by Alina Man
“Oh hush. I just happened to have lunch with her the other day and so I asked a few questions. Since you like to keep it all inside I never know what’s going on. I’m your mother; I’m supposed to know everything.” She raised her napkin to her eyes and wiped away a lonely tear. I hated to see her sad. She suffered so much when I got married and also when I got divorced. She took all my failures to heart and I knew right there and then that I had to find a way to make her see that I was happy. No matter what was going to happen with Sebastian I had to be happy for myself. With myself. I had to find a way to love myself enough and recognize that I was enough.
“Mom I’m ok and I will be ok. I will let you know how things go with Sebastian but in the meantime please, please, don’t call Taylor with questions. If you want to know anything, anything at all, just ask me and I’ll tell you. OK?” We finish our lunch in relative silence then I walk her to her car. I enjoy our time together and I wish we could do this more often. Unfortunately she enjoys traveling with my dad even more so I always take second place in her life but that’s fine with me. I envy their love for each other and hope that one day I can have that too.
The weather is beautiful so instead of driving back to the office, I decide to take a walk in the nearby park overlooking the lake. It is so peaceful here and many enjoy the view sitting at the wooden benches, playing chess, or feeding the ducks. I haven’t done anything like this in a long time and it feels good to just sit still for a moment and simply enjoy life. My phone buzzes and I check to see who the message if from.
Sebastian – where are you?
Me – Mr. Stalker is back. How do you know I’m not at work?
Sebastian – I came to look for you
I find myself tensing and wonder if he’s joking or not.
Sebastian – I’m kidding. My god did you just freak out?
Me – no
Sebastian – look I wanted to tell you I miss you, that’s all. I’ll be out of town for a few days on business but I’ll try to call you as often as I can. Be good and think of me
Me- always
I missed him already, as strange as it may sound. This was not the first time he was going out of town and I knew it meant we were not going to be in touch as much. I suddenly knew that I wanted to meet him and my birthday couldn’t come soon enough. He was already playing such a big role in my life and I wanted more.
With that in mind, I walked back to my car and returned to work. Taylor was already gone which meant I was in charge of the office. That also meant I was going to be the last one to leave the office. I walked the few steps from the parking lot and noticed Chris getting in his car. For someone who was just an intern he sure was driving a nice car. The brand new BMW was sleek and shiny and I had to say, he looked good in it. As he drove past me, our eyes locked for a second and his smile reminded me of my dream. I pushed the memory aside and walked into the building.
Chapter 4.
≈ Sebastian ≈
As I drove by, all I could think was just how beautiful she looked. Ever since she agreed to meet me, all I could think about was having her in my arms and finally being able to tell show her just how much she meant to me. I didn’t mean to throw my feelings at her via email but it just happened. I hated that she was right in front of me yet so far out of my reach.
The second she agreed to meeting me my whole life had changed. I had something to look forward to. I prayed every night that her feelings for me would match mine and that when she found out the truth she would be able to look past it. Right now all that mattered was that in one week we’ll be able to start a life together. That was if she would have me.
When I finally found the place I was looking for, I parked the car and walked inside suddenly feeling anxious. Never in a million years did I think that one day I would be looking at engagement rings, yet here I was. It felt right and I was ready; I wanted to show her that I was committed to her, that I was ready to give my all to her. This was not a spur of the moment decision for me; I had months to think about it. Sure I was terrified that my gift was going to freak her out but there was no turning back now. I wanted Chloe in my life forever.
The displays sparkled like shiny stars on a clear summer night; the vast selection was overwhelming especially for someone like me who did not have a clue where to start.
“May I help you sir,” the young jeweler asked me the second I walked in.
“Yes,” I replied hesitantly and walked up to him. “I am looking for an engagement ring.”
“Very well sir. Did you have a specific style in mind?”
I glanced over a few trays and felt more baffled than ever. “Well I know she likes to wear silver or white gold. So it has to be white.” I followed him as he walked to a different section of the store and started pulling out several trays for me to look at.
“This is our platinum selection. It is a little more expensive but as you can see the quality if impeccable. Once you pick a setting we can decide on the center stone.” There were several that caught my eye but somehow I kept going back to a vintage setting. Alex, the jeweler, spent a long time helping me pick the right diamond and setting the stone and I was now the proud owner of a perfect engagement ring. All I had to do was find a way to get her to say yes.
≈ Chloe ≈
Last night I did not have the dream and I woke up feeling like something was missing. I’ve been dreaming about it for such a long time now, that it had become part of me. After a quick shower I drove to Starbucks and met up with Taylor. It was the perfect morning to sit outside with a good up of coffee and catch up on things.
She was already sitting at one of the outside tables, looking like a million bucks. The second she saw me her face lit up and she stood up to hug me.
“I got you a muffin and the coffee should be ready shortly. You look happy today.” It was not a question and I knew she was right. I felt happy today; happier than I’ve been in a very long time.
“Well thank you darling. You look beautiful also. I take it you’re not going to work after this? This is not your usual Friday apparel.” The fitted red dress sure did not meet the casual Friday attire and it only meant one thing. She was going out with someone new. It was about time. Her last relationship lasted over a year but the guy was a bore and didn’t want to move forward. The fact that he wasn’t fond of work was also a factor for my dislike towards him. The feeling was mutual, I was sure.
“So what’s his name,” I asked and took a bite of the warm muffin. Just as she was about to answer, her name was called and she went to pick up our coffees. I watched as she walked back to our table and didn’t give her a chance to change the subject. “Well?”
“He’s just someone my dad introduced me to a week ago. I didn’t want to say anything because there is not much to say yet.” I gave her a raised brow and waited for her to continue. “He’s older, divorced and has two kids.”
“I thought you were not going to do that again. The whole package deal thing.” When we were in college she went out a few times with our math teacher who was recently divorced and had a young daughter about five years younger than us. Oh she made Taylor’s life a living hell and made sure to constantly bring her mom in the middle. In the end the ex wife won and Taylor swore she would never date another divorced man. This one must be special for her to even consider.
“Yeah things change I guess. He seems nice Chloe. He has his own business and he chews with his mouth closed. What more could I ask for?” she said and I almost choked on my muffin.
“If he makes you happy that’s all that matters babe.” With that the new man subject was closed. We enjoyed our breakfast and talked about everything but men. We said our goodbyes and I drove to the office while she went on to meet her date. I wanted nothing more than to see her happy and prayed that this was the right guy. At twenty four we were not old enough to hear the biological clock ticking, but that didn’t mean we didn’t want to share out life with that special someone.
&
nbsp; For the next couple of days I busied myself with new projects, bills, and managing the staff in Taylor’s absence. I tried to take on as much as I could just to keep my mind off Sebastian. Although he was out of town, he made time to call me every morning and every night even if it was for a few minutes. I didn’t know if he was as nervous as I was about our meeting but I knew there was no turning back.
The weekend before my birthday I drove to my parents’ house for a quiet dinner. What I didn’t expect to find was a house full of family and friends, including Taylor and her new boyfriend. We danced and laughed and ate amazing food, but something was missing. I realized I wanted Sebastian there with me to share that moment. I picked up my glass of wine and slipped outside without anyone noticing. I stretched out on one of the patio chairs and stared at my cell phone for a while. I didn’t want him to think I was clingy but I wanted to hear his voice.
“Am I interrupting anything?” Taylor voice broke the silence. She sat next to me and touched her glass to mine. “What are you doing here all alone?”
“Just thinking. You left Daniel alone; you should be more careful with that since my aunt Donna is ready to jump on him any minute.”
“I’m not worried. She’s not his type.” I looked at the way my aunt flaunted her goods to everyone. She was so different than my mom and not in a good way. “Are you going to tell me why you were hiding?” Taylor pressed on.
“I was going to call Sebastian but I figured I’ll just wait until I get home.”
“If you’re nervous about meeting him, don’t be. You’ll love him, I promise.” I looked at her surprised by the comment. How could she possibly know that?
“What do you mean? Have you met him and forgot to tell me about it?” Suddenly Taylor seemed very nervous, making me wonder if she was hiding anything from me. We’ve known each other for a long time now and never had secrets, so seeing her reaction was kind of strange.
“No, you know I wouldn’t keep anything from you.” Her voice was shaky but I tried to blame it on the wine. She was my best friend, my sister; she wouldn’t lie to me.
We sat in the darkness looking at the clear sky and listening to the chatter coming from the house. Everyone was loud and obviously inebriated and I knew it was going to be a long night for my parents. I glanced at Taylor and, as if reading my mind, she knew I wanted to leave. After many hugs and kisses from my family I was finally on my way home.
Sebastian’s call came just as I was about to unlock my door.
“Hello?” I answered as I tried to balance my gifts, purse, keys and phone.
“Hi baby. How was dinner?” God how I missed his voice. His concern for me was always present and I knew it was not just for show. He had to be genuine.
“Hi. Sorry I just got home.” I dropped my stuff by the door taking my shoes off to relieve the pressure from wearing heels all day long.
“I can call you later.”
“No it’s cool. I missed hearing your voice,” I said without thinking. Too much, too soon, I wondered.
“I missed you too. I’ve been counting the days until I can finally have you in my arms. I will be the happiest man alive next Saturday.”
That night we talked for hours, neither one of us wanting to end the call. There was no subject left untouched. We talked about his parents’ divorce and the affect it had on his past relationships; we talked about his friends, work, likes and dislikes. By the time we said goodnight the sun was pushing slivers of light through the sheer curtains. I sat on the bed awake in the morning hours, daydreaming, making plans, hoping.
The next few days were a blur; work, home, home, work. By Friday I was a basket full of nerves, making me sick to my stomach. Taylor laughed when I tried to tell her how I was feeling. I was being ridiculous, she said, and it was time to grow up and face the music. Those were her exact words. Sebastian’s excitement did nothing to calm my anxiety; he was like a kid in the candy store, constantly reminding me just how excited he was to finally see me. The party was starting at six in the evening on Saturday and I was not aware of who was invited since Taylor wanted to have full control. She was much better at these things so I gladly stepped back.
At nine in the morning on Saturday she was at my door with coffee in hand and a full schedule. While she did let me enjoy my coffee in peace, the following hours were spent shopping and prepping for the party. It was exhausting yet fun and by the time I returned home I was just as excited as she was. I dressed in black skinny jeans, sequin backless top and purple heels. I was ready for Mr. Knight.
Taylor had the company car pick us up from my apartment and I tried my best to relax. It was nerve-wracking and couldn’t wait to get to the restaurant and finally meet him. The Italian restaurant was Taylor’s decision, and I was instantly impressed with her choice. She had a whole room reserved for us and it was beautifully decorated with large bouquets of flowers and twinkling lights all around. Almost everyone from work was there including their spouses. I knew all the significant others from the previous Christmas parties and it was good seeing them again. I walked around the room, visiting shortly with everyone, while my eyes kept searching for Sebastian.
He was not here yet and I grew impatient. What if he changed his mind, I wondered. Today was not the day for rejections and I really hoped he was just running late. A drink was what I needed and I walked towards the bar. That’s when my eyes found him; Chris. What was he doing here? I turned around to look for Taylor and luckily she was coming our way.
“Happy Birthday beautiful,” Chris said and offered me the lilies he was holding. I couldn’t take my eyes from the flowers, as they looked exactly like the ones I found on top of my car weeks ago. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve been dreaming of this day,” he said and took a step towards me. He wrapped his arms around me and I simply stood there frozen, watching Taylor’s worried eyes as they met mine. Something was not right and somehow she knew about it. I pushed Chris away slowly, my eyes moving between him and Taylor.
“What did you say?” I finally asked him.
“God this came out wrong. I just didn’t know how else to tell you. I wanted to see you and-” I didn’t let him finish. The room was suddenly spinning and I couldn’t catch my breath. Taylor’s eyes were glossy with fresh tears and yet she didn’t speak a word. She knew who he was all this time. She had to know or she wouldn’t look so guilty.
I dropped the flowers on the bar and stormed out of the restaurant without a look back. I knew he was right behind me and I started running as fast as I could.
“Please Chloe, let me explain. You have to let me explain,” he pleaded.
I stopped abruptly causing him to stumble back. “I don’t owe you anything. You lied to me. You made a fool of myself; both of you did. What did you think was going to happen when I found out? Embrace it and give you a pat on the back for having such a brilliant idea?” I chocked back a sob and tried to wipe away the heavy tears.
“Please baby, just listen to me.” He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me closer but I pushed him back as hard as I could. I had no time for liars. Taylor followed us outside and I rushed up to her.
“He’s a stranger Taylor so I can’t be too mad at him. But you, you were my best friend. How could you lie to me like that?” I wanted her to say something, anything but she just stood there crying and looking miserable. Some of our friends had followed her and were trying to figure out what was going on. I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole in that moment. I walked back inside to grab my things then asked the guy behind the bar to call me a cab. Sebastian was once again by my side, trying to reason with me but I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Once inside the cab I finally broke down. I didn’t know how I was going to recover from this.
I spent the whole weekend in bed with the phone turned off and not bothering to answer the door to anyone. I wanted to be alone, to have my little pity party and feel sorry for myself; for being too trustworthy and silly enough to believe in the whole h
appily ever after. I knew eventually I would have to face Taylor unless I miraculously found another job over the weekend but that was not an option.
Monday morning I was feeling even worse and didn’t bother to dress up for work. I showed up wearing sweatpants and an old college t-shirt. I pulled my hair in a ponytail and left my face bare without a trace of makeup. A few co-workers looked at me with curious eyes but none of them asked any questions. I walked into my office and close the door behind me in hope that it will keep Taylor out. No such luck. The minute she noticed me, she made her way to my office and dropped herself in the chair in front of me.
“I know you hate me but you can’t hate me forever. I’m your best friend.”
I didn’t bother to look at her and continued to type random stuff on the computer.
“Seriously? You’re just going to shut me out? For how long? I know what we did was stupid and wrong and whatever. But I was thinking about you. I wanted you to be happy.”
“Whatever? That’s all you can say is WHATEVER?” I yelled. “How could you lie to my face like that? Uhh,” I groaned. “I have nothing to say to you. I’m going to put in my vacation so you can spend that time looking for my replacement because I want nothing to do with you.” It hurt saying those things to her but it was the truth.
“You don’t mean that,” she replied with a shaky voice. “We’re family, you and me. You can’t leave me.”
“You were like family. Right now you’re just a backstabbing bitch who lied to my face. I emailed you the vacation request. You better sign it and give it to HR.” I grabbed my keys and left her standing alone in my office.
≈≈≈
Waterfall, clear blue skies, birds chirping, fruity drink served in a carved pineapple, and soft sand. The island was just like I expected to be and I was so happy to be away from it all. I sat back on the towel with my eyes closed, letting the sun bathe me in its warmth. Two weeks ago I jumped on a plane and flew to Hawaii leaving behind a barrel full of unanswered questions. Eventually I would have to go back and make a few decisions but for now all I wanted to do was to forget.