Lilly: A Kensington Family Novel

by Allie Everhart

  Reed's quiet, his eyes on the coffee table. He stands up. "Lilly, let's go."

  I get up and take his hand and we walk to the door.

  "Reed, I'm sorry," Rob says as we're leaving.

  We walk out to my car. The Prius is gone and so are Lori and the kids. She must've taken them somewhere.

  "Do you want to drive?" I ask him as he opens my door for me.

  He shakes his head. "No."

  We get in the car and I drive out of the neighborhood and onto the freeway. Reed hasn't said anything and I'm not sure if I should talk to him or give him time to think. He's gazing out the window, sometimes closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

  Once we're out of the city, I say, "Do you want to talk about it?"

  He sighs. "I just...I don't know what to do. Part of me agrees with my uncle and thinks I should let her do what she wants, even if she destroys herself in the process. The other part of me wants to save her."

  "But like he said, you can't save her if she doesn't want to be saved."

  "I'm just so freaking tired of it. I'm tired of babysitting her. I'm tired of cleaning up her messes. I'm tired of her yelling at me."

  "Maybe you should take a break from her." As I say it, I realize I sound like my dad when he told me the same thing. But I haven't done it. I still talk to my mom. "Maybe we could do this together."

  "Do what?"

  "Take a break from our moms. My dad told me I need to stop talking to my mom to show her that I'm not going to put up with her treating me the way she does. I haven't done it because I'm afraid to. I'm afraid if I stop talking to her, she'll hate me even more. But maybe he's right. Maybe I should take a break from her, and maybe you could do the same with your mom." I glance at him. "What do think? Do you want to try it?"

  "For how long?"

  "We'll start with a week."

  "We'll just stop talking to them?"

  "Yeah, but if they call, then I guess we'd have to tell them what we're doing. But that'd probably be a good thing. They need to know why we're doing this."

  "I don't know. Our situations are different. Your mom's life isn't in danger. If I don't keep watch on my mom, she might end up dead or in prison."

  "Reed, you can't protect her forever." I change lanes and slow down as we approach some traffic. "My sister-in-law, Jade, had a mom kind of like yours. Maybe you could talk to her sometime. Get some advice on what to do."

  "I don't think so. I told you, I don't like talking to people about this."

  "Jade is really easy to talk to, and she actually does this for a living. She gives talks to people who have family issues like yours. Maybe she could help." When he doesn't respond, I say, "Just think about it. If you ever want to talk to her, just let me know."

  He doesn't respond. He seems really stressed so I leave him alone and turn up the radio. An hour later, I turn the radio back down and we talk about other stuff; music, art, and our classes. When we reach the town where Garret lives, I almost suggest stopping so Reed can talk to Jade, but then decide against it. If he's not ready to talk to her, it won't do any good.

  "Do you want to stop for dinner?" I ask when we're a few minutes from campus.

  "I'm not that hungry. But if you want to get something, go ahead."

  "We still have our snacks in the car. We could go to the beach and hang out for a little while."

  "It's too late. It's dark out now."

  "People go to the beach at night. The lights from the parking lot will be on. They light up part of the beach." I turn and go down the street that takes us there. "We'll just take a walk. We don't have to stay long."

  I'm taking him there because I know the sound of the waves will help him relax, and after today, he needs that.

  It's Saturday night, and even though it's dark, there are people out on the beach, some sitting around bonfires.

  "We needed some fresh air after all that sitting in the car," I say as we walk hand-in-hand, the waves crashing beside us, spilling water on the sand next to our feet.

  "I can't believe you went all the way down there with me. I ruined your whole day. And then you had to put up with my family drama. I seriously owe you. Whatever you want, just tell me. I'll get it for you. Or I'll take you out wherever you want to go."

  "Reed, you don't owe me anything. I was just being a friend."

  "You were more than a friend. I've never had a friend that would do that for me."

  "Well, you do now."

