Black and White

by Dawn Lee McKenna

  “Come on, y’all,” Inez said, standing and stretching. “We aren’t gonna sit here in this kitchen and talk about what was going on in your bedroom, or nothin’ like that. Let’s go see what’s on TV.”

  They didn’t find anything in the TV Guide that they felt like watching.

  Jennifer felt an uncomfortable awkwardness between them, trying to hang out in her living room like they had done on so many nights, so many nights ago. That slowly dissipated, and their attempts at cheerfulness became less forced, with each little glass of Grandma’s elderberry cough syrup. They weren’t drunk by the time someone turned on the radio, but they had a good buzz on, owing to the fact that none of them actually drank hard liquor.

  It started with Inez finding “Touch Me in the Morning” on the radio. She whirled around to face them, a slender arm flowing high through the air, as she belted it out along with Diana Ross. Jennifer had forgotten how well she sang.

  And then they were dancing in the middle of the living room, with the lamps all unplugged and set aside on one of the chairs, and Grandma’s rag rug rolled up and leaning against a wall. They danced to “Shambala,” their arms in the air, all of them singing, “How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala…”

  They had always loved dancing together. Jennifer had always loved to watch Inez, and had learned to dance from her, though never as well. Daniel was an excellent dancer, and she had loved to dance with him, had loved to watch him, too.

  And now they all danced together, with their little glasses of medicine in their hands, and pretended that they hadn’t spent the last eleven years apart, and that none of them felt the empty space where Jonah would have been. They danced like it was a spell they were casting to ward off the evil that had been in Jennifer’s room.

  They did the bump to “Rock the Boat”, with Inez in the middle, and Jennifer took a break on the couch and watched Daniel twirl Inez around to “Will It Go ’Round in Circles.” She smiled as she watched them, the two most important people she had left in her life. They were, at once, both eighteen and almost-thirty, and they were beautiful to her.

  She glanced toward the kitchen, and saw Grandma in the doorway, swinging her hips and waving her hands by her ears. She thought about asking Daniel and Inez if they could see Grandma, too, but then she was gone.

  When “If You Could Read My Mind” came on, Inez shamed Jennifer and Daniel into slow dancing while she made some snacks. It was as though the two of them had been intentionally crafted to fit each other so well, and Jennifer was instantly overwhelmed by both memory and the present. By the way his chest was warm against hers, and how she could feel his breath on her neck as his temple rested against hers. He used a different shampoo now, and it smelled of apples. His hand was warm and slightly damp, more calloused than it had been the last time they’d danced.

  Neither of them said anything at all, through the entire song. He was too close for talk to seem natural to Jennifer. She didn’t know why he was quiet, or what his thoughts were. So, Gordon Lightfoot did all the talking, and when he was done, Jennifer was glad to see Inez return from the kitchen with a bowl of Fritos in her hand.

  Jennifer and Daniel sat on the couch later, their feet on the coffee table, with an empty space between them where Inez had been. Inez was swaying in front of the stereo, finding a station that wasn’t playing Helen Reddy. She stopped on “Rock Your Baby,” then turned around and took a sip from her glass. She looked at them, and a slow smile spread across her face.

  “Y’all are so beautiful,” she said. “But I’m still mad at you. I got to pee.”

  She disappeared down the hall, and Daniel and Jennifer sat in silence for a moment.

  “She thought we were seeing each other again,” Daniel said finally, not looking at her.

  “Yeah.”

  After a moment, he looked over at her. “Are you seeing anybody?”

  Jennifer’s chest constricted, and her ears warmed. Did it matter to him? Did it matter to her?

  “No,” she answered. He nodded. “Although, I might be in love with Jim Stafford. Does that count?”

  “Are you sleeping with him?”

  “No.”

  “Then no.”

  Inez walked back into the room. “I gotta get Ruthie some of that pink toilet paper; she’d love that.”

  Daniel didn’t want Inez to go out on the back porch alone, so when she went out for a cigarette, he followed.

  He declined her offer of a cigarette, but took her Zippo from her and lit hers. She blew smoke off to the side, then took her lighter back and shoved it into the back pocket of her cut-offs.

  There was a nice breeze, cool for July, and it felt good on his face and neck. He looked out at the back yard, full of shadows and loud with frogs and crickets.

  “You’re gonna stay here tonight,” Inez said quietly.

  “Yeah, I’m staying,” he said. “Are you staying, too?”

  “No, I gotta make sure I’m there when Mama leaves for work at six,” she answered.

  “I’ll take you home.”

  “No, you won’t,” Inez said. “You’re still buzzed. I’ll call Rudy or Bobby to come bring me home.”

  He studied her profile as she stared out at the yard. He’d always been fascinated by the fact that she seemed so delicate, and yet was actually so strong. She’d had enough mettle to comfort him while she was still grieving Jonah, and he was embarrassed to remember that. Yet, she’d told him that he had held her together. He didn’t understand why they hadn’t seen more of each other since she’d been home.

  “I probably shouldn’t drive anyway,” he said to her now.

