by Alina Man
I had come home early from work that day and got the surprise of a lifetime when I opened our bedroom door and found them in our bed, both naked, doing the… well you get the picture. Funny how in the end he thought he still had the right to be angry. I pushed the memory aside and walked into the small kitchen to get a glass of wine. These days food was not something my body required but some wine was more than welcome.
Waterfall, clear blue skies, birds chirping, fruity drink served in a carved pineapple, beautiful man walking towards me on the soft sandy beach. He is so close now, the sun a big halo behind him, and leans in to touch my lips. I try to bring him closer but the minute I touch his shoulder he disappears. The alarm brings me back to reality once again and I mutter unpleasantries under my breath as I start making my bed. At least I got to see his face. Sort of. I take a shower than get ready for work. I make a quick stop at Starbucks for coffee since Fridays are the days when we don’t care about calories and sugar. They are the days I usually need my coffee the most. I pick my usual mocha and a latte for Taylor, now ready to face the day.
The office is full of commotion this morning as everyone is trying to get ready for our meeting. Once a month we go over everyone’s projects, but mostly we waste time talking and goofing around. Just don’t tell Taylor that because to her, these meetings are very important and she strongly feels it’s what keeps us so close as a team.
I raise my hand above one of the cubes so she can see the coffee and as I’m about to walk into my office, I feel like I’m being watched so I slowly turn around. Inside the conference room, one of our directors is having a very heated conversation with a tall stranger who is now starring at me intently. I can feel my jaw dropping to the floor and I try to find my legs to walk away. I pull myself together enough to walk into Taylor’s office and hide behind the door.
“What’s with you this morning?” she asks as she gets up to get her cup of coffee from my now shaky hand.
“OMG… that guy is the guy from my dreams,” I whisper and I feel like all the air from the room is suddenly gone.
“Are you talking about the new IT guy? Oh and just so you know he can totally see you behind the glass door.”
In my attempt to escape I forgot all about the glass doors. Darn it. I slump in one of the chairs and close my eyes. Why is this happening to me? I can’t go out there now; there’s just no way.
“Get a hold of yourself,” Taylor snaps. She’s busy typing something, for the meeting I’m sure, and is totally ignoring me. She just doesn’t understand how my body reacted when I saw him.
“I’m going to my office to call Sebastian. He’ll make me feel better.”
“NO!” she yells. “There’s no time for that now. Meeting, remember?”
She looks at me strangely and I try to make sense of her behavior but time is running out and before I have a chance to ask what’s going on, she pulls me behind her towards the board room. Everyone is there waiting for us and I glance around the room for an empty seat. My heart does somersaults when I find one all the way in the back, as far away from the beautiful stranger as possible. I look from under my lashes and find him watching me. What is with this guy?
The entire meeting I try to concentrate and thankfully Taylor doesn’t ask me to contribute much. I keep making circles on my notepad, pretending to be taking notes. My head snaps when I hear Taylor talking about our new IT intern who apparently will be spending lots of time in our office. Great! He gives everyone a genuine smile and proceeds to go over the new system he will be putting in place in the next few weeks. I am in a trance watching his lips move and all I can think about is the dreams I’ve been having. His voice sounds so familiar somehow, almost like Sebastian’s. I push the thought aside knowing that could not be possible.
After the meeting I jump out of my chair before everyone else and rush to my office. There is no place to hide unless I lock myself in the bathroom, which is out of the question, so I busy myself with the papers on my desk. The phone rings and I answer quickly without even bothering to check who’s on the other line.
“Good morning sunshine,” the familiar voice says and I melt all over my chair. I could listen to him talk for days and not get tired of it.
“You didn’t call me in the morning. I was beginning to feel neglected.” I try to sound upset but he can tell I’m joking.
“I did call but you were in a meeting. So are you ready for the weekend? I thought maybe we could go out for drinks.” I wait for a second to see if he’s going to turn that last comment into a joke but he simply stays quiet.
“Good one. You almost got me to say yes. Almost but not quite. I was thinking to ask the new guy you sent us out for a drink. He’s very good looking. And call me crazy but he sounds a little like you. Now that I think about it most of the guys working for you are not bad to look at.”
“Are you talking about Chris?” His jealous tone makes me smile.
“That’s the one. He kept staring at me the entire time while we were in the meeting.”
“That’s so not funny. I guess I’ll have to fire him. But seriously how about drinks tomorrow after work?”
“I have to go back to work handsome but I’ll think about it. Enjoy your day.”
Why can’t I just say yes? What’s the worst that can happen? Taylor walks by and I have to yell her name to get her attention. “Grab your purse; we’re going to lunch,” I say and I’m already following her to her office.
“It’s just ten thirty,” she replies confused.
“And your point is? Since when do you say no to free lunch?”
“Good point.”
I decide to drive since I need something to distract me. I am a bundle of nerves ready to explode but need to have her full attention before I do so. I pull into El Torrito’s parking lot and dash inside with Taylor in toe as if we’re followed by a pack of zombies. The second we’re seated, I order a large margarita much to Taylor’s shock.
“So the dreams I’ve been having. Taylor they are so real I wake up all sweaty and smelling like the sea. The water is the most beautiful clear turquoise color I’ve ever seen and this morning I got to see his face, like almost clearly. Well clearer than before. But I swear to you he looks like Chris. Or Chris looks like him. The crazy part is that I don’t want him to look like Chris. I want him to look like Sebastian but since I don’t know what Sebastian looks like, I’m screwed.” I take a deep breath and droop in the large booth. Taylor is watching me with big questioning eyes.
“There’s only one explanation,” she says finally. “He is the standard wanted guy. You know, tall dark and handsome. That’s what this is all about. There is no reason to freak out. Besides if you want Sebastian why don’t you just go out with the guy?”
Why don’t I? That’s the million dollar question.
Chapter 3
≈ Sebastian ≈
That was too much fun, watching her reaction when she saw me. Or better yet, when she saw “Chris”. I walk into Taylor’s office and something tells me she’s not happy with our plan. It was more of my plan but she did go along with it, didn’t she? I close the door behind me in hope that no one will be able to hear our conversation.
“I don’t know why I agreed to help you with this. It is wrong on so many levels and you know it. Why couldn’t you just tell her the truth? When she finds out we’re both dead, I hope you know that.”
I run my hand through my already messy hair and try to give her the best answer but can’t think of anything. I know she’s right but what else was I going to do? The woman was more stubborn than a mule and I was tired of waiting. That’s the best excuse I could come up with.
“So what do you plan to do Mr. know-it-all? How are you going to tell her that Chris and Sebastian is one and the same person? Or did you not think that far ahead?”
“Honestly? No I haven’t. Listen, I’ll think of something. Just give me a few days and hopefully by then I’ll win her over and she’ll be able to forgive me.�
�� Deep inside I am terrified of the outcome but I have to hope that she’ll understand why I did this. After all, love conquers all, doesn’t it? For six months I tried to get her to meet me and each and every time she had an excuse not to.
“Here she comes so you better scurry.” Taylor said under her breath, her eyes locked on the computer. I get up and just as I’m about to open the door my eyes lock with Chloe’s. God she looks good. I open the door for her and against my better judgment, I stay frozen in place. She gives me a puzzled look when I don’t move then walks past me and sits in the same chair I occupied only a few minutes ago.
“Hi,” I say finally say when my voice comes back to me. “I’m Chris.” I try my best to change my voice, even cough once. She looks up with curiosity and gives me half a smile. I’ll take whatever she’s willing to give, half or full, don’t really matter at this point.
“I know. I was in the meeting.” I know sarcasm when I hear it but coming from her beautiful lips it sounds sexy and enthralling. I swallow hard and try to keep my knees from shaking. I’m in trouble.
“That’s right. Well I better let you ladies go back to work. Taylor, thank you for the talk.” She waves me out of her office and mumbles something under her breath. She’s not happy with the whole situation and I can’t blame her. I just hope I can figure out a way fix it before it’s too late. I walk back to the server room and try to concentrate on work, something really hard to do when I know that Chloe’s is just a few doors down. Yep, I’m in trouble.
≈ Chloe ≈
“Thank you for the talk Taylor,” I mock her. “What was that all about?” Taylor is blushing and she looks nervous, which is not typical for her.
“He’s interested in you, just so you know.”
“Oh please. He doesn’t even know me. Besides, I’m interested in his boss.”
Taylor drops the file she’s holding with a thud. “You didn’t just say that. If you were serious about him you would’ve done something about it by now. Chloe the guy was outside the office and he was nice enough to tell you he was coming up to meet you and what did you? You ran to the restroom and ask me to text you when he was inside so you could slip out and go home. Or what about the time we had our company dinner and he was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by for a drink. What did you do then? Oh let me remind you. You feigned a headache and before I had a chance to talk to you, you were already gone. That’s how interested you are.”
We stare at each other for a moment and I blink the tears away. I know she’s right but hearing the actual words coming out of her mouth makes it so much harder. I never really thought about how Sebastian must feel with this cat and mouse game we’ve been playing.
“Oh God, I’m sorry babe. That was uncalled for.” In a second Taylor is by my side pulling me into a hug. In spite of everything I start laughing. She always does this when she tells me something I don’t want to hear. One minute she’s assertive then the next she apologizes.
“I needed that. I think I’ll go home and work on that proposal. Fewer distractions. Do you mind?”
“No. Go. I’ll call you tonight, ok?” I give her another hug and walk away before we both start crying and let the raging hormones take over.
The entire drive home I kept thinking of Taylor’s comments. While I knew she was right, I also knew that I was not ready for a relationship. The divorce left me broken and scared. What Philip did was unforgivable but in the back of my mind there was that “what if” nagging question. What if I did something wrong? What if I was the one that pushed him into the arms of that woman? The past few months had made me stronger and whenever I talked to Sebastian I felt like a totally different woman. A woman in charge, independent, and very confident. Meeting him would only prove that I was none of those things. I was just a scared, lonely and insecure divorced woman. One look and he will turn around running.
The apartment doesn’t offer any solace tonight; it feels cold and empty. I try to concentrate on work but every now and then I find myself thinking of Sebastian. As if reading my mind, the phone rings, his number glowing on the screen.
“Hello,” I answer quickly.
“How come you left work early? Everything ok?” He sounds concerned and for the first time I realize that maybe he actually cares. Maybe all the phone calls are not just a way to pass time.
“Light headache, nothing too serious but I figured I can work better from home. Are you stalking me at home too?” I try to joke but he’s not buying it.
“I could come over and take care of you, you know?”
“You could but no thanks. I was actually thinking of going to bed.”
“I could help you with that too,” he finally laughs and I know we’re back to what we’re used to.
“You’re such a comedian. How was your day?”
We spend the next hour or so talking about his work and his plans for the weekend. It’s hard to understand how someone as successful as he is has no one in his life. Tonight he sounds lonely and tired and Taylor’s words come back to mind. What if I am holding him back? Soon after I get off the phone, I pour myself a glass of red then sit on the floor with one of the many photo albums I’ve collected over the years. Many of the pictures are from high school, of Philip and me. Looking over the old photographs and seeing how happy we looked back then makes me wonder what went wrong. I guess my parents were right when they said no one finds true love at sixteen.
We were barely eighteen when we got married, too young but too stubborn to realize we were making a mistake. At first the financial burden was the biggest stress for us but once we were both working life started looking up. We enjoyed going out on the weekends and having our friends over for dinner. We were happy for a short while. Then something happened; something that I can’t figure out and deep inside I know it’s what keeps me from Sebastian. I’ve only been with Philip and obviously I didn’t do too well with him. The pictures of our wedding came next and I don’t realize I’m crying until I see the heavy tears drop on the smooth plastic cover. I set album aside and close my eyes trying to push away the old memories.
≈≈≈
Waterfall, clear blue skies, birds chirping, fruity drink served in a carved pineapple, beautiful man walking towards me on the soft sandy beach. He’s wearing white and it looks so good against his tan skin. He lies next to me on the warm sand and his wet cold skin feels heavenly against my hot hand. He leans closer and drops sweet small kisses on the curve of my neck making me shiver with delight. My hands move on their own terms up to his neck pulling him closer and closer. He leaves a trail of kisses moving up to find my lips; he is so close, just a breath away. His eyes meet mine and suddenly I push back against his chest. Chris!!!
I wake up with a start, and instantly my hand goes to my beating heart and I try to calm myself. It was just a dream, nothing more. Get a grip, I scold myself. Wide awake now, I move to my working desk and turn on the computer. No matter how hard I’ll try I know I won’t be able to go back sleep. I look over the new emails and my heart skips a beat when I notice Sebastian’s name. I open it with trembling hands, feeling like a school girl getting her first love note.
“Dear Chloe, honestly I wasn’t sure if I was going to send this email but obviously I decided to man up and so here it is. I know I’m rambling but the truth is I’m nervous. I’ve never felt this way and I don’t know what to make of it. Call me crazy but I want you like my life depends on it. I crave hearing your voice; it’s the sound I want to hear first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I know you have doubts, but all I ask is for one chance; a chance to show you how good we can be together. I don’t want to pay for someone else’s mistake because I’m not him. I would do anything to make you happy, just give me a chance. One date Chloe, that’s all I ask. One date and if you’re not happy I’ll walk away. Your birthday is in three weeks. Let me be there to celebrate with you. What do you say? Love, Sebastian”
Oh you silly man, why did you have to go and do thi
s? I could feel the chains falling and releasing my heart, and before I could change my mind I replied to his email.
“OK.”
≈≈≈
The next day I felt like a new woman. I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked into work. I avoided Chris at all cost and spend hours swallowed up in work. I counted the days until my birthday and every phone call from Sebastian made me more and more anxious about meeting him.
“Hey,” Taylor popped her head in my office. “Are we doing lunch today?”
“Sorry, I’m meeting my mom. You’re more than welcome to come with.” Taylor rolled her eyes at me and groaned.
“I think I’ll pass. Every time she sees me she starts asking all these personal questions. Why am I not married, why don’t I meet your cousin, am I a lesbian? Yeah laugh but you know I’m telling the truth. Have a nice lunch. I guess I’ll go home for the rest of the day. Call me tonight, ok?”
She’s something else, that one. I picked up my bag and walked out to my car. I could tell Chris was watching me the same way he did every day for the past week. What was with this guy? He never really tried to talk to me but I knew he was asking Taylor all kinds of questions about me. I met my mom at Maggiano’s and while I tried to keep the conversation simple, she found a way to get me to talk about Sebastian.
“Mom I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. Am I rushing into things again?” I pleaded with her for advice.
“Honey we’ve talked about this so many times. You’re not a child anymore. You can’t compare the feelings you have now with the ones from back in high school. Besides Philip was a dog.” Her honesty makes me laugh. She’s never been a fan of Philip and didn’t try to hide it either. “Just meet the guy. From what I heard he is quite a catch.”
“What do you mean from what you heard? Oh mom, please don’t tell me you’ve been talking to Taylor behind my back.” The two of them were known for doing this specially after my divorce. I knew they were both worried about me but it still didn’t feel right.