  He stops and turns me toward him. "Thank you. I don't think I told you that today, even though I should've said it like a million times. Thank you for coming with me. And being there for me."

  I smile. "You're welcome."

  He brushes aside the strands of hair the wind blew over my cheek, then leans in and kisses me as his arm goes around me, pulling me closer.

  A large wave slams into the shore and I shiver as I feel the spray of water hit me.

  "Are you cold?" Reed asks. "Do you want to go?"

  "Maybe we could just step back a little, away from the water."

  We move farther back on the beach. There's a big rock jutting out of the sand. Reed sits down on it and pulls me in front of him between his legs. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me.

  "I finally feel relaxed," he says.

  "That's why I took you here. You said the sound of the waves relaxes you."

  "So does having you in my arms." He kisses me again. "I love—" He coughs and clears his throat. "I love holding you in my arms, listening to the waves."

  Did he almost tell me he loves me? Or did he really have to cough mid-sentence? He must've just had to cough. He doesn't love me.

  But what if he does love me? Do I love him? I care about him and think about him all the time and want to be with him and miss him when he's gone. Is that love? It can't be. It's too soon for that. But I do know I've never had these feelings for anyone else.

  We stay for about twenty minutes, then go back to campus and back to my room.

  "Do you want to come in?" I ask.

  "I think I'll go back to my dorm. It's been a long day and I need to think about some stuff."

  "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

  "I want to take you for breakfast. Your mom, I mean, Rachel, told me how much you love pancakes, so I'm taking you out for them. Do you want to leave at ten?"

  "Sure. But you don't have to take me for pancakes. They have them in the dining hall."

  "Not blueberry. She said you like blueberry."

  I smile. "When you were quizzing Rachel about me?"

  Instead of answering, he gives me a kiss. "Ten o'clock. I'll see you then."

  The next morning he takes me to that coffee shop we went to with my parents. It's not as crowded this time. I think the crowds last time were because of parents' weekend.

  "This is one of the few places open for breakfast," Reed says after we order. "There's also a diner outside of town, but I drove past it and it looked really run-down."

  "Yeah, I went there. It was pretty bad."

  "When did you go there?"

  "Preston took me there, back when he was pretending to like the things I like so he could...sorry, I shouldn't talk about him."

  "Have you seen him since the party?"

  "No. Have you?"

  "I've seen him leaving the dorm a couple times on my way to class."

  "Did he talk to you?"

  "No, but I'm not sure if he saw me. Every time I see him, he's looking at his phone."

  The waitress arrives with our drinks and a bottle of syrup for our pancakes. When she's gone, I ask Reed, "Do you like pancakes?"

  "Well, yeah. That's why I ordered them."

  I nod, then drink my coffee.

  "Wait. Did you think I ordered them just because you like them? You think I'm like Preston now?" Reed sounds hurt.

  "No. I didn't mean that. Never mind."

  He reaches across the table for my hand. "Lilly, I would never pretend to be something I'm not just to i
mpress you or...make you do things. I'm not that type of person. Did you really think I was?"

  "No. I'm just used to people being that way. Sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that. I don't know what I was thinking. I know you're not like that."

  Reed glances behind me. "Shit."

  "What? What's wrong?"

  "Preston's here."

  "On Sunday morning? He should be in his room, recovering from partying last night."

  "It looks like he's going golfing. He's got those stupid plaid shorts on and a polo shirt."

  I look back and see him at the counter. "He's just getting coffee." I face Reed again. "He'll be gone in a minute."

  "He's coming over here." Reed sits up straighter, still holding my hand.

  Preston appears next to our table, a cup of coffee in his hand. "Well, look who's here. The princess and the trailer park kid."

  "Seriously?" Reed looks at him. "Who the hell talks like that? Did you steal that line from some bad teenage movie? And what's with those clothes? You look ridiculous."

  I squeeze Reed's hand, urging him not to start a fight.

  "These clothes probably cost more than your car," Preston says. "I've seen that piece of shit you drive. I'm surprised it still runs. Or maybe it doesn't and you have to have the princess drive you around."

  "Preston, just leave," I tell him.

  He motions to Reed. "Why are you still going out with this guy? Do you really want to date a criminal?"

  "He's not a criminal," I say. "Now go away."

  "You've never been arrested?" Preston asks Reed, a smirk on his face.

  Reed keeps quiet.

  Preston laughs. "Guess that's my answer." He points to the bottle of syrup. "Pancakes? You can buy her all the pancakes she wants and she still won't let you fuck her."

  Reed bursts from his seat. "Get out! Now!"

  "Reed, don't." I take my phone out. "Preston, if you don't leave I'm calling my dad."

  "You have to get Daddy to save you because your boyfriend can't?" He laughs. "Don't bother. I'm leaving. I've got a tee time to get to."

  He turns and walks away just as our pancakes arrive.

  Reed sits down again. He lowers his voice. "If I didn't think he'd sue me, I would've beat the shit out of him."

  "Let's just eat breakfast."

  "Why was he calling me a criminal? Did you tell him something?"

  "No, of course not. He's just saying that to make you mad. Just ignore him." I hand him the syrup.

  We only eat half our pancakes. We both lost our appetites after Preston stopped by.

  When we get back to campus, my phone rings as we're going in my room.

  "It's my mom," I say to Reed.

  "Don't answer it."

  "I have to."

  "You said you're taking a break from her."

  "I know, but I can't. I feel bad not answering."

  "You said she only calls when she wants something or to yell at you about something. Are you really going to put up with that?"

  "Maybe this time will be different." I bite my lip, staring at the ringing phone.

  "Lilly, you sound just like me. Every time I see my mom, I think she'll have changed, but she never does. We can't keep taking their abuse. Let's do this. Let's just ignore our moms and let them see what it's like to not have us in their lives."

  The phone stops ringing and I see a voicemail has been left.

  "Now she'll be mad that I didn't answer."

  "So what? Let her be mad. She can't yell at you if you don't call her back."

  My heart is racing and my palms are sweating. Why am I so afraid of her? Why am I so afraid to make her angry? She makes me angry all the time but she doesn't care, so why do I?

  "I have to call her back."

  "Lilly, don't. At least wait a while and think about it."

  "The longer I wait, the madder she'll get." My eyes are tearing up because I'm so frustrated with myself. I want to ignore her but for some reason I can't. I wipe my eyes. "I'm sorry, Reed. I have to call her."

  He hugs me. "It's okay. I understand. Believe me, I totally understand. I'll be in my room. Call me later or just come over."

  I nod and he kisses me goodbye.

  Once he's gone, I call her back.

  "Hello, Lilly," she says. "Where were you?"

  "Out having breakfast."

  "With that boy?"

  "Um, no, I'm not dating Preston anymore."

  "I wasn't referring to him. I heard you're dating someone new."

  "From who? Did Dad tell you?" I can't imagine my dad telling her about Reed. My dad never even talks to her.

  "That boy is not right for you, Lilly. You know that. Just being seen with him is bad for your image. You're a Kensington. You need to protect the family name."

  "Dad doesn't have a problem with him."

  "Because he knows it won't last. You're 18. Relationships at that age don't last."

  "Garret got married at 19."

  "Yes, and it was a disgrace. Your father's friends barely spoke to him after that. It was a complete embarrassment to the family, especially given the fact that he married that low-class tramp."

  "Don't talk about Jade that way." I can stand up for Jade but not myself. Why? Do I think more of Jade than I think of myself?

  "You should learn from Garret's mistakes. Garret had potential. He could've made something of himself. But then he got involved with Jade and destroyed his future. You'll be doing the same thing if you continue seeing this boy. Is that what you want? To destroy your future?"

  "Garret's future isn't destroyed. He has a family. He owns a company. He loves his life. He's happy."

  "You have no idea what was in store for Garret. What he's doing now is nothing compared to what was planned for him. And yet he threw it all away."

  I don't know what she's talking about, but her comment reminds me of the dreams I've had about my dad. I'll see him on the phone talking about Garret and he always sounds angry. And in real life, before my grandfather died, I used to hear my dad talking to my grandfather about Garret. They'd go in my dad's office and close the door but I could hear them arguing and it was usually about Garret.

  My mom continues her rant. "I won't allow that to happen to you. You don't have the same opportunities Garret did, but you still have the Kensington name, which guarantees you a bright future as long as you don't ruin it. As of today, you will stop seeing that boy. You will stop talking to him and will have no further contact with him."

  Something inside me sparks and I get the courage to speak up to her. "Mom, I'm not doing that. Reed is more than just my boyfriend. He's my friend."

  "He is NOT your friend. You shouldn't even be associating with someone like him. If you are unable to find appropriate friends, your father and I will choose them for you, just like we did with Garret."

  "You're not choosing my friends. I'm in college now. I can choose my own friends. And I'm not breaking up with Reed." My heart's pumping fast because I'm so nervous saying all this, but it feels good to finally stand up to her.

  "This is your last warning," she says.

  I don't know that means, but I ignore it and continue. "I'm an adult now, Mother. You can't control my life."

  "You are not the one in charge here. I am your mother and I will decide what's best for you. Goodbye, Lilly." She hangs up.

  I'm shaking. Why am I shaking? I was doing so well. Standing up to her. Being strong. And now I'm shaking.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  I have to talk to someone, but not Reed. I need to talk to someone who understands my mom and what she's like. I call Garret's cell phone.

  "Hey, what's up?" He sounds happy. He's happy because he loves his life, and yet my mom thinks his life is ruined because he didn't do whatever it is she wanted him to do. Just like with me, she thinks she knows what's best for him.

  "I just talked to my mom." I hear the shakiness in my voice.

  Garret sighs. "And? What did she say?"

&nb
sp; "She told me to break up with Reed and not to talk to him anymore."

  "How did she know about him? I thought you didn't tell her."

  "I didn't. I don't know how she found out. Dad must've told her."

  "Dad wouldn't tell her that."

  "She said she's going to pick my friends. She can't do that, right?"

  "She's not picking your damn friends." He raises his voice, unable to hide his anger. "Dad would never let that happen. Why is Katherine saying all this? She knows she doesn't have that kind of power."

  "She thinks she does. She said this was my last warning and that I'm not the one in charge. I don't know what that means, but it scared me."

  "Don't listen to her. She always makes threats but she can't follow through on them. She has no power unless you give it to her. So stop reacting to her threats. If she does it again, just hang up."

  "I tried to stand up to her. I told her I wouldn't break up with Reed and that she can't keep controlling my life."

  "And that's when she threatened you," he confirms.

  "Yeah."

  "That's only because she felt like she's losing control over you. That's a good thing. Just keep standing up to her and eventually she'll realize she no longer has power over you."

  "I might just stop talking to her. Do you think I should?"

  "If I were you, I would've stopped talking to her years ago. But I realize that she's your mom and it's hard to cut off her completely. I mean, shit, Jade's mom screamed at her and hit her and Jade still took care of her."

  "Speaking of that, do you think Jade would be willing to talk to Reed sometime? His mom is drinking again. He keeps trying to help her, but it doesn't seem to do any good. He doesn't know what to do and I thought maybe Jade could give him some advice."

  "If he wants to talk to her, then yeah, of course. I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to him."

  "He's not ready to yet, but I mentioned it to him so he's thinking about it."

  "So how's it going with you two?"

  "Good. He took me out for pancakes this morning."

  "Are you trying to copy Jade and me?" He laughs a little.

  "We're not going every Sunday. Just today. Hey, don't tell Dad this but I went to LA yesterday."