Where I End

by Michelle Dare

  He spits on the ground at my feet. "Fuck you, little girl. You don't know who you're messing with."

  "Big words coming from a man who abuses children." I hold the gun between us with a very steady hand. “I’m not afraid of you.”

  "You should be," he replies through clenched teeth.

  Risa comes rushing from the house. She notices me holding a gun and pointing it at her husband, Parker by my side. "What's going on out here? Eve, put the gun down. Please."

  "Not happening. I'm taking Cy's truck and leaving. Try to come after me, the truck, or call the police, and I won't hesitate to tell them everything I know." Cy wouldn't be happy with me talking to the cops, but I'll do what I need to, so he is protected. Even if that means he never speaks to me again, but at this point, nothing will be different. He won't talk to me right now anyway.

  "Please tell him to come home, Eve," Risa begs me. "I'm sorry about everything. I want the chance to talk to him."

  "You had your chance for years when he tried to tell you what was going on. You chose to listen to your husband rather than your son. That's inexcusable. If you can't understand that, I don't know what else to say."

  I take a few steps back and use my free hand to open the door of the truck. Parker stays next to me until I'm inside with the doors locked and the engine running. Risa and Everett watch us leave. Through the rearview mirror, I can see them arguing. Whatever happens between her and Everett isn't my concern. How she could stay married to him and love him is beyond me. His ass should be in prison.

  I follow behind Parker to his cabin, putting Cy's truck in park and turning it off when we arrive. The truck is jacked up with aftermarket tires and suspension. There’s no way it can fit in Parker’s garage. As soon as my feet hit the ground, Parker is beside me, ushering me into his SUV to take me back home.

  "Cy still doesn't want to see me, huh?"

  He shakes his head and gets in his SUV. He turns to me. "Sorry, Eve. I've tried talking to him about you. I told him you're concerned and only want to make sure he's okay." He starts the SUV and drives down the driveway. I let out a long sigh.

  "Listen," he says. "I know he wouldn't want me telling you this, but there's something about you. I've been friends with Cy since grade school. We got along from the start, and once he saw you, he always kept you in his sights. In the beginning, I thought he hated you. The way he treated you and bashed you daily, it was awful. But after a while, I knew it was more. Cy has never had a serious girlfriend or had feelings toward any woman. With you, though, I don't know. He's different. He values what you think of him, and right now, I think he's worried about how you see him. He doesn't want you to feel sorry for him, Eve."

  "How can I not? He's been through so much; more than any person should ever have to go through."

  "I know, but he doesn't want you thinking of him as vulnerable."

  "So, I should go back to thinking he's the world's biggest dick?"

  Parker laughs. "Yeah, that would work."

  I throw up my hands. "I can't do that. Not after all I witnessed and what he's told me. It would be impossible."

  "I'm not fully sure of what's going on in his head, but there's one thing I know for certain: he has feelings for you."

  "Yeah, he can't stand me." Even as the words leave my lips I know they're wrong. I think back to him holding my hand, him confiding in me, him saying he wants to protect me. No, he doesn't hate me, but I can’t understand why he's keeping me away and not saying anything.

  "I know you're not dense." I roll my eyes at him and turn to look out the window. "Give him some time. I'm sure he'll come to you when he's ready."

  "Promise me you'll keep me posted on how he's doing. I don't need details, just that he's still getting help and doing better."

  "Will do."

  As Parker is pulling into a spot at my apartment, my phone chimes with an incoming text.

  Cy: Thank you for bringing my truck.

  I smile, seeing it's from him.

  "Told you," Parker says.

  "Oh, shut it." I can't help but keep smiling as I type a reply.

  "If I'm not mistaken, I think Eve Adley might have a thing for Cy Revere."

  I stiffen. "I most certainly do not. It's nice to see I'm not being ignored anymore, that's all."

  "Uh huh. Whatever you want to tell yourself. In all seriousness, though, thank you for going with me to get his truck. Now I don't have to drive his ass around everywhere. He was getting pissy about my driving."

