Behind the Beginning (Becoming the Wolf Book 1)

by T. S. Joyce

  Grey frowned. “You’re looking for man-eater kills?”

  “It’s a good habit to keep. Maintaining our secrecy is a full-time job. I can only imagine the lengths someone went to cover up the monster that attacked Morgan’s sister and you.”

  “What do you do when you find one?”

  Rachel’s hazel eyes looked haunted. “If a man-eater kills in our territory, he’s our problem. The pack takes care of him.”

  Grey knocked lightly on the table. “Remind me not to get on the pack’s bad side.”

  She snorted. “Pretty sure you could take the entire pack.”

  “Probably. I’ll be back around two. You need me to pick up anything while I’m out?”

  “The answer’s always eggs. We can never have enough eggs.”

  He nodded and headed for Lana, who rolled a wooden train he’d carved around the living room. He gave her a squeeze and headed to his truck to see Eric Brennan, Dean’s realtor, about buying some property.

  They were going to take a look at acreage around Dean’s place. It wouldn’t take them long because the three land parcels he was interested in were all nearby and in the same area. That, and Grey knew exactly what he wanted. If none of the properties came close to what he had in mind, he would keep looking.

  On the first night Morgan had let him sleep in her bed, they’d talked until the early hours of the morning. She’d told him about family, friends, and what life was like when she’d been a child. The biggest part of that discussion was future plans. Her dream for a log cabin in the woods had stuck with him. She wanted the cabin to be nice and big so when Lana got older, she could bring her family around for holidays. Morgan’s dream for the future had slowly molded into his dream for the present. He wanted—no, needed—to make her happy. Wolf would never be satisfied if he didn’t, and there was a blooming, innate urge to take care of her and the child. To provide for them. He would withdraw what was needed from the trust fund, and the consequences be damned.

  The first property was sixty-five acres of flat land. Mesquite trees and the occasional blooming cactus clusters dusted the rich, dark soil. To reach the front gate, he would have to drive through two other properties, and he wanted land that came straight off the main road. He never wanted to deal with property or trespassing disputes about getting to his own house.

  The second property, about eighty-seven acres, looked more like what he had in mind except it was six properties away from Dean’s place. The miles between them would be too much if he ever needed the pack’s help quickly. Or if they needed help from him in return.

  As he and Eric pulled over the cattle guards of the third one, he smiled. This was the one. It had come on the market two weeks ago. The property consisted of almost one hundred acres, and was right off the main road. It had once been three plots of land, but those had been purchased by one man, who now sold it as one large property. Situated between Wade and Dean’s properties, the land would create a bridge that would give the wolves more consecutive territory to run on. The land was hillier than was common in these parts and even had a small mountain. Water and electricity had already been run on it to get to Wade’s property. He would have to thank him for that later.

  “The only problem with this one,” Eric told him, “is it already has interest and an offer on the table. You’d need to make a decision on this one quickly and make a higher offer.”

  Grey looked around and nodded. With his trust, he would be able to buy it at the asking price and build a home on it. God, he couldn’t even imagine what his dad would say about this when he found out he’d finally touched the money his mom had set aside for him. “Alright, let’s sign the paperwork. This is the one.”

  After he’d finished with the realtor, Grey headed into town, hoping the seller would agree to his offer and toss out the other. He was surprised when Eric called him while he was in the dairy section of the grocery store to tell him the property would be his in thirty days after closing. Everything was falling into place, for the first time in his entire life.

  All he needed was for Morgan to come back.

  By the time Grey arrived back at the house, it was dinnertime. He grabbed a giant carton of eggs from the passenger seat and jogged around the front of the truck. He froze and snapped his head toward the barn, sniffed once. Twice. Something was different, so he left the eggs there and shut the door.

  “Are you okay?” Dean asked from the front door, and didn’t look like he’d sensed anything, didn’t feel the electricity in the air beckoning him to the barn.

  “I think I need to check on Morgan.”

  Dean trotted down the dirt road behind him. Wolf always perked up when he went to see Morgan, but this time he was howling to Change. A slow simmering panic spurred Grey into a jog.

  “You going wolf?” Dean asked.

  “Not this time.” Dean tossed him the keys and by the time they got to the stairs, Grey was running. As he opened the door, the scent of her slammed into him.

  “I’ll call Wade,” Dean said softly, glancing around Grey’s shoulder.

  There she was, his Morgan. She sat on a piece of the shredded mattress. Feet resting against two of the bars, she sat elbows on knees, hands clenched and face buried in her forearms. Her dark hair cascaded down her back and shielded her body. She sniffled and looked up with wide, frightened eyes. Her leg was open and bleeding. It had been healing quickly when she’d been in wolf form, but the Change back must have reopened it.

  “Grey?” she whispered in a voice thick from crying. “What’s happening?”

  His heart sank. Where did he even begin? How was he supposed to explain it all? Her life was supposed to be so different and it had just taken a hard right down the path of most destruction.

  “Morgan,” he said, emotion filling his throat and making it hard to continue. He shook his head and unlocked the cage.

  “I’m one of you, now, aren’t I? I can feel the animal. I can feel her pulling for control, telling me to run.”

  “You don’t have to run from me,” he said, meeting stunning gray-violet eyes. “I would never hurt you.”

  Her downturned lips trembled. “I know why they call you the Big Bad Wolf now. The weight of your animal, of you…it makes me feel like I can’t breathe.”

  Every tear streaming down her face was a dagger. He was a monster. Morgan had shielded him from what he was when she’d been human. She hadn’t known any better, had treated him like any other man. Now with the sensitivity of a wolf, she understood what he was.

  Grey left to grab a blanket for her from the storage room, and when he returned, tried to stay as far away as possible as he offered it to her. Still, she looked terrified. She didn’t move toward the blanket, so he unfolded it and placed it around her shoulders. Then he backed off and knelt, met her at eye level.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, looking at him apologetically. “It hurts too bad to move. Is it always like this?”

  “Yeah, the first few times you’re pretty sore afterward until your body adjusts to that kind of pain. You were a wolf for nine days, and if you stay in one form too long, it makes the pain worse. It gets easier if you Change back and forth more regularly.”

  Morgan straightened up her spine and her eyes went round. “A week and a half? Is Lana okay? Where is she?”

  “She’s fine,” Grey said. “Better than fine, but missing you. She’ll be really happy to get to see you again. We didn’t want her seeing you as a wolf yet. Not until you can control yourself better.”

  She sat there quietly, a faraway look in her eyes.

  “Morgan, I need to put pressure on your leg because it’s still bleeding. Wade lives close. He’s the pack doctor, but until he gets here, we need to put something on your leg to slow it down.”

  She nodded stiffly and he raced for the first aid supplies in the storage room. He came in slowly, gauze bandages at the ready.

  As he got closer, she let out a small whimper. “I’m so sorry,” she squeaked.r />
  “It’s okay. Everything is okay. How many times have I growled at you when I didn’t mean to? You can make any noises you want to; I’ll understand. Fuck…” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I just…”

  “You just what?”

  “I just want to hold you,” he admitted low.

  “You won’t hurt me?”

  “Never.”

  “Then maybe I want that too,” she said thickly. “I’ve missed myself. I’ve missed you.”

  And that was enough. He scooped her onto his lap and hugged her gently, rocked her as he held pressure on her leg, kissed her messy hair and wished to God he could take her pain into himself and make things easier on her.

  Nine days, and this was the first time he felt like there wasn’t a gaping hole inside of him. Morgan filled that.

  Wade arrived just as the bleeding slowed. Morgan held Grey’s hand as Wade gave her muscle relaxers and a round of antibiotics and stitched her leg. Twenty minutes later, she was able to at least move her arms, and Wade handed over a bundle of clothes Grey had packed.

  “A hot shower will get some of the stiffness out, too,” Wade said

  She looked down at herself and her cheeks flushed. She was naked except for the blanket Grey had brought, and unlike the other wolves, very obviously not okay with public nudity.

  It took a long time for her to dress herself and then, with Grey and Wade’s help, get up the stairs in the barn. She tripped on the last stair and grunted in pain when he caught her.

  He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t watch her drag her injured body all the way up the road. He picked her up and headed for the house, careful not to jostle her sore body, his long gait quick and smooth. She relaxed into him and put her arms around his neck. Mine, mine, mine, Wolf chanted.

  He carried her through the back door, and at Rachel’s questioning look, shook his head. She pulled Lana close and pointed to a page of a picture book in her lap as he took Morgan up the stairs. She needed time before being reunited with her little girl.

  He took her straight into the bathroom and turned the shower on. She stood frozen, hands clenched in front of her and looking at the grout lines on the tile floor. He was quiet until it clouds of steam billowed from behind the blue floral shower curtain.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, leaning against the counter. He’d never felt so helpless. “I know it’s not enough, but I’m so sorry. This was never supposed to happen to you. This was never my plan.” He looked at her, begging for understanding, begging for her to just lift her gaze to his and give some small hint that she didn’t hate him. “I know you have a hard time being around me. I can see it in your face. I love you, and I’ll wait. As long as it takes, I’ll wait for you to be okay with me again.”

  He turned to leave but she whispered his name and it stopped him in his tracks.

  “Yeah?” he asked without turning around.

  “I still love you too, you know. This is a lot and I am trying to figure out my new self, but that part hasn’t changed. This isn’t your fault.”

  There it was—his absolution. A hundred pounds lifted from his shoulders with those words, but… “If I hadn’t brought you here—”

  “I wanted to come here. I’m going to get better.”

  “Of course you will. You’re a badass, Morgan. You take things as they come, you roll with the punches and you make the best out of every situation. More people should be like you.”

  She giggled, but clapped her hand over her mouth.

  “What?” he asked.

  She snorted and laughed again. “Grey, no one should be like me. I want to bite everyone.”

  Grey laughed but coughed to cover it. “This shouldn’t be funny.”

  “It’s ridiculous,” she said, laughing louder. “I’m a wolf. I’m a werewolf. I’m a motherfreaking rabbit-eating, howling-at-the-moon, peeing-on-trees werewolf. And my boyfriend is a werewolf. And everything is so…so…” She wiped tears of laughter out of the corners of her eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But…”

  “But…” he repeated softly, already knowing what she would say next.

  “We will make the best of it.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Morgan knelt at the top of the stairs, in the shadows, watching the werewolves below.

  Dean spoke to Wade quietly by the fire about his trip to Colorado to escort Alexis to her new pack. Tensed and uncomfortable, hands clenched in front of his mouth, Grey sat at the table, staring off into space. He was even more handsome now that she could see every detail. These new eyes picked up everything. Every movement, every fine line, more colors. And she heard everything clear as a bell. Her skin was more sensitive, and the wet spot on her back from her damp hair felt too cold. A tingling sensation was zinging up and down her arms, and inside of her, the predator curled in on itself and let off a soft growl.

  Grey’s gold eyes snapped right to her. His dirty blond hair hung in front of his face, brushing his jawline, and his lips were stretched in a thin line. He stood slowly. He was taller and broader in the shoulders than she even remembered from her days as a human. And right near his feet played Lana. Lana.

  Her breath caught in her throat. Her Grey and her Lana. It didn’t matter how much she’d changed, or all the emotions washing through her right now. They were her family. She made her way down the stairs, every muscle in her body aching from that awful Change back to her human skin. Her leg throbbed with each stair step, but her instincts said to look strong. Don’t show them weakness.

  Grey let off a breath, as if he’d been holding it, and he offered a smile that lit up the room brighter than that old moose antler chandelier above them.

  “How can anyone look so pretty?” Grey asked.

  “You mean after nine days of not showering?” she joked.

  “Morgan!” Lana cried, looking up from a wooden trainset she’d been chugging along the carpet. She jumped up and bolted for her, nearly knocked the wind out of her with how hard she barreled into her for a hug. Laughing, Morgan went down, landed hard on her butt but that was okay. This hug was every bit as important as the one that Grey had given her earlier. The one that put her pieces back together. This—holding Lana—was doing the same.

  She made sense when she was with them.

  “I’ve missed you, my baby,” she told Lana.

  “Me to. Grey took me to the bank, and to the park, and to get ice cream. And look.” Lana held up the wooden train. “Me and Grey made this in his woodshop. Took six years.”

  “Six hours,” Grey corrected her. God the way he smiled at Lana melted Morgan’s heart. They’d bonded even more while she’d been a wolf.

  Morgan tried not to wince as Lana wiggled against her still aching body. “It sounds like you had so much fun,” she said. “And you two did so good on this train.”

  Grey kept his distance as she talked tiredly with Dean and Rachel and Wade. She didn’t like distance, but in some ways, she felt she needed it from the overpowering aura that emanated from him. This was stupid. It was Grey. She was safe with Grey.

  She hated how she didn’t understand herself anymore.

  “You’re probably exhausted,” Rachel said softly as Morgan’s eyes grew heavier with every passing minute.

  “Honestly, I’ve never felt this drained in my entire life. Is it always like this?”

  “No,” Dean answered. “You’ll get used to the toll on your body. You should rest though.”

  Grey felt so big behind her as he followed her and Lana up the stairs. He didn’t say a word as she tucked Lana into a bedroom, nor did he talk when she made her way to the room Rachel had made up for her. He simply tucked her in and knelt by the bed, searched her eyes for a few moments, and then stood and left the room, hitting the light switch on the way out.

  “Grey?” she called softly.

  He returned in an instant, a slight frown marring his features. “Are you okay?”

  She didn’t even know how to answer that, so she didn
’t. She asked a question of her own instead. “Can you stay in here for a little while?”

  His smile was slow and easy as he shut the door behind him. “Anything you want, woman.”

  Heat tinged her cheeks. “I always liked when you call me woman,” she admitted as she held up the edge of the blanket for him to crawl in beside her.

  He kicked out of his shoes and peeled his shirt off before he got in bed and snuggled her against his chest.

  “I always liked the way you treated me like I was the same as everyone else,” he admitted back.

  “Mmmm, well that was before I felt what a beast you are.” Morgan nuzzled her face against his strong chest. “How do you have even more muscles now?”

  “Rachel has been cooking and she feeds me and the boys straight protein. Wolf is getting spoiled here.”

  “You smell different,” she said, sniffing his warm skin.

  “Different bad? Or different good?”

  “Definitely good,” she purred.

  “Well you always smelled good to me,” he said softly in the dark, tracing her jawline.

  She leaned up and kissed him, her head resting on his bicep. She felt so comfortable with him, dragging her fingertip down the curves of his strong arms. Trailing her kisses down his neck, she reveled in the soft vibrating growl that scratched up his throat. She did that. She made him react to her touch. Perhaps she didn’t have control over anything in her life, but in here, in this bed, she had some power. There was a tiny triumph in that. As his hand drifted from her neck, to her ribs, to her hip, and under the hem of her shirt, all of the confusion faded away. He was getting her high on his touch. Making her forget the world, and right now, that’s all she needed. Right now…he was all she needed.

  His lips moved against hers rougher, more urgently. He nipped at her bottom lip with his teeth and she groaned, rocked her hips against his. Grey’s hands were everything, trailing heat wherever he explored her body. Fingers digging into her hips as he pulled her against him harder. His breath caught as she brushed her tongue past his lips.

  When he flipped her away from him and yanked her ass back against his swollen cock, she gasped. Oh, Grey was strong. So much stronger than he’d ever shown her when she was human. What harm could there be now that she was like him? What harm could there be in him showing her exactly what he was? There was freedom in this. There was relief.