I hope you know that we will get along as long as you keep your end of our bargain. I know that I surrendered myself to you, that I am now your “guest” confined to the fortress. I know that you can easily change the access I have with my wristband and that you can turn me into your prisoner. But you know what will happen if you do. You will run out of employees very quickly. You’ve seen what I can do. But you’ve not seen everything.
I’m not threatening you. I am stating facts.
There is no diary you can read to find out what I have learned about myself after you came and took my beasts. They are mine because they belong to me. Both of them. Jay and Daniel. And you know that. I know you have all of them under constant surveillance. I know you watched the recordings right now.
I could feel them, sense them. After that long ride during which I fell asleep against your shoulder, when we drove into the other garage at the fortress, on the other side of the compound. I could feel them being around. When I got out of the car, it was almost as if I could scent them in the air. When we walked towards the secured entrance that now had guards – maybe it always had and you just made sure that there weren’t any when we tried to escape.
With every additional step, I could feel them, Dan, and Jay. And my son could, too.
I know you watched me out of the corners of your eyes when we walked through the corridors of the compound that feel so familiar to me. I’ve been here for so long, it almost feels like home. Almost.
If it didn’t feel like a prison. Despite the bright colors and lights. I guess you brought me in through the entrance that all the board members arrive. Parts of the corridors looked more like fancy offices rather than a science facility. But according to the distance we walked, I know that my small two-room-apartment is close to the area where you keep the beasts, just as I requested. I don’t want to walk that far to see them. And you know it’s reasonable, since they sense me, too.
I’ve already said that I like my room. But I especially like that it’s like a small apartment. So, I guess it’s similar to the rooms the board members stay in when they are here and I enjoy the idea. I have a furnished bedroom with a fake window and a small office with a laptop and internet access. Of course, I know you are monitoring what I am doing on that thing. It won’t be very interesting for you, and don’t worry, I won’t try to find my family or my non-existing friends, but I’d like to shop for a few clothes, if possible.
No worries, I’m going to ask you the usual way, so that you can save your face.
Day 388
It’s day 388, or would you prefer day 2? Just tell me. Want me to not address you in this diary? I don’t mind.
I wonder how long Peter is going to make me wait until I get to see my beasts. It’s making me restless to know that they are close by and I haven’t seen them yet, and I am sure that they feel the same. If they really are able to sense me like I sense them.
I just hope they are okay.
I’ve been wondering if they are ever since they were taken from me. Not knowing is the worst. Wondering what is happening to them, fearing that they are going to make them forget me. I just hope that when I see them, that they recognize me. And if they don’t, I hope that Jay will at least recognize his son once he is born.
I hope I made the right decision with surrendering myself, because what else could I have done?
I couldn’t just go to a normal hospital to have my child delivered.
What if it instantly beasts out being born? That is after all, a very stressful situation for a newborn. I just hope that he isn’t able to do that until hitting puberty because I don’t want him to have a nightmare while he’s still inside of me.
Compared to where I lived the past few weeks, this new place is pure luxury. I could feel comfortable here if I couldn’t sense the tons of earth above my head and smell the chemicals in the air. They are giving me a headache.
The bracelet is allowing me to leave my room and walk around, even giving me access to a little garden that must be located between the two inner rings of the three rings that are the compound. And although the walls are high, since we’re so far underground, inhaling fresh air is a relief. My heightened senses aren’t always a godsend, not when I’m forced to live down here in the fortress.
What troubles me is that I haven’t seen Peter today. I wonder if he’s even going to come and visit me at all. And that might mean he won’t keep his end of the bargain. I don’t care about him not giving me the comforts I demanded, of me having a life close to a normal one. I worry about not seeing Daniel and Jay. I worry about me having to continue to live alone. That was one of the reasons why I surrendered myself because I was going insane, being on my own without anyone. The guy that I hired to help us was scared off after Peter’s men found us. He barely escaped with his life, but he was terrified seeing us warp into beasts. So, I was all on my own.
I’m not used to that anymore. The silence, the quiet and the loneliness. I can’t even remember how it was living in the dorm. It feels too far away. It’s been more than a year. But it feels like a lifetime.
Maybe Peter’s trying to wear me down now. Refusing to give me company. He should put someone in front of my room to watch over my activities instead.
Just in case. But then again, I’m very sure that he is watching me right now.
Why shouldn’t there be cameras everywhere?
Why should he stop at the rooms of the board?
If I were in his shoes, I would make sure that everything is under control, absolutely everything.
Lunch was waiting in front of my door on a trolley just like my breakfast. But I didn’t think about it this morning. I rolled the trolley back out after breakfast and it was taken away while I was standing under my large rain shower. Oh, that was such a treat.
This time, however, I didn’t roll out the trolley, and I waited… and waited… and waited. I guess whoever was tasked with serving and collecting meals wasn’t supposed to enter the rooms. So, after what felt like an eternity, I rolled out the trolley and kept my door open. And I waited again.
