by Carol Rose
“Sis?” Amy blew on her coffee again, her gaze downward. “Are you sure marrying Jared was a mistake?”
The question hung in the air between them for a long moment before Kelsey could muster the strength to respond. “Yes. I’m afraid it’s beginning to look like I’m more like Mother than I’d realized.”
“That’s absolutely not true,” Amy disagreed flatly, setting her coffee cup down. “Just completely not true.”
Kelsey shrugged, trying to keep the misery out of her expression. “Whatever. I’m married and separated in less than a month.”
“But should you be? Separated, I mean?” Amy’s gaze searched her face.
“I…I think so,” Kelsey groped for a way to explain her fears. She loved Jared and not being with him was like dying inside, but each day they had contact the bond between them seemed to grow stronger. If she didn’t cut it now, the eventual, inevitable loss would kill her.
Loving him and living with him would be like giving him carte blanche to trample on her heart. When he left—which she knew would happen—what would be left of her?
Kelsey opened her mouth to try and explain to her sister, “He doesn’t really love me. I can’t trust him.”
“That can’t be true,” Amy said instantly. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Shaking her head, Kelsey said, “He—Jared is used to getting what he wants. He’s ruthless, at times, and manipulative. I-I just can’t trust him to—to always be there for me.”
Covering her face with her hands as if to hold the tears inside, Kelsey stopped.
Amy got out of her chair and came around the desk to hug her. “I think you’re wrong. He does love you, even if he’s not perfect. But I know you have to sort it out yourself. Remember, I love you, no matter what.”
“Yes,” Kelsey agreed, hugging her back, tears swimming in her eyes at her sister’s support.
“Of course, the roses had to have made an impact,” Amy said, glancing at her sister for confirmation. “Didn’t you keep any of them?”
“No.” Her throat felt tight.
“Well, the women in the office thank you, even if Jared didn’t mean for them to get his peace offering.”
“I’m glad they like them,” Kelsey said bleakly. In other circumstances, she’d have been enchanted herself. Roses might not be her very favorite flower, but they weren’t chopped liver, either.
“So if the flowers didn’t do the trick, what will?” her sister asked.
“Nothing. It’s over.”
“Too bad. Jared’s been such a good friend.” Amy shook her head, her face sad.
Kelsey looked at her, puzzled at the comment. “Jared’s been a good friend…to you?”
“Yes, I can’t get over how right he was about Doug,” Amy said, taking another sip.
“In what way?” Kelsey heard the foreboding in her own voice. When had Jared ever said anything to her sister about Doug?
Amy shook her head and laughed. “When Jared first offered me that job in London, I thought he was nuts. I was convinced that Doug really wouldn’t care if I left town. But Jared said he just needed a little push and that my leaving would do the trick. Of course, I didn’t need to leave because you guys got married.”
Kelsey stared at her sister in shock. “Jared offered you the job in London? Actually encouraged you to move?”
“Sure,” Amy said, surprise in her voice. “And then you guys got engaged and I didn’t need to move. I wondered if my talking about moving away kind of made you and Jared go public with your relationship. Maybe, it nudged you into making a commitment.”
“Something like that,” Kelsey admitted, feeling dazed. For a moment, she had an urge to confess the truth to Amy about her marriage. But she knew she couldn’t. Not now when she was so miserably unhappy. Amy would feel responsible and her guilt might taint the very happiness Kelsey had bought for her.
“Anyway,” Amy said, “I think Jared really loves you, even if he is less than perfect, and maybe you ought to give him another chance. Try to work things out.”
“Jared was the person getting the job in London,” Kelsey repeated slowly, the roaring in her ears growing louder.
“Yes. Didn’t he tell you?”
“No,” Kelsey said, her mind whirling, her heart thudding painfully in her chest. All this time, she’d been working to keep her sister close by and…Jared had been enticing her away?
The bastard! How could he have done such a cruel thing? She’d told him how she felt about Amy leaving, yet he’d still left his offer open.