  “No, that wouldn’t look too good, you being a cop and everything,” she said. She looked at him. “You and Jen both, cops. Blows my mind. And now you think you’re detectives, and you’re gonna find the people that killed our people. But they know you, and they found you.”

  “We’re going to do our best, Inez. To find them. That wasn’t really the point before, but it is now, and I’ll do whatever I have to do.”

  “You’ll take care of our Jenny, that’s what you’ll do. You understand me, right?”

  “Of course, I will.” He looked away from her, focused on the old shed. “Even though we’re not together, I still care about her.”

  “Don’t jive me, Daniel.”

  He looked at her. He didn’t need to ask her what she meant, and he didn’t much want to talk about it, either.

  “Look, Inez. I know you think Jen and I should just pick up where we left off, but it doesn’t work that way. I don’t work that way.”

  “What are you so afraid of? She’s back, and she’s the same person you loved so hard, and I know how much you loved her, you know I do. She’s the same person, only wiser and stronger and not so scared anymore.”

  “You think what I feel or don’t feel is all there is to it,” he said, and chewed his lip in frustration. “You think she’s gonna stay, Inez? Really? She might even think she will, but she’ll either find out who killed everybody, or she’ll get tired of trying, and she’ll turn right around and go back where she came from. She’s been living in New Orleans, Inez. You think Dismal’s gonna make her happy?”

  Inez stood up, took one last drag, then threw her smoke out into the yard. “I think you’re working real hard to forget what did make her happy.” She started for the screen door. “The brownies smell done.”

  “Fingerprints aren’t going to do us much good right off the bat,” Ray said. “We can weed out the prints for whoever we have print cards for. Murray and Hamilton, you all, pretty much any cop in the department back then…”

  He sat back and sighed. “That’s what we can do the fastest, but it’ll probably take a couple days. Then we can try matching any other prints, if we have decent ones, with anybody we looked at back then that’s got an arrest record and fing
erprints on file. Bo Pruitt, that card-carrying KKK freak they thought about. He’s been in jail I don’t know how many times. Some of his buddies, too.”

  He looked up at Daniel and Jennifer, who stood in front of his desk. He’d already gotten the reprimands and ‘I told you so’s’ out of the way, and now he just looked tired already, at barely seven in the morning.

  “Cooper’s pretty good at dusting for prints. If there are any on your door, he’s your best shot at getting them. But, sending him out there on the QT doesn’t mean much; the whole department will know about this by the end of the day. It’s not like half of ’em haven’t already talked to Murray down at Monty’s by now.”

  “Is this enough to reopen the case?” Daniel asked. “I mean, clearly somebody’s upset about that.”

  “No, somebody’s upset about her being here,” Ray said. “Is it more likely that one of our killers did this? I don’t know. Why would they bother? Why call attention to themselves, or the case? More likely than not, it’s somebody that just wanted to scare Jennifer, maybe because they know the killers, maybe because they still hate the family. It might even be because they don’t like having a female cop. You said the file was sitting right out on the kitchen table. They might have just lucked into a cool way to scare the tar out of you, Jen.”

  “I know,” Jennifer said. “I don’t know what the point would be, either, for the killers. It seems like trying to scare me like this would be counterproductive.”

  “These guys aren’t like us, though,” Daniel said. “These guys are full of hate, and hatred makes you stupid.”

  Ray rubbed at his face. “Look, regardless of who or why, and we might not know who or why anytime soon, I think you should come stay with us for a little while, Jennifer.”

  “Ray—” Jennifer started.

  He held up a hand. “I can’t get any kind of watch authorized for your house based on this. That’s pitiful, I know, but we’re already stretched too thin as far as payroll. Hell, we’re barely making payroll as it is. This town isn’t exactly loading us up with tax money. The mayor’s just gonna tell me that if this person wanted to hurt you, they could have just waited on you to get home. But, it sure as heck isn’t a good idea for you to be out there alone, and maybe it’s not even a great idea for you to go stay with your friend, Inez.”

  “I thought the same thing last night: that if they actually wanted to hurt me, they could have done it. I don’t want to go anywhere, Ray.”

  She didn’t know how to explain to him that these people had taken everything else from her. Everything else. They weren’t going to take her home, too. Ray shook his head and was about to reply when Daniel spoke up.

  “I was planning to stay out there,” he said quietly. “At least for a little bit.”

  Jennifer and Ray both stared at Daniel. This was news to Jennifer. Daniel looked at her.

  “I stayed on the couch last night. I can do it again.”

  Jennifer’s head was filled with all kinds of reasons she liked the idea, and all kinds of reasons she didn’t.

  “Is that wise?” Ray asked, looking from Daniel to Jennifer. “Y’all? Or are y’all back together already?”

  “No,” she and Daniel both answered.

  “But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to be friends,” Daniel said.

  “No, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be friends, if you can,” Ray said. “But there’s lots of reasons that people shouldn’t think you’re shacking up. That’ll cost Jennifer her job.”

  “Why automatically me?” Jennifer asked without thinking.

  Ray gave her a look. “Because that’s how the real world is, hon.”

  Daniel looked at Jennifer. “What do you want to do?”