Imagine my surprise when it was Gray, of all people, who looked at me quite puzzled when he realized that the door was open. Wasn’t he a guard? A soldier? The very man who had been standing in front of my door when I was still a prisoner? Who had been tasked to shadow Peter when he pretended to be nothing more than a guard himself?
Needless to say, I got up from my chair and slammed the door shut. Of course, Peter would send Gray to take care of me. That man knew me better than any other guard or soldier, or whatever that man really was.
Why didn’t I see that coming?
Why should Peter choose one of his most trusted bodyguards for this task?
Peter and his men are perfectly capable of watching over me through their cameras. If I act suspiciously they can re-watch everything, check my browsing history, they don’t need Gray to roll in and out my meals.
But then again, someone not knowing me was prone to eventually make the mistake and befriend me. Gray knows better. He has witnessed so much regarding me, he won’t make that mistake.
I should have known. I just didn’t expect Peter to be that alarmed by me. Maybe I overexaggerated with showing my killing skills.
Day 389
Of course, yesterday was a waste and I get it. Of course, Peter had to show me that although I made my point clear, he was no one to be toyed with. But I know that already, no need to bully me in return. It was a really, really childish move, if you ask me, but hey, at least I got to see one familiar face. And eventually, I will see them. I will see Jay and Dan, because that is part of the deal because I have something Peter wants. I still have Valerie’s hard drive and I still have the anti-virus.
Of course, I didn’t destroy either, because I knew their value and that I would be able to use them. I’ve put both items into different safe deposit boxes under different names at two different places, at different times, and I will tell Peter their location af
ter I get what I want.
And what I want is for his benefit, too. I am what Jay is not. I am the leader he needs for his beasts. I might not have been trained in the military, but that doesn’t mean I cannot learn what is expected of me. Of course, I am not someone he can control, and he can’t fix that as long as I am pregnant, so we are at a stalemate, at a point where we need to trust each other, and it is crystal clear that this is exactly what neither of us can do.
It’s a no-brainer, and Peter still needs to show that to me. Maybe, he is trying to rattle me, anger me, make me lose my cool. I know it’s unsettling. My calm is eerie. But after all that has happened to me, why should I be sick with worry? It’s irrational, it doesn’t help me, being led by emotion. The cornerstones of our agreement are set in stone, there is nothing uncertain about Peter and this place. I know with whom I made a deal. I know what is going to happen with me in here, sooner or later. I can somewhat foresee what will happen to me as soon as my son is born. There aren’t many alternatives.
He will either be taken from me, or I will be allowed to keep him, as Peter and I agreed on. The latter is the better choice regarding a healthy upbringing, psychologically and physically.
So, Peter would be stupid to take little Daniel. Yes, there is no discussion about the name. Jay is the father. Dan is the godfather, period. My son is going to grow up as normal as is possible under these circumstances. And in return, I will be the alpha Peter needs for his soldiers, and regarding the normal upbringing, we will try to give Danny a sibling. That’s the deal, and I’m fine with it.
Don’t think, Peter, that I am silently hoping something else will happen. I have my son’s wellbeing in mind. That is my absolute priority.
I can sit here and wait. I can sit here and read a book. Sit here and browse the internet, go on a fake shopping spree, and pretend I am back home at my mom’s or dad’s, because they left me alone all the time, too. I can get used to being alone again. I know Dan and Jay are around.
There are certain things Peter, that you can’t ever take away from me and the sooner you accept that the sooner we can get to work. I just want you to know that I can make myself live with every situation you throw at me. If you want me to wait here and be alone, so be it, but then you will have to wait longer for the chance to get Valerie’s files and the anti-virus. You lose either way.
So, when I’m bored with everything, I just nap. I guess that’s either a pregnancy thing, or it’s whatever genes they copied or rearranged after felines. I sleep a lot, and when I sleep I don’t get annoyed by the fact that Peter “Rook” Severin is wasting my time.
I wonder if Peter can actually read what I write while I write it, because why else would he come knocking when I am fast asleep? Or maybe he just waited for me to sleep soundly just to disturb me. Little fucker.
I’m grinning, writing this. Yes, I can give him all kinds of names, I can write down what I am thinking about him because what are the consequences? He needs me. Peter needs me in more than just one way, and maybe I might add a few more ways to the list.
You know, I’m probably the beast his big brother Clay aka White always wanted: Such a shame that he didn’t live to see it. I wonder how he would have reacted. That sicko. God, I am sure that he would be proud, so proud, and then all his disgusting behavior towards me would be gone with a poof and he would act around me as if I was not only the product of his brain but also his loins.
This makes me shudder with disgust.
So, Peter came to visit. Of course, he didn’t come to take me to my beasts, because that would be far too much to ask for. He still needs to show me who the man of the house is and if that makes him happy, so be it. At least, he makes a decent host, he asked, if I was feeling okay, if I liked my meals and if my apartment was to my satisfaction.
I answered everything with a “yes” and a timid smile, while I was sitting on my bed and he was sitting on the chair next to my dresser; a decent distance between us.