  "Not a problem. If you need anything at all, just holler."

  He nods. "I also want you to know, I'm sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable by hitting on you in front of Cy. I only did it to get a rise out of him."

  "No worries. It was all in fun."

  "You're not so bad, Eve."

  "You’re not either."

  I get out of the SUV and wave at Parker as he drives away. Wait. Did I just become friends with Parker? One of the many followers of Cy? My, how things have changed.

  ****

  It's been two weeks since I've heard from Cy. Thankfully, Parker has been keeping me in the loop, and said Cy is slowly becoming more like his old self. He said the medication Cy is on has been helping, and he's smiling and joking a lot more. I'm really happy to hear it. I've been worried about him but knew Parker was there if he needed anything.

  I've wanted to text Cy and talk to him but resisted. A lot of what Parker told me has been running through my head. Yes, Cy treated me badly back in high school. I will never forget what he did to me, but now that I know the why, it's a little easier to push those experiences to the back and remind myself he was hurting, too. No, he shouldn't have taken it out on me, but if in some way, it helped him deal with what he was going through at home, then I'm not so upset about the teasing. Besides, years have gone by. I'm a grown woman living on my own. I'm no longer the teenager who didn't fit in with the popular kids.

  There have been many times since I graduated that I wanted to call Tasha. After high school, she became impossible to get a hold of. She also started hanging out with new people—ones I didn’t know. Once she was accepted into the new group, I was invisible. I'd like to say it hurt, but a part of me was expecting it—waiting for it. She was my closest friend, and yet, she ditched me at the first chance she got to be with a popular crowd.

  Since then, I've kept to myself. I don't need friends if they are going to turn around and be fake. No thanks. I will not be used, and I will not invest my time in someone who only wants to be my friend because of what I can do for them. Looking back, I think that might have been why Tasha was my friend in high school. She knew she’d get to see Cy every day if she was with me, and by laughing along he might notice her.

  Now that I have no job, it’s only become more apparent how lonely I am. No work to bury myself in. Nothing to occupy myself with outside the constant worry about how I’m going to pay my bills. I have nothing to do. I'm bored out of my mind. Well, not in this current moment but overall.

  Stepping into my closet, I flip through my suits to find something to wear to the interview I have today. It's my first one since I left Risa. The CEO of a small technology company is looking for an executive assistant. The pay and benefits are good. I just hope I don't mess it up and can actually land the job. Last night during my weekly call with my parents, I told my mom about it. She wished me luck and said they would be fortunate to have me working for them.

  I settle on a black pantsuit with a lilac blouse. I'm super early for the interview, so I stop at the local café to grab something to perk me up a little. I was too nervous to sleep well last night. I tossed and turned for hours, only getting minimal sleep.

  The café isn't crowded since it's midmorning. I step up to the counter and rap my fingers on the polished countertop while I peruse the menu. I’m not sure what I’m in the mood for. I finally decide on a large iced coffee with caramel, since it's warmer out today, and step off to the side to wait for it to be made. Som
eone giggles behind me and I still. I know that giggle. It's the same one I heard for four years in high school every time a cute boy paid Tasha any attention. Do I turn around and acknowledge her, or maybe be more nonchalant and peer over my shoulder like I don't know she's there? I decide that nonchalant is the way to go and add in a hair toss when I glance over my shoulder.

  There she is. Her smile is wide, her blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail, showcasing her cheekbones. It's been a while since I've seen her. I have to admit, she looks great. She's very pretty. I still can't stand her, though.

  She catches my gaze, and her smile immediately drops. "Eve?" she utters.

  Then the person sitting across from her, whose back is to me, turns around. Cy. What in the ever-loving fuck is he doing here with her? Anger heats my veins. Of all the women, in all the county, he's with her. And I had to have coffee this morning.

  I face forward again, trying to block out what I just saw, but it's no use. I know they're there, and they know I'm here. Why am I even mad? I have no right to be. It's not like he and I are a thing, or even friends, for that matter. But didn't Parker say Cy has feelings for me? He sure has a funny fucking way of showing it.

  I groan. I need to get the hell out of here. Where’s my coffee? It's a simple order. I blame the caramel. I had to get fancy, didn't I?

  A chair scrapes across the tile floor. No, no, no. Coffee? Hello? Someone please hand me my cup. Shit, I'll take any cup at this point. Doesn't even need to be the one I ordered.

  He's behind me. I can feel his presence, hear him breathing. Son of a bitch. He couldn't have stayed seated and ignored me, could he?

  "Evie."

  Nope, not turning around. Not acknowledging him. I was the one who was there. I was the one who helped him leave that awful house. Yet, I'm the one he won't talk to. He'll talk to Tasha, though. Fucking figures.

  Six

  Cy

  "Turn around." She shakes her head. "Dammit, Evie, talk to me,” I growl.

  She whirls, her hair fluttering around her to land over her shoulders in long waves. Her deep blue eyes are full of fury, like a storm out to sea. "Now you want to talk to me?” Her voice is raised, drawing the attention of the barista behind the counter. “After I've texted you repeatedly and gotten no answer except the one time you thanked me. It was a basic thank you. Haven't heard from you since. And now you want me to say something?" She's about to keep going, but a cup of iced coffee is placed on the counter behind her. She grabs it and takes a sip. "Maybe the caramel was worth it,” she mutters. I have no idea what she's talking about. "I have to go," she says. "I have a job interview. Hopefully, it goes better than this encounter has."

  I don't get a word out before she turns and walks toward the door. Her suit jacket hugs her slim waist and covers the top of her ass, but I've seen her in many different outfits and know the shape of it well.

  Seconds go by and I'm still standing in the middle of the café, watching the door she left through as if she's going to come back any second.

  "Cy?" Tasha asks softly. I forgot she was here. The moment I saw Evie, everything and everyone else faded away.

  "Sorry," I say and sit back down across from her.

  "You still keep in touch with her?"

  "Yes. No. I don't know."

  Fuck. I can't answer her because I don't really know. Yes, I was talking to Evie a little. Yes, I spent the night in her bed after she saved me from ending my life. How do I define what Evie is to me, to someone other than myself? She's everything to me and no one I deserve, but I can't voice that, especially not to Tasha. They had a falling out after high school. Plus, Tasha was never subtle in the fact she wanted to be a part of my group of friends. I ignored her because of Evie. She was one of her only friends. If she had started hanging with my group, she would have left Evie in the dust, and no way was I going to be responsible for that.

  "You don't have to tell me," she says solemnly. "I messed up with Eve. I was an awful friend." My mouth remains shut. "Do you think she'd talk to me again?"

  I bark out a laugh. "You're joking." She frowns. Okay, subtlety was never my forte. "I think a lot happened between you and Evie. If you want to try making amends, then by all means, do so. She has a heart bigger than both of us combined."

  She decides to drop Evie, for now, and goes on to tell me all she's been up to since high school. I nod along, sipping my coffee, pretending to give a shit, but all I can think of is Evie and how she's angry with me. How she's off at a job interview now because of me. It's my fault she is unemployed. Shit. Does she have enough money to pay her bills? Her parents aren't here anymore, so she can't stay with them. I just keep fucking up her life.

  "Cy? Did you hear what I said?" Tasha asks, breaking through my thoughts.

  "No, sorry. I have a lot on my mind."

  She looks down at her phone to check the time. "I should be getting back. My mom's appointment will be over in a few minutes." I nod and stand. We toss our cups out before walking to my truck.

  We ran in to each other at my psychologist's office. Tasha's aunt passed away a month ago, and her mom is having a hard time dealing with it. Tasha thought it would be a good idea to move back to town to be with her. She made an appointment for her mom to talk to someone. I saw her in the waiting room as I was leaving my appointment. We got to talking and decided to grab coffee, while her mom had her appointment. I didn't tell her the specifics of why I was there; just that I was dealing with some shit. She didn't pry, for which I am grateful.

  Pulling into the parking lot, I come to a stop and wait for Tasha to get out. Sure, I'm being rude, but after what happened with Evie, I want this to be over. I need to figure this shit out in my head, and think of how to get Evie to understand that Tasha means nothing. We were only killing time. Since I have my own business fixing computers, I can basically work whenever I want.

  "Can I see you again?" Tasha asks.

  "I don't think that's a good idea."

  "It's Eve, isn't it?"

  "Tasha, it isn't like that with Evie and me."

  "I saw the way you looked at her, Cy. You don't have to explain it to me. All those years, I thought you hated her. You were so cruel, but now, now I see how wrong I was. Treat her well. She doesn't deserve any more pain."

  "If only I knew how."

  "You'll figure it out. She's a good person. One I didn't realize how lucky I was to call a friend until the damage was done."

  "Thanks, Tasha."

  "Anytime."

  She opens the door and hops down from my truck, closing it behind her. She waves as she walks back to the building.

  I sit in the parking lot for a few minutes trying to wrap my head around everything. I wanted to kill myself. End the pain I had lived with for many years, but then Evie appeared. I moved in with Parker. He helped me see there are people who care about me, especially Evie. We talked about her, and he knows she means something to me. He made a point of saying that if I end my life, I'll never get to know her better. I'll never find out if there could be something between us. All these years of her always being on my mind would be gone, without me even trying to have a relationship with her. That realization alone was enough to make me seek professional help. The psychiatrist prescribed me medication and started me on the path to feeling better. The psychologist is a great help as well. I see him twice a week and talk out everything I'm feeling. With each visit I feel a little lighter.

  Don't get me wrong; I still have my dark moments. Very dark ones at that. I know I can go into Parker's kitchen and find a knife, or a bottle of pills, and end it all, but then I think of her. Evie. The way her face lights up when she smiles, or how fierce she looked when she pulled me from my home. Parker told me she pointed a gun at Everett and threatened him. The gun she wouldn’t have if she hadn’t taken it from me. I was floored she'd do that for me. She risked it all. Everett could have called the cops on her for pointing a gun at him in his own home, but then that would open a whole other ca
n I doubt he wanted opened.

  How do I treat her? How do I thank her for all she's done for me? I ignore her. I say nothing to her, outside of a thank you for bringing my truck to me. Then she sees me with Tasha. I can only imagine where her mind went. My past is full of one-night stands with women I had no feelings for. But this is different. She saw me with her ex-best friend. Fuck.

  I should apologize, but that's not what I'm going to do. Evie doesn't deserve a mess like me in her life, no matter how much I want her to be in mine. It's better this way. Better for her to be away where my toxic bullshit can't touch her. I can only hope she gets the job today. That would make me happy. Then maybe I wouldn't feel as guilty about her quitting her job because of my mom. A job I'm sure she was getting paid exceptionally well for. My mom might be the world's biggest bitch, but she always paid her assistants better than most.

  Instead of going to her apartment and waiting for her to get back, so I can apologize like I should, I'm going to drive my ass back to Parker's and do some work. I'm weeks behind as it is. Luckily, my customers are all understanding. Of course, it also helps that a lot of my customers are friends I made in high school who still keep in touch. Well, friends aren't exactly the right word. More like acquaintances. They've been keeping me busy, though, them and their families. I love working on computers, and it allows me to waste time on something other than my own fucked-up mind.

  ****

  "Dude, you gotta talk to Eve. I think you really pissed her off today," Parker tells me when he walks into my bedroom at his cabin. Thankfully, he's allowing me to stay here free of charge. He's the best friend I have. The only one I trust. Outside of Evie that is, but I've never admitted that to anyone. I can assume Parker knows, however.

  "I can't," I mumble, while putting a new hard drive in a laptop.

  "You can't or you won't?"

  "You know as well as I do that I need to stay away from her."

  "No. What I know is you're too much of a chicken shit to talk to her and actually have a normal relationship with her. I didn't say you had to go over there and fuck her up against a wall. All I'm saying is for you to ease her mind. She thinks you're fucking Tasha. Are you?"