  Jennifer shrugged, and tried to look like it was no big deal to have him stay with her. “If you’re okay with staying out at the house for a day or two, I’d appreciate that.”

  Daniel looked at Ray, who threw up a hand. “I can’t tell you not to, and if Jen’s not gonna come stay with us, then I’d at least want somebody with her.”

  “Okay.” Daniel nodded.

  “Do me a favor and give Jen and me a minute,” Ray said.

  “All right.” Daniel looked at each of them, then walked out of the office, shutting the door behind him.

  Ray looked at Jennifer and sighed. “You know what you’re doing, there?” he asked, nodding after Daniel.

  “We’re just trying to…” Jennifer shook her head. “It would be good if we could be friends.”

  “Listen, I’ll feel better about you being out there if he’s with you. I don’t want you to come to any harm.” He shook his head. “But there’s all kinds of ways to get hurt.”

  Jennifer intentionally took her time closing out her shift, to give Daniel a good lead on her. He was going home to pack a few things, then meet her out at the house. Jennifer had to stop at Pantry Pride, anyway, so Daniel would definitely beat her there.

  She had just locked her lap drawer when Anthony walked up to her. She’d thought he’d left ten minutes earlier.

  He put his hands on his hips, and spoke in a low voice. “What’s this crap with a break-in at your house?”

  Jennifer sighed. “Who told you about it?”

  “Ray. He said to be a little extra alert when we’re out on patrol.”

  Jennifer shrugged. “Yeah, somebody broke in.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugged again, and wished she’d stop shrugging. “Because I’m back? Because maybe I’ve been looking into what happened in ’62?”

  She looked around the bullpen. No one was close by. Most of day shift was gone, most of night shift was already out. Patterson was still at his desk, though, and looking at her. She curled her lip at him and looked back at Anthony.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that?” he asked her.

  “About the break-in?”

  “Well, yeah,” he answered sarcastically. “But maybe about the case, too. I’m your partner, Jennifer. I should maybe know that, especially since we’re together all day every day. If somebody’s coming after you or something, I should’ve known about it already. Not just for your safety, but mine.”

  “That’s true. You’re right. I’m sorry, Anthony.”

  “Maybe you should come stay with me and Michelle,” he said. “Our loveseat’s too short even for you, but we can put a pallet down in the baby’s room.”

  Jennifer smiled. “That’s really nice, Anthony. I appreciate it. But I’ve got people staying with me.”

  He nodded, but looked reluctant. “We gotta be straight with each other, you know? I’m not trying to scold you or anything, but that’s what partners gotta do.”

  Jennifer nodded. “You’re right. I promise I will be.”

  Anthony nodded, and Jennifer stood up and pulled her purse onto her shoulder. “I’m gonna run. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  Patterson watched Jennifer cross the room, and Jennifer held his stare until she was past him. He needed another hobby.

  Daniel was waiting in his truck when Jennifer got home just before six. He got out as she shut off her car. She was surprised to see that he was still in uniform.

  “Hey,” he said as she got out.

  “Hey. Why are you sitting in the truck? The porch is cooler.”

  “I just got here,” he said.

  He pulled an Army duffle out of the passenger side of his truck. She opened her back door and pulled out the bag of groceries she’d picked up.

  “You need any help?” he asked.

  “No, it’s just this,” she answered.

  She led the way to the front door and unlocked it. They’d closed and locked the windows before they’d left that morning, both of them grateful for something to do besides stand around looking uncomfortable. Awkward
about the night before, awkward about waking up in the same house.

  Daniel dropped his duffle on the couch as they passed through the living room, then followed her into the kitchen.

  It was overcast and gloomy out, and looked more like eight o’ clock than six. Jennifer flipped on the kitchen light, then set the groceries down on the counter. She pulled a pack of thin rib-eyes from the bag and set them on the counter.

  “I got us some steaks for dinner. Is that okay?” She turned around to look at him. He was standing in the middle of the room, looking odd there, in full uniform.

  “Sure. That’s fine.”

  “You’re still in uniform,” she said, for something to say.

  “I wanted to make sure I was already here when you got home,” he said, then looked uncomfortable about his phrasing.

  She felt it, too. It was her home, not theirs, and they weren’t a couple just coming home after work. She swallowed. It did have a hint of intimacy or familiarity to it, intimacy and familiarity that they didn’t have.

  She wished they were as comfortable as they’d been the night before, with Inez and a few glasses of elderberry tincture between them.

  “I’m just going to change out of mine real quick,” she said. “Then I’ll fix dinner. If you want to take a shower, there are clean towels in the linen closet in the hallway.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll wait until after dinner,” he said. He did unbuckle his gun belt, though, and laid it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

  “Well, I’ll be right back.”

  Daniel followed her back into the living room, and stopped by the coffee table. “Did we drink all of that stuff?”

  She stopped and turned around. He was holding one of their glasses. “Yeah,” she said, smiling.

  “Well, we don’t need any tonight.” He put the glass back down.

  “No.”

  She headed for her bedroom. No, they did not. He wasn’t here to have fun. He was here because he felt obligated to watch over her. She was touched, but also regretted that it wasn’t anything more than that.