Amy laughed. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he didn’t say anything. Jared knows how to keep his own counsel.”
Outrage spilled through Kelsey, sparking through her mind like the spray of current from an electrical short.
Jared had prompted Amy to shake Doug up? Had actually offered her a job overseas and kept the fact a secret all this time?
She couldn’t believe it. Couldn’t imagine why he’d urge her sister to do something so drastic, something so hurtful to Kelsey as suggesting Amy leave the continent. Why would he have done it?
Because he’d been up to something, her mind whispered. She loved him and he was simply playing a game. Manipulating, maneuvering. Managing people’s lives without their consent. Jared liked controlling people.
“Listen,” Amy said, getting up. “I’ve got to get back to my desk. I just wanted to tell you I’m engaged! We’re going to get the ring this afternoon.”
“I’m glad,” Kelsey said numbly as her sister left the office. “Really glad. See you later.”
God, she couldn’t think! What did it mean? Jared had prompted Amy to leave Doug. Amy had then prompted her to…do something to set Doug free. She then had determined to marry someone…and Jared stepped into the breach.
Surely, not even Jared could contrive to make all that happen. He had no way of knowing she’d decide to get married.
And even if he’d hoped for that, or hoped that her concern about Doug might make her more receptive to his proposal, why would the man do such a thing?
We could…have kids, his voice said casually from her memory. Jared’s words floated in her head for a second. Would he? Would any man go so far to get a woman to have his children? He was a very wealthy man. He could buy a raft of women willing to have a child for him.
He’d denied trying to trick her into having a child. Denied so convincingly that he’d been trying to get her pregnant. But if that wasn’t his motive, what was? Could he simply have some sort of egomaniacal need to control others?
Had he considered her some sort of challenge, a conquest to be made? Why else would he have behaved so strangely? Working to get her sister to confront Doug. Taking Kelsey up on her declaration of needing a husband. Why would a man do those things?
Unless he was fundamentally incapable of taking the straight forward path.
If he’d had a physical attraction to her, why hadn’t he just come right out with it and asked her on a date?
None of it made any sense, but Amy’s revelation left Kelsey feeling furious and sick inside. All along, she’d sensed there were things he was keeping hidden from her, lying to her.
She couldn’t trust him. Couldn’t rely on him to be honest, much less rely on him to care for her the way she loved him.
How dare he manipulate her!
Kelsey had to talk to him. Scream at him. Had to make him explain the things he’d done. Now.
***
Kelsey stood in the lobby of the apartment building she’d lived in with Jared for the happiest, stupidest month of her life. Stood waiting for him, a fire of anger, resentment and thwarted love burning in her chest. He had to explain himself, had to be made to explain his behavior.
If she hadn’t given all the damned roses away, she’d have brought a couple of vases full to fling in his face.
The brass-framed main doors opened, the doorman holding it for an elderly couple.
Kelsey stood t
o the side of the marble-floored lobby, her chest tight with anger and sick with anticipation.
“Mrs. Barrett?” the doorman said, a puzzled look on his face. “Are you sure you won’t go up? I can’t say for sure when Mr. Barrett will be coming home.”
“No, thank you, Anthony,” she said quickly, “I…can’t go up. I-I’ll just stay a few more minutes. I, uh, I have somewhere else I have to be.”
“If you’re sure,” the older man said, a worried expression in his kind eyes.
“I’m sure.” She smiled at him in an attempt at reassurance, but the effort felt tight on her lips.
With a last glance, he withdrew to his post on the sidewalk.
Hugging her arms around herself nervously, Kelsey paced the small lobby, her thoughts scurrying around in her head like demented rodents. How dare he lie to her and manipulate her? Like some kind of con man, he’d insinuated his way into her life under false pretenses. Led her into a fantasy he couldn’t fulfill. Led her into hope and heartache, all for his own dark purposes. His own need for power and pulling the strings.
Deep inside, she almost hated him for making her love him. Jared had managed in six short weeks what she’d been able to keep a score of men from accomplishing in her adult life. He’d robbed her of her heart.
This wasn’t the same as all the times before. This time, she’d let her guard down and come to cherish him, conniving jerk that he was. He’d only wiped her face when she was ill and rescued her from the rain. There was no reason she should love him like this, no reason to feel as if every organ had been unplugged, leaving her hollow inside.
Anyone could buy roses. Wasn’t that what men usually did when they’d screwed up? Bought flowers?
Conscious of the curious stares as people passed through the lobby on their way to the elevators, Kelsey tried to look nonchalant. Tried to shutter the misery from her face. When a woman who lived on Jared’s floor came through, pausing to say hello, she stammered something about waiting for her husband.
Cringing inside, she tried to fortify her wavering smile long enough to see the woman on her way.
Where the hell was he? Out partying with a bevy of women? Or, even worse, was he tucked in an intimate booth with just one, special woman? One woman he was making to feel as special as he made her feel?
The thought made Kelsey dizzy with pain, her stomach wrenching. How stupid she’d been, gullible and naïve.
It was then that she saw Jared, striding grim-faced up to the door. He paused a moment to exchange a word with Anthony. Through the glass, she saw the uniformed doorman smile and reach to open the door for Jared.
Seeing him sent something hot and angry bursting through her. Only weeks ago, her heart would have been thudding in anticipation, joyful to be with him again. Bounding around like a brainless puppy.
Because of him, she was reduced to breathless misery. Reduced to being…Chloe. The one person she’d always promised herself she wouldn’t become.
He’d done that to her, him with his melting smile and his strong arms around her—all that and his lying, conniving, faithless heart.
Jared came through the double doors, surprise on his face when he saw her.
“Kelsey? What—“ he broke off as if he didn’t know what to say.
Angry tears threatened her burning eyes and Kelsey burst into speech as the doors closed behind him. “Why did you offer Amy that job in London?”
“What?” He came closer to where she stood, his footsteps echoing on the cold marble.
“Why did you tell her she should do something to force Doug to get over me?” Kelsey demanded in a rush, battling the tears back. “And why didn’t you bother to tell me about your Machiavellian plans?”
Angry surprise flashed on his face. “My what?”
“You put Amy up to leaving the country,” Kelsey told him, drawing in a sobbing breath. “You deliberately created a crisis with her for some devious purpose of your own.”
“Kelsey,” he said, reaching out to take her arm. “Please come upstairs.”
“No!” she hissed, jerking back. Letting him touch her would send her over the edge, she knew.
The main doors behind him opened and a family of man, woman and child came through the lobby.
“Please,” Jared repeated, his hand dropping to his side, his eyes dark with an unreadable intensity.
Her teeth chattering together from the emotional storm raging in her, Kelsey shook her head.
“You talked to me about trust and honesty the day I left. When have you ever been honest with me?”
“Kelsey,” he started, his voice less calm.
“And why did you really offer to marry me?” she demanded, the fresh rush of anger making it hard to talk. “Don’t tell me it didn’t include some deceitful plan of yours. Do you do anything without an ulterior motive? How can you even suggest that I deceived you that day? You’ve been nothing but underhanded with me from the beginning. Sending me roses and reminding me of our agreement!”
He’d made her hope, damn him, made her want what she knew she couldn’t have. All in some heartless, manipulative attempt to arrange other people’s lives. Liar! she wanted to shout.
She gulped back a sob, struggling to control her tears, the sound drawing the stare of an elderly man just exiting the elevator.
“Can we discuss this upstairs?” Jared asked, his voice low.
“No.” She drew in a rough breath. “I-I don’t want to go up. Just answer my questions.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, his dark, intent gaze seeming to take in everything about her.
“The job in London. You offered it to Amy,” Kelsey accused, her hands trembling so much she had trouble holding the strap of her purse. Slinging it over her shoulder, she glared at him.
“So what if I offered Amy a job?” he said after a moment.
“Why? Why did you do it? You started this whole, insane mess. Amy and Doug. Our ending up married.”
He glanced down briefly, his lashes shadowing his eyes for a moment. “Maybe I did start it, but is that so bad? Amy and Doug have worked everything out. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
The hard note in his voice, the burning intensity in his gaze, slashed at her.
Maybe her sister was happy, Kelsey thought, but she was being destroyed in the process. She, Kelsey, had fallen over the precipice she’d feared her whole life.
“I realize now,” she said, her voice shaking, “that you don’t do anything without a reason. So why did you tell my mother we were going to give her grandchildren? You say you don’t have to trap a woman into having your children, but you said that to my mother. You admitted to me that you wanted to change our deal to include children.”
She felt locked in his gaze, caught and lost. Hurt, disillusionment and rage threatened to swamp her. She loved him, dammit, and he was a snake in the grass. He was dishonest and power-hungry and he didn’t love her back. “Was I some sort of a challenge to you? Rich men get bored sometimes. Did you just want to see if you could get me to cave in? You’ve been using me—“
“That’s not true," Jared said flatly, breaking into her diatribe, giving no sign he was aware of the doorman walking through the lobby behind them. Anthony cast them a surreptitious glance but said nothing, punching the elevator button and returning to the door.
Kelsey’s words tangled in a mass at the back of her throat, her gaze searching his face as if to find the truth.
He hesitated. “I did…maneuver Amy, a little—“
Kelsey’s laugh was short and hard.
“Doug needed a shake-up,” he insisted. “He was infatuated with you. You were clueless and Amy was hurting.”
“So, out of the goodness of your heart, you offered her a job, and when I needed a husband, you offered to marry me,” Kelsey concluded, her wrath not appeased. “Why? Why did you marry me? Answer me and don’t lie!”
“You needed a husband,” he said slowly before pausing. “I thou
ght we’d be good together.”
Jared saw the disbelief on her face, the skepticism radiating from her. Even now, she looked incredibly beautiful, her face flushed with fury, her eyes red with anger and tears. The normally smooth sweep of her dark hair was fluffed around her face, as if the wind had kicked it up and she hadn’t thought to straighten it.
So much for his floral gesture.
Seeing her so miserable at the agency meeting had left him aching to make everything better. He’d ordered the flowers hoping to tread the fine line, luring her closer without declaring his own feelings.
He couldn’t admit his love now, couldn’t get the words to form in his brain, much less get them out of his mouth. Said now, the words would seem like one more manipulation.
He kept thinking, too, that at the slightest difficulty, she’d bailed out on him. Taken her marbles and gone home. The past month of loving and sharing their days and nights hadn’t meant anything when she’d come face to face with the possibility of a pregnancy. He knew that having a child wasn’t the issue—it was having his child that sent her over the edge. Any thought of genuine commitment to him and their marriage, that scared her. Taking a chance on a future with him.
She couldn’t take a risk on him, couldn’t believe in him. The thought speared through Jared and he went blank, unable to do anything else but stare at her wordlessly.
She’d told him she wasn’t pregnant and he’d believed her, but the thought of her conceiving and hiding the fact haunted him. She’d openly acknowledged she wanted children at some point in time. She’d gone ballistic over his comment to her mother and she’d never given any sign that they had a real future together.
But when she’d thought she was pregnant with his child, she couldn’t get far enough away from him.
The image of her pregnant shook him. Kelsey nursing their child at her breast. Bearing the child, alone. Raising it, alone. The thought of a child of his growing up in New York unbeknownst to him made his stomach clench.
He looked into her beautiful face and made himself confront the likelihood that he’d never be able to win her over. Maybe she was scarred too deeply, hurt too badly by the abandonment of her father and the merry-go-round of stepfathers. Maybe she couldn’t love any man.