And then, as he got up to leave, he told me that I would be escorted to my first medical check-up after lunch and be shown to the gym so that I could continue to exercise. No words about Jay or Daniel, but I didn’t expect him to give me any information regarding the two of them. What he did give to me though was a piece of paper he pulled from his pocket, telling me not to spend too much. With that, he left.
On the paper was a shipping address and credit card information in my name. Meghan Singer.
So, well at least I can shop for some decent clothes. Although a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt were waiting for me as well as pajamas, they aren’t really fitting. Maybe I’m going to shop for something to decorate my apartment. After all, I’m going to stay here for a while. Peter shouldn’t be surprised if I go on a shopping spree when he’s boring me to death, but at least I’m going to meet a few more people today, most importantly my gynecologist.
I think I’m going to shop for a sound system first, and some music, maybe a carpet for the floor. Yes’ I’d like that.
I really don’t have to put down that it was Gray who led me through the corridors to my date with my gynecologist. I hope that he won’t be there every day to escort me there because I can find the way on my own. And I’m sure that my bracelet will only open the doors I am allowed to walk through. I might demand to be called a guest, but we all know that I’m just a special snowflake of a prisoner. Do I need to repeat that I’m fine with that?
When I said that I can’t imagine giving birth to my son all alone, I meant it. Given the special nature of him and myself, I have no idea what could possibly happen. It’s just the reasonable thing to do, to find a place where Danny can be born in the most normal way.
My new doctor has no family name, apparently. He told me to call me John, but I couldn’t help but call him “Dr. Doe” I know he has humor because he grinned as an answer to that. The check-up went well. He told me that he would estimate my pregnancy as an early seven months with a fairly small, but nonetheless healthy child. When I told him that I was sure to be nine months pregnant he made another ultrasound examination. But he told me that given the nature of me and my child, this could be normal. He could imagine that Danny would be growing a lot in the final weeks, and that considering beast are meant to be predators that it would make sense for me to be capable of hunting as long as possible.
Hearing that was kind of a relief because I am worried about Danny’s health.
Dr. Doe then took a sample of my amniotic fluid, to see if Danny’s genetic code was okay.
Honestly, how can they know? How can they look at Danny’s genetic code and say itis normal? There is nothing to which they can compare it to. He’s one of a kind. Nature took the lead with him, and with me. All they can probably do is see if his code makes sense if you combine my new genetic code with Jay’s genetic code. But it can’t be as simple as higher mathematics or calculating the volume of a black hole.
Of course, I’m worried, but beating myself up won’t help or change anything. All I can do is hope that Danny will be okay, healthy, and okay. I must trust that it will be okay. I try to ignore that I had miscarriages before. I keep telling me that it didn’t work because I wasn’t a beast. I was human. Jay and I were too different, genetically. Now we aren’t anymore.
I wonder how long Peter is going to make me wait, and I keep wondering what if he is not really making me wait, but if there is something wrong with either Daniel, or Jay, or both? What if something has happened to them and they need to heal? Or worse? What if Peter is keeping me away from them because... No, I am not going there. I’ll just stream a film and wait. I can wait. I can be patient.
Day 390
Dr. Doe told me to not exercise too much to prevent an early labor. I should be alert and attentive to my body. Of course, I am. But I need this to distract myself.
It’s the third day I’m here. I’ve had my daily check-up after breakfast. My bloodwork is okay, but he couldn’t tell me anything about Danny’s genetic code.
They either don’t have the results yet or they are still puzzled by them. I’m guessing the latter.
I’m just connecting my new sound system to my laptop so that I can listen to the few songs I’ve purchased. I’ve already tried on my new clothes and shoes. I’ve ordered them one size too large on purpose, because, well, I have a belly now, so in order for the stuff to fit, it has to be larger, unless it’s pregnancy wear. I’ve ordered a few of those, too. It feels like I’m only now really realizing that I am going to be a mom. Me, a mom.
Maybe I should shop for baby clothes. Maybe I should re-purpose my office to a nursery. I have enough room for the office desk in my room. But then again, I would want to have Danny close to me at least in the beginning.
Yes, I guess I will order furniture for Danny’s room, soon. This will definitely distract me from having to wait. The only problem is that my apartment room is perfectly designed, with the door leading to the corridor separating it into two halves. I still must rearrange this a bit, I just don’t know how. I guess this is going to be my next task, or I will have to ask Peter for a bigger apartment.
So, when Gray came to bring me my food, I told him that I would need him and whoever he would choose to help him to rearrange my room. Imagine the way he looked at me, giving him a task as if I owned the place. But, as usual, he said nothing and left.
However, when he returned, he brought two soldiers with him that did exactly as I asked. If the entrance door is where you are standing, my office desk is standing directly to your left and my small dining table with one chair to your right. Next to the table is my bed, leaving enough room to the right wall for a crib. When lying on my bed I now can look at the TV which also serves as a window, and below that is now my dresser. Right to said dresser is my closet, which has been moved from the left to the right wall. The door to the bathroom is in the middle of said right wall. Where the closet used to stand is now one of the empty high shelves. Next to that is the door leading to the nursery, and left to that door is another shelf.
My Beasts And Me (The Beast And Me Book 7) Page 2