They wanted to meet the girl who’s landed our most elusive bachelor.”
“Yes,” Sandra said. “That boy’s broken a few hearts since his divorce. How did you manage to snare him?”
Kelsey chatted with the group of women, laughingly denying that she possessed any secret weapons. They seemed like friendly, intelligent women, although she couldn’t help suspecting that Dina had tried her hand at capturing Jared herself. The short, petite woman greeted her with enthusiasm, but her green eyes held something more than friendship when Jared’s name was mentioned.
As bizarre as it was, Kelsey had to admit to a smidgen of pique at the thought of the other woman angling for “her” man.
As with any cocktail party, the crowd shifted, groups forming and reforming, the sound of laughter and conversation rising and falling.
Listening to Jennifer’s take on the recent opening of an off-off Broadway play, Kelsey caught a glimpse of Jared across the room. His eyes met hers and he raised his glass in a small salute, a smile playing on his lips.
She smiled back, impressed with how comfortable he seemed. The situation might have challenged a less composed man. Here he was being feted by his long-time friends for a marriage that would be as false as a socialite’s kiss. He seemed almost too comfortable with an essentially dishonest situation.
Kelsey refused to hear the small warning bells that rang in her head at the thought. They’d been popping up ever since the situation with the hotel ad campaign and, especially since the revealing business dinner she’d shared with Jared and the union rep. She’d always known Jared was unfathomable, but now she had to wonder how this personality characteristic would affect their agreement.
Of course, she wasn’t in a position to judge. Her need for them to get married, and appear in love while doing so, was greater than his.
But for several weeks now, she’d pondered what she knew about Jared. For the most part, he seemed more honest than a lot of men, even with his sharkish moments. Oddly enough though, the tough, businessman side of him was less disturbing to her than the gentle moment when he’d taken her into his arms on the sidewalk after that business dinner.
Her reaction to that embrace had rubbed her like a new pair of shoes, ever since.
She needed Jared’s assistance in helping Doug get the picture—needed to clear the way for her sister—but she didn’t need to care for him, to fall in love with him. She’d fallen in love before and out again. How could a healthy woman her age not have a few affairs of the heart? But falling for Jared would be a huge mistake.
Not only did she need to maintain their arrangement for a full year—something she’d never even wanted to attain in her previous attachments—she still had some hopes of coming out of this marriage without any lasting emotional damage. If she kept her head, she could enjoy the heck out of herself and finally do right by her sister.
Jared’s demeanor tonight was both reassuring and disquieting. On the one hand, he didn’t cling to her or act overly-possessive as some men did when they had feelings for a woman. On the other hand, how comfortable would it be to make love to a man who had no significant emotion for her? Even a man as hot as Jared.
A commotion by the apartment’s front door drew Kelsey’s attention.
“Here’s our surprise guest,” Jennifer said gaily. “You have to come see.”
She urged a laughing Kelsey through the crowd, coming to a halt in the foyer.
A middle-aged woman dressed in a canary yellow suit with a matchin
g hat and shoes stood just inside the door, her arm thrown around Jared’s neck.
The laughter died in Kelsey’s throat. “Mother! You’re here.”
“Of course, I’m here," Chloe exclaimed, her little-girl voice even more breathless than usual. “How could I miss my Kelsey’s wedding?”
She planted a kiss on Jared's cheek. “You be good to my baby.”
“I promise,” Jared said, his voice good-natured, despite the smear of lipstick he had to know decorated his jaw.
“Give me a hug,” Chloe pleaded, crossing the foyer to throw her arms around Kelsey.
Hugging her mother for a moment, a cloud of Chloe’s signature perfume engulfing her, Kelsey felt affection, sadness and the intense desire for her mother to return to Spain. Guilt followed swiftly, of course, but she couldn’t shake the discomfort.
“Mother!” Amy separated herself from the crowd, going over to embrace Chloe. “How wonderful!”
Kelsey trailed her mother and sister into the living area as Jennifer introduced Chloe to everyone. She loved her mother, but her being here just added a wealth of emotion into a situation that Kelsey wanted to keep as simple as possible. Somehow her presence made the wedding more real.
She didn’t want Jared spending time with her mother, not because she was in any way ashamed of the woman who’d been her only parent, but because it was so much easier to keep things uncomplicated when the past didn’t muddy up the situation.
And she couldn’t help but dread the heart-to-heart talk with her mother. Deeply, ironically, romantic, Chloe would want every detail of their first meeting, first date and Jared’s proposal. Just the thought of manufacturing memories for all that made Kelsey tired.
Sitting her champagne glass down on a table, she drifted in and out of several conversations before finding herself at a window with a fantastic view of Central Park. Taking a breather before wading back into the enthusiastic fray, she looked out at the dark gardens, lit here and there by occasional lamp posts.
“Kelsey!” Doug whispered urgently beside her, making her jump.
“Oh, Doug. Isn’t this a great party?” she asked, noticing with foreboding the sheen of perspiration on his upper lip and the flushed appearance of his face. How much had he had to drink, she wondered.
“Do you mean to go through with this?” he asked abruptly, a mixture of anger and unhappiness on his face.
“Through with…,” her words trailed off, deliberate puzzlement on her face.
“This marriage,” Doug hissed. “I don’t care what Amy says. Jared isn’t your type.”
She looked down at her hands, her engagement ring winking at her. Kelsey wished she still held a wine glass. “You mean he’s not the type of man I’ve dated?”
“Yes,” Doug snapped, keeping his voice mercifully low.
The last thing they needed was for Amy to overhear this sad, little interchange.
Kelsey paused for a moment, searching for the words that would convince him of her devotion to Jared and thus, of her eternal unavailability to him. “I’m not interested in dating a ‘type’ of man anymore. I’ve fallen in love with Jared and, yes, I’m going through with the marriage.”
Doug turned to look out the window at the park.
“I knew it was a risk when I introduced you to him, brought him to Peckham and Morrow. But I thought you were perfect for the account.” He looked back at her. “You didn’t seem attracted to him and he never said much about you.”
Kelsey didn’t know what to say. She’d always been attracted to Jared, no matter how well she’d managed to hide the fact from Doug. Amy had picked up on her interest.
“Well,” he said after a moment. “It’s not as if you can’t change your mind and get a divorce.”
Kelsey drew a deep breath, a number of emotions fighting for supremacy. Indignation, sadness, annoyance. “Listen, Doug. I’m marrying Jared because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life loving him. If I weren’t convinced of that, I wouldn’t be marrying him. I’m not like my mother.”
Doug stared at her, surprise in his eyes. “But you’ve always said—“
“I know what I’ve said,” she snapped. “I was wrong. Jared’s…different from all the others. He makes me feel different, makes me feel more than any other man ever has. I’m marrying him and I’m staying married to him because I love him.”
***
Jared, standing several feet away, two champagne glasses in his hands, felt his heart skip several beats. One day she’d say those words and mean them, he vowed to himself.
The window framed Kelsey and Doug, both their faces heated, their body language conveying the tension in their interchange.
He’d been right to start all this. Kelsey didn’t love Doug as a man, but she had great affection for him as a brother. He’d make the perfect husband for Amy and the perfect brother-in-law for Kelsey. In the end, they’d all be happier.
“Sweetheart,” Jared said, stepping forward to hand her the champagne. “I’m bringing you your last glass for the evening. We can’t have you tipsy when we open the gifts.”
He slipped his arm around Kelsey, drawing her up against his body as he met Doug’s flustered gaze. His face was flushed, his distress evident.
It wasn’t difficult to sympathize with Doug’s misery. Even without his arms around Kelsey, Jared could appreciate the other man’s loss.
The glass in her hand shaking ever so slightly, she took a sip, glancing up at him with grateful eyes.
Jared pulled her closer, knowing this was one war he couldn’t afford to lose.
“If we’re ready to open gifts,” she said with a bright smile, “I need to visit the powder room first. Excuse me.”
Watching her as she slipped gracefully through the crowd, Jared didn’t at first hear what Doug said. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
“I said,” Doug enunciated more clearly, “if you hurt her I’ll break both your legs.”
CHAPTER NINE
“She’s really marrying him.” Doug sounded dazed as he sank on to his couch an hour after the engagement party had broken up.
He looked so lost and forlorn, Amy almost wanted to tell him that he could keep his fantasy about Kelsey, after all.
Not really, she amended, being honest with herself.
Sitting next to him on the couch, she reached over and took his hand in hers, saying, “Yes, she’s really marrying him.”
“I can’t believe it,” he said for the fifth time since they’d climbed into a cab together after the party.
“She loves him,” Amy said. “Really loves him.”
Doug pulled away from her angrily. “It’s not true! Kelsey’s just infatuated. She gets that way sometimes with flashy guys like Jared.”
“Jared? Flashy?” Amy lifted an eyebrow. Her sister’s fiancé could be described variously as sexy, tough and powerful, but flashy didn’t in any way convey his essence.
“It always fizzles out. Every time she falls for some guy, it fizzles out,” Doug sputtered.
“She’s never gotten married before,” Amy reminded him with a hint of asperity. “She’s never come close.”
“No,” he said slowly. “She hasn’t. I never thought she would until she….”
Amy took his hand again. “I think she really loves him and he obviously loves her. You can see it in the way he looks at her, the way he touches her.”
The look of distress on Doug’s face deepened. “You think so?”
“Yes.” Amy got up from the couch and slipped behind him, her hands resting on his shoulders. “She’ll be fine, you know. You don’t have to worry about her anymore.”
Doug sighed. “I always have.”
“I know,” she said, her annoyance evaporating as her fingers moved lightly over his shoulders. He was such a fool, such a beloved, bewildered fool.
“When I first met you two, Kelsey seemed tough and cool,” Doug murmured. “Always hip and really hot.”
“Yeah,” Amy conc
eded, hearing the sad, ironic note in her own voice and wondering how he could be so blind.
Laughing softly, he said, “You were different. So bouncy and silly, like a soft, warm kitten. You could always make me so mad.”
Amy’s fingers stopped moving, her love for him rising in a lump in her throat at the tenderness in his voice.
“Then you moved away when your mother got married again.”
“To Walt,” Amy agreed, matter-of-factly. Her mother’s tendency to collect husbands was almost a non-issue at this point.
“Yeah? Walt? I lose track,” Doug murmured, his shoulders slumping in relaxation under her massaging hands. “But when that didn’t last and you both moved back here and came back to school, Kels seemed tougher somehow. Like she was just closing up around one more hurt.”
“We liked Walt.”
Doug glanced up at her with a smile. “I remember. We sat on the stairs outside your apartment, you and I, and you cried because you missed him.”
“You were sweet.” Amy brushed at the fringe of his dark hair with her thumbs, drawing them down along the ridge of his neck. “You kissed me on the lips and told me it would be okay.”
“Yes,” he said, his voice vibrating against the palms of her hands. “I remember you were really surprised. Then you were hugging me back and you stopped crying.”
“The power of a kiss.” Out over the tops his shoulders, she skated her hands, longing flooding her to the point she was almost sick with it.
“I always wanted to help, to make it better,” Doug said softly. “My family isn’t perfect, but it was better than yours.”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“I could always cheer you up,” Doug said after a few moments. “But Kels seemed beyond me. After the divorce from Walt, I realized she wasn’t really tough, just hiding everything inside. I could make you feel better, but not Kelsey. It seemed like I could never quite reach her. Never make it better.”
“But you keep trying.” The muscles in Amy’s throat hurt from the strain of her emotions. She loved him. So much. And she wanted to be here for him now. Now when he was facing the death of his fantasy about her sister, the grief in his voice both aggrieved